Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Topic started by: Bones on August 20, 2010, 12:48:09 PM Return to Full Version

Title: Testing the waters...
Post by: Bones on August 20, 2010, 12:48:09 PM
Do any of you have stories about when you were still younger and not presenting, still a little confused on what was up with you (Some 20 odd years ago, I had NO idea there was such a thing as transgenders) but you decided to one day try and go out of the house looking like a boy?

I remember when I was about 15, I put a ball cap on, my baggiest jeans, a baggy plaid shirt and headed to Wal-Mart and my intention was to see if anyone called me a boy. I was ecstatic when people DID in fact call me boy etc. Like when I checked out at the checklane and the woman gave me back my change and called me 'Young man'. It was like my first moment to be called that other than when I was about 10 and my mother was told she had a pretty little boy. But this was when I was actually trying and older and had developed a lot more..Had anyone else done things like this too? Still living as female but just sort of testing the waters to see what would happen?
Title: Re: Testing the waters...
Post by: Shang on August 20, 2010, 01:00:20 PM
I wore baggy jeans and a heavy jacket to hide everything so no one would know.  I wanted to see what it would be like to be called a boy, but that's never happened except for me asking my mom, when I saw a picture of myself when I was two, "Who's that boy?" and she promptly said "That's you" and we both laughed.

Other than that, I was never called a boy even when I dressed like one to see and even if I had my hair cut short. 
Title: Re: Testing the waters...
Post by: insanitylives on August 20, 2010, 07:33:44 PM
A lot actually. Started changing out my wardrobe before i started putting the 'gender' thing together. I think i nearly stopped wearing girls pants at 13 actually
Title: Re: Testing the waters...
Post by: elvistears on August 20, 2010, 08:29:04 PM
Not consciously.  When I was around 12/13 I wore baggy clothes and baseball caps and had that kinda shaggy 70s bowl cut going on that a lot of boys did. One time when I was running a stall at a school fair these boys came up and asked if I was boy or a girl and looked so shocked when I told them.

It made me feel good but I didn't know why. I was at that stink age when you're expected not to be "one of the boys" anymore.
Title: Re: Testing the waters...
Post by: thestory on August 20, 2010, 08:35:52 PM
I went out in boys clothes when I was 7-9 for a while just to see. I don't remember how it turned out I have a lousy memory of my childhood. But I did try to pass myself off as my own brother at one point... I should have found strangers instead of my friends but I was 8 so bah.
I do know I dressed as a female till only a year or so ago when I finally realized I wasn't one.
Title: Re: Testing the waters...
Post by: Kadel on August 20, 2010, 10:21:05 PM
Ever since 2nd grade I've always been wearing male clothing and a short haircut, and would always play football and would be 'one of the guys'. So, in a sort, I've always presented myself as a male without even knowing.
Title: Re: Testing the waters...
Post by: Maxxie on August 22, 2010, 12:41:06 AM
Ever since I was a little kid (I'm 14 now, so just a kid & not a LITTLE kid x3) I've always worn guys clothes. When I was little, people used to think I was a boy due to my short haircut, but even now some people still mistake me for one, as I still wear guys clothes and all my close friends are guys. I'm pretty happy about that though, apparently my face is more boy-ish than girly too and my voice is deep for a girl. In stores if I asked to buy something people at the counter would say "This boy would like to buy-" etc etc
Title: Re: Testing the waters...
Post by: Matt Chase on August 22, 2010, 01:26:34 PM
all through grade school when i was with my parents people would call me their son and refer to me as a young man, etc., and i felt so proud of myself whenever that happened but i didn't really know why. i didn't start wearing pants out of the girls section until 7th grade and it just felt wrong to me, feminine shirts came even later. i was practically always presenting as a boy until middle school.
Title: Re: Testing the waters...
Post by: Alexmakenoise on August 22, 2010, 11:30:16 PM
I dressed as a boy for as long as my parents would allow it (until I was about 5).  Once I moved out, I started improvising with binding and packing.  I was never successful at binding (large chest) so I didn't go out like that more than once.  I actually thought my chest was too heavy for binding until a year ago, when I learned that you can actually buy a binder that's designed for that purpose.  (Good info can be hard to find.)  Although I've been too self-conscious about the binder issue to venture out while presenting as male, I have been packing and presenting as male at home for over a decade.
Title: Re: Testing the waters...
Post by: Squirrel698 on August 23, 2010, 12:23:07 PM
I've never been a fan of dressing up in dresses and such.  I use to do my best and try because I wanted to be a girl.  However it never worked, always felt awkward and wrong.  So I would always ended up pulling off the dress and tights and putting on jeans.

I remember going out as young teenager dressed in female clothes but worn in such a way as to look male.  Baggy jeans, oversized sweatshirts and hoodies, plain tee-shirts.  I use to get called Sir all of the time and it always gave me a fantastic thrill.  Then I would go home and be the good girl again but as soon as I could I would be back at the mall trying to appear as male as possible.

I'm so glad I'm past those games now!  :D
Title: Re: Testing the waters...
Post by: Chris968 on August 23, 2010, 12:29:32 PM
I remember being in the 1st grade, and I had convinced my mom to let me get a "boy haircut".  I was at school with one of my friends and the teacher always let one boy and one girl out to use the bathroom at the same time.  I went with the other boy and told him I wanted to use the boys bathroom instead so he said okay and I went in with him.  There were some older kids who said "Who is that boy", it was great.

Also that same year my aunt got married and I was the "flower girl" and I blew the biggest fit about having to wear a dress and I convinced my parents to let me wear a suit and tie.  As I walked down the aisle I remember people whispering about "Why is that boy carrying the flowers?".  Of course I didn't actually learn what being trans was until college, ah well lol.  Hindsight is 20/20!
Title: Re: Testing the waters...
Post by: Bones on August 23, 2010, 12:34:47 PM
I guess what I was asking wasn't really explained too well. I always dressed like a boy too. Always had a tomboy look about me. I didn't have long hair much of my life. But, people always knew...girl...people knew me as a ...girl... I even came out to my cousins when I was like 6 or 7 saying that I was a boy and not a girl. But when I got into high school and things started to 'develop' it was harder to be called a 'boy' cause of those developments. Even dressing as a boy, I was seen as a girl. But, there were particular times that I went out of my way to look MORE boyish. The eyeliner on the mouth for a mustache, the sock in the pants, the ball cap, the binding. I guess what I'm trying to ask is...when was the first time you went out into the world as your male presentation and made an effort to be called in the male pronoun to see what would happen. The testing the waters so to speak...there was a turning point for me where I crossed that line of being a tomboy and went to being a male...the first time I went out as male..was amazing in feeling when I was called a boy when I tried...just like now. I still don't look male but I love when I get 'sir'd' instead of 'ma'am'd'.
Title: Re: Testing the waters...
Post by: kyril on August 23, 2010, 01:24:17 PM
I'd say the first time I did that (really made the effort to pass) was around age 12-13. I had waist-length hair that I wasn't allowed to cut, so even wearing boys' clothes all the time I was always seen as a girl. But my parents and I were in a Shakespeare play at our local community theater, so I had access to the costume room, where I found (and quietly appropriated) a newsboy cap that did a great job of hiding my hair. So that was what I wore, in addition to binding and sock-stuffing, when I wanted to go out and be seen as a boy.