Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am not sure if I just think too much to complicate things, or if it's a real issue. I evenutally get enough encourage and confident to decide to try to transition to female in my current company and start my full time RLT. I  plan to contact my HR on my transition next month,  but recently I went to a industry conference which I normally went as male, and suddently realized that my my out may not be that simple which not only to my company peoples, but also other peoples in other companies. Since my job involve many interaction with other companie, and need to attend some industry conferences, I wonder how other people outside my company will react to my transition, and how their reaction will impact my transition. Should I consider to change my job to have less external interaction if I still want to work in the same company. Can any one shine some light to me? thx.

I don't think you should worry so much about external people.   They will learn to accept it just as your co workers will.   I'm sort of in the same boat, actually.   I work for a fortune 50 company with international offices and I work directly with all of them.  I also work with several vendors across Europe.   I think it'll be uncomfortable at first, but they'll adapt.

It might be beneficial to discuss with HR, when you tell them, to see what their input is.

[quote author=amandax
but also other peoples in other companies. Since my job involve many interaction with other companie, and need to attend some industry conferences,

Hi Amandax,  if your first contact with many of the otthers is by phone you need to get a female voice and name so if and when you meet them there are no shocks.
Transitioning doesn't always need a change of job/company/location so start by having a talk with HR first once you have decided to transition.

thanks for the advices. Just wonder if the bathroom will be a big issue if I visit the counterpartner's office or attend some conference? I wish my current work could be simplier but I like my work.

I'd just talk with HR and then move forward and see how it goes. My only concern would be the companies policies and their concerns about the impact on the relationship with other companies or clients. You may want to let HR know that if it does somehow become an issue you are willing to explore other options of positions inside the company to make things go smoother. If your employer or area you live in does not have protection laws or policies regarding gender identity they may be able to fire you without reason or even claim your gender identity has an impact on business when/if they chose to fire you.

The company will definitely appreciate you more as an employee if you show concern for their image as well and may be more willing to stand by you just because you have shown loyalty and a willingness to compromise when necessary.

Quote from: Cowboi on September 07, 2010, 10:36:42 AMThe company will definitely appreciate you more as an employee if you show concern for their image as well and may be more willing to stand by you just because you have shown loyalty and a willingness to compromise when necessary.

This. But make sure you don't lose your basic rights in the process. It's all a fine line.

Coming out at the workplace is all about planning and compromise. You should also do your homework and research before starting to find out exactly where you stand, this can usually be done before you reveal your intentions and will also determine a course of action.  See our "Guide to Coming Out at the Workplace" found here:

https://www.susans.org/wiki/A_Guide_to_Coming_Out_at_the_Workplace (https://www.susans.org/wiki/A_Guide_to_Coming_Out_at_the_Workplace)

It's based on my own highly successful coming out.  Give it a read.

Steph

I have not officially come out at work yet....infact my partner is the only person I have told in real life.

However, I did change my name on my emails on how I sign them & I am surprised that several of my co-workers are calling me Rob now.  It makes me think my transition should be okay.

I might add that https://www.susans.org/wiki/A_Sample_Transition_Package (https://www.susans.org/wiki/A_Sample_Transition_Package) is a good place to develop your own package for your particular situation.

I used it and everything went very well.

Quote from: amandax on September 07, 2010, 08:22:20 AM
thanks for the advices. Just wonder if the bathroom will be a big issue if I visit the counterpartner's office or attend some conference? I wish my current work could be simplier but I like my work.

who could possibly object to an attractive woman like you using the ladies toilets? :o

I am lucky in my office all the bathrooms are unisex

Quote from: Janet Lynn on September 07, 2010, 01:39:33 PMI might add that https://www.susans.org/wiki/A_Sample_Transition_Package (https://www.susans.org/wiki/A_Sample_Transition_Package) is a good place to develop your own package for your particular situation.

I used it and everything went very well.

Yes, I used it too and it worked great. I highly recommend using it.

Thanks for those good advices. one more question, normally how do you contact HR initially on transition issue? special the company policy don't clear indicate if transgender will be protected. So should I Directly told them I have a GID, like to transition on job? Or Just ask if company policy cover GID issue, and what company can do to address my concern?  Eithe one, I will expose myself to them as transgender, and hope the best outcome. right?

Quote from: amandax on September 07, 2010, 09:32:50 PM
Thanks for those good advices. one more question, normally how do you contact HR initially on transition issue? special the company policy don't clear indicate if transgender will be protected. So should I Directly told them I have a GID, like to transition on job? Or Just ask if company policy cover GID issue, and what company can do to address my concern?  Eithe one, I will expose myself to them as transgender, and hope the best outcome. right?

Honestly I would do both at once since either way you will be coming out. I would tell them your are trans and are beginning the process of transitioning physically then follow it up with questions regarding the company policies and how they think it should/will be handled. When I came out at my last job I made an appointment with HR and just flat out told them that this is what was happening. In my circumstance that was easy because my job does not involve face to face interaction with clients or customers, all of my contact is over the phone.

Is there a supervisor or someone who you feel comfortable addressing the issue with first to ask about policies? That is always another option. If there is someone you feel would be understanding or supportive who knows the company better than you ask some questions :)

Quote from: amandax on September 07, 2010, 09:32:50 PM
Thanks for those good advices. one more question, normally how do you contact HR initially on transition issue? special the company policy don't clear indicate if transgender will be protected. So should I Directly told them I have a GID, like to transition on job? Or Just ask if company policy cover GID issue, and what company can do to address my concern?  Eithe one, I will expose myself to them as transgender, and hope the best outcome. right?

If you just go in and say you have GID they will think its some awful disease that may affect your performance and infect everyone and bring trouble to the company. 
It might be best to use the word transsexual as they will immediately know what that means.
Whatever way you choose to word it the main thing is to emphasize how much you like your job and how you can do it just as well as a girl.
Depending on what your company does or sells it may be that being female gives you an edge in dealing with female customers?

Quote from: amandax on September 07, 2010, 09:32:50 PM
Thanks for those good advices. one more question, normally how do you contact HR initially on transition issue? special the company policy don't clear indicate if transgender will be protected. So should I Directly told them I have a GID, like to transition on job? Or Just ask if company policy cover GID issue, and what company can do to address my concern?  Eithe one, I will expose myself to them as transgender, and hope the best outcome. right?

I told my manager first and then my team leader...following that a meeting was arranged with HR to discuss my transition. I'm willing to bet that you'll find that people ay be a lot more supportive than you'd think...granted I can only speak for my experiences in the UK but I've found that an open, flexible approach with management and HR works. And good luck, transitioning at work can be scary, but once the initial step is done and if the support is there, it's not too hard.

Quote from: Radar on September 07, 2010, 09:03:40 PM
Yes, I used it too and it worked great. I highly recommend using it.

Thirded.


Jay

now every day I see my coworker, counterpartner,  and other people in my company,I just can't help wondering what they reaction will be, and how I am be able to face them. I am so scared now, that step is hug and heavy to lift and walk out.

As others have said, have a plan in place. Be confident in yourself, retain your dignity, and assure parties concerned that you enjoy working there and plan to stay, and have no intention of being a distraction.

A lot of companies already have a plan in place, and there's a manual called Transgender in the Workplace that you could give to the HR people to show them that there are ways of handling this in an appropriate manner.

I wish you all the best in this. You can do it.

Quote from: Helena on September 08, 2010, 09:47:08 AM
I told my manager first and then my team leader...following that a meeting was arranged with HR to discuss my transition. I'm willing to bet that you'll find that people ay be a lot more supportive than you'd think...granted I can only speak for my experiences in the UK but I've found that an open, flexible approach with management and HR works. And good luck, transitioning at work can be scary, but once the initial step is done and if the support is there, it's not too hard.

Hi Helena,

I am glad to hear that u have told your manager you will start your transition. I have not yet told him about that yet. I am sure that you will feel more confident when dressing as a female in work place. It actually can increase your efficiency. I have just started in my transition and hormone not long ago. When you go shopping, which shop do you prefer to buy clothes and dresses? would you feel more better to shop in a busy or quiet shop?It would be  very nice to wear make up in the company. Congratulation

I think I am ready to talk with HR next week after a business trip. wish me good luck. :) I just wonder normally how long it take to you be able to start work as your desirable gender after coming out to the HR if I am ready to go fulltime immediately? will I look into my first day as woman from beginning of next year? thx

I was a director of the business I last worked for 6 months pre final transition...

Once they knew....I was summarily fired by the board.....(uber-conservative company) but this was back in 1987....

For almost too many reasons to list.... the workable reality meant take some time off....

Do it methodically (changing that is)...... then once all tickety-girlie-boo.....head back out into the real world...

It's just a whole heap simpler, and no at the time I didn't have loads of cash to make it easy.... but I just worked it through.

Looking back the only TG person I knew whom held onto her job was one that was a senior UK civil servant, and they even at this stage had a support non-discrim policy in place.... so she got sick-pay when off!

When I finally made the move to tell my old employer, I went on vacation on the 13th of September 2 years ago.  When I returned from that vacation, it was as a woman.  And I have never looked back.

Yes I was eventually let go from that job.  Was it because I was Trans.  I don't know but I have a feeling that it was.  I can never prove it, but I have my suspicions.

Tell them, and then enjoy your new life.  We don't often get a chance to start a new life.

I've been told my job is secure and most people seem O.K. and supportive of it. If the higher ups are O.K. with it your chances are better. Those in lower positions might complain but they have no control over firing you.

After the company announcement I decided to wait and see when would be the best time to go full time. Work decided a few weeks later we may as well start now. :) People are still working on pronouns but are getting better. Since I still go by my first name (unisex), have already been dressing as male for a long time, have been on T for awhile and most clients now assume I'm male anyway the only real changes are pronouns and using the men's toilets- which has been no problem so far.

Hopefully work will remain supportive but we can't control all of it. I'll eventually get a new job where I can start out completely male, but I'm staying here for awhile until I'm even farther into transition. I'm waiting on my name change, will need to change my name and gender marker on some things and get top surgery first before thinking of moving on. It just works out better that way for me.

Good luck with telling HR! My mentality was prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Luckily I got the best but make sure you're ready and prepared for the worse before telling the company.

Due to some work issues, I still haven't gotten chance to contact HR on my transition. Now I think I can't wait any more, and want to contact them as soon as possible. but I will go on a two week international business trip from this weekend and I am currently work from my parent's place this week in other city due to family events. So I just wonder if it's good idea to sent email to HR this week and let them to digest and do some their own research (I will provide them some info also) during that two weeks periods, then I can have f2f meeting with them after I come back in 2 weeks to further push my transition plan. Or I should wait until I come back to office and then send the email, so I can work with them more closely with F2F on my transition plan. I prefer the first option since I think I may need to give them sometime before we can have deep discussion. but is it the interval too long?  Any suggestions?

Also should I involve my manager or the highest manager in my company at this initial stage? Or that will be the second step after work out a plan with HR? thx.

I am getting nervous but excited now :)

As you seem to have an important place in the company they may want to keep you as productive as possible while you transition so personally I'd go on the foreign trip in male mode and send report in to show that you used the trip well for the benefit of the company and then on return ask for a f2f and tell them you need to transition. 

The person to tell first is definitely HR as they are the ones who should be uptodate on legal aspects of transition or at least know the legal side of your employmnet contracts and rights.   
But depending on how well you know your immediate manager and the top manager you might ask for him/her to sit in on meeting with HR so you can assure them you will continue to be a good asset .

We see cases of transitioners been fired all the time so have a read up on company or associate policy and perhaps even contact any local LGBT organisations that may have an idea of how transitioners are treated locally.   Newspaper websites, Better Business Bureau, etc  might bring something up.

Good luck.

What I would personally do is talk to your HR first and face to face. That way you can answer any questions and concerns right away. That might help to ease any concerns and anxiety they might have since they may have little to no experience with this.

I would talk to HR but not your manager(s) first. See what HR says and their suggestions and game plan. There's the possibility your manager(s) may not like the idea too much but if you already have HR on your side it could only help. Be sure to research- and have HR do as well- the company's policies (or lack of) on transitioning and your rights. If you are protected then if someone gives you a hard time and tries to violate your work rights you can show it to them.

When coming out at work it's important to research, find out the company's policies, your rights, plan for the worst (have a back-up plan) but mentally prepare yourself to be diplomatic and work with people yet stand your ground on transitioning. Work transition packages (like on Susan's site) help immensely too since it's professional, gives your employer information about trans issues, spells out your transition plans and shows them you're prepared. You can use the models from this site and customize them to your needs. No matter what remember you have to do it sooner or later so don't wait forever. Good luck!

Thanks for the advice. so you all think I should hold my email to HR until I am ready for F2F meeting? The Head of HR actually is in San Jose, CA and worked for Yahoo before, so I will assume she will have knowledge of transgender issue. Plus even I come back from my trip, I still can't meet her since I am in Texas but I will meet the local HR manager instead.  So initial email only communication may not be a good idea for my transition? I just can't wait to kick off my work transition process and get into fulltime as soon as possible :(

I would contact your local HR first.  They will pass it up the line.  If the HR head needs more info they will contact you.

an email might just trigger 'OMG! we don't want a ->-bleeped-<- working for us!' while a face to face will let them connect your name with your work performance and if you are nice and relaxed and confident as you meet and explain why you need to transition they won't scream at you to get out.

In my early transition I worried every time I had to go meet anyone but found that not many of my fears actually happened.

I think we TS have to constantly bear in mind the fact that the vast majority of other people will have seen dozens of Springer-type shows where weird men in dresses have provided a funny spectacle for the audience so it is up to us to show that we aren't like that. 
Sending your HR an email saying transsexual will trigger those negative memories but if a nice confident productive worker says he feels like a woman and needs help to transition the memories will not surface.
Has your company any recruitment or policy documents or press releases that mention diversity?

On the other hand maybe your HR is really au fait with TS things and an email might be all that is needed.

I completely agree with everything Lilacwoman said.

OK, I eventually walk out my big step into my full transition. I had a first talk with our HR director in Sillicon Valley, California over the phone on my transition! A little dispointed to me that, she doesn't have much knowledge and experiene on transgender while I thought she has been in HR roles for about 20 yrs in California and worked for some big famous companies. So I can feel she is causious to show support on my transition in this company but instead like to have more time to do some study and research. She seems worry something like, how the company and other people will react, so we will have a follow up meeting in two weeks. Plus our parent company is asian company, so she also worry that this may be not that simple just look at US office.  Is it normal first reaction from the HR?

SInce I can tell she is causious about this with her limited knowledge, so I didn't push or talk much, instead I step back and give her more time and space to make her feel comfortable to get more knowedge on this.  I told her that I will provide what ever info she want to know about. I already give here some links in my email.  Am I doing the right thing? I hope things can get better after that. We agree that we will not talk to other people in this company until our second talk in two weeks.

do some research and find if there are laws in California that are in your favor.  They are doing business in California and are bound by its laws.

there's a lot of desert in California so maybe this HR person is an ostrich and spends most of time with head in sand?

Incredible to believe she doesn't know much about TS and work policy.

But you are being paid for your work and you can do that just as well transitioning.

make the next talk a face to face one and go looking like the friendly relaxed woman in your avatar.

Amanda, you have a valuable resource in California!!!!

http://transgenderlawcenter.org/cms/ (http://transgenderlawcenter.org/cms/)

From their home page:

Welcome! At the Transgender Law Center, we work with community members and allies to make California a state in which we can all fully and freely express our gender identities. On our site, you'll find one of the nation's most comprehensive collections of resources on transgender law, information about our innovative projects. Contact us if you're in California and have questions about our work, your rights, or the best way to create a non-discriminatory education, health care, employment, or business environment.

Thanks Nikki and all of you. I had 2nd phone calls with my HR director and this time went well and she is pretty supportive. now I will work with my local HR manager who I will have f2f meeting with her next Monday after this holiday (she is on vacation this two weeks) in TX on my detail plan and start my ball rolling :) wish me good luck.

Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood Luck!
Are you going as Amanda or fully male or male with bits of Amanda showing through?

Good luck Amanda! It's a big step. :)

Good luck hun, once you've got that ball rolling it really gains it's own momentum.

I had a lunch with my local HR manager, in Amanda mode!! This is her first time to see Amanda. We had our first meeting in office while I am in male mode last week. The lunch went very well, she is very nice and supportive. :) she told me that if she didn't know me before, she would have never though I am a man (physically) when she saw Amanda:)  She think I will do fine, hopefully that will be true. but I am prepare for the worst.

Yay!  Good for you!

You do look very pretty, I don't think you'll have a problem passing at all!

Congratulations!   Now you are a lady that lunches!     :)