Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I want to ask when did you guys and girls come out to you parents?

Did you come out before doing anything or only after certain phases of transitioning, i.e. after counselling, growing out your hair or starting hormones etc... Those of you that came out during or after transitioning, what were your parent's reactions?

I came out a few weeks ago, about 5 weeks into going to therapy. Hiding it was killing me. They reacted well initially but they just ignore it like everything else, they aren't being supportive and they told me I don't need to rush into anything. It's upsetting me and making me question myself but they'll get used to it or else lol.

I came out once the secret became too heavy to bear at home. It took a month for me to tell a close friend, and I only told my Mum once I'd seen a counsellor as part of the NHS' mental health screening process. I told her: after I received a letter from the mental health practitioners saying I'd be referred to the GIC; after having come off yet another nasty mood swing; and the night before I was going to attend an LGBT meeting at a local uni. It seemed like a good time all 'round to come out with it.

My parents were long gone when I admitted to myself that I was gender-variant. So I came out to my then-wife and kids when I was 59. Silly me; I thought I'd be a crossdresser. WRONG. Had SRS on my 63rd birthday.

Robyn

I came out to my Dad over 20 years ago, and it ended in me going back in the closet.

When I started T I came out.  Then I came out at work 4 months later.


Jay

I came out to everyone within 2 weeks of deciding I was going to transition.
Pre everything.
Mom took it well, brother took it well, sister took it hohum, rest of the family was suportive and noncomital. (I have an openminded family) Friends were like 'what took you so long', and 'I knew this about you, I wondered if you would ever figure it out'. And the best one my exwife who said she knew all along I was 'weird like that'. I asked her why she still married me and she said, 'that sort of thing doesnt bother me'. **jawdrop**
Most I sent emails too, my mom, exwife and a couple very close friends I called. But all took it well enough. But I tended to avoid any negative emotions or terms involving my transition.
As I have been really volitile and bassicaly crazy my entire life those who know me seem to be relieved that what is wrong with me has been 'figured out' and I am no longer the ->-bleeped-<- insane dude. I am the nice sweet insane chick. Works much better. :D
So my results are not likely to be typical of what most others can expect.

I came out after 2.5 years of HRT.  My transition has been a bit atypical but it worked well for me. I had no plan on exactly when to come out but I wanted a smooth start with social transition. I made the decision out of desperation. I was depressed and suicidal and recognized that I couldn't wait any longer to help myself.
  As it turns out, I'm glad that I waited that long. I've seen a few Tgirls that really should have let HRT do its work before presenting as female in public. By the time I started living full time I had 3 years of estrogen working on my facial contours... As a result I had a very short "in-between" stage (when folks like to debate whether you're a girl or a guy while standing in line at Taco Bell.  :D)

I'm sorta like Janet Lynn... I came out briefly to my wife of 1.5 years over 30 years ago after a suicide attempt - I had little choice, she needed to know the reason.  However, like Janet, the end result was not good - over 30 years of deep denial, and now I'm coming out all over again, first to myself, then to my wife, and (sometime soon perhaps) to my kids, siblings, parents, etc...  Only it will be SO much harder now.  I'm close to finding a therapist who can help me through it, I think...

I came out to my parents twice.  The first time was when I was 17 as a lesbian.  My mother was not open to that idea at all.  My dad was okay with it, but said "not in my house"  It was a rough couple of years, made worse by the nagging feeling of that being a lesbian wasn't exactly what I was.  I had wanted to be a boy since I was 4 but didn't know that was at all possible and didn't learn about trans stuff til I got to college.

After toying with the idea of transitioning and having a few suicidal nights I finally decided I needed to transition.  I made my own appointments to get lined up to start T but didn't actually start until coming out to my parents.  I came out to them in March 2008 (I was 22), which was 2 months before my college graduation.  Coming out to them was really hard for me as I was crying and I knew my mom would react the same way she did the first time, and she did.  My dad was much more understanding but struggled a bit for a while.  He and I made a deal that he had no problem with me starting T, but he wanted me to wait until after graduation.   Then something changed (I don't know whose fault) but my parents decided they didn't want to come to my college graduation.  It was incredibly hurtful and they didn't give me a real reason why but my grandparents (not knowing about me being trans at that point) flipped out on them and they came.

However in the past 2 years things have definitely improved and my mom even came with me for my top surgery this summer, so clearly things have gotten better.  It took me a long time to recognize and understand that even though I've been dealing with this my whole life, they were only learning about it after 22 years.

I was a strange kid .... okay, I am STILL strange but that is beside the point!  :D

Up until I started school (1955), I thought I was a girl and would argue with anybody who said otherwise. The adults probably thought it was "cute" when I was small but pretty much everybody knew I was  headed for trouble when I didn't "grow out of it". The early years of school were confusing and depressing because nobody seemed to "get it" and by age 8 I knew I was in trouble. Puberty was a mixed bag (some male and some female development - never explained) and I was becoming more and more desperate. Nobody knew what it was back then (circa 1960) and I was becoming more obnoxious about it; "I AM a girl .... I am SUPPOSED TO BE a girl ....  fix me! This isn't right!" By 15 I got carted off to a shrink who pronounced me 'homosexual' and suggested to my mother I be put on testosterone resulting in a MAJOR 'teenage drama queen' flip-out!  :o Back then it was considered a 'mental disorder', a delusion, and I spent the next few years (to age 18) pushing as  hard as I could while trying to avoid a padded cell. At 18 I gained some legal rights and finally started getting treatment (HRT) and at 24, I escaped.

So (after that long-winded background) I never really "came out" because I was never really "in". When people heard about what became of me, the most common comments were "Well that makes sense." and "What took her so long?"