Susan's Place Transgender Resources

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIbz6hhH6bA# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIbz6hhH6bA#)

Beauty Secrets Nail Polish Dryer - Sally's Beauty Supply

There is and there will be days that the moon isn't in the right house and we get read.  This is a fact of life.  And what if they do know, it is their problem, not yours.  You still a pretty woman and you are happy with you, that is all that matters.

But you are safe and he is not around.

I can't figure out how people could figure it out...You pass very very well to me and I'd never be able to tell. 

And I second Janet.

That dude was a creep.  If someone follows you like that again, call the cops.

I have to agree with Shang, Jerica.  You look great!!!  The guy was probably a ->-bleeped-<- and guys like that study us like text books!  Sometimes you can't avoid it

Quote from: Jerica on July 25, 2010, 07:36:39 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIbz6hhH6bA# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIbz6hhH6bA#)

Well the on thing i noticed, which is a give away, is probably adam's apple.  You look great, by the way, i havent seen your body and figure so i cant comment on that, but typically the biggest give aways are adam's apple, and voice, but your voice seems fine.  Also, people who date TS or are admirers know how to spot the signs easier then people who are just average folks walking around.  Most people you see wont focus on your throat will just assume your female, however TS admirers and even other TS will be able to be these characteristics because we notice the same things in our own bodies, well except for the admirers that just plain scare the crap out of me...

You seem to pass relatively well to me. Hope you don't have to deal with any more of those weirdos, and good luck passing in the future.

I think we all have days like this. At times, we can be our own worst critics. Tomorrow is another day.
;)

we all feel that we dont always pass  i do  but have not been sired in 1yr so what other people see is not what you see in the mirror we are to hard on ourselves
hang in there you will know if you have a problem
Bethany

Have to agree with Lukas Gabriel.  I think you really pass.  I've seen plenty of natal women who cannot pass nearly as well as you do. 

I see and hear a woman. You also have very feminine facial expressions while speaking so I can't for the life of me understand how anyone meeting you could 'know'.

i think you pass pretty well, your voice is nice and you make feminine gestures too, maybe the adams apple could be the problem but with your voice, i dont understand how someone wouldnt see you as female

Sorry to hear about that, it does sound frustrating. Based on your video you seem to pass extremely well to me. There are a couple of things that could be at play here. The first is that people who are "->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s" or who have known TG/TS people in the past are better at figuring out the signs. The adam's apple is a faster sign but there is also shoulder/back structure, hand size, and other things.

The second possibility which concerns me much more is what I will call "reverse tracing" someone. These and other forums are public. There are people out there who fantasize about us either because they want us sexually or because they hate us. Sadly there are people who have to time to sit at a computer stalking people. They may not even need a log in ID to view certain content on this board and others. This is why I'm even in the process of scanning my old posts on this board and a dozen others and even doing some cleanup if necessary. Revealing a bit of info here and there about yourself online may seem harmless but over the course of hundreds or even thousands of posts people can piece together an awful lot. Something as simple as a picture of you, your first name, and city/state can allow someone to find you.

My solution is to just do what you are doing because I think you are passing extremely well. I will add that you should be extremely careful in asserting your right to be left alone and having good safety habits including being able to defend yourself if needed. Someone following you to that degree especially after it being made clear you wanted to be left alone is taking it to the level of criminal stalking in my opinion. Good luck and stay safe.

I've been trying to trace my lack of self confidence back to a date where it started. When I first came out, I didnt pass nearly as well as I do now and yet I had this huge self confidence, living in my own bubble, assuming that if people knew, it was fine, but they always treated me right, for the most part.

Then my now ex-bf told me that he had seen everyone looking at me at Tully's and he couldn't figure out if they were admiring my beauty or that they knew I was trans.

I think him saying this might have just killed a piece of me inside and I still haven't recovered because I just haven't been the same since.

Solution: I need to get back to a point where I don't care if people read me. Back to a point where I'm ok with being TG. Something I'm still working on and it's frustrating considering I felt like I was there already.

I get people looking at me all the time.  I always chalk it up to being tall, for a woman.  You were right about your bubble.  There is nothing wrong with that bubble.   ;)

The reason they look at you, is that they have never seen a Super Model before.  That's my story and I am sticking to it.  :D

Forget what he said.  There is a reason he is an ex, remember that.

jerica i think it's good to have the i-don't-care-if-i'm-read kind of mentality, but a better thing to do will be simply have more confidence in yourself. if you are unsure of your gender people will read that, and imho that's the dead giveaway for most ts 90% of the time.

honestly, people come in all shapes and sizes and so long as you don't get outted 50% of the time you are fine! maybe a lil androgenous but still fine! i've met dozens of women who are tall, masculine, flat, have big jaws or adams apple or even faint mostouch, but when they ever got asked by someone curious their reaction will always be anger frustration or just find it plain amusing, but NEVER scared or the oh-no-i'm-read look.

so perhaps you can just rest in the knowlege that you are female. make sense?

An awful aspect of what we (all) have to deal with......Jerica

Is at anytime....no matter how many years into our journey of dealing with a transition....we will occasionally meet folk that do suddenly twig (for many to complex to list reasons)....that maybe we are in some ways a wee bit different from the norms....

In my case.... I'm always extra careful, (wary) around younger-kids, toddler's pre sixers, but ones that are really verbal..... as they have an uncanny ability to catch you out....

And as they are not socialised to be polite and considerate like adults are....(predisposed to kindness if you be settled in your self identity)...... to give you the benefit of the doubt..... they're a great test too....btw.... in lifts (elevators) it can be a killer....lol

But yes.... it will always hurt.....if you get caught out.....and the worse aspect is even if it becomes a very rare incident indeed..... it will always make you wince....

But laughter is a great tool for everything!

And trust in the kind, thoughtful and attractive person you be.....your video proves that beyond doubt to me....

Believe in that.....

Quote from: Jerica on August 18, 2010, 10:31:20 AM
I've been trying to trace my lack of self confidence back to a date where it started. When I first came out, I didnt pass nearly as well as I do now and yet I had this huge self confidence, living in my own bubble, assuming that if people knew, it was fine, but they always treated me right, for the most part.

Then my now ex-bf told me that he had seen everyone looking at me at Tully's and he couldn't figure out if they were admiring my beauty or that they knew I was trans.

I think him saying this might have just killed a piece of me inside and I still haven't recovered because I just haven't been the same since.

Solution: I need to get back to a point where I don't care if people read me. Back to a point where I'm ok with being TG. Something I'm still working on and it's frustrating considering I felt like I was there already.

I was the same way, i didnt know why people were looking at me and i hated it, but for the most part i didnt care.  Eventually people stopped looking or i just didnt notice it anymore either way i was happy, but now that i have a fiance i worry again, but not for what people will think of me, more for what people think of him.

I've been dating the same chap since 2006, and I've never disclosed my past to him...

In all this time there's never been a single incident when things could have turned tricky for  me....or embarrassing for him....even when with the doddery elements of my deeply catholic family....

In fact I think holding hands with an obvious tall, dark handsome....hetero alpha male type actually gives you added legitimacy.... and as I'm the right build, hair/eye colour type and genetic mix too.... many folk we meet (like when away on holiday)...think his kids are naturally mine...

Which legitimises me further...as a mother.

But I am 24yrs+ HRT and 18yrs post SRS...

So don't you girls on just a few years in be too hard on yersleves....you will get there....with persistence, dogged determination and a healthy bratitude...

*s->-bleeped-<-s*

So stick with it kids....

And if your fiancé loves you fully for the person you be, Izumi rather than just the ever more beautiful woman you're becoming.... then he be already plenty well enough adjusted to handle any dumb redneck jock comments that might come his way....

Especially if you always handle yourself with dignity....

And there is absolutely no shame in what you're both doing....

Quote from: Jerica on August 18, 2010, 10:31:20 AM
Then my now ex-bf told me that he had seen everyone looking at me at Tully's and he couldn't figure out if they were admiring my beauty or that they knew I was trans.
I think him saying this might have just killed a piece of me inside and I still haven't recovered because I just haven't been the same since.
Solution: I need to get back to a point where I don't care if people read me. Back to a point where I'm ok with being TG. Something I'm still working on and it's frustrating considering I felt like I was there already.

if you go for a day trip by yourself to a town where you are not known and wander round the shops, pop in the library, museum, coffee shops and restaurants and meet and talk to people exactly like the women you feel you are and what we see you are and if they all call you a drag queen your ex-bf was right.  but I - and the rest of us - think that you could walk round a strange town all afternoon and be taken for an attractive young woman.  Have you tried this?

Now I found out focusing on ourself assurance instead of caring others, and be proud of who I am, special proud of being a transgender really help me to become much relaxed, confident and nature as a normal woman in public, and that somehow lead to better passable to me.

I hope my second trache shave sugery next month can help me to pass, special I can raise my head higher :) 

My therapist suggest me to do some dating to buildup my confidence (without telling them my T before the relationship get into emotional). Will that works?  :) I hope so, but I am scared now.

Quote from: Jerica on July 25, 2010, 07:36:39 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIbz6hhH6bA# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIbz6hhH6bA#)

I've been there as well. All it takes is one comment to set off a chain reaction of being outed over and over. As others have already said, losing your confidence can make you less passable. I am finally starting to accept that there will be some people who can spot a TS no matter how passable and even gorgeous she seems to the majority.

Quote from: Ayaname on September 11, 2010, 07:21:20 PM
I've been there as well. All it takes is one comment to set off a chain reaction of being outed over and over. As others have already said, losing your confidence can make you less passable. I am finally starting to accept that there will be some people who can spot a TS no matter how passable and even gorgeous she seems to the majority.

Yes, I think this is true.  There are gender police everywhere and it's hard to escape them. Just act confident and don't care what they think.  :)

Quote from: Britney_413 on August 18, 2010, 02:58:26 AMThey may not even need a log in ID to view certain content on this board and others. This is why I'm even in the process of scanning my old posts on this board and a dozen others and even doing some cleanup if necessary. Revealing a bit of info here and there about yourself online may seem harmless but over the course of hundreds or even thousands of posts people can piece together an awful lot. Something as simple as a picture of you, your first name, and city/state can allow someone to find you.

This. That's why I never post my name or photos of me on the internet. People can either end up finding and outing me or stalking me. Of course where I work now people know I'm trans, but if I should move and/or get a new job I want to be completely stealth.

Quote from: Hermione01 on September 11, 2010, 08:16:59 PM

Yes, I think this is true.  There are gender police everywhere and it's hard to escape them. Just act confident and don't care what they think.  :)

This is the plain truth.  Totally agree with Hermione.  So what if they sneer, snicker and/or smile?  As long as they don't threaten and/or actually harm you, just be you and forget about 'em.   

I'm at a point where I don't really care. I have FB as my private area. I can probably never go stealth without at least changing my name again but that's ok with me.

Quote from: Jerica on September 14, 2010, 10:45:55 AM
I'm at a point where I don't really care.

Then you ARE confident. The two are pretty much the same thing if you think of it :)

g

I'll say this again. You can pass 100% until a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- looks for you online. Only recently did I post a couple of pictures of me here on this board. I'm out to pretty much everyone, live androgynous, and haven't even transitioned yet. That's not the point. Anyone with enough time on their hands can dig through enough posts or other online content (even without pictures) and figure it out. It is simply a matter of time and work. For people such as Jerica here who have Youtube videos, blogs, personal websites, Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace you can and will be found by those who want to find you. It really is simple. A ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- sits down at the computer and types in "TS" and "name of city, name of state." A bunch of Facebook and other sites come up. They start viewing the images. Even if none of them are familiar say there is one they like so they start reading. You may never put your address on anything but you mention the grocery store you went to on X and Y street. Well, people shop in their own neighborhoods. You mention a couple of restaurants or bars you go to or other routines also providing dots on a map. Now when they just happen to be driving by (or worse stalking) and see you they know who you are because they've seen you online.

This is just the reality of today's high tech world. Don't say or put anything online you would not say on national news. Moving to a new town, changing jobs, etc. doesn't work anymore and not even moving to another country. Once you put something online you have put it on TV and sometimes literally as even news crews surf interesting blogs and sites to generate stories.

I think you pass well according to your video. Your voice sounds excellent and you don't seem like anything other than a woman to me. I would still bet my money on the internet that may have caused this. A lot of TSs strive for stealth. I think it becomes a time and place thing. You can't run and hide everywhere because that would mean you could never put anything online, never be in any media spotlight, and even ten years after a transition you could run into an old friend who may still recognize you or hear about you from a friend of that friend. You pick your battles. There are people who need to know, people who don't, and people who it isn't important to either way. Some creep in a truck following you to the drug store isn't someone I would be concerned about being stealth or non-stealth to. The only thing I would be concerned about is getting the hell away from such a creep and maceing them if I need to.

Keep up the good work. I'm certainly no expert but you seem to be doing a lot right.

@ Britney_413:

Britney, sadly, EVERYTHING you said here is just the plain truth. 

When I was younger, for about 10 years, I worked as a paralegal (before doing what I do now), and had access to databases that only those in the legal profession have access to.  There is no privacy, folks.  Forget about it.  They know everything about you.  Don't think they don't.

Some things make me glad I'm in the later years of my life.  This is one of them.  My heart goes out to those of you who are under, say, age 40 or so.  Today's technology is, in my opinion, being used way more for purposes of power, clout and control than it is for the greater good.   Hope I'm wrong about that, actually.  What a world.   :-\

Quote from: LaceyLynne on September 15, 2010, 09:34:11 AM
@ Britney_413:

Britney, sadly, EVERYTHING you said here is just the plain truth. 

When I was younger, for about 10 years, I worked as a paralegal (before doing what I do now), and had access to databases that only those in the legal profession have access to.  There is no privacy, folks.  Forget about it.  They know everything about you.  Don't think they don't.

Some things make me glad I'm in the later years of my life.  This is one of them.  My heart goes out to those of you who are under, say, age 40 or so.  Today's technology is, in my opinion, being used way more for purposes of power, clout and control than it is for the greater good.   Hope I'm wrong about that, actually.  What a world.   :-\

In a world where you can basically get somebodies information ranging from credit score to criminal history for roughly $20 if you know their address, I can totally agree with you...

If you own property (at least in the US), the fact that you own such property is part of public record. So you own a house on 123 ABC ST, you are then capable of being searched by various background check sites. I've even been able to pull my previous addresses in which I didn't own property.

@ Alainaluvsu:

That's just the beginning of what they have on record on all of us.  They track every purchase you make.  Visit a website?  It's on record.  Ever been through an airport security check station?  They have a whole-body scan of you on file.  There's an entire discipline now known as data mining.  You just wouldn't believe it.  When breath-taking technology is in the hands of power-hungry, greed-driven, control-freak people, look out.  Well, that's just about where we're at these days. 

Lacey: Yeah and on top of that you have these identity protection companies, and recently companies that supposedly "protect" your reputation by scanning the web for bad information. It's like a chain of "buy our services"...

Let's say you sign up for a gmail account under a female gender. Google sells your information to say Khols. You go and buy something online from Khols and they sell your address to other companies. Well you don't want all the junk mail (or let's say somebody keylogs your computer and steals your CC info) so you sign up for Life Lock. There's no end of people that want your money, it seems.

And there will come a day when someone posts a GID-related confession say, on this site and future employers won't be hiring him/her because of that :) err, it's not funny. I try to be careful with the net, but even the fact that I'm regularly posting here and still live in male mode makes me feel a bit concerned... But just what can a poor girl do? :)

g

Another possibility is that it is a small world out there. I've run into people in Tucson from Phoenix and I've run into people in Phoenix from Tucson. These cities are roughly 110 miles apart and yet I've bumped into people. Plus, despite Phoenix and the suberbs containing millions of people I continue to create a trail following me out of sheer coincidence. I just found out that an old ex from 2007 just happens to have a friend who has a friend that sits a few seats away from me at my job. My last job also happened to have a different friend of that spouse get a job there as well. Several people from that job also happened to eventually start work at my current job. I ran into my old apartment manager at a bar I often frequented. I moved to the apartment I'm currently at and it just so happens that the security guard there also frequents that bar even though the apartment is a good 10 miles from the bar. I ran into an old doctor as well at two different establishments I frequented both a good 15 miles from the office. I could go on and on.

You can only be anonymous up to a point. You can move to NY from LA and still run into an old friend from LA in NY. People even cross paths with those they know in other countries. What it really comes down to is when you should care and when you shouldn't care. If a stranger or other person who has no effect on your life knows about you being trans then it isn't worth caring about. Look at it this way: are you ever going to see the rude lady that stared at you in Walmart ever again? Probably not. When you should care about being found out is when that person tries to make your life difficult for you either by discriminating against you, committing a hate crime, or harrassing you. Someone in the distance can yell rude things at me and it won't change a thing and it won't be worth concerning myself with. When they show up to my front door and try to get in then it is time to care. Pick your battles wisely. Again, I think you pass well Jerica.