Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My aunt had this to say about my coming out:

'can't they make your mind match your body?'

O...kaay...great. Let me get this right: you so do not want a transperson in the family to the extent that you'd rather 'they' twiddle around and adjust my head - the fundamental part of WHO I AM - rather than just...deal with the fact that there are going to be some cosmetic and linguistic changes to get used to.

Seriously? Seriously?

I have not enough expressions of fail in the world for this. Really drives home the fact that some peeps put that much importance on THEIR ideal of a body, even if it aint their body. Damn.

Standard issue answer.

If it were possible to change our minds via therapy, that's where we'd all be.  Clearly, decades of treating trans people shows it does NOT work; changing the body does.

But most people don't want to have to deal with anything 'weird' in their lives, and you are causing the disruption they don't want.  Typical to throw it back at you to stop messing with their reality.  Eventually they deal when you transition (or not) because at that point they won't have a choice.


Jay

I figure most trans people got that answer a few times, at least. Kind of reassuring to know it's a normal response though. It just is the one that struck me the most odd out of all the weird responses I've gotten, including 'growing my hair long and trying again'. It's like...dude, hands and opinions off of my BRAIN kthnxbai.

I was actually asked (by my parents no less) to wait until they discover a way to fix my brain.  I think I just stared at them for about 15 seconds before I recovered.  Needless to say, that's not happening.

as A friend once put it "normal is just a word in the dictionary" and all of those peeps who can't deal with who you really are, well the might just need to get some thin gs they've been hidding out in the open too.



Arigato-
Jessi

Jay,

You hit the nail on the head with this...

Quote from: sneakersjay on August 18, 2010, 10:01:00 AM
Standard issue answer.

If it were possible to change our minds via therapy, that's where we'd all be.  Clearly, decades of treating trans people shows it does NOT work; changing the body does...

I can only speak for myself, and I'm still searching for my identity, at this point I identidy as MtF, If it was possible to make my mind match my body and I could be happy with that, I would do it.

It has been said many times here and other places, transition is not something you would wish for...
By that I mean it is a last choice to allow you to function as yourself, so far the scientists haven't figured out how to make your brain change its function, we are all programmed/wired in someway, to deny that is pointless.

If I and probably any of us here could find a way to be happy without the need to transition, we would, I would.

**Jessi, I agree, and would like to add, I think people sometimes confuse "normal" with "same", we are all different, as for definitions, normal is generally regarded as: average, regular, common, regular, conventional, run of the mill, typical.
I don't want to be described as any of those, and if you ask any so called "normal" person, I bet they would not like to be described as any of these words.
Humans, In my opinion can be described as Unique, and most people would be happy to be described as: distinct, special, one of a kind...

~Tali

I would have answered:

"No.  Mental health professionals tried that in the past, but concluded that not only could it never work, but that it was extremely dangerous."

Sometimes disarming people with authoritative-sounding facts and mentioning doctors is the best way to smack down these arguments.  A lot of people who will argue against feelings will back down in the face of doctors and psychologists.  (It works for me, anyway.  I think my feelings are much more important, overall, but I don't like to break down sobbing every single time I try to explain them.)

Yeah my parents asked why I couldn't take testosterone instead, ugh.

I had to explain that estrogen brings my body closer to where my mind is (theoretically)....T would take me farther away, ugh.

My Mom asked me the same kind of thing. I tried honestly explaining that they used to, in the old days, give trans women T to "butch them up" and it was just a total disaster.. but she just doesn't get it. I had to fall back upon "it just doesn't work that way, Mom." Sigh.

Quote from: Trickster on August 18, 2010, 09:09:53 AM
My aunt had this to say about my coming out:

'can't they make your mind match your body?'

O...kaay...great. Let me get this right: you so do not want a transperson in the family to the extent that you'd rather 'they' twiddle around and adjust my head - the fundamental part of WHO I AM - rather than just...deal with the fact that there are going to be some cosmetic and linguistic changes to get used to.

Seriously? Seriously?

I have not enough expressions of fail in the world for this. Really drives home the fact that some peeps put that much importance on THEIR ideal of a body, even if it aint their body. Damn.

Step #1) Get brain slug
Step #2) Attach brain slug
Step #3) ?????
Step #4) Not TS!

Quote from: Trickster on August 18, 2010, 09:09:53 AM
My aunt had this to say about my coming out:
'can't they make your mind match your body?'

It's 43 years since John Money went on national televison to tell everyone that kids are empty little vessels that can be made to be either girl or boy.  No-one knows - and its perhaps best we don't know - how many TS/TV/CD/LGBTG suicided after being forced to follow that crazy idea.

Parents told me to get T <_< . Luckily, I managed to persuade them what a bad idea that was.

It's so deeply lame, isn't it? With all due respect to our FTM trans brothers, I want this crap OUT OF ME. The last thing I want is MORE of it. I can't tell you how many times every day I see the effects of testosterone on other men and think to myself "DO NOT WANT!" Blerg.

Quote from: mtfbuckeye on August 31, 2010, 03:22:11 PM
It's so deeply lame, isn't it? With all due respect to our FTM trans brothers, I want this crap OUT OF ME. The last thing I want is MORE of it. I can't tell you how many times every day I see the effects of testosterone on other men and think to myself "DO NOT WANT!" Blerg.

Yeah - more testosterone? I told them I'd much rather lose a leg, and that much is true. The thought of taking testosterone deliberately is, to me, horrific.

(Actually, the thought of having my body produce and react to it is equally horrific, but that is a horror I'm aiming to correct.)

Lol taking T instead of E for MTF.. I tried that i had a whole lot of T, didnt work out so good.  ^_^, E on the hand, had a very good result.

my mom actually tried to pull that on me. she had me getting all these tests done when i was 12. apparently i wasn't developing enough? eventually she was told by a doctor my testosterone was abnormally low for the age i was. she was going to try and get me injections by some ignorant endocrinologist who said it would "cure" my GID. my mom knew what i said. i refused the injections, and i resent her for trying that. she claims this all happened before she even knew about me. wrong, i have a much better memory than her, and even she tells me that. i get very disgusted when i think of stupid things that have happened in the past to me.

Yup, exactly what I'm going through too right now with my patents
"well, you have the body of male, and it reacts to things the way a male body does- therefore, how can you possibly think you're a girl?"
etc etc
it's tough whenn you try so hard to help them understand, but they refuse to listen to anything other than what they think
looooong road fir sure

Quote from: Trickster on August 18, 2010, 09:09:53 AM
My aunt had this to say about my coming out:

'can't they make your mind match your body?'

O...kaay...great. Let me get this right: you so do not want a transperson in the family to the extent that you'd rather 'they' twiddle around and adjust my head - the fundamental part of WHO I AM - rather than just...deal with the fact that there are going to be some cosmetic and linguistic changes to get used to.

Seriously? Seriously?

I have not enough expressions of fail in the world for this. Really drives home the fact that some peeps put that much importance on THEIR ideal of a body, even if it aint their body. Damn.

Well clearly there's something wrong with you ... like not enough Jesus ... or broccoli ...or playing with dolls as a child ... or something, because it's just not right. Haven't THEY found a pill to fix those kind of unwholesome notions? /sarcasm

Seriously - I'm so very sick of people who have such a narrow freakin' viewpoint and are so uncomfortable themselves with dealing with anything or anyone outside of their carefully created connect-the-dots. Also, assumptions that you want your gender to match the body you were born with and you've just been possessed by some mental disease that lured you into thinking instead of a vagina you want a penis (or vice versa) and away from everything that is good and right with society is also archaic and backwards and I hope that some day people can just gtf over it. With such a wide variation in nature you think people, in the crazy amount of time we've been occupying this planet, would have gotten past certain things. Apparently not.

They also tried aversion therapy. Let you dress up in female clothes (MtF) and then say how stupid you looked, what a sissy you were etc etc. Try to embarrass you into changing gender.
Guess what. Didn't work. Made me stronger. Got use to the insults.

Cindy

I think that when people ask questions like that, it's best to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they're asking out of pure ignorance rather than trying to imply anything specifically (unless the tone of voice indicates otherwise).  When you come out to someone, they're often initially shocked and forced to think about something they may have never thought about before.  So of course they might say somethings that are ignorant, and may be worded in a way that comes across as hostile, but they might mean no harm.  So it's best just to be patient, and answer questions with facts (like what Jay said).  If they're still like that after having time to adjust, that's different . . .

When I came out to my mom, she tried to argue that I was "just a lesbian".  This made no sense because she knows I'm attracted to guys.  I was in a relationship with a guy when I came out to her.  But I assumed that the "Maybe you're just a lesbian," reaction was her way of dealing with something that came as a shock.

I seem to remember that excess testosterone would be metabolised to estradiol. Interesting way to try and butch someone up :)

My Standard Answer

I had no answer, why? I was not around my family or friends for this issue to even come up.  Long story short my uncle wanted to be with me (I think) and I believe money and time consideration on his part and my vague answers (if I remember correctly).  Ensured that he was not there.

So why did I not have someone around, when it was possible to have someone present?  I wanted no one to stop or interfere with me having my surgery and this was one of my strongest thoughts on this.  I was extremely happy, knowing what I was going to do would make me contented for the rest of my life.

So summary of the standard answers that you could give:

• The have tried therapy for years to change ones thinking and it has never been successful and mention doctors and psychiatrist (Sneakersjay and Mara)
• Why cant you be happy for me and accept me for who I am?  As Trickster said, "its only some cosmetic and linguistic changes".
• Or finally, a much stronger line and one would have to be aware of the consequences if one did say it.  This is what I want and nobody is going to stop me from achieving my dreams

Take care and remember 'Be who you want to be' and let nobody stop you from becoming who you want to be.

Kind regards
Sarah B