Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Today's a special day for me.

From my blog: http://blog.jericanation.com/2010/09/life-worth-living.html (http://blog.jericanation.com/2010/09/life-worth-living.html)

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One year ago today, I was not myself....in more than one way. I had been dealing with a deep depression because I had chosen not to transition even though I knew the truth of who I was inside. As I started to see a flicker of hope that transition maybe was possible and that it wouldn't be this horrible, ugly thing, despite the sacrifices, the men in my bible study took it upon themselves to call me out and tell me every reason why becoming my true self was wrong.

They threw bible verses at me, in raised voices and told me I would destroy my wife. They said the church would excommunicate me, they said I would be no longer welcome there, and they also said I would lose my salvation....that God would take away his love.

In my head, all I heard was "God would rather have me dead as a man than alive as a woman" and I knew I could not go on living as a man, it was too painful now that I knew the truth of who I really was.

The result of course was a suicide attempt, which failed, thanks to my ex-wife. I don't blame those men in the bible study for my suicide...it was still my conscious choice, even if very misled. I do often wonder if my parents actually wish I had succeeded because they no longer acknowledge me as their child and never want to see me again. And how is that much different from me being dead?

But this suicide attempt was a huge turning point for me, one that I would never look back upon. I would venture out a new person, one ready for living a new life, with all of it's challenges, sacrifices, and yet also it's joys and rewards.

So today, I'm not celebrating an anniversary of a suicide attempt but instead, one more year of life I never expected to live and not just that, but the first real year of life where I've been able to live as my true self, instead of some subconscious facade.

Everyday brings new challenges and hurts and reminders of sacrifices but among those are also feelings of peace and joy like I've never experienced in my past 28 years. And that's a life worth living.

Happy anniversary on your true path in life! I'm sorry to hear all the hardships you had to go through, I've read your other posts, including the letters from your mom, and it even hurt me to read it. But I am so amazed by your strength and courage to achive what you want in your life! I truly thank you for your strength, because you are an inspiration to me to stop denying who I am and I am finally moving towards womanhood! :) and you have made me realize too that life is worth living
thank you!

Jerica,
It pains my heart to hear of how you have suffered even to this day. You are not alone in this as it is a pain I also share, so hugs from me to you on this important date. By choosing to transition, I too have chosen life as I could not have gone on much longer as I was. Stories like yours are an inspiration to newbies like me. They help me face the future with optimism and gratefulness.

As a Christian, I feel that I now present myself as I truly am to God. The pathways between us have been cleared for lack of a better term. I have had a couple of instances in the last week that have driven that point home. The most significant happened a week ago when I was at a pretty low point and I started to doubt. I prayed a little short prayer that night when I heard a voice say "you are on the right path." I was pretty surprised as I have heard of this kind of thing happening, but I always doubted that it could be real. Just stories made up by crazy religious people. Some might say that it was my own subconscious or something along those lines, but I just know that it wasn't my usual "inner narrative" voice. Next morning I heard it again and it said "do not fear."

Well, I still have a lot of fear. Especially about how I will be treated in my community and church, but I cling to the knowledge that this is the only way forward for me. My suicide by passive or aggressive means would leave my wife a widow and my son fatherless. At least this way, I can still be around to maybe be a spouse (if my wife wishes to continue) and definitely still be a parent.

God loves you as he loves all of us and, despite what those men said, nothing can take that away.

Jerica,

Happy anniversary indeed! Despite all of the hardships and trials, you really triumphed over each test to become who you truly are. I, too, have read your other posts and watched a few vlogs. You really are a strong and remarkable woman. :) I am not religious, but I'm sure God would rather you be happy and the person you truly feel you are instead of miserable and living as someone you are not. More power to you for choosing to transition and for staying strong.

Thank you for the inspiration. I wish you all the happiness in the world as you continue your journey.

Happy Anniversary Jerica ! Continue to shine as the bright star that you are.Your blog will help others that have the same problem you did a year ago.That alone takes alot of courage.

Jerica, thank you for sharing both here and on Youtube - it has really helped me.  We have somewhat similar pasts.  I love your confidence, and btw, you look beautiful!

PS:  F religious bigots  :P

Yes - happy anniversary!!   :)   You have such an incredible story, I am glad you have the courage to share it.

Jerica you are such a HUGE inspiration to so many! Very happy 1 year from me!!!

Happy 1 year Jerica!

You are an inspiration to me - If I can be half the girl you are I'll know I've made it.

Love and Hugs,
Rayalisse

I remember that post sister.

I cannot comprehend the bigots you faced. I have to admit I'm in Australia and I do not acknowledge a religion.  I was and still am in awe or your strength.

Go girl GO.

Hugs

Cindy

Happy First Birthday Jerica. :icon_birthday:

In my opinion the commandment "though shall not bear false witness", trumps any other Bible quote.  If I try and live as a man I am living a lie, so transition is a positive thing.

Your posts have ben an inspiration to me too.

Many Happy Returns of the Day, Sandra.

Very inspirational Miss Jerica.

It shows that there is hope for ALL OF US yet. :)

Thank you for sharing.

THANK YOU EVERYONE! =) *hugs you all*

Far from a party, but still that's one heck of a coming out story.

Quote from: Rayalisse on September 03, 2010, 12:08:08 AMYou are an inspiration to me - If I can be half the girl you are I'll know I've made it.

I'll echo this... you are one of the bright lights.  One thing I learned a long time ago (funny how the best lessons are the result of adversity) is that life is ALWAYS worth choosing.  I chose life 28 years ago, and although I suffered for years, and then spent decades living a half-life in the shadows, my REAL life is now within sight, and I know I will find happiness - to cheat myself out of this would have been a real tragedy.  You are, indeed, an inspiration - never doubt it.

Quote from: justmeinoz on September 03, 2010, 07:38:43 AM
Happy First Birthday Jerica. :icon_birthday:

In my opinion the commandment "though shall not bear false witness", trumps any other Bible quote.  If I try and live as a man I am living a lie, so transition is a positive thing.

Your posts have ben an inspiration to me too.

Many Happy Returns of the Day, Sandra.

This,
&
Congratulations Jerica, you are an inspiration.
To overcome what you have been through, it just leaves me speechless.

Love, Tali

Jerica,
I love, love, love your new Avatar pic!

Yep I'd second that Jerica... re the new picie....eyes right!

And it's an inspirationally moving OP, and it never ceases to amaze me that those burning bright with religion can truly perpetuate such evil in this world...

So much for Christian enlightenment, and celebration of humanity and the individual....

When what they really peddle is fear and control.....

A million light years away from what real love of people is all about!!!

So savour your well earned anniversary darling..... and what's for sure on your second – you'll be very much more fulfilled along the path of your true destiny....

And revel in that.... and the deeper happiness it will truly bring...

I loooove your new avatar. So gorgeous <3 and congrats bb. Stay strong.

Congrats Jerica!  ;D Your example is an inspiration! You are an intelligent, incredible, and beautiful woman! You've suffered much and still kept your strength and resolve to become who you knew yourself to be!  :) Here's to many years of happiness and love to come your way!

Thanks everyone for the compliments on my new avatar. =)

I had dinner with my brother last night and that went really well. I hadn't seen him since March, at my cousin's wedding. It's good to have at least one ally in the family. =)