Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Okay, so i met this boy on facebook, and we sent messages back and forth to each other all night.
I wanted to tell him that i'm transgendered because i felt that it was important before things got serious..
I told him.
He responded saying that he felt like hes living in a girls body, off and on for years, but is now okay with his body and who he is.
He accepts me, and who i am.
Week later, we decided to meet up, so he comes to my hometown. that went fine.
Three days later, I asked him if he likes me..he said Yes, he does.
Conflict.
He only sees me as a girl, nothing else. He tells me he is in love with someone else, a girl who he saw (Not met), at JAFAX (comic/anime stuff). He admitted he is in love with her, and has been looking on the internet for her for a very long time. He never actually met her, he just saw her dressed as a Ouran high school host club member.

So i'm kind of pissed off and offended. I don't know what to do, he only sees me as a girl, he told me i look better with longer hair (And i look more boyish with longer hair). Sorry for making this so long..

So what do i do here? Do I tell him i'm not interested when i am? What would you do? Its f****** stupid hes in love with someone he saw, never met, doesn't know her first or last name..what the hell? How can i like someone that doesn't accept me for who i am? I'm not changing for anyone, including him. What would you do in this situation?

If I were in that situation I'd cut my ties with this dude. He appears to have an obsessive personality and likes imposing his own ideas on others. That's the only way you can be "in love" with someone who you've never actually met.

He's also imposing his views on who you are with seeing you as only a woman and not accepting your gender identity. Honestly, I don't think he'll see you for who you really are, or when he does he'll cut and run because you're not what he's looking for.

I suggest end it before you get into a messy situation with this dude.

You're right Osiris. If he can't accept me for who i am, then i need to end it with him.

I second that. Even if he wasn't "in love" with some chick he's never met, if he can't see you as male then he's not the guy for you. Your already a little irritated, so I figure eventually you would become entirely unable to tolerate the way he perceives you, so don't even bother.

Nobody is worth sacrificing yourself, your time, or effort over. You could educate him, but where's that really going to get you? Stay true to yourself and leave him to fawn over his anonymous love. Also, it's ok to secretly hope she pepper sprays him and calls the cops. Anyone who falls in "love" with someone they've never met before is bordering creepy.

Completely agree with the others, he sounds kinda crazy.  You can do way better, just give it time you will meet the right guy.

I agree with what most others are saying, he's probably not even worth your time.
Here's a point to note, if you two aren't even in a relationship and you're already this frustrated over things he's done, just imagine having to deal with situations like this constantly if you were committed to him.
It'd be best to back out now before you really get hurt.

I'd drop him like a hot rock.  Plenty of other guys out there.  Also, if someone is interested in you, they don't talk about how hot someone else is (at least not in front of you).

Whether he accepts you or not, it sounds like he's not very smart. Saying he's in love with someone he never met. Also, he's very disrespectful if you ask me and he doesn't accept you. If he accepted you he would see you as the young man that you are. Move on bb, plenty of fish in the sea. :)

I wouldn't even be FRIENDS with someone who can't see me as male so yes I agree on dropping him. And he's not in love with that girl, he's in love with the idea of being with her. How can he love someone he doesn't know anything about or hasn't talked to even once? That's more lustful.

Quote from: Kyle XD on August 08, 2010, 07:51:57 PM
I wouldn't even be FRIENDS with someone who can't see me as male so yes I agree on dropping him. And he's not in love with that girl, he's in love with the idea of being with her. How can he love someone he doesn't know anything about or hasn't talked to even once? That's more lustful.

I agree. If anybody, friends or family, can't see me as Kim rather than Michael then I'm not even going to bother being around them, and that's the other person's loss. Life is too short to change who you are for someone else. Us transgender people are born in the wrong bodies, so we do need to change, but that change is for us and us alone. At least for me it is.

Thanks everyone for the replys, it means alot. Yeah i'm pretty much done with him, :)

Quote from: Damian on August 08, 2010, 09:30:03 PM
Thanks everyone for the replys, it means alot. Yeah i'm pretty much done with him, :)

Good for you man  :) You seem like a really nice guy, you could get someone who appreciates you for you easily.

I have one absolute requirement for people I'm interested in.

They MUST NOT see me as anything other than male. That includes after/if we have sex, see me in just a binder, etc...
If they do....sorry buddy. But you're SOL. Goodbye.

I'm glad you guys are through! :D

Being madly in love with someone you've never met sounds a whole lot like typical teenage infatuation. It's just a normal part of psychological development.

That said, I think it shows this guy is young and immature - probably not the best candidate for a serious romantic relationship. He sounds like he's still got a fair amount of growing up to do before he catches up to where you are.

Personally, in your position I would not pursue this one. it sounds as though your maturity levels and expectations are incompatible. Add that to the fact he sees you differently to how you see yourself (and you can't forcibly change how you see someone - it's gotta change naturally) - it sounded like it would not have gone well.

I think you've made a very sensible decision.

Quote from: Osiris on August 08, 2010, 04:08:49 PM
If I were in that situation I'd cut my ties with this dude. He appears to have an obsessive personality and likes imposing his own ideas on others. That's the only way you can be "in love" with someone who you've never actually met.

He's also imposing his views on who you are with seeing you as only a woman and not accepting your gender identity. Honestly, I don't think he'll see you for who you really are, or when he does he'll cut and run because you're not what he's looking for.

I suggest end it before you get into a messy situation with this dude.

I strongly second this.

Um... How old are the two of you, now? Cut him loose like a bad habit and move on. From your description of this guy I hate him and I don't even know him, and his whims are about the dumbest ->-bleeped-<- I ever heard.

EDIT: Ugh, scrolled up and found the OP's update. Good for you, OP. Find someone more mature.