Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Dear all

As someone at the start of their journey and still very much immersed in the male construct I have built over the years I am worried that as I try to adopt more feminine mannerisms that they will always feel affected.

For those who are much further on at what point in your transition did you begin to feel natural in your femininity, when did interacting in a more feminine way stop feeling in anyway put on?

I feel a bit of a fraud, hopping here from a topic in which I proclaim my angsty doubt about my efforts to transition, but actually I've found that the little nuances I'd hoped would come to me in transition have, for the most part, already settled. I've always been a reserved sort of guy and not noticeably feminine in my actions, so I've not had much work to do when it comes to stopping slouching, for example. Something about the fact I've embraced transition has unlocked the gate on impromptu mannerisms, though. My walk can still take some conscious setting, but I've found it very easy to swing my arms and grasp my bags in a lady-like way as it somehow feels natural. It could be that my years of observing and envying women actually did some good as I 'wrote my mental patch software'. ;)

Quote from: lauraspeirs81 on September 08, 2010, 11:13:53 AM
Dear all

As someone at the start of their journey and still very much immersed in the male construct I have built over the years I am worried that as I try to adopt more feminine mannerisms that they will always feel affected.

For those who are much further on at what point in your transition did you begin to feel natural in your femininity, when did interacting in a more feminine way stop feeling in anyway put on?

In my experience i didnt feel fem until 6 months into HRT when I started looking more female then male.  I tried on women's clothing that i tried on 3 months before and it look good on me now, but 3 months before looked so horrible.  My face changed, I went out that day for makeup with a friend and came home and looked at myself and was like wow... i look like a woman... then the gloves came off so to speak, i did this part time dressing 3 days then decided i would go full time.  When i did that i didnt take any lessons on being a woman, all I did, was just completely and utterly stop filtering and stop acting like a guy.  When something happened i reacted to it at whatever was my first impulse.  Apparently when i dropped acting like a guy, i found out the way i was already pretty naturally like a woman to the extent that my friends couldnt believe it and asked me how i could ACT like a woman so well.  Its easy when your not acting.... and just living.

I'm not entirely sure when things became more natural. A lot of things came naturally on their own without really thinking much about it. Last year was a year of exploration but this year I went full time. I've been told i have changed in ways I am not aware of.

Mmmmmm natural, it did not come all in one hit, but drips and drabs. I started to move differently, use my hands more in conversations. I started to walk taller. I did think about my walk a lot, but now all I do is stick on my heals and my hips swing all on their own.

I only ever thought about a few things at a time. Like my walk, the way I spoke to people letting myself use more modulation in my voice, and just becoming more curious about people's feelings in general. A lot of it just comes, like Izumi said. You just start to live.

I still think about some things. Like the way I nod at other blokes I know as I pass, most women don't do that. But after 8 months I really feel like I have settled into myself.

Quote from: lauraspeirs81 on September 08, 2010, 11:13:53 AM
Dear all

As someone at the start of their journey and still very much immersed in the male construct I have built over the years I am worried that as I try to adopt more feminine mannerisms that they will always feel affected.

For those who are much further on at what point in your transition did you begin to feel natural in your femininity, when did interacting in a more feminine way stop feeling in anyway put on?

Yes for me, my mannerisms just kind of started happening. People say when I talk, how I move my hands and such is very feminine. I don't try and never have tried anything with that...it just happened naturally. I have a feeling with mannerisms and fashion, I subconsciously paid attention to women growing up ...so when I was finally able to come out, things I had learned in my mind began to come out naturally.

One thing I will say though, walking and sitting up straight is something I DO have to try hard to do better...posture.

Quote from: Jerica on September 08, 2010, 03:04:05 PM
I have a feeling with mannerisms and fashion, I subconsciously paid attention to women growing up ...so when I was finally able to come out, things I had learned in my mind began to come out naturally.

Same with me, but in the opposite direction.  Now that I'm settling into full-time guy mode, I've noticed that I sit and walk and pretty much have the manners of a dude (belch contest, anyone, heheh).  I didn't realize (except maybe subconsciously) just how masculine I was for a girl.  I had to try to be girly.  The other day, I decided to try girling up a little bit to see how it felt now after several months...all I did was put on a pair of my dangly earrings...just felt so wrong.  Which is kind of sad, because I like dangly earrings.  Now I want to see if I can figure out how to make manly dangly earrings.   :laugh:

I have always had feminine mannerisms that gave me grief my entire life.  I totally felt natural since I can remember.  But totally feeling feminine began on the first day of HRT.  I was beginning to run on the right fuel.

And like Jerica I was in training from a very young age.

FTM here, but right away. Felt more natural actually, because I was always afraid of being "too masculine" so I was really withdrawn, tried not to do much so I wouldn't incur the criticism or whatever (not thick skinned about that kind of stuff.) Now I get to just let loose more, and it's a good feeling. A rather natural one.

Quote from: lauraspeirs81 on September 08, 2010, 11:13:53 AM
Dear all

As someone at the start of their journey and still very much immersed in the male construct I have built over the years I am worried that as I try to adopt more feminine mannerisms that they will always feel affected.

For those who are much further on at what point in your transition did you begin to feel natural in your femininity, when did interacting in a more feminine way stop feeling in anyway put on?

It was the reverse for me really, the male construct and mannerisms where the ones that were affected and felt put on and I have found as I have slowly become more comfortable with myself they have just fallen away and I have naturally become more feminine.

Quote from: jmaxley  Now I want to see if I can figure out how to make manly dangly earrings.   :laugh:
/quote]

danglies is so fem but about the only danglies earwear I've seen on guys are large Gothy crucifixes about 35-50millimetre long and perhaps only one ear as well.

Quote from: jmaxley on September 09, 2010, 09:47:32 PM
Now I want to see if I can figure out how to make manly dangly earrings.   :laugh:

Take a couple of box end wrenches and put some hooks on them.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.signetcanada.com%2Fsignewcov%2FBoxengw.jpg&hash=f2a2ac9e965b0ec4661c9534256c9bbf07979524)

Quote from: Renate on September 13, 2010, 05:07:45 AM
Take a couple of box end wrenches and put some hooks on them.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.signetcanada.com%2Fsignewcov%2FBoxengw.jpg&hash=f2a2ac9e965b0ec4661c9534256c9bbf07979524)

:laugh: Awesome.

Some things came naturally - hand gestures and walk and speech patterns.  I just stopped trying to act like a guy.

But feeling natural is process rather than an event, at least it was for me.  I would have good days and bad days, but gradually I would become ever more comfortable as the woman I am.  I would guess it was around the six-month mark of RLE.

But I'm now 5 months post-op and still settling in.  I don't think about being feminine much anymore, but several times each day I will want to just hug myself because something will happen that makes me realize how happy I am living as a woman now.  I expect that will eventually taper off, but it hasn't yet. ;D

- Kate

Thanks guys it means so much to me that you take the time to reply. I am at the start of the process having only just had my second therapy session. I sometimes view transition as diving through a deep underwater tunnel. There is light and air at either side but I must first plunge into the darkness.

I hope that as Izumi and others describe that the male construct will shed and my true nature will guide my mannerisms.

Love to you all

Laura

Quote from: Renate on September 13, 2010, 05:07:45 AM
Take a couple of box end wrenches and put some hooks on them.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.signetcanada.com%2Fsignewcov%2FBoxengw.jpg&hash=f2a2ac9e965b0ec4661c9534256c9bbf07979524)

Lol, just need some miter saw charms to go on the end.  :D