Susan's Place Transgender Resources

How you deal with plain rudeness?

When you feel someone is rude to you it means you had expectations of them not being rude and they didn't fulfill those expectations.  It doesn't have any effect on you unless you let it.  And if that person is being rude to annoy you, and you let that get to you, they have controlled you.

If someone is rude all it tells me is they are rude.  I don't take it personally.

Julie

Hey everyone,

Sometimes when people are rude, it's to gain an advantage over you. Like cutting in line. Other times people will try to embarass you, that sort of thing. I never let people gain the advantage on me, line cutting in line. However, the other stuff, like Julie said, just doesn't matter. I am certainly not lowering my standards to match thiers. I have always felt that if you give someone enough rope, they will hang themselves.

Love always,
Elizabeth

i tend to be very condesending and patronising when somebody is repeatedly rude to me
not an approach i would recomend though, i just cant help it sometimes :S

I am becoming much less agressive verbally and physically, trying to just ignore people.. but am still not afraid to mouth off some....
Rude people do P me off though!
R

Well I'd have to say if someone is being rude I tend to ignore them entirely. I never take it personally nor control me. However if someone is being rude in a personal contact way I'll let em have it. Not the right approch by any means, its just the way I am about personal contact. Such as someone sitting way to close despite there being plenty of room, ie a near empty waiting room, bus or train. To me there is no reason on earth to being rude, especially exccesivly rude. But as I say, those that are rude to others are just putting the noose around there neck. They will always be rude till there dying day. Rude people just put me off anyway, not worth my attention. I won't waste my time with them.


Owen
Love being female :angel:

I ignore rudness, but I come off as rude though, because of my social disorder. I actually can't speak to people at all in real life without getitng nervous.

Wow, nice topic Kisa! ;)

Like my grandpa taught me, when people are rude to me, I slap them with a white, silk glove, meaning that I teach them to be polite by defending myself with tact and elegance.


tinkerbell :icon_chick:

Hi Kisa,

   I tend to ignore it when other people are rude to me.

   I'm better at talking with people now, but I had a serious anxiety disorder that made it difficult for me to talk to others. I'm sure there were times when someone took my brevity or lack of response as me being rude.
   I think I also have a clipped manner of speech (New England accent?) that occasionally leads others to feel that I am being dismissive when I'm not. Somtimes, I'm just tired too.

   If someone is rude too often, I just avoid them.


Now stop asking silly questions! (just rudely kidding) :P


Love,
Rebecca

QuoteI have always felt that if you give someone enough rope, they will hang themselves.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!

QuoteI think I also have a clipped manner of speech (New England accent?) that occasionally leads others to feel that I am being dismissive when I'm

I might have that, too, although I never thought about it (native of Connecticut) that way.  I would love to tell you, Kisa, to ignore it, but by god I'd be the pot calling the kettle black!  A few weeks ago this cab driver intentionally passed by my house (for the second time) after he snapped at me and told me he knew where it was and when I asked him why he was acting like that to me, he flatout said "Because I don't like you. You're a b---". 

I would like to say that I calmly told him that I would be contacting his employer, but instead I totally lost my temper and called him about every name in the book to try to tick him off as much as he ticked me off.  We had a screaming match in my neighbor's driveway for five minutes while I unloaded my groceries. If I thought it'd be worth going to jail over I might've slugged him. I was fuming about it for days.

I wish I could give you some golden advice (like Elizabeth or Tinkerbell) on this, but sadly, I don't know how to handle rudeness, either. I suppose it would depend on the situation, though. I am really good at snide remarks.  I don't know if I really should be proud of that... >:D

Funny this thread started I just typed two disciplinary actions here at home for work, two employees both for rude / discourteous actions towards customers..
So maybe in small pieces of our worlds we can control some of it?
R

hmm, alot of good replies.

the three rudest things people done to me

at church this preacher pushed me out of the way, and didn't say he was sorry. but im used to that! I'm so small its hard to even see me.

My ex-online friend, I try to ask why she was ignoring me for 4 weeks ans she said because I got a life and don't have time to deal with you. anyways, her life is sitting in front of the tv and hanging out with pot heads.

Ok, one time someone spit in my face and just laughed, it was a girl too, she acted like my friend but for some reason started picking on me.

Quoteat church this preacher pushed me out of the way, and didn't say he was sorry. but im used to that! I'm so small its hard to even see me.

Well, here's my two cents if you want it....I know this will come off blunt because of it being typed words, but I mean for it to help.

This sounds to me like you have a problem with your self-esteem.  People push you around, but do you ever say anything to them? Do you ever stand up for yourself? You're words seem to indicate that you don't if you're so used to being invisible and you pretend that it doesn't bother you, when clearly it does or you wouldn't have asked about dealing with rudeness.

Being assertive doesn't mean being a demanding person and you do not have to return rudeness in kind in order to be assertive.  What it means is that you simply state your needs. Most people don't mean to physically push past someone, they may just be preoccupied, however if you simply say "Excuse me" in a plain tone, they will apologize for knocking into you (if they're not a waste of air).  Most of the time, a person will not be assertive because they feel that they don't really deserve the same politeness that other people get, for one reason or another.

Because you feel this way about yourself, other people will pick up on it and treat you accordingly. That's why it's so easy for those false friends of yours to laugh at you, tell you that you're not important, and treat you like garbage. Assertiveness is a sign of self-confidence and even if you aren't that confident, if you act as though you are you may just develop some self-confidence on your own.  But whether or not you're as confident as you portray, the fact that you are showing confidence will often cause others to treat you better than if you show no confidence.  Beware that this may cause some of those false friends to walk away from you completely. It will be because they've realized that they can't get away with walking all over you anymore. It might sting at first, but you're really much better off without toxic people in your life.  People that like you for you will be happy to see your self-esteem rise and will continue to encourage your personal growth. 

Here's an exercise that can help your self-esteem. Think of some things that you are good at. And I mean really do it, don't be like "Well, I'm not that good." Give yourself credit.  Or we'll do it if you won't, but it might not work as well. What are the things you like to do? Do you go to school? What types of things are you interested in?  I'm sure we'll find things to praise you on when we get to know you better!