Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Anyone have any tips? :'(

I use music to unlock my emotions. Well, these days my emotions have a mind of their own.. it's more like trying to find the darn LOCK now, lol, but still...

Maybe try listening to music that particularly MOVES you? Different music to explore different things, different moods and feelings?

The tears will come. Maybe you're a bit afraid to just let go? I mean, it can be REALLY scary... to just let yourself fall apart. It's hard sometimes to give yourself permission to do that too. But you *deserve* it. It's ok. Nothing wrong with being vulnerable, and really, REALLY facing and feeling those things in you that are SO close...  SO close to showing themselves.

It's guy programming.  And yeah, it can be hard to break.  Certain movies can loosen you up but you have to allow yourself to get in touch with your feelings.  The deeper you go the harder it can be to face it.  But once the walls come crumbling down it can be such a relief.

Julie

Quote
The tears are building up and I really, really, do want (need) to cry, but the tears just well up in my eyes and stop before they get any farther. 

Yep - been there plenty of times. I would agree with Kate - tears will come given a bit of time.

It is good that you have a therapst to talk to about your current situation

Alice

Hola Kelly,

Crying is a normal physiological process which allows you to relieve much of the emotion that your body can't contain.  Nevertheless, if crying persists for weeks with no apparent reason, it could be a symptom of a depressive disorder.

Personally, when I am sad, I find relief and peace of mind by playing with animals; my kitties are just the best remedy I have everytime I feel blue.  Walking and a long relaxing hot bath help me wonders too.  It is important to remember that if these symptoms of sadness don't improve, or they get much worse without reason, seeking professional help is usually recommended.

tinkerbell :icon_chick:

I'm definitely not recommending it, but it seems that i can really only let go and cry when I'm drunk.
I'll say anything and allow myself to feel when I'm drunk.
Other than that, music that moves you, as kate said.

  Back in that stage of life when I was "being a man" I had hidden my inner feelings very well and built up some mighty high walls of protection.
  During this "macho stage" of life my dad died and I couldn't cry for about 2 months. One night I finally broke down and cried.
  Since coming to find out what I am and admitting I still have so much to learn it just feels good to be at that stage where I can sit and cry watching stuff like "Tammy and the Doctor, Miracle on 34th Street" and the like.
  I think sometimes I may be softer hearted than my wife. It seems like I get more involved with situations, movies, song and such than she does.
  All in all, it's a blessing compared to being "a man."
  Tiff

Hello Kelly.

It took me an incredible amount of time before I was able to freely let my emotions take over.  It can be really hard to let go.  The first time that I really cried was almost 4 years ago and it was during a time of extreme family stress, nothing to do with TS issues.

For myself I only cry during extreme emotional issues.  Tears will well up in my eyes during weepy films, or during happy times etc., but by and large it's still takes a lot to get the tears to flow.  Personally I wouldn't fret, some folks cry at the drop of a dime, for others it takes extreme emotional turmoil to bring on the tears.  I think that when the time and conditions are right the tears will come.

The important thing to remember is that each of us deals with emotional issues differently.  If you watch you can see this at weddings and funerals.  I guess it's true that men tend to hide their emotions or have difficulty showing them, but there are women who do that too, don't let the fact that you can't get the tears to flow be an indicator of male or femaleness, cause it's not.

Steph

For me the thing was realizing that not crying was a learned behavior. Somewhere along the way I learned to clamp down when I felt like I was going to cry. Like any learned behavior that I want to change I had to learn when I was clamping down and try to stop it from happening. I actually used to have to get very stern with myself and tell me that I needed to feel what I was feeling and that I needed to cry so I should stop clamping down. Truly recognizing that needing to feel the emotions and needing to cry was important to my mental health gave me the incentive to cry.

I also had the idea that once I started crying I wouldn't be able to stop or I would just sink into depression. The more I saw that those weren't true the easier it became to cry.

At first it was easier to cry when the emotions were very powerful. But I found that the time-tested actors' trick actually worked for me. I have something which brings me to tears every time: Peter, Paul, and Mary's version of Day Is Done. I sing that in my head until the tears come and then I sing it some more. It's my kryptonite, the one thing I'm powerless against. Find your kryptonite and use it as a tool to help you cry. (BTW: If I sing the first verse and chorus of that song twice my lip starts to quiver. Now that's some pretty powerful kryptonite.)

Try watching "Dog of Flanders" if you can find it. It's an anime movie that is both visually and emotionally beautiful. I hate to admit it, but I sobbed for a good five minutes after the movie ended.

Try this.  Grow your hair out and then get it cut really short.

Melissa

Quote from: angelsgirl on December 06, 2006, 02:57:38 PM
Try watching "Dog of Flanders" if you can find it. It's an anime movie that is both visually and emotionally beautiful. I hate to admit it, but I sobbed for a good five minutes after the movie ended.

I'll have to look for that!

I might also suggest "V for Vendetta," the "Valerie's Note" scene. OMG... though OK, maybe it's because I realized I was going to transition while watching that, but... wow.

As others said, you DO have to be brave enough to be weak... to just let go, release control, and let it happen. It's scary, like you're opening this HUGE can of worms if you do, but... it's usually BETTER after you get through it. I can't tell you how many times my most hysterical, desperate sobbing turns into *laughter* at the end. Sometimes even *during*, which is REALLY confusing, lol...

Quote from: angelsgirl on December 06, 2006, 02:57:38 PM
Try watching "Dog of Flanders" if you can find it. It's an anime movie that is both visually and emotionally beautiful. I hate to admit it, but I sobbed for a good five minutes after the movie ended.

City of Angels does it for me.

Steph

QuoteTry this.  Grow your hair out and then get it cut really short.

Melissa

I'll second that.  ::)

Like a lot of other people have said, music releases emotions that cannot be reached through words alone.

And if you need a movie scene, try Bruce Willis saying goodbye to his daughter in Armageddon...

Chaunte

Kelly, I used to have that problem of not letting it go, but now it's just the opposite. There are times when something is just too dumb to cry about and I have to work to hold it back.

But I found a way trigger it when I couldn't let go. There is a website that has a big collection of poetry, much of it tear jerkers. I wouldn't have to read long either for them to thaw. It helps if it is the right kind and sentimental or something sad worked best for me. Here is "Janie's Home of Friendship Poems (http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Creek/2177/SiteIndex.html)" that worked for me.

And I can almost guarantee this one called "The Dress (http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Creek/2177/TheDress.html)" will get them flowing.

Quote from: MelissaTry this.  Grow your hair out and then get it cut really short.

LOL...  Yep that would work if one had the patience.

Kelli..
i'm sorry i have this huge issue with not being able to cry i'd be lucky to meltdown two times a year.. A sad movie will bring a red eye or tear but no real floor slumping sobbing..
When i put my dog down this past July, i came home thoguht i was doing well then went to my pc and started looking at pics and then found this poem about where dogs go and this special place where they wait for their masters, and i broke down right here at my desk.. So sad...
it helped.  Everyone has offered such great advice i do not know if i can better this post!
Tearful hugs...
Ricki

QuoteKelly, I used to have that problem of not letting it go, but now it's just the opposite. There are times when something is just too dumb to cry about and I have to work to hold it back.

Ugh...that is too true for me as well. I hate to admit it, but I cried about six different times at Star Wars Episode III!  Of all the stupid things! It wasn't even that sad, and I already knew what was going to happen!

At least I don't sob during every episode of House like a friends of mine...only a couple of them.  ::)

Quote from: Kelly on December 05, 2006, 11:01:35 PM
Hey everybody,

Not sure if this is the place to post it, but I was wondering if anyone else has trouble crying?

Yeah, I got that.

Almost crying, like even a sob or two and then nothing; it makes me feel sometimes as if my emotions are fake.  I can be alone in the shower and sad and can feel it coming and then nothing.  "What is going on?  Am I not really feeling this?"

Of course, can get a steady stream of tears during a well-made commercial.  Oh, that dog food commercial: where the puppy is so little and bouncy and happy and then fade to him getting on in years and struggling to get up the stairs.  Gets me just thinking about it.

beatrix/dan

Even now that I'm on HRT, I find that there are times when I'm weeping on the inside but my eyes stay dry. Oddly enough, there were times in my "old life" that I actually teared up at work.

Quote from: angelsgirl on December 06, 2006, 02:57:38 PM
Try watching "Dog of Flanders" if you can find it.

YouTube has it - I'm going to watch it after I submit this post.

Quote from: Sandi on December 06, 2006, 07:50:40 PMAnd I can almost guarantee this one called "The Dress (http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Creek/2177/TheDress.html)" will get them flowing.

Without a doubt!!! :'( Thanks for posting.

Quote from: Ricki on December 06, 2006, 08:51:41 PMi came home thoguht i was doing well then went to my pc and started looking at pics and then found this poem about where dogs go and this special place where they wait for their masters

Is it the Rainbow Bridge (http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm) story? That one got to me the first time I read it too. In fact, even skimming over it now it still does... I picture the pet's bright eyes and then...

*clicks the post button while I can still see to read it*

Quote from: Sandi on December 06, 2006, 07:50:40 PM

And I can almost guarantee this one called "The Dress (http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Creek/2177/TheDress.html)" will get them flowing.

Thank you so very much for posting this poem, Sandi.   :'(

*hugs*

Posted on: December 08, 2006, 02:31:09 AM[/size]

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Quote from: umop ap!sdn on December 07, 2006, 07:43:15 PM
Is it the Rainbow Bridge (http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm) story?

It has to be.  Everytime I read this poem, I remember all my pets that I have had in my life, and my heart fills with joy thinking that when it is time for me to cross that bridge, they will all be there waiting for me. :)


tinkerbell :icon_chick:

Wow, how wonderful. :)

What seems to get to me is being reunited, second chances, things like that - having someone/something back after all seemed lost. When I was a kid and I saw The Land Before Time, and it got to the scene with Sara finding her father, I could hardly contain myself. My parents thought I was allergic to something in the food I was eating, haha.

Well I needed no help in crying today. I got up to the top of one hill a long way behing the people I was ridding with  ??? and I told them I was feeling good and about to turn arround for home. I sat down at the side of the road and had a good cry  :'(. Lucky the group behind (also with our club) came up and encouraged me to continue. I was OK after the cry and my emotion was let out - I road OK to coffee.

I thought of this thread - I have such an emotion week crying has not been a problem. As I said before  - given a bit of time crying will come if it is needed. For now - do not worry if tears do not come.

Alice

There was one movie that did it to me no matter what even when I was pretending to be a man. the movie My Girl when the little boy died it killed me every time and I have never been able to cry much at all!

Quote from: Jessie_Heart on December 09, 2006, 12:26:19 AM
There was one movie that did it to me no matter what even when I was pretending to be a man. the movie My Girl when the little boy died it killed me every time and I have never been able to cry much at all!

I agree on that one.  OMG, I would probably just go all to tears and just be a blubbering thing if I watched it now.

Melissa

Thanks umop.. It is the rianbow bridge.. I am too scraed to click the link I'll end up sobbing or something!
Awww poor kelly  :icon_weirdface: we were helping her with crying and i think the post is working its making me wanna cry...
weep weep.....
Keep up (weep weep) the good work...
ricki

You're welcome, Ricki. :)

Hi Kelly,
   For a long time before I consciously rediscovered my ->-bleeped-<-, I would tear up, but not cry even though I was in intense psychic agony. Once I discovered who I am, I began to cry for real and couldn't stop for a few months.
   At some point, it's possible that you may just really let it go. Everybody is different, though.

   If you really really want to cry right away, just stare at your paycheck for a while. If you need to laugh, I'll send you a copy of one of mine.


Best wishes,

Rebecca Fog