Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I recently had my first visit to a doctor about gender issues and my subsequent first counselling session. One of the things that surprised me was when the counsellor said in her summing up of the consultation that it was not a question of whether or not I would transition, as I had already made that decision, but how to provide the mental tools to deal with it. This came as something of a shock to me, not least because as she said it I realised she was right.

I was wondering if you guys would agree with an idea of a preliminary, minor transition? When the thoughts of changing gender which have been in the realms of the hypothetical or of personal fantasy become engaged with your wider life. As the problems of transition proper (major?) become things to be considered as an impending reality rather than a distant possibility.

Sorry if that comes across as a bit pompous :) I would appreciate your thoughts

Laura

Hi Laura.  To me, transition is a long process that has a lot of steps along the way.  There are many things you can do that either are not permanent or still allow you to switch genders back and forth.

You could try presenting female for a weekend or a week-long vacation (or even an evening).  You could begin facial hair removal, which if you decided not to transition would only mean that you would have to always appear clean-shaven.  You can have your hair cut in a more feminine style and still dress male.

My own transition was a series of tentative steps – kind of like inching in at the seaside when you aren't sure if you'll like the cool water.  I kept liking it more and more and so finally took the plunge.

I believe strongly that you can't transition only in your head.  It is the social interaction and becoming brave enough to go out even when you don't think you pass that will let you know whether you can, in fact, transition.

I'm not sure that I answered your question. ???

- Kate

Thank you for answering Kate ( I love your byline btw :)

I meant it in the sense of a stage everyone must go through rather than an alternative or choice

Laura

I did, sort of, what your speaking of.    And it's helped me determine what was right for me.

About 15 years ago, I was a mess.  My life was falling apart and I was so confused about who and what I was that I was fighting every thought.   That's when I decided  I would start, for lack of a better term, crossdress.   I stopped wearing mens underwear.  That led into ears piercing and living in my home as a woman.

About 5 year ago, something had changed.   I would look in the mirror and get disgusted by the male staring back.  It started tormenting me again.  I hated my body and how the world expected me to look/behave.   That's when I did your "Minor Transition".  Since that time, everywhere except at work, I live my life as a woman.   That includes going out to dinner, going to the Spa to get a massage, clothes shopping, everything. 

Doing this, I learned a lot about myself.   For example:

• I've learned how to accept myself as a woman.
• I've learned how to deal with being "read" and to let the emotions pass.
• I've learned what sort of clothing fits best on my body.
• I've learned how to live my life as a woman.

For the last 5 years, this was all fine for me and I was doing ok.  I had passively thought about full time transition and HRT, but it never really hit me as something I'd be able to do.

Lately, I've been looking in the mirror and have been unhappy with my body again.   It's brought back some of the things that I've not been able to get past.  For example, I hate lying to people.  I'm a very honest person and to tell coworkers lies and excuses is starting to wear thin on me.  I dislike the secretive person I've become. Also, I look in the mirror and have started seeing the horrid effects that Testosterone has been having,  it depresses me and makes me go into a dark place I haven't been in 20 years.

So now, I'm on the path to Full time transition.  I'm looking for a Therapist I like and I'm thinking I'll be going FT within the year. 


So, I guess the point of my post is that you shouldn't feel you have to rush into living FT as a different gender.   Take steps that will lead to your happiness.   When you decide your no longer happy with the way you are expressing your identity, move on to the next step. 

Only you can decide what is best, though.

If you have an idea of some things you might like to try, try 'em.

As a MTF, I started wearing women's clothes & makeup at the office because it was made abundantly clear that this was expected of me. I made some clothing choices that satisfied that requirement without violating my personal aesthetic (had some help from girlfriends), and it seems to be working out well enough.

I also had my ears pierced. It's a small thing that opens up some options down the road.

Changing hair style and the like to enable a wider range of expression is also helpful.

After all, it's not like there's a magic injection that instantly transforms some one from one anatomical configuration to another.

Laura.

I'm sure, along with most others, that it is great that you have found such and understand and supportive therapist.

There are many issues to deal with along the way. If you stop and think about it, most will become obvious.

I tried when I was in my late teens and basically bombed. I ended up on the streets and for a short time, did things which I didn't want to, just to survive. Then it all went utterly wrong and I ended up having to retreat and being much worse off.

May I suggest, this therapist seems to have a good idea of what you need and how to achieve it. It's just a matter of helping you to understand it.

OK, I know it would be less frustrating to simply be give a list of things, but in reality, it doesn't work like that.

I have a positive feeling for you here. You ahve taken the first steps and found someone to help you find the rest.

All that remains is to tell us how you get on.

            I tried dabbling in crossdressing a little when I was younger.  Much ashamed of it so I hid it like most others.  Then something clicked in me five years ago or so and I knew in order for me to transition I had to get a mental hard shell as well as all the outer things we girls need.  I am a work in progress and it has helped me fight off my depression. 

Quote from: lauraspeirs81 on August 29, 2010, 12:48:07 PM
I recently had my first visit to a doctor about gender issues and my subsequent first counselling session. One of the things that surprised me was when the counsellor said in her summing up of the consultation that it was not a question of whether or not I would transition, as I had already made that decision, but how to provide the mental tools to deal with it. This came as something of a shock to me, not least because as she said it I realised she was right.

I was wondering if you guys would agree with an idea of a preliminary, minor transition? When the thoughts of changing gender which have been in the realms of the hypothetical or of personal fantasy become engaged with your wider life. As the problems of transition proper (major?) become things to be considered as an impending reality rather than a distant possibility.

Sorry if that comes across as a bit pompous :) I would appreciate your thoughts

Laura

My advice, present only when your ready.  I couldnt do it until 6 months of HRT when my body began looking female and cloths actually looked normal on me and i didnt have the man in a dress look.  After that I was only part time 3 days and decided it was so liberating being myself that i just decided i never want to go back to acting like a guy and went full time.  So, I think if people force you to start going out early it can damage you and maybe give you a negative experience.  Once you are mentally prepared then go ahead, but take it at your own pace.  In the mean time there is still much to do anyway.

Quote from: Izumi on August 30, 2010, 01:22:36 PM
My advice, present only when your ready.  I think if people force you to start going out early it can damage you and maybe give you a negative experience.  Once you are mentally prepared then go ahead, but take it at your own pace.  In the mean time there is still much to do anyway.

I wholeheartedly agree.  This is your transition.  Do it at your own pace.  I think that it can hurt your development if you get pushed ahead by others.  Transition is such a complex process, internally and externally.  Don't rush it.

- Kate