Susan's Place Transgender Resources

very early mtf trans rant:

any one else have one of those days where everyone (no mater how girly you act or look) sirs you?

I mean it just sucks some days to be feeling really great and suddenly unintentional someone trying to be polite sirs you.

Yes I have, often. It sucks.
Breath.
Now center yourself.
->-bleeped-<- hapenes, polietly insist on proper titles and pronouns and keep going.

Sorry to butt in but I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I got ma'amed today when I was complete men's clothes with a short hair cut so I totally understand people using the wrong pronouns. But I agree taking a deep breath helps and correct them if you want to. Hope it doesn't happen to you again

thanks, I relize some days are just worse than others, and as always ->-bleeped-<- happens I'm just glad I'm not the only one it happens to

I was in a line at Subway today, you know how you move down thw line and 3 people make your sandwich, well the first girl said whacha want, girl, the second, the vegetable girl said, can I help you sir and the cashier said please come again mam. all within 5 minutes. I got a veggie sub with hots and left saying to myself, WTF?

omg that's just odd

Quote from: Bombi on August 19, 2010, 07:53:17 PM
I was in a line at Subway today, you know how you move down thw line and 3 people make your sandwich, well the first girl said whacha want, girl, the second, the vegetable girl said, can I help you sir and the cashier said please come again mam. all within 5 minutes. I got a veggie sub with hots and left saying to myself, WTF?

I feel disoriented in that situation, I'm left thinking "woow, what just happened?"
I would perhaps be less shocked if they were consistent?

It was yesterday, actually with the bread guy. Reason: I opened my mouth :-X
The good part is that it's practically the only instance in a week.

I was sir'ed once, and that was about 2 years ago.  I had been in the store at least a dozen times and this biatch check-out girl decided to have a little fun with me so when she gave me my change she said, "Thank you Sir."  The woman standing in the queue behind me did a double take, lol. 

What pissed me off was the fact she just served a guy before me and just said 'Thank you' when she gave him his change!  She had served me the week before and never used pronouns for me or anyone then either. She did it with malicious intent, so I reported her.  >:(

I went to the concession counter at a movie and as I walked up the girl said "Can I help you Maa ... uh ... yeah ... uhm .. maam?"

*sigh*

two things I love are: Drive thrus and telephones as I never get sir'd
but i'm sorry to hear about the b****h at the restraunt, some people should just grow-up and shut-up

My Psych instructor sir'd me a couple of times when I had called her for assignment related questions. This is after I introduced myself in class with my female name and the rest of the students referred to me as "she" or "her." I'm glad I'm done with her class! It'll be interesting to see how my next group of classes goes!

It does suck and piss me off! I have to make myself count to ten and restrain myself at times from making myself look like a crazy woman!

Quote from: Jessi_the_red on August 19, 2010, 10:34:04 PM
two things I love are: Drive thrus and telephones as I never get sir'd
but i'm sorry to hear about the b****h at the restraunt, some people should just grow-up and shut-up

that's the worst for me - i quit using drive-thru's because i never want anyone to hear the voice before they see me.

Likewise i'll go to any lengths to avoid being on the phone with someone I'm supposed to meet before they see me, or else i avoid using my girl name in the conversation and let the assume the girl that drove up isn't the same person they talked with on the phone.

My phone/speaker voice is the worst!

Ive gotten "sirs" from checkers i knew should know better (one in my home down while i hade a skirt on fercryinoutloud and that pisses me off.

Anyone is free to just use neither and i won't complain.

but if I'm out of the local area and no one has any reason to know me and the accidentally use sir out of habit, or are a bit confused (I've had a couple of those "ma'am...er...ah...sir?...ma'am." moments too) then i usually let it go unless i have a good chance to confirm the ma'am to one who's been unsure.

it really does have altogether to do with intent for me. Or those for whom I've made the point of telling them and they just ignore what I said.

I'll tel yeah what is grinding my gears right now is this damned compromising I'm doing with the wife is undermining a lot of the credibility I'd built around here. i can't wait to dial it back up to a full-on presentation!


sorry...wandered off topic a sec there...

I've been mam'd quite a lot on the phone in the past without trying to sound female. Now that I am working on a full time female voice, I wish I knew what it was they heard so that I could consistently replicate it. My voice seems to do its own thing without conscious control from me. It can sound lower and chest voice-y and it can start to drift to the higher register girl head-voice area.

It looks like my voice is still going to sound a lot like I do now and still be feminine. I kinda wish I could make a completely different one as that might help me feel more different than the male I am now, but that might not be very easy or necessary.

I'm in the same situation as you jessi, on the phone it's all she and her.

In person... it's abit more ropey and varies depending on the day some days I don't get anyone whispering about me and just "Him" and "he" and "sir" Other days pepole look at me quizzically as if they couldn't tell and rarely just rarely I get "Her" or overhear a comment about me as I walk past "That's one mannish woman."

I hate my stupid face :( and yeah it makes you want to rip it off.

My voice doesn't pass so I don't worry about the phone problems. I think I now present reasonably in public. It is obvious that I am presenting as female. I had one bad experience from a shop assistant, I complained immediately to get the manager, and she ended up being fired.
I have had no other problems.
When I do I think I'll be affirmative, and try to be witty. 'Does Sir want a drink' "Only when you wear a cute Hooter's outfit"

OK Lame

Cindy

Quote from: Bombi on August 19, 2010, 07:53:17 PM
I was in a line at Subway today, you know how you move down thw line and 3 people make your sandwich, well the first girl said whacha want, girl, the second, the vegetable girl said, can I help you sir and the cashier said please come again mam. all within 5 minutes. I got a veggie sub with hots and left saying to myself, WTF?

Reminds me of when I had been on testo for 3-9 months. Whenever I asked a waiter at a café where I could find the bathroom, they described it to me and it was always a big surprise to see whether they would sent me to the ladies' or the men's bathroom.

Wrong words,

" where's the john"

Thanks

"Drop kick them" ? You'll get sired for sure then, LOL, but you would probably feel better :). We have a woman at work, an older lady and just listening to her voice you would swear it was man.  I get sired on the phone and it has caused some problems especially when you are talking to a finical institute as sometimes I don't sound like Stephanie :(

If it happenes in public I just look the person in the eye and smiling say "Excuse me! Did you just call me sir?" It causes them to pause and think about what they just said.

Steph

Quote from: Steph on August 20, 2010, 06:48:54 AM
"Drop kick them" ? You'll get sired for sure then, LOL, but you would probably feel better :). We have a woman at work, an older lady and just listening to her voice you would swear it was man.  I get sired on the phone and it has caused some problems especially when you are talking to a finical institute as sometimes I don't sound like Stephanie :(

I used to work at a call center and made anonymous polls there. We could not hear the first seconds after the person answered the phone because it HAD to be anonymous. My colleagues and me had a quota of about 1-2 percents of people we just did not manage to gender at all. You couldn't ask them on the phone cause it would have been impolite, but sometimes you got clues during the interview ("Oh, my husband uses this product, but I don't") and I just hoped that it was no gay marriage then when I clicked the gender box. And a few ones, maybe 0,5 %, we gendered obviously wrong and we had to correct the gender after the interview when we got obvious clues. Just to say that wrong gendering on the phone does not only happen to FTMs and MTFs.

Quote from: Bombi on August 19, 2010, 07:53:17 PM
I was in a line at Subway today, you know how you move down thw line and 3 people make your sandwich, well the first girl said whacha want, girl, the second, the vegetable girl said, can I help you sir and the cashier said please come again mam. all within 5 minutes. I got a veggie sub with hots and left saying to myself, WTF?

It was strange and I found myself talking to myself when I got outside. I didn't mention that I am a minority (white) here on this little island which is wonder enough for most people.

I think there could be times when the other person genuinely does not know, or is confused.  In English, we just about have to pick a gender pronoun, whereas in some languages you can use a gender neutral and it is much easier.  There have been times when I was not sure of the gender of someone that I saw.  I'm sure it hurts when you are trying to present a specific way and it is not clear to the other person.  Maybe those experiences will give us an unbiased opinion on how we present.  I have not presented as a woman though, so I don't have much room to speak.  I recall being perceived as a woman on the phone when I was younger (I wish I still was) but I guess I've had enough testosterone to make my voice low enough to sound male.

Before I transitioned I went to a job meeting downtown. When I got there I checked in with the receptionist and she said the meeting room was being prepared and I could take a seat until it was ready. I turned around and saw all these guys waiting but n seats. Since I had to go to the bathroom I turned to the receptionist and asked where the bathrooms were.

She handed me the key and turned to walk out of their office to find the bathroom.  Then she stopped me and handed me a different key. "I think I gave you the wrong key."  I figured she at first thought I was female but then realized I was a guy.  I was a bit disappointed but, oh well.  She told me where to find the bathroom and I followed her directions. 

I walked down the hall and saw a door that said "WOMEN" on it.  So I guessed the men's was farther down the hall.  As I neared the end of the hall I found there was no other bathroom.  My head was spinning!  I walked back to the women's bathroom and looked around then tried the key.  It worked!  Now I was really in a spin.

I called my girlfriend, freaking out about what I should do.  If anyone from the meeting saw me walk out of the women's bathroom I was screwed.  But I really needed to go bad!  She told me to just go but it was just too risky. 

I went back to the office and returned the key.  Don't know if that receptionist ever figured out what had just happened.

Yesterday I was sir'd by a guy at a calvin klein when I asked for the restroom. I have short hair, men's glasses, and a somewhat gender neutral face, but I was wearing a long white skirt and a purple cami. I had been wearing that all day and received nothing but smiles, even a free pastry at a bakery when my mom said she was taking her daughter out for the first time. That guy ruined my mood so bad I almost cried :( I think calvin klein lost 2 customers, my mom was more pissed at that guy than I was.

Haven't got sirred in a long time, but don't worry, most of my lesbian friends, even femmes, tell me they get sirred.

Speaking of restrooms, way back when i was still getting heat using women's rest rooms, I was heading to what I thought was the ladies room, some women stated yelling at me that i was heading into the "wrong bathroom" I thought, Here we go again!" Then i realized she was trying to warn me not to go inot the MEN'S room!

Made my day!

I had that happen once - I took someone to a doctor's appointment in memphis and i was not in full fem (thanks to this cursed compromise) and i needed the potty so i resigned myselfto the unpleasent option but before i got quite to the door, an older black gentleman (who seemd to be the security guy?) said "ma'am, that's the men's room"

I coulda kissed him!

I was at my endocrinologist again about one year ago for a testosterone shot and I had already a 100% passing at that time and a 5-o'clock shade that day. My endo was on vacation, and a guy made the temporary replacement. I was sitting in the waiting room which was crammed with people. Then he called me in:

"Mrs XY, come in please"

I stood up and went through the room to enter the consultation room. The other patients looked completely confused when they saw me go there, and I felt embarrassed and my face got red, but I also had a hard time not to burst out laughing at the same time.

"Okay, Mrs. XY, sit down... so you want to become a man? But you know, madam, it's not that easy, you first need to go to therapy for a certain time to check whether you're transsexual, and we need your blood levels tested blabla..."

I grinned at him: "Yes, I know all that, been there done it. I have been getting testosterone shots in your doctor's praxis for two years now."

He went: "Oooops..."  :o and looked into my file. "Oh, rou're right... so I addressed you wrongly in the waiting room, sir... I'm very sorry for that." Then HIS face got red with embarrassement.

I grinned again and said: "Oh, it was embarrassing, but also very funny to see how much you confused your other patients by calling me Mrs, so don't worry. Yo're the temporary replacement, don't know me, have a horrible load of work so mistakes happen."

"I'm relieved that you take it that way.."

"Oh, humor is what helps me best dealing with being a transsexual, you know?"

I think I'd have been tempted to sit there and pretend he was calling someone else rather than take the red-faced walk

Quote from: Tammy Hope on August 21, 2010, 11:34:46 AM
I think I'd have been tempted to sit there and pretend he was calling someone else rather than take the red-faced walk

I have a sick & twisted sense of humor, and I love David Lynch movies, so it was too hilarious for me to miss the occasion (though somewhat embarrassing at the same time). Haven't had a name change yet, so this kind of situations always happens anyway whenever I have to deal with something official.

I hate this as well. It is weird, sometimes I can go out without makeup and get ma'am'd and sometimes with makeup I get sir'd. Some people are just ->-bleeped-<-s. I usually say "Do I look like a sir to you?". And then I will use the incorrect pronoun/salutation to them. Calling a guy ma'am who just called you sir actually makes an impact.

Quote from: Steph on August 20, 2010, 06:48:54 AM
"Drop kick them" ? You'll get sired for sure then, LOL, but you would probably feel better :). We have a woman at work, an older lady and just listening to her voice you would swear it was man.  I get sired on the phone and it has caused some problems especially when you are talking to a finical institute as sometimes I don't sound like Stephanie :(

If it happenes in public I just look the person in the eye and smiling say "Excuse me! Did you just call me sir?" It causes them to pause and think about what they just said.

Steph

I was rased around some wierd girls then XD

Yeah when I'm in guy mode and someone ma'ams me it's pretty lame. I never liked the use of ma'am unless referring to an old lady either lol. Seriously, like I do not look old even if I go look more female. So, not down with the ma'ams. Anyway, I'm one of those people that even when I worked in the retail and service industry I always just said, "Thank you" or something like "Thank you, have a nice day". There really no need to even add Sir, Ma'am, Miss ... whatever. I don't know why some companies continue to do that ... maybe for the older generations?

Dunno about elsewhere but in the South, if you use a salutation at all, and she's an adult - it's "ma'am"....if she's young enough she might get a "miss" in the right situation but often you might here even a pre-teen addressed as ma'am

(I would REALLY like to be called "miss" at least one time)

Quote from: Dana Lane on August 21, 2010, 06:01:15 PM
I hate this as well. It is weird, sometimes I can go out without makeup and get ma'am'd and sometimes with makeup I get sir'd. Some people are just ->-bleeped-<-s. I usually say "Do I look like a sir to you?". And then I will use the incorrect pronoun/salutation to them. Calling a guy ma'am who just called you sir actually makes an impact.

THAT is a remarkable idea, i'll have to put that weapon in my arsenal for the appropriate time.

Quote from: Dana Lane on August 21, 2010, 06:01:15 PM
I hate this as well. It is weird, sometimes I can go out without makeup and get ma'am'd and sometimes with makeup I get sir'd. Some people are just ->-bleeped-<-s. I usually say "Do I look like a sir to you?". And then I will use the incorrect pronoun/salutation to them. Calling a guy ma'am who just called you sir actually makes an impact.

I have been absent for quite some time.  Sorry.  Busy, busy, busy.

Anyways, this topic caught my attention, since I have been living fulltime now for close to a year and still have not discovered what the secret is to eliminating the amount of 'sirs' I get.  As an OTR truck driver I have the luxury of dealing with and meeting different people each day all over the country.  I know my face is fairly man-ish, so I have that obstacle.  I dress very feminine and am never seen in public without some level of makeup on.  I have been working very hard lately on my voice (and getting extremely frustrated with that - though that is a topic for a different posting.)  I seem to have abut a  35% chance of getting a ma'am, 50% chance of getting the odd, confused look w/out any salutation, and a 15% chance of getting a 'sir'.  (and of course my day is completely ruined 15% of the time.)

Recently my wife has suggested that I correct those who use the 'sir'.  Politely saying something along the lines of "excuse me,.....".  But, being as passive and non-confrontational as I am I have not been able to do that yet.  I would be too worried about saying something like "Do I look like a sir to you?" being told that I do, and then everything going to Hell real fast after that.  Being solo on the road, far from home has it's own set of hazards, and this just seems to be another one to add to the list.  Eventually I'll just have to give it a try.

Anyways, 'drop-kicking' has not crossed my mind - yet.   :D

Have a great day.

Quote from: Dana Lane on August 21, 2010, 06:01:15 PM
I hate this as well. It is weird, sometimes I can go out without makeup and get ma'am'd and sometimes with makeup I get sir'd. Some people are just ->-bleeped-<-s. I usually say "Do I look like a sir to you?". And then I will use the incorrect pronoun/salutation to them. Calling a guy ma'am who just called you sir actually makes an impact.

If your voice is as feminine as your avatar, this would work for you  but I am not sure this would work for others.  I get ma'am in spite of not having a perfect voice.

Can't say I've had that happen in when presenting as female...

But if it did... I'd respond in kind. IE: Thank you madame, to the guy that sirred me. ;)

Along with something to the affect: Do I look like a sir? Really?
:police:

Quote from: Stephanie2664 on August 21, 2010, 11:43:48 PM
I have been absent for quite some time.  Sorry.  Busy, busy, busy.

Anyways, this topic caught my attention, since I have been living fulltime now for close to a year and still have not discovered what the secret is to eliminating the amount of 'sirs' I get.  As an OTR truck driver I have the luxury of dealing with and meeting different people each day all over the country.  I know my face is fairly man-ish, so I have that obstacle.  I dress very feminine and am never seen in public without some level of makeup on.  I have been working very hard lately on my voice (and getting extremely frustrated with that - though that is a topic for a different posting.)  I seem to have abut a  35% chance of getting a ma'am, 50% chance of getting the odd, confused look w/out any salutation, and a 15% chance of getting a 'sir'.  (and of course my day is completely ruined 15% of the time.)

Recently my wife has suggested that I correct those who use the 'sir'.  Politely saying something along the lines of "excuse me,.....".  But, being as passive and non-confrontational as I am I have not been able to do that yet.  I would be too worried about saying something like "Do I look like a sir to you?" being told that I do, and then everything going to Hell real fast after that.  Being solo on the road, far from home has it's own set of hazards, and this just seems to be another one to add to the list.  Eventually I'll just have to give it a try.

Anyways, 'drop-kicking' has not crossed my mind - yet.   :D

Have a great day.

I feel for you! I drove over the road (flatbed) for about 5 years. I couldn't imagine doing that now. You go to so many places that could be considered hostile (truck stops for one).  Stay safe!

Quote from: stealth2010 on August 22, 2010, 11:11:14 AM
If your voice is as feminine as your avatar, this would work for you  but I am not sure this would work for others.  I get ma'am in spite of not having a perfect voice.

Nobody would ever call me ma'am if they just hear my voice. My voice needs work. From the ground up.

well at least i won't get the wierd reactions when i give my name over the phone any more XD (filled out name change papers monday)

so yesterday in line at the possum festivial (omfg i went to a possum festival) I got ma'amed in cullman and I was in boymode *is extremly chirpy*

Quote from: Dana Lane on August 27, 2010, 03:14:07 PM
I feel for you! I drove over the road (flatbed) for about 5 years. I couldn't imagine doing that now. You go to so many places that could be considered hostile (truck stops for one).  Stay safe!

I did flatbed for almost a year 2 years ago.  I also couldn't imagine doing that nowadays.  Not only the extra work, but a much different crowd to deal with day to day.  Oddly enough I had anticipated problems at truck stops, but so far, nothing bad has gone on.  (Though my guard is always up.)

Have a great day.