Susan's Place Transgender Resources

When I went out this spring as a woman (I live in the Lehigh Valley, its a very crowded suburban area full of soccer moms, fratboys, and thousands of teenage girls I wish I looked like), a lot of people stared at me.  Since I thought I looked really pretty in the mirror, and I thought that based on what I saw in the mirror, I passed well enough, I figured that people were going to stare at me because I was pretty.  I read that in the beginning of a transition, there is a period where you are so excited about finally getting to be yourself that you become delusional and get a big head and you believe you pass just fine, when in reality you don't and everyone's staring because they know you're a dude with a wig and makeup on.

A lot of the guys out here in the LV probably have never seen a transsexual before.  I am 25 and when I went out I tried to look like I was 25 (maybe a little bit younger to make up for lost time, eh?).  Well I thought I looked cute and trendy, I had long hair, and idk what guys thought of me.  If one didn't stare, I figured that they were either busy or just weren't attracted to me.  If a guy did stare, I thought maybe he was checking me out, but then if he stared in a weird way, then I figured he had read me.  What are your experiences and thoughts about men and how they stare at us?

The only stare I have had was one of a guy undressing me with his eyes... *Shudders*

The only thing I've noticed is that when men stare at me they are looking at my boobs, lol. Most men do. Even when they talk to me they talk to my boobs.

Stardust

I'm the type who will assume anyone who looks at me can tell I'm trans and are weirded out by me. Not sure why though. It's frustrating.

The thing to remember is everybody will get "the stare" at some point in their lives (everybody as in all people) for whatever reason. And hey, there are lots of women who look manly, and well, 50% of the population will have below average looks (median) by definition. I'm not calling you ugly mind, just commenting that you think it's being ts why they're staring. I thought people were giving me funny looks before and when I got home I threw my jacket off and realised a bird had given me a little present on my shoulder  :D

Unfortunately staring is just what people do. I stare at people a lot. I have overreactive eyes, or something. If I see movement my eyes immediately look at whatever is moving. Girls don't seem to like that much.

IF they read you and are staring, most men are probably thinking "I wonder if those boobs are real?" ... and then "Wonder what friends would think I'm weird if I bagged her."

The sad truth is we are a fantasy for many men.

Man Logic - 101

Boob check = + = Hold open door + Check her out further

Being older, most young guys don't pay me much attention.  But I've had a few guys stare.  One later told me that he thought I looked familiar but didn't know that *old me* had a sister. :)

- Kate

Guys look at girls. Girls usually avoid eye contact with guys they don't know.
I think it's basic biology that we have to get use to.
I regularly cross a road at a busy intersection.  In virtually every car that drives past male drivers, passengers look at the women, female drivers & passengers don't. It's something I do to fill in the waiting time, really must get a life ::) ::) ::)

Cindy

Something that we all do during early transition, sometimes unconsciously, is watch for others' reactions. We tend to look at people's faces a little longer, even as we just walk in the mall or down the street, and that sends what they interpret as some kind of message that something is up. In fact, we MAKE  them take notice of us without even trying. In the animal kingdom, eye contact can mean the difference between a chance encounter and an attack.
  What you're experiencing is just human nature. Men tend to stare at female images even if they're not attached to another human or human at all! I had a close, cisgendered, hetero male friend that would go on about how sexy Japanese Anime characters were; Men are very visually oriented and tend to stare at things they might want, even if it doesn't make sense!
  On the flipside, I found it refreshing to find how women tend to smile at other women. I think that's probably the most influential social change I've found through transition... I get smiled at more. Watching to see if you're being read is what will get you read! It's hard, but you have to learn not to do it.

Yes, women smiling and saying or waving hi and or calling me hon was something I hadn't thought about... But it sure makes me feel good   :icon_chick:

Quote from: sysm29 on September 11, 2010, 05:33:38 PM
When I went out this spring as a woman (I live in the Lehigh Valley, its a very crowded suburban area full of soccer moms, fratboys, and thousands of teenage girls I wish I looked like), a lot of people stared at me.  Since I thought I looked really pretty in the mirror, and I thought that based on what I saw in the mirror, I passed well enough, I figured that people were going to stare at me because I was pretty.  I read that in the beginning of a transition, there is a period where you are so excited about finally getting to be yourself that you become delusional and get a big head and you believe you pass just fine, when in reality you don't and everyone's staring because they know you're a dude with a wig and makeup on.

A lot of the guys out here in the LV probably have never seen a transsexual before.  I am 25 and when I went out I tried to look like I was 25 (maybe a little bit younger to make up for lost time, eh?).  Well I thought I looked cute and trendy, I had long hair, and idk what guys thought of me.  If one didn't stare, I figured that they were either busy or just weren't attracted to me.  If a guy did stare, I thought maybe he was checking me out, but then if he stared in a weird way, then I figured he had read me.  What are your experiences and thoughts about men and how they stare at us?

Hard to say for certain. After a while, you'll start to get a sixth sense for this kind of thing. Other than that, probably the guys were just doing what guys do... stare at women.

Quote from: JessicaR on September 11, 2010, 11:54:20 PM
Men tend to stare at female images even if they're not attached to another human or human at all! I had a close, cisgendered, hetero male friend that would go on about how sexy Japanese Anime characters were; Men are very visually oriented and tend to stare at things they might want, even if it doesn't make sense!

It's just not the guys, plenty of girls love them too. Whatever floats your boat.  :D

Not just guys, but women also stare at me  ;)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi943.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fad278%2Fbarbie_pictures%2Fattention.jpg&hash=0cf0859159f232a5ffc750d6483de204a5b5fb2f)

Barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on September 12, 2010, 11:03:46 AM
Not just guys, but women also stare at me  ;)


Barbie~~

WOW, how tall are you? or is it that the other ladies are just small, lol. I figure being taller than the norm around you would get some stares. I'm 5ft 5in so I kind of blend in my culture.

Stardust

That's a good one, made me laugh, Barbie :) How tall are you? I'm 6ft...

When I go to Thailand for surgery, I'll refuse to wear heels of any kind :)

g

Quote from: stardust on September 12, 2010, 12:01:32 PM
WOW, how tall are you? or is it that the other ladies are just small, lol. I figure being taller than the norm around you would get some stares. I'm 5ft 5in so I kind of blend in my culture.

Stardust

Shorter does help with blending in.

For what it is worth me being straight and the straight guys I hang with look at the chicks and the trans issue never comes up. Pretty much just taking note of how they look. Short, tall, fat, skinny, long legs, etc...
The only exception is when we see some muscle bound hulk-Hogan type in a dress looking at women's wear. But, you do tend to stare out of shock when a bruiser with a beard longer than your own dressed fem is shopping for her clothes without taking the time to try to pass. That's typically after the bars close for the night.
Don't mean to upset anyone but that's what some of us do. The "am I read" thought or such is probably their insecurities at beginning a new life. I imagine that is to be expected though.
As a store worker we are either too busy working or too busy trying to avoid working than to pay attention to whether or not someone is trans or such.

Quote from: barbie on September 12, 2010, 11:03:46 AM
Not just guys, but women also stare at me  ;)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi943.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fad278%2Fbarbie_pictures%2Fattention.jpg&hash=0cf0859159f232a5ffc750d6483de204a5b5fb2f)

Barbie~~

I LOVE this photo Barbie - it is so cute! And you look far hotter than those other tiny girls, sweetie ;).

I still go out in guy mode and when men stare at me I think they see a skinny effeminate male, and are wondering what the hell is up lol. Or I think they may be gay, and are just eyeing me as a guy. Men do treat me in a far softer way than they used to, though.

I was at the shops a couple of weeks ago with my wife, and I was just standing there while she was waiting to pay. The guy at the counter completely ignored her, and looked at me and just gave me this really sweet smile, not the type of smile a guy usually shares with another guy. I sort of chalked it down to him being gay and him thinking I was probably gay too lol.

On the few occasions I have gone out all dolled up, I have had guys stare at me in a COMPLETELY different way - a leering way... but those were trans events, and all the guys there are trans admirers so I wouldn't exactly consider that a true representation of what I would experience in the real world if I were to go out femme.

Or the "guy" might be a pre-transition M2F thinking "Gee, I wonder if she is a trans.  I'm one too. I would love to chat with my sister but don't want to out myself or embarass her. "  :)

Quote from: Jill on September 12, 2010, 08:29:15 PM
Or the "guy" might be a pre-transition M2F thinking "Gee, I wonder if she is a trans.  I'm one too. I would love to chat with my sister but don't want to out myself or embarass her. "  :)

Oh to be able to read minds!

Quote from: Jill on September 12, 2010, 08:29:15 PM
Or the "guy" might be a pre-transition M2F thinking "Gee, I wonder if she is a trans.  I'm one too. I would love to chat with my sister but don't want to out myself or embarass her. "  :)

Haha.. I've done that.

Because I am 5' 10", I get stared at sometimes.  I really think it is for the same reason As Barbie.  I am taller than most women, so I have to assume that it is because I am tall.  And I do pass 99% of the time.

Quote from: andream on September 12, 2010, 08:20:30 PM
I still go out in guy mode and when men stare at me I think they see a skinny effeminate male, and are wondering what the hell is up lol. Or I think they may be gay, and are just eyeing me as a guy. Men do treat me in a far softer way than they used to, though.

I was at the shops a couple of weeks ago with my wife, and I was just standing there while she was waiting to pay. The guy at the counter completely ignored her, and looked at me and just gave me this really sweet smile, not the type of smile a guy usually shares with another guy. I sort of chalked it down to him being gay and him thinking I was probably gay too lol.

On the few occasions I have gone out all dolled up, I have had guys stare at me in a COMPLETELY different way - a leering way... but those were trans events, and all the guys there are trans admirers so I wouldn't exactly consider that a true representation of what I would experience in the real world if I were to go out femme.

My height is just 6 feet (183 cm), and with those 4-inch heels, I may look 6 feet and 4 inch (193 cm).

Recently I moved to an island here. The population size is about a half million. It is isolated from the mainland, both geographically and culturally.

A problem I face now is that guys here stare at me for too long time. Yesterday I ran about 20 km along the coastline here. There are many recreational parks, and every place is so much beautiful (I tried to take some photos, but the battery was out). I had to pass a corridor where two men were working.  It was an embarassing moment, as those guys seemed to be so much absolved in looking at me. I could not find where I should turn my eyes. I just looked at the sky to avoid their gaze. I never faced this kind of embarassment in the mainland. I just wore short athletic pants with a hat. Fortunately, I could see that finally they turned town their eyes when I just passed them. I guess my height together with my tanned skin makes me look so much striking. I am afraid that I will be known to everybody here.

Last weeked, I went to my home, and spent some time with my little daughter (age 6). We saw a praying mantis in the playground. She commented like "It looks like my dad"  :embarrassed: Yeh. It was indeed skinny and tall like me anyway.

Barbie~~

when i first started going out as a woman full time i got stares by men and women.  When i started looking more and more like a woman, i got less stairs.  Everyone staring at you is people suspecting something about you is kind of off, people looking at you of the opposite sex once in a while, you pass and they might be checking you out.  Then you get a surprise when some guys start asking you out, then you know you pass, combined with no excessive staring and feeling just like one of the crowd. 

About 1 yr into HRT i dressed in tight jeans and heels, had a punky kind of look but classy.  Walked by a group of college students at the mall, in the corner of my eye i saw them all looking at me one even turned to get a better look, then i overheard a construction worker type comment.  Made me feel better that i could pass as a woman.  I am a little on the taller side at 5'10".

I would say I am slightly taller as well, maybe 5' 9". Not too tall though, I am fine with my height. I get stares on the opposite side. I am not quite full time yet, and people seem to stare at me when I'm in full guy mode. While I was out with my family yesterday, this gentlemen at a store wanted to call me sir, be stumbled on his words quite a bit, and never really got it out, then finally gave up. I think what tipped him off was my obvious masculine voice at the time, and my clothes. But it was empowering to me that my appearances alone can confuse someone well enough that even when I try to present as male, they are confused.

I'm sure I'll get some good going out stories too.

"When guys stare at us, what are they thinking?"

Usually? "Wow she's hot"

I went down to see friends in cornwall a couple of weekends back and I though I don't like the idea of spending the weekend as me (I'm always me, i'm still a girl no matter how I look, even if I've got obvious stubble) but I did spend more effort over my appearance and to be more obviously female at a casual glance and I kind of got freaked out at first by how little I got stared at...it was like I was expecting people to notice me for the wrong reasons. I really do think if someone really has clocked you then you'll know about it...otherwise the stares are probably for good reasons (well if being perved over by the male gaze as a good reason), but you were probably not being read.

Quote from: Helena on September 16, 2010, 03:18:18 PM
I went down to see friends in cornwall a couple of weekends back and I though I don't like the idea of spending the weekend as me (I'm always me, i'm still a girl no matter how I look, even if I've got obvious stubble) but I did spend more effort over my appearance and to be more obviously female at a casual glance and I kind of got freaked out at first by how little I got stared at...it was like I was expecting people to notice me for the wrong reasons. I really do think if someone really has clocked you then you'll know about it...otherwise the stares are probably for good reasons (well if being perved over by the male gaze as a good reason), but you were probably not being read.

Those are some fascinating insights. Really gives me something to think about.

<----this is a picture of me from that weekend to give you an idea of what I look like.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on September 12, 2010, 10:54:14 PM
Because I am 5' 10", I get stared at sometimes.  I really think it is for the same reason As Barbie.  I am taller than most women, so I have to assume that it is because I am tall.  And I do pass 99% of the time.

One of the prettiest girls I know is taller than me - and I am 6'1''. She gets stares as much as any girl, but nobody thinks anything weird about her at all. :) Oh, she also wears heels on top of that.

depends if u beauty or ugly..honestly..if beauty they will amaze..in the other hand they will laugh

Quote from: clairezoey on September 16, 2010, 08:25:21 PM
depends if u beauty or ugly..honestly..if beauty they will amaze..in the other hand they will laugh

I recently read an interesting response in another forum about people who stand in the street, pointing and laughing at other people.  This particular guy called them buffoons and clearly insane, and should be pitied  ;). 
I have to agree.  Who honestly openly laughs at other people's appearance?.  ::)

Quote from: clairezoey on September 16, 2010, 08:25:21 PM
depends if u beauty or ugly..honestly..if beauty they will amaze..in the other hand they will laugh

What if you look okay but your behavior is like stinky butthole?

Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 16, 2010, 08:39:47 PM
What if you look okay but your behavior is like stinky butthole?

Highfive!!

Quote from: Nicky on September 16, 2010, 08:45:22 PM
Highfive!!

Highfive slapback!!!

Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 16, 2010, 08:39:47 PM
What if you look okay but your behavior is like stinky butthole?

great reply!  :laugh:

Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 16, 2010, 08:39:47 PM
What if you look okay but your behavior is like stinky butthole?

Motion Passed, this is a great response.

Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 16, 2010, 08:39:47 PM
What if you look okay but your behavior is like stinky butthole?

Yes very clever! LOL ;D

That was richly deserved, but please do watch out for the TOS15's flying overhead everyone.

I would hate one to accidentally fall on your fine heads. ;)

Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 16, 2010, 08:39:47 PM
What if you look okay but your behavior is like stinky butthole?

how long we want to know other people behaviour? if just for a little while or meet when walking at the park, or cafe, what matter the most was appearance..it reality..dont live in delusional world.

EDIT: lols I just reread the thread title (I've been shocking recently I know, I need to cut back on...hhmmm) ok this is a new reply ...

"zomg hottie... come on photographic memory don't fail me now! 0_0 -_- 0_0".

or quite possibly...

"wtf? it's one of those... omg!!! lol..... no way!! where is my cam phone ..*click click* lol".

^^^^^that last one is a true story one time I was out at a pub many moons a go.... some little still-wet-behind-the-ears little jerk kept trying to snap me but I hid behind my friend until his friend called him away.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and this is for my mistake but it's too awesome to delete...
Re: When guys stare at us, what are you thinking?


On days when I feel like I look great and pass well then it's "right on I'm hott.... soak it up and bank it away".

but on days when I feel like the world is coming to an end then it's usually "oh dear god just crack open the ground so I can dive right in... YES I KNOW you don't need to stare I do have a mirror at home I KNOW".

Guys are SO transparent!

I was 24, tall (5'9"), slender, and very cute when I transitioned in 1974 and it didn't take me long to figure out what the guys were thinking ..... "Damn I would like to bed that!"  ::)  The 36 years since haven't changed much  ;D

http://transgirldiaries.com/comics/2010-05-22-0013.jpg (http://transgirldiaries.com/comics/2010-05-22-0013.jpg)

::) ::)

Quote from: Northern Jane on September 17, 2010, 06:24:50 AM
Guys are SO transparent!

I was 24, tall (5'9"), slender, and very cute when I transitioned in 1974 and it didn't take me long to figure out what the guys were thinking ..... "Damn I would like to bed that!"  ::)  The 36 years since haven't changed much  ;D

You can't lump us all together, Jane. We are not all like that, and honestly I find it a tad offending.

What are guys thinking when they stare at a woman? I don't think an answer is possible because we are all different. But in general you can assume you are not getting read: we just look at women a lot. Some men see women as sex objects and start fantasizing about pleasures that are never going to happen. Others admire their clothing or hairstyle. Women have much more diversity in appearance than men: they are interesting to look at. Last, some of us are just pondering into nothingness.

Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 16, 2010, 08:39:47 PM
What if you look okay but your behavior is like stinky butthole?

She had it coming.

Quote from: Octavianus on September 17, 2010, 10:41:21 AM
You can't lump us all together, Jane. We are not all like that, and honestly I find it a tad offending.

What are guys thinking when they stare at a woman? I don't think an answer is possible because we are all different. But in general you can assume you are not getting read: we just look at women a lot. Some men see women as sex objects and start fantasizing about pleasures that are never going to happen. Others admire their clothing or hairstyle. Women have much more diversity in appearance than men: they are interesting to look at. Last, some of us are just pondering into nothingness.
She had it coming.

Lies! we know what guys are thinking.  Unless your testosterone is incredibly low you will think of one thing when you see an attractive woman.  Testosterone is one hell of a drug after all, they give it to someone when they want to increase libido, even to women.  Guys walk around with tons of the stuff pumping through their system, not to mention they have male brains that are designed for guys to be guys.   I was on the stuff for years, i know what it can do.    Now i am glad to be rid of it to the point where i can think clearly again.   

All guys are different, some mentally undress you, some put you in outfits in their minds, some make you twins, some add 3 other women they saw that morning heh.

A comedian, i forget which one put it best with this statement:

"If women actually knew what we were thinking about all the time, they would never stop slapping us."

Quote from: Izumi on September 17, 2010, 11:59:47 AM
Lies! we know what guys are thinking.  Unless your testosterone is incredibly low you will think of one thing when you see an attractive woman.  Testosterone is one hell of a drug after all, they give it to someone when they want to increase libido, even to women.  Guys walk around with tons of the stuff pumping through their system, not to mention they have male brains that are designed for guys to be guys.   I was on the stuff for years, i know what it can do.    Now i am glad to be rid of it to the point where i can think clearly again.   

All guys are different, some mentally undress you, some put you in outfits in their minds, some make you twins, some add 3 other women they saw that morning heh.

A comedian, i forget which one put it best with this statement:

"If women actually knew what we were thinking about all the time, they would never stop slapping us."

I truly hope that you are pulling my leg because this comment grieves me. (The only other option is that my testosterone level is non existant...).
The impression you write above is sadly shared by many women. Since reaching puberty I have felt a kind of mistrust directed towards men. Why is it so hard for the 2 genders to live with each others as friends, and not as people who accuse men of taking photographs of urinating women (the worst a woman has ever insulted me, how could I ever regard her a friend)?

About the testosterone making people agressive, isn't there a slim possibility this is just a folk tale?
Women seem to get friendlier when given this hormone.
http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v463/n7279/full/nature08711.html (http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v463/n7279/full/nature08711.html)
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/health/article6949048.ece (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/health/article6949048.ece)

Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 16, 2010, 08:39:47 PM
What if you look okay but your behavior is like stinky butthole?

LOLZ... It was actually meant to be an honest question at first and I was going to edit it but I got too many replies before I could

What I meant is that back in the day when I would check girls out for "guy reasons" I would take in the whole picture including whether I thought she had a nice, pleasant attitude or not

If I thought the girl looked like she had a "stinky" disposition it would be a big turn off for me

My Dear Octavianus, please don't take these things personally.  You are a sweet man, and I doubt most of the generalizations do not even apply to you.

Steroids have been shown to cause aggressiveness and most of them are testosterone based.  But like many women, when we get together we have a little fun at the mens expense. 

No harm, no foul.

I am sorry for my crude reply Janet, I allowed frustration to speak before reason.
The use of stereotypes can really get me on edge sometimes.

Quote from: Octavianus on September 17, 2010, 12:25:34 PM
I truly hope that you are pulling my leg because this comment grieves me. (The only other option is that my testosterone level is non existant...).
The impression you write above is sadly shared by many women. Since reaching puberty I have felt a kind of mistrust directed towards men. Why is it so hard for the 2 genders to live with each others as friends, and not as people who accuse men of taking photographs of urinating women (the worst a woman has ever insulted me, how could I ever regard her a friend)?

About the testosterone making people agressive, isn't there a slim possibility this is just a folk tale?
Women seem to get friendlier when given this hormone.
http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v463/n7279/full/nature08711.html (http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v463/n7279/full/nature08711.html)
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/health/article6949048.ece (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/health/article6949048.ece)

Well partial truth, i said nothing about maturity, a boy will have less control over his impulses when on testosterone, even give into them.  However a man can make a distinction on behavior, he might feel such thoughts coming but be able to control himself enough to not continue them.   Such control comes with age and maturity.  Although some boys never grow up to be men, to those i am referring to. 

Also, on a side note, did you know that when the spouse of a man bares a child his testosterone drops.   Current research states its a natural mechanism to prevent the man from leaving to go find other women, and in fact stay and help raise the child.  Neat huh.  It was on national geographic. ^_^

But yes testosterone does make one aggressive. 

Virgina, that was a great one :)

As for Octavianus' reply, the OT is about "staring" which is much more than just a regular quick look. During a stare, which is a prolonged moment, there are indeed many, let's just say, background activities in the male brain :)

Barbie, I like how you look on your new avatar. I'm the exact same height but otherwise I've got plenty of work left to do as I see :)

g

Quote from: Octavianus on September 17, 2010, 12:47:45 PM
I am sorry for my crude reply Janet, I allowed frustration to speak before reason.
The use of stereotypes can really get me on edge sometimes.

Sometimes I too get aggravated at stereotypes.  But when it is done in fun and not hurtful, I just roll with it.


Hugs.

Quote from: Izumi on September 17, 2010, 12:53:48 PM
Well partial truth, i said nothing about maturity, a boy will have less control over his impulses when on testosterone, even give into them.  However a man can make a distinction on behavior, he might feel such thoughts coming but be able to control himself enough to not continue them.   Such control comes with age and maturity.  Although some boys never grow up to be men, to those i am referring to. 

Also, on a side note, did you know that when the spouse of a man bares a child his testosterone drops.  Current research states its a natural mechanism to prevent the man from leaving to go find other women, and in fact stay and help raise the child.  Neat huh.  It was on national geographic. ^_^

Some boys will always be boys. I guess that is what male puberty is all about: learning not to act on those impulses.
You present some very interesting data, isn't it fascinating that 2 separate bodies can subconsiously react to each other? When you look at other species, the male often disappears right after the deed. The upbringing of the young only takes a short time. But the upbringing of a human child can take 15 years, so the male is needed as a parent. It was taught in my school years that the permanent possibility of sexual intercourse was the trick to keep the man from leaving.

Love your new avatar  :)

Quote from: ggina on September 17, 2010, 12:58:08 PM
As for Octavianus' reply, the OT is about "staring" which is much more than just a regular quick look. During a stare, which is a prolonged moment, there are indeed many, let's just say, background activities in the male brain :)

The only woman I really stare at is my own girl :D
It most be really annoying though when total strangers do that.

Hi. I have read a lot of the posts and wow, nowhere else have I found so many people who have had a lot of the same thoughts as I!!!!
Anyways, my response to this is I think that it is unique to each of us. For me, a LOT of people stare at me. Men because the are men and women who will scan me from head to toe then back up, then will usually smile at me. I have men and women that are very kind and gracious and seem eager to talk to me. I also find myself in potentially volatile situations. I am white transgender living in the middle of 18th street neighborhood. Teenagers giggle at me younger ones they'll usually look at me with wonder in their eyes. See for me, I have a very sexxxy body, flat stomach groiwng boobs (B cup) and Im tall. Besides im clockable, but at the same time striking...so for me, i can deal with it...so dont worry about how others are looking AT you. Go about your day with a positive attitude, and forget about people staring.!!!

Quote from: Octavianus on September 17, 2010, 12:47:45 PM
I am sorry for my crude reply Janet, I allowed frustration to speak before reason.
The use of stereotypes can really get me on edge sometimes.

Must have been the testosterone talking.  ;D

j/k   ;)

Quote from: Ayaname on September 17, 2010, 03:17:46 PM
Must have been the testosterone talking.  ;D

I was waiting for a woman to make that comment, it was unavoidable  ;D

Mmm, i don't notice guys looking so much. But often people are looking at my tattoos I think. They are a little unusual for a girl to have.

But I notice when women check me out, lesbian women that is, I love it.

Just got back from the grocery store, where a man locked his eyes on my boobs the whole time I was in his line of sight.  He had a slightly distracted look, as if he was trying to remember his shopping list, but his eyes had a habit of their own. :)

Stares don't always mean anything.  (Darn, and he was kind of cute, too.)

- Kate

Getting stares become my eveyday experience. I can not do anything about that. Just ignoring it seems a best response. A perplexing moment is that a few guys try to speak to me. I never reply. One interesting thing is that women tend to stare at me for longer time than men.

A few days ago, I actually stared at a foreign woman who wore bikini in the beach here. It becomes fall, and it is very unusual to wear bikini here at this time.  She looked so much striking. I was curious and studied her body. She was tall, tanned well, but a little bit opulent. I studied her body to check whether her body is indeed nice, not because her body looked sexy to me. And her seeming boy friend also studied me all the time ???

Yesterday I hiked the highest moutain here with my family. I wore hot denim pants. When finishing and returning to the entrance, a group of aged woman seemed to discuss me. One of them seemed to give a positive comment. Then another woman immediately shouted like "That person is a man!"

While hiking, I chatted with my family, and also got cellular phone calls. Above all, my little daughter at age 6 climbed to the top (about 2 km, or 6500 feet height), surprising nearly all climbers there. The course was bumpy and rough. The total distance was about 20 km (about 12 miles). A lot of people asked and speaked to my wife about her age. Sometimes I and my daughter walked together while my wife was far behind me. Finally, my daughter complained to my wife like "Mommy! People called dad as my mom. I don't like it!"

Barbie~~

Barbie, aren't you afraid that your daughter will grow up a bit confused? :) I don't know your exact situation so just saying. I mean, just how short those denims were? I know I wouldn't wear those in male mode (were you in that anyway?), I can get just enough stares without them :) As far as I know denims are exclusively women's type of clothing although I see them on gay(-looking) guys at times.

However I wouldn't worry about women staring at you, they're obviously envious. You know, tall people were always kings/queens of the world and will always be :) Back when I was just thinking about transitioning, I thought my 6ft height is the biggest obstacle I have but nowdays I like it more and more... and or course, found other things to worry about :)

g

Quote from: ggina on September 26, 2010, 02:06:06 AM
Barbie, aren't you afraid that your daughter will grow up a bit confused? :) I don't know your exact situation so just saying.

Ggina,

I do not see any difference between kids and adults regarding understanding and reacting to my ->-bleeped-<-. Of couse, many people worry about my kids like you, but kids are surprisingly intelligent and mature. We tend to think that kids are premature, and thus their cognitive power is less than that of adults. However, I think this is untrue. In essence, kids can recognize, interpret and understand the world as well as adults do.

For example, my little daughter scolds me, and threats like "Men should have short hair. Daddy, you must have your hairs cut. Or, I will cut it for you." A few days ago, she saw my one-piece dress in my closet, and scolded me again by saying like "Daddy. You remember that I once said to you that men should not wear skirts. Men should not wear women's dress. Got it?" At playgrounds, she sometimes introduces me to her play mates by saying like "this is my daddy. He is like a woman, isn't he? (and laugh out loudly)" And etc.

Interestingly, my dad commented exactly the same way during the past 4 years.

Any way, I love my little daughter so much, and she is also very proud of me. I heard that she boasts of me in her preschool so frequently. When I first met her in her preschool, she boastfully said to her mates several times like "This is my dad!". A teacher there playfully replied like "(Do you think that here only you have dad?) I also have my dad." Then, my daughter replied like "Is he tall as much as my daddy? My daddy is tall!" My daughter seems to believe that I am the most intelligent person in the world.

People are bound to try to seek any flaw from transgendered parents. But our family does not have those flaws that they are seeking. Sometimes they seem to believe that we have some problems. But later, they realize that I bring up my kids far better than them. For example, here some kids do not have their dad, or their dads do not have a job. Still, some of their moms try to advise my wife on bringing up our kids.

Barbie~~

I like your daughter :) These are definitely good things to hear, keep up the good work!

g

Quote from: JessicaR on September 11, 2010, 11:54:20 PM
Something that we all do during early transition, sometimes unconsciously, is watch for others' reactions. We tend to look at people's faces a little longer, even as we just walk in the mall or down the street, and that sends what they interpret as some kind of message that something is up. In fact, we MAKE  them take notice of us without even trying. In the animal kingdom, eye contact can mean the difference between a chance encounter and an attack.
  What you're experiencing is just human nature. Men tend to stare at female images even if they're not attached to another human or human at all! I had a close, cisgendered, hetero male friend that would go on about how sexy Japanese Anime characters were; Men are very visually oriented and tend to stare at things they might want, even if it doesn't make sense!
  On the flipside, I found it refreshing to find how women tend to smile at other women. I think that's probably the most influential social change I've found through transition... I get smiled at more. Watching to see if you're being read is what will get you read! It's hard, but you have to learn not to do it.

I had an experience a  time ago. I was out and about pre-transition and was sitting down town in the civic center . Opposite from me in an adjacent room with glass in between were 2 guys in their late 20's staring at me. I couldn't figure out why they were staring, was it because they read me or just because I looked  good   . This went on for 1/2 an hour until they left nothing was said and they didn't have weird faces on. They just kept looking . I'll never know why, but I like to think they were amazed by my looks.

the other day wen I wore short shorts for the first time and went into walmart with my friends that isn't so attractive.... every guy that saw me stared at me both front and back of me like they would look at me and then look away look at me and then look away. one guy was there with his brother or atleast i assume it was his brother cause they kinda looked alike and he looked at me for awhile and then started talking to his brother while he was looking at me and he wouldn't stop  smiling and  giggling to his brother while looking at me. one guy followed me for awhile,but I get really self conscious wen guys look at me cause I automatically assume they can tell im transgender.


Edit: I try not to look directly at guys. instead I always get my friend to look at them and tell me what they r doing wen they r looking at me. The other day at walmart she said every guy that passed us was checking me out lol. the funniest guy that checked me out was a older man with his wife and wen his wife looked away he would look at me and then wen she turned to him he turned to her and then when she turned and looked somewhere else  he turned and looked at me again and then she turned and he didn't turn to her cause he was looking at me and she saw him looking at my ass and so she hit him in the arm lol.

Quote from: Ayaname on September 11, 2010, 06:00:06 PM
I'm the type who will assume anyone who looks at me can tell I'm trans and are weirded out by me. Not sure why though. It's frustrating.

That will change with time and confidence.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

People, especially men, do not stare--they look but don't stare-- at me anymore perhaps because of the way I carry myself. "Like better not ->-bleeped-<- with me, Buster!" So I no longer get to use the disarming dirty look and the little smirk  I used to give em when I caught them staring at me.  I used to enjoy that.   

I have experienced this a couple of times recently when I've been out and about.

I'm 51, and since the weather is cooler here right now I usually wear tall leather boots, skinny jeans, and a nice thick sweater. I have enough boobs for them to show under the sweater, but I'm not super stacked or anything. I'm also just a bit taller than average for a female at 5'8", I'm not overweight, but I do have a larger upper torso. I'm told I have a nice butt. My hair is a strawberry blonde wig that is shoulder length (I hate wearing a wig but it is a necessity right now). I'm aiming for a hip, nicely dressed, middle aged suburban mom look. I've observed in my time out in the world en femme that people generally don't give me a second glance.

So anyway, one time I was at a restaurant and a guy eating lunch with his wife turned sideways in his booth to face me (I was at the table across the aisle from his table) and he stared at me for a full 30 minutes. I just kept eating and ignored him. The other time I was leaving a store and a guy was walking into the store and he gave me a long, long stare. I found both experiences creepy. I remember checking out women in guy mode but I did it far more subtly than these two dudes did.

What they saw or thought? I have no idea.

Women on the other hand smile at me now which is nice. In the same restaurant with the creepy staring guy a female employee went out of her way to smile at me, and to say several nice things to me. I was in a mall recently and a group of people were waiting for an elevator. A woman was there with her teenage daughter and the daughter was having some kind of teenage angst. The mom corrected the daughter and then looked at me with a knowing smile and I smiled right back because I have been there before with my own daughters.

Being on the other side of the gender fence has really opened my eyes about guys & guy behavior. Thank heavens I don't have to endure the effects of testosterone any longer.

You can't read minds and u never will.  Neither will anyone who answers this thread.  Just ask yourself who in the crowd of people's opinion you actually care about one way or the other. It's probably none. Relaxing and having fun regardless of whatever is in their  minds is the thing to do... In *all* situations!

You might not realize it, but guys have eyes for details such as a big head, wide shoulders, a thick neck, a big trunk, narrow hips etcetc.especially clad in (overly) feminine clothes.

Guys also notice a masculine way of moving, walking etcetc.


Guys also sense some MTF ' playing'  a woman in the beginning of het transition.

And so do girls, but they don't stare as openly as guys.

When they stare at me, I'm guessing they're thinking "WTF is that?"   Unless they're one of the really creepy ones, then they're probably thinking "I don't care wtf it is, I'd hit it...."

Yeah, generally, when the dudes are staring at me, the default answer to the question of what they're thinking is: "Damn, she's really f***** tall. Yeah, I'd totally hit that.", based on personal experience.

*shrugs*

Boys are easy.

Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on December 27, 2013, 08:57:07 AM
You can't read minds and u never will.  Neither will anyone who answers this thread.  Just ask yourself who in the crowd of people's opinion you actually care about one way or the other. It's probably none. Relaxing and having fun regardless of whatever is in their  minds is the thing to do... In *all* situations!

Oh that is just so right on and true.  Perhaps the next thread will be reading palms  :laugh: 

Seriously tho I have changed how i look at guys.  I previously did the male scan for threats, rivals or engagement opportunities.  I like people and love meaningful interaction.  I do want a man to want me.  But now it is different.  I look much more girly than guy and don't expect the same boys to be sizing me up the same way.  I have a life time with bi/gay guys and little experience with being a woman that a straight guy might want and am less certain about handling that situation.  Therefore I am more careful about avoiding the "come hither" look.  Plus I am not interested in going beyond a flirt and cuddle hug anyway.  Heck I'm just glad they don't know what I'm thinking ;)  Putting my sunglasses on  >:-)

With 4.25 inch heels, I look like 195 cm (6'5"). Nearly everybody in the street studies me, whether they are man or woman. Even kids do.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm6.staticflickr.com%2F5537%2F11590446435_7b689bdf68_o.jpg&hash=b9858be28ec821f97eea53f2c528820f7800dbd8)

I am going to try 5.5 inch heel boots very soon.

Of course, even without heels, people study me. High heels just boost it. It's funny and thrilling. I can enjoy it.

barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on December 27, 2013, 03:00:03 PM
With 4.25 inch heels, I look like 195 cm (6'5"). Nearly everybody in the street studies me, whether they are man or woman. Even kids do.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm6.staticflickr.com%2F5537%2F11590446435_7b689bdf68_o.jpg&hash=b9858be28ec821f97eea53f2c528820f7800dbd8)

I am going to try 5.5 inch heel boots very soon.

Of course, even without heels, people study me. High heels just boost it. It's funny and thrilling. I can enjoy it.

barbie~~

you look great. I need to lose weight

I loved this reply.  Yes people don't credit children  with enough intelligence. In many ways their intelligence is superior to adults and they are untarnished by prejudices. Your daughter sounds lovely x

Quote from: barbie on September 26, 2010, 10:23:45 AM
Ggina,

I do not see any difference between kids and adults regarding understanding and reacting to my ->-bleeped-<-. Of couse, many people worry about my kids like you, but kids are surprisingly intelligent and mature. We tend to think that kids are premature, and thus their cognitive power is less than that of adults. However, I think this is untrue. In essence, kids can recognize, interpret and understand the world as well as adults do.

For example, my little daughter scolds me, and threats like "Men should have short hair. Daddy, you must have your hairs cut. Or, I will cut it for you." A few days ago, she saw my one-piece dress in my closet, and scolded me again by saying like "Daddy. You remember that I once said to you that men should not wear skirts. Men should not wear women's dress. Got it?" At playgrounds, she sometimes introduces me to her play mates by saying like "this is my daddy. He is like a woman, isn't he? (and laugh out loudly)" And etc.

Interestingly, my dad commented exactly the same way during the past 4 years.

Any way, I love my little daughter so much, and she is also very proud of me. I heard that she boasts of me in her preschool so frequently. When I first met her in her preschool, she boastfully said to her mates several times like "This is my dad!". A teacher there playfully replied like "(Do you think that here only you have dad?) I also have my dad." Then, my daughter replied like "Is he tall as much as my daddy? My daddy is tall!" My daughter seems to believe that I am the most intelligent person in the world.

People are bound to try to seek any flaw from transgendered parents. But our family does not have those flaws that they are seeking. Sometimes they seem to believe that we have some problems. But later, they realize that I bring up my kids far better than them. For example, here some kids do not have their dad, or their dads do not have a job. Still, some of their moms try to advise my wife on bringing up our kids.

Barbie~~

Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on December 28, 2013, 05:28:29 AM
I loved this reply.  Yes people don't credit children  with enough intelligence. In many ways their intelligence is superior to adults and they are untarnished by prejudices. Your daughter sounds lovely x

Yes. Kids have far better power of observation and far keener sense of hearing. I tend to be surprised that my kids pinpoint something I overlooked. As we get old, we loose those powers gradually. I am now not so much enthusiastic about listening music, but my son does, asking me to purchase an absurdly expensive portable music player.

barbie~~

First, again Barbie you look great. Being originally from California and living in LA for a few years 6 ft women aren't that uncommon. Many are models.

As for me at 5-5 I'm on the average side as far as height same for my weight at around 120. I now live in a rural area of Florida and surprisingly I don't get that many stares. Even without makeup. I'm very long legged for my height so if I'm wearing a pair of shorts I'll get the looks at my legs and many "nice legs" comments from both guys and girls. I'm kind of shy though and tend not to smile much because the accident I was in in 91 left me with teeth problems I haven't had the opportunity to get fixed yet due to funds so I mostly only focus on my immediate surroundings and those people in them. However unless someone knows me personally, I'm always percieved as a "she" and addressed accordingly. As far as stares I don't seem to get them or at worse, don't notice them when/if I do get them.

Quote from: Allyda on January 01, 2014, 05:06:07 PM
However unless someone knows me personally, I'm always percieved as a "she" and addressed accordingly. As far as stares I don't seem to get them or at worse, don't notice them when/if I do get them.

Allyda,

Thanks for compliment. Yes. I have been in FL twice about 10 years ago. It was a beautiful place, but a little bit boring for me, especially in rural areas.

It is a good news that people do not stare at you. You seem to pass very well.

I also want to mix well with other ordinary women, but it's impossible. A good thing is that aged women here tend to envy my body shape and like to speak to me. Some of them even gave me a small gift.

I wish to visit FL again.

barbie~~

What the boys are thinking depends of how you look:

In my case I think they either think:

A) She is hot, I want to bag her;She is so beautiful and elegant I wish she was mine,
how can I approach her, or

B) Look at the arrogant bitch (feeling intimidate)... "evil thoughts," or

C) If I have spoken, then they get the "WTF" look... "more evil thoughts"


In any case, they are never 'dismissed," always kept in the radar; but at the end of the day I just do not give a "rat ass" why they are looking at me

When I had longer thick hair, I used to get honked by car horns by cars driving from behind. Sometimes this felt creepy, sometimes this felt satisfying.

Nowdays, I don't look feminine from the front or back, but I wear flared women's coats and because my waist appears quite small, I see some male drivers' instantly swivel their heads towards me when they see my feminine silhouette, before seeing me properly and then loosing interest. Some keep looking however, but I'm not sure what they're thinking. To be honest, I'd rather like to be looked at and admired by a guy. As it sure beats being blanked by women continuously.

Since I find guys repulsive, when they stare at me, I tend to think: "What the hell are you looking at, you loser?" I'm a total frump anyway, so it's not like I'm eye candy or anything.

Quote from: "I'm Stella Stanhope, and that's why I drink". on January 05, 2014, 01:02:50 PM
I see some male drivers' instantly swivel their heads towards me when they see my feminine silhouette, before seeing me properly and then loosing interest.

When they hear my low voice, they tend to loose interest. But a few guys still chase me, anyway, and most of them look like fool.

Thus, I have no reason to enjoy the stare of men.

barbie~~

Quote from: peky on January 05, 2014, 12:58:45 PM
In any case, they are never 'dismissed," always kept in the radar; but at the end of the day I just do not give a "rat ass" why they are looking at me

Though I don't get stares, this is how I feel as well. I do have a few male friends though.

I get stares by people but I figure its my height I'm 6 ft 5 so way above average for a female but it no longer bothers me its just part of life for me, I know when a guy outs me because he won't make eye contact and when a girl outs me I'll either get a smile or a look of contempt but I'm comfortable enough with who I am to not worry about peoples negitive looks I just get on with my day, I'm trans and proud to be.

Emily.T xx