Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: pebbles on September 14, 2010, 07:57:50 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Two worlds. Two identities.
Post by: pebbles on September 14, 2010, 07:57:50 AM
Post by: pebbles on September 14, 2010, 07:57:50 AM
Basically in my hometown since march I've been coming out about what I've been doing and that I'm trans and that I'm now transitioning. My friends and loose acquaintances down the grape vine all know.
With the family they all know now although my mother is now in denial :/
I've undergone alot of changes ie... Changed my name, had alot of electrolysis(1st clearance), female voice 24/7, dress in a moderately feminine style, Even going to party in a red dress! and at this stage, at 7.5 months my Breasts are starting to poke through my clothes, I'm starting to move out of the swamps of ambivalent androgyny and am more frequently refereed to as female than male by strangers With pronouns "Mate/Dude/Sir" begin replaced with "Love/Sweetheart/Miss"
However now Summer holiday is coming to an end and I have to go back to university... but err... NOBODY there knows anything They witnessed my early changes from 1-3months and earlier changes in my voice but nobody there said anything. and I've continued to change profoundly in the time following (Esp as I concentrated on my degree not on transition during those first 3 months of hormones.) Now returning to university isn't only a grinding chore it feels like i'm going to another planet.
Intrinsically I'm not as close to my friends at university as I am here, I don't have the support network and history and awkwardly I notice after I get my name changed I have the same name as a female housemate I live with >_<
Competent lab partners are all the more important in my final uni year. It would be unfortunate to alienate them and alienating housemates or worse landlord in a crowded house where I'm already the outsider in there group of friends would be extremely unfortunate.
What should I do? Just keep swimming along and answer any questions as they come up? Male up my presentation? Tell them outright? I'm gonna have to present my name change to the uni and get my name amended on the register. Oh jesus I can imagine that becoming complicated to explain away as names are arranged alphabetically by surname and one of my lab friends is right beneath me and we often cover for each other when the other is missing.
With the family they all know now although my mother is now in denial :/
I've undergone alot of changes ie... Changed my name, had alot of electrolysis(1st clearance), female voice 24/7, dress in a moderately feminine style, Even going to party in a red dress! and at this stage, at 7.5 months my Breasts are starting to poke through my clothes, I'm starting to move out of the swamps of ambivalent androgyny and am more frequently refereed to as female than male by strangers With pronouns "Mate/Dude/Sir" begin replaced with "Love/Sweetheart/Miss"
However now Summer holiday is coming to an end and I have to go back to university... but err... NOBODY there knows anything They witnessed my early changes from 1-3months and earlier changes in my voice but nobody there said anything. and I've continued to change profoundly in the time following (Esp as I concentrated on my degree not on transition during those first 3 months of hormones.) Now returning to university isn't only a grinding chore it feels like i'm going to another planet.
Intrinsically I'm not as close to my friends at university as I am here, I don't have the support network and history and awkwardly I notice after I get my name changed I have the same name as a female housemate I live with >_<
Competent lab partners are all the more important in my final uni year. It would be unfortunate to alienate them and alienating housemates or worse landlord in a crowded house where I'm already the outsider in there group of friends would be extremely unfortunate.
What should I do? Just keep swimming along and answer any questions as they come up? Male up my presentation? Tell them outright? I'm gonna have to present my name change to the uni and get my name amended on the register. Oh jesus I can imagine that becoming complicated to explain away as names are arranged alphabetically by surname and one of my lab friends is right beneath me and we often cover for each other when the other is missing.
Title: Re: Two worlds. Two identities.
Post by: rejennyrated on September 14, 2010, 08:30:19 AM
Post by: rejennyrated on September 14, 2010, 08:30:19 AM
I think you might be fractionally overthinking this.
I did my entire time at my first Uni as ostensibly male and still managed to get my degree certificate to say Jenny D. instead of James D. So unless universities have got less broad minded than they were back in 1982 I am pretty sure the official part will just be a formality. It may produce some surprise, but if you talk to the right people, probably the registrar and your head of department they can just do a global record change and that is that! Job done. If it was that easy in 1982 - and it was - then I can't see it will be much different today.
Lab partners and housemates - well - there's no predicting, but most students are a pretty relaxed bunch, and if you feel better about yourself and perhaps as a result become more outgoing and relaxed they may even perceive the change as an improvement.
I would say play it by ear. Obviously you have to put the info out there, so yes tell them outright but if possible no big staged announcements... just word of mouth to individuals, and tell them that as long as they stick to the facts they are welcome to pass on the news.
Ok I cheated and didn't actually transition until a while after I had left, but I think when I asked for my degree in the name Jenny it must have been a fair old clue as to what was blowing...
I did my entire time at my first Uni as ostensibly male and still managed to get my degree certificate to say Jenny D. instead of James D. So unless universities have got less broad minded than they were back in 1982 I am pretty sure the official part will just be a formality. It may produce some surprise, but if you talk to the right people, probably the registrar and your head of department they can just do a global record change and that is that! Job done. If it was that easy in 1982 - and it was - then I can't see it will be much different today.
Lab partners and housemates - well - there's no predicting, but most students are a pretty relaxed bunch, and if you feel better about yourself and perhaps as a result become more outgoing and relaxed they may even perceive the change as an improvement.
I would say play it by ear. Obviously you have to put the info out there, so yes tell them outright but if possible no big staged announcements... just word of mouth to individuals, and tell them that as long as they stick to the facts they are welcome to pass on the news.
Ok I cheated and didn't actually transition until a while after I had left, but I think when I asked for my degree in the name Jenny it must have been a fair old clue as to what was blowing...
Title: Re: Two worlds. Two identities.
Post by: spacial on September 14, 2010, 08:40:15 AM
Post by: spacial on September 14, 2010, 08:40:15 AM
This is just my to peniworth Pebbles.
Be honest. You are who you are.
I can so identify with not being part of the in-crowd. Personally, it was never for me.
You already know, form your own and everyone else's experiences, that some will be negative, some neutral some positive.
Dress as you feel comfortable, but don't try to conceil yourself.
As for your studies and lab partners. I'm not sure how you go about arranging this. I believe, in some, notoces tend to be pinned all over the place asking for people to partner with. If this is the same, or similar, find a few you like and ask to join them. Be bold. You don't have anything to apologise for. If you can do the work then that should be all there is to it.
If someone says they don't want to partner with a transgenderd person then thank your lucky stars you didn't get them anyway. Such narrow minded biggots tend to have a very limited view of things generally.
hope this helps.
Be honest. You are who you are.
I can so identify with not being part of the in-crowd. Personally, it was never for me.
You already know, form your own and everyone else's experiences, that some will be negative, some neutral some positive.
Dress as you feel comfortable, but don't try to conceil yourself.
As for your studies and lab partners. I'm not sure how you go about arranging this. I believe, in some, notoces tend to be pinned all over the place asking for people to partner with. If this is the same, or similar, find a few you like and ask to join them. Be bold. You don't have anything to apologise for. If you can do the work then that should be all there is to it.
If someone says they don't want to partner with a transgenderd person then thank your lucky stars you didn't get them anyway. Such narrow minded biggots tend to have a very limited view of things generally.
hope this helps.