Susan's Place Transgender Resources

In the interest of staying positive as I wait to start HRT, and hoping to learn new stuff, I thought it would be interesting to list the little things we have learned about being a girl. The kind of stuff our mothers would have taught us or we would have learned at puberty if we had been natal girls. I am new to this, but even I know some stuff like:

Lots of stuff collect under long nails. There is a special tool for cleaning under there and pushing your cuticles back.

When shaving body hair, using a loofa will reduce ingrown hairs.

Epilators remove hair from the root, keeping you smoother longer, but hurt quite a bit. However, epilating parts and shaving parts spreads the pain across sessions until you get to the point that you can exclusively epilate.

Nylons feel AWESOME, on smooth legs.

Waxing your eyebrows really can feminize your face.

People seem to have better things to do than notice your shaved legs.

Buying high heels online is much less embarrassing, quicker with a greater selection than buying at the mall.

Walking in heels 2" or less is pretty easy. 3" or greater takes practice.

Singing in the car to "girl" songs is good voice practice.

When walking, girls throw their shoulders back and lead from the hips.

Girls don't use their pockets much.

Girls tend to push their glasses on top of their heads instead of slipping them onto their collars.

Anyway, that is all I can think of right now, but you get the point. I hope other ladies can add their little tidbits.

When a girl feels relaxed and comfortable, she'll signal this by running her fingertips along her breastbone from side to side.  Slowly, and not too much.  As with most things, a little goes a long way.

When speaking, girls tend to let their voices go up at the end of a sentence, rather than down.  But not all the time.

While walking, men tend to look down.  Girls look around them, especially at other people.

Girls use much more inflection when speaking. 5-7 tones on average, while guys only use 2-3.

When sitting, girls keep their knees closed because leaving them open is bad form...more obvious when wearing a skirt/dress but even in jeans, it can look bad. Guys sit with their legs open all the time and what they have between their legs doesn't allow them to close them completely comfortably either.

Heterosexual girls might get giddy inside and all warm and fuzzy when they see muscles on a guy.

Cuddling can be just as good or better than sex for a girl.

A huge thing I'm learning: As much as I want to be sexy as a girl, I don't always have the time or the desire or even the ability sometimes, as frustrating as that is and I'm learning how to still feel ok with myself when I am not at that prime-sexy-feeling state.

hmmm.. I never knew any of this.. goes to show how much was lost on me growing up :P

Thanks Colleen and Jerica!

One other thing I remembered getting out of the shower, it is better to pat yourself dry with a towel instead of rubbing. Fewer ingrown hairs that way too.

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on August 26, 2010, 08:58:43 PM
When a girl feels relaxed and comfortable, she'll signal this by running her fingertips along her breastbone from side to side.  Slowly, and not too much.  As with most things, a little goes a long way.
When speaking, girls tend to let their voices go up at the end of a sentence, rather than down.  But not all the time.
While walking, men tend to look down.  Girls look around them, especially at other people.

the alpha male most likely will talk to a point somewhere on the horizon.
girls may  draw out the last syllable of words: noo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, ye-e-e-s-s-s

Colleen explain the breast bone thing?  I see GGs and myself running extended fingers along the collar bone and playing with lockets/crucifixes on necklace but breastbone?

I tend to give a 'cheek' kiss when meeting a girl friend. I've never seen guys do so.

I also catch myself talking and twiddling a (pierced) ear ring.

Remember other girls family, names and relations, particularly children. And ask about them.

Talk in the loo.

Remember what your friends are wearing and talk about it. Most guys don't remember what they are wearing.

Cindy

I find discussions like this really fascinating, because when I imagine myself after transition, I have a fairly tomboy-ish picture in my head. I'm sure I'll want to get all prettied up from time to time, but day-to-day I'll probably be a "jeans and a t-shirt" kind of gal, wearing minimal make-up and sneakers rather than heels.

In terms of mannerisms, I don't want to do obviously male things that would get me quickly read, but I also don't want to create a new, insincere simulation of "feminine" behaviors. I still just want to be myself... Just a better version of me with a prettier face and some curves, which is perceived by others as female. Does that makes any sense?

I think in this regard, the loosening of gender roles works in our favor- There isn't one "right" way to be a woman these days. Thank God. :)

Oh I will miss those little things girls will never do:
scratch my butt.....just a little, pick my nose at the red light( you can pick your nose anywhere else :o) sneeze with the explosive thunder of braking sound barrier, fart....... excuuuuuse me ( my grandmother used to say ''better out then in ;D" and she was a female although a weird one at that, lovingly that is), gulp down a bud in half a second ( forget the beer altogether :embarrassed:), yawn like a tornado siren, I do run my fingers though over my breast bone, does that automatically cancels all those other no goes??????????

Oh yeah, I totally forgot, no more aggressive driving and looking like I know what I am doing behind the wheel :embarrassed:

What a lovely idea for a topic!

Quote from: Melody on August 26, 2010, 07:11:32 PMLots of stuff collect under long nails. There is a special tool for cleaning under there and pushing your cuticles back.

This intrigues me, as I've found quite a useful tool myself - other fingernails. It's starting to annoy my family though, as the sound of nails clicking dirt out from under other nails is akin to hearing clippers. :P

Quote from: Melody on August 26, 2010, 07:11:32 PMWhen walking, girls throw their shoulders back and lead from the hips.

This is, without a doubt, the best advice I'd read (in Alice in Genderland). Not only does the posture radiate confidence, it coaxes you into the hip swagger and even an appropriate gait for heels, although the pain in my feet suggested I had a long way to go with mastering my 3" ones. >.<

I'm still picking up a few things. Sometimes when I'm entirely relaxed, I realise my voice settles into something very girly and I do start playing with the necklace at my collar bone. That's a wonderful feeling. I still get hung up on what other girls are wearing, though - I'm not at all confident enough to go parading leggings under a tunic top, much as I think the clothes are delightful.

Quote from: lilacwoman on August 27, 2010, 02:10:13 AMColleen explain the breast bone thing?  I see GGs and myself running extended fingers along the collar bone and playing with lockets/crucifixes on necklace but breastbone?

(blush) Collar bone!  I meant Collar bone!  I just had someone say that to me last evening, and I realize I already do that - I've been doing it for years, maybe all my life...

Don't forget that girls are all sugar and spice and all things nice.    They love flowers, and lace and pretty things and they are also  kind to animals and the elderly.

This is all cool and useful, but I can't help but wonder if we're leading ourselves out of one cage and into another. I know I'm a girl, but I don't think that means I should try and act like "one" or have to now do "girly" things :)

That's not to say I don't enjoy a lot of the above of course! I just don't think they necessarily come with "being a girl".

Quote from: My Name Is Ellie on August 27, 2010, 07:27:05 PM
This is all cool and useful, but I can't help but wonder if we're leading ourselves out of one cage and into another. I know I'm a girl, but I don't think that means I should try and act like "one" or have to now do "girly" things :)

That's not to say I don't enjoy a lot of the above of course! I just don't think they necessarily come with "being a girl".

I agree Ellie.   keeping your legs tight together or crossed at the knee is the only thing that almost all women have in common.   Girls are taught from a very young age not to flash their panties or expose their underwear as it is most un-lady-like.   

I like to glide when I walk or have a slight swish as I walk, not the hunkering bent over dude I tried to be.

Maggie

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on August 27, 2010, 04:20:34 PM
(blush) Collar bone!  I meant Collar bone!  I just had someone say that to me last evening, and I realize I already do that - I've been doing it for years, maybe all my life...

:)  OK   guys just don't do anything with their necklaces and apart from dogtag styles they don't have things on them and wouldn't be seen dead playing with them or bring it up to their lips.

Quote from: Stephanie on August 27, 2010, 06:26:06 PM
Don't forget that girls are all sugar and spice and all things nice.    They love flowers, and lace and pretty things and they are also  kind to animals and the elderly.

That nicely sums up Liberace too  -  he was always stroking his minks  :o

I know this is a fun thread, can we include what we like doing as girls that we couldn't or didn't do before hand? Besides the obvious. Also the surprising things we have found out?

For example:

I love taking a long bath with lots of 'smellies' reading a book and luxuriating. In male mode it was a quick shower and off.

I'm amazed at how bitchy women are to each other. Particularly in clothes shops to the attendants.
Try on ten skirts, whatever, leave them on the floor and walk out :o :o.

Polishing your nails. Love doing this. Sit on the bed listen to music painting my toes. Singing along and feeling totally normal.

Crying. When it all gets too much I cry. It helps. But I cry for all sorts of reasons, happy, sad, frustrated, angry, every emotion seems to make me cry. I don't remember crying in maleness.  I really quite like to have a cry. Seems really odd ::) ::)

I have a total different feeling about my house. This is the strangest thing I am trying to deal with. I have no explanations, except that hormones change your house design ::) ::).

I now have cushions on the bed to match the new bedspreads, 'cos they look nice together. I have  new tablecloths for dinner parties and keep a set of dishes, cutlery for when I have dinner parties. I dress up for dinner parties, I feel nice and I'm not trying to impress, I feel nice and that is what is important to me. I (male) used to be a jeans and shirt dinner guest and reluctant at that.

I look at jewellery, I buy it . Not because it is feminine, because I like it.
I think this leads into the biggest change I have. I feel feminine, hopefully look female and present female, 'act ' (poor word) female and I am female. But who am I doing this for?  Me. Before trans time ( and yes I also hate trans prefixes BTW) I had a belief, as I struggled to live,  that women wanted to look 'hot' and 'act' female in order to attract guys.  No; we enjoy looking good for us. Yes OK there is the competition to get the alpha male, not from me BTW. But the main drive for a girl to be  excited is in looking and feeling good.

I apologize straight away for the millions of  women who never have this privilege,  who are sex mules, commodity and regarded as inferior.   
Being male should be a privilege,  males should be taught that they do not have the right to molest anyone by nature of there physical strength.  Fat chance.

Sorry, had a glass of wine.

Cindy (hic)

Having accessories that match.  Shoes, handbag and belt ditto.

guys-"accessories?????"

Quote from: CindyJames on August 28, 2010, 03:42:07 AMI love taking a long bath with lots of 'smellies' reading a book and luxuriating. In male mode it was a quick shower and off.

Squee, yeah. I don't think I could turn back from nights with a Lush bubble bath and some soothing music put through wireless headphones. I fall short of having a book or nice glass of something to hand, but I started the whole routine when I began to feel most comfortable in my transition. It's the sensation afterwards, of soft skin and fluffy towelling, which I think puts me in a most feminine place. ^_^

For me its when I go shopping for a new pair of shoes or a skirt.

when im chatting with a guy from facebook that thought i was a girl.wahahhahaa

Clairezoey, you are being very rude to this entire forum.Please stop.

Quote from: Sinnyo on August 28, 2010, 05:06:32 AM
Squee, yeah. I don't think I could turn back from nights with a Lush bubble bath and some soothing music put through wireless headphones. I fall short of having a book or nice glass of something to hand, but I started the whole routine when I began to feel most comfortable in my transition. It's the sensation afterwards, of soft skin and fluffy towelling, which I think puts me in a most feminine place. ^_^

Baths are most excellent.. something I will not give up. Sitting in a warm bubly tub with abook is osooo relaxing.

Quote from: clairezoey on August 28, 2010, 09:00:01 AM
when im chatting with a guy from facebook that thought i was a girl.wahahhahaa

I smell troll.

Women also tend to do alot of things with a bent wrist (it sounds stereotypical, but it's truth). When sitting, they'll lay their elbow on an armrest and have their forearm going straight into the air, with their wrist bent either frontward or backward. When grabbing stuff, girls tend to bend their wrist while grabbing it (say something out of a bowl). Women also bend their wrists when using hand gestures when talking. Guys typically keep their wrist straight at all times when sitting idle or when using hand gestures. I guess this is why people do the whole "limp wristed" joke when talking about a guy who is effeminate.

Of course, also women tend to bend their knees all the way when going down to pick something up, even if it's a small item like a pen. Guys tend to just bend at their back and, with a sweeping motion of the arm, grab it. Of course I've seen women pick up stuff like men, and men pick up things like women, but I've observed these generally are the differences in the way both sexes do things :)

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on August 29, 2010, 02:40:28 AM
Of course, also women tend to bend their knees all the way when going down to pick something up, even if it's a small item like a pen.

That one has me practising. It's the only way to bend down in a dignified fashion, and womens' clothing often seems to demand it, but it doesn't half show you up if your knees get stiff! *Click click* >.<

You're all much better at this than I ever was - lovely ladies all of you :)

Quote from: kyril on August 29, 2010, 05:36:58 AM
You're all much better at this than I ever was - lovely ladies all of you :)

Well, of course, silly!  That just stands to reason, doesn't it.  Most (all?) of us never were any good as a "man", either...

Quote from: Sinnyo on August 29, 2010, 04:34:22 AM
That one has me practising. It's the only way to bend down in a dignified fashion, and womens' clothing often seems to demand it, but it doesn't half show you up if your knees get stiff! *Click click* >.<

My knees pop too  :-\ Age is the devil!

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on August 29, 2010, 11:04:53 AM
My knees pop too  :-\ Age is the devil!

*Is only 23*

...*Flails helplessly* :P

That's when mine started popping! lol

Now I'm almost 28 and they pop louder :( but they don't hurt.

My knees don't pop, but my thumbs do, lol!  All I have to do is bend them, and they crack, loudly!  However, I can bend at the knee no problem - I'm 54.  In fact, I can still stand up from sitting cross-legged on the floor, without using my hands!

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on August 29, 2010, 03:06:50 PM
My knees don't pop, but my thumbs do, lol!  All I have to do is bend them, and they crack, loudly!  However, I can bend at the knee no problem - I'm 54.  In fact, I can still stand up from sitting cross-legged on the floor, without using my hands!

I hope I can do that at that age! Almost every joint in my body pops. My elbows, my hips, my toes, ankles, shoulders, knees .. if it moves, it makes noise!

Effortless stereotypical Feminine body-language and behaviours are caused for the most part by having an entirely feminine brain.   I know that in my case parts of my brain were feminised in utero, while other parts developed along male lines.    My sister from whom I have learnt a lot, displays all the gestures, body-language, and facial expressions of the typical female and she does so completely spontaneously and naturally.    She didn't have to study other girls and women for a second in order to become skilled at presenting at all times and in all situations gestures etc that will mark her as undeniably female.    The reason her every movement. gesture, and facial expression are so natural and effortless is I believe entirely due to her having an entirely feminised brain.
    I am not suggesting that anyone should stop trying to suppress their genetic gender body-language etc or stop studying genetic males/females for tips.  What I am suggesting is don't become obsessed with gesturing like a woman, or walking like a guy.  Don't analyse your target gender's mannerisms to death.   If you go too far down this road it is unlikely that you will ever succeed in getting your 'act' down pat, and be assured it will be acting and not expressing your inner man/woman.  In fact if you look to other people to be giving a gender 'performance' you will just succeed in attracting unwelcome attention and criticism towards you. 
It is not the gestures and mannerisms per se that are important but the mindset that produces the body-language.  Cisgendered people have an unshakeable believe that they are male of female and this along with years of exposure to the effects of hormones and physical anatomy - to say nothing of male or female socialisation - produces all the gestures, mannerisms, body-language, facial expressions, and ways of walking.     Do you have that unshakeable belief that you are your target gender?    Can you honestly say that there is no one and no argument that could convince you that you are not female if you are  an MTF.   Or that you are not male if you are an FTM?   It is that unshakeable belief in their core gender identity that gives men and women complete confidence to freely go about in the world and be themselves without fear of ridicule or physical and or psychological attack. 
One of the reasons I believe that transsexuality is NOT either a paraphelia or a 'mental-illness' is that despite the fact that we have very little of the hormones of the so-called opposite sex, and despite years of heavy socialisation to think, act and behave in our perceived (by other people) gender, we still insist to other people, or only just ourselves that despite all appearances to the contrary we are actually female/male (delete the one that doesn't apply to you).     I think this powerful and highly persist belief comes from our soul, or if you prefer it comes from our subconscious mind.   This is something to take comfort in when other people seem to go out of their way to deny your truth.
To become as naturally female as my mother or my sister or effortlessly male as that man in the street.  You have to develop an unshakable belief in your gender and insist upon expressing it at all times.    Long-term exposure to hormones will undoubtedly help with this process.  Oestrogen and testosterone if taken long-term will slowly but surely 'rewire' the brain along female/male lines and you may well find that you are increasingly expressing yourself physically more and more often effortlessly and unconsciously as a man/woman.   Naturally produced body-language will go a long way to convince other people that you are your target gender even if there are some signs to the contrary.    If you are close to being passable in height and appearance then striking a series of carefully contrived, but artificial poses will ruin all your efforts with clothes, hairstyles, make-up etc.

Quote from: Stephanie on August 29, 2010, 05:53:59 PMYou have to develop an unshakable belief in your gender and insist upon expressing it at all times.

Unshakable belief - check.

The rest, I think, is courage.  And that, I'm afraid, is where many of us (I'm speaking of myself here) fall short (or have, in the past).  And I think it depends a lot on when you were born.  The younger you are, the easier it is.  Sorry, I don't see that as excuses, it just is.  The world was a very different place in the 60's and 70's.  You young ones are SO lucky.  Even at that, though, and even at 54, I'm still working on it.  Wanting it.  Putting myself out there, and GOING for it.  Okay, maybe I won't ever be someone who would draw wolf-whistles or automatic appreciation, but I will be the very best woman I can be.  Women come in all shapes and sizes, and they are ALL beautiful in their own way.

Stephanie, thank you sooooo much!  I won't quote it because it's long, but that post about confidence in one's gender and letting things come naturally really helps.  I've been having some internal criticism and doubt in my ability to adapt lately, and that made me feel a lot better about myself.

It also helped me realize why I've been having voice troubles again.  I was doing great last week, but then someone said something on a trans forum that made me feel bad about myself and how early in transition I am, and I lost the confidence in my femaleness that I'd had.  Then I wasn't sure why my voice kept going deeper again, so it made me feel even worse.  Maybe I can break the cycle now that I understand the problem. :)

Well said Stephanie, a definite confidence booster.  :D

Knowing you can think  more clearly being in female mode. 

Agree with Ray on "knowing". These kind of things just project outward so much more than anything that can be learned.

But to say something more practical: when getting into their shoes, girls tend to finish the procedure by standing straight up and bending their knees behind their back so they can reach their ankle. It's not a stable position to be in but it's elegant. Guys just bend forward as usual. The same applies when you're walking and there's something to fix on your shoe (err, maybe you've stepped into something :) ), you just bend your knees back and look behind you to see what's there. Not easy to see the soles of your shoes, you have to bend your knee and ankle to the full. Guys just pull up their feet in front of them which is much easier but ugly :)

And if you're a girl, you should just loooooove solo piano music. In particular, if you can cry endlessly on Keith Jarrett's Koln Concert I think you're OK :) Of course this is stupid, you like what you like; but I just don't remember any girl who didn't like this kind of music. I cried listening to it even when I was a man... or was I? :)

g

Edit: use a lot of smileys :) In real life, too.

Quote from: ggina on August 31, 2010, 02:24:50 PM

And if you're a girl, you should just loooooove solo piano music. In particular, if you can cry endlessly on Keith Jarrett's Koln Concert I think you're OK :) Of course this is stupid, you like what you like; but I just don't remember any girl who didn't like this kind of music. I cried listening to it even when I was a man... or was I? :)

It explains soo much, lol...