Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Topic started by: arbon on September 14, 2010, 09:49:39 PM Return to Full Version
Title: coping with fear
Post by: arbon on September 14, 2010, 09:49:39 PM
Post by: arbon on September 14, 2010, 09:49:39 PM
When in transition did you have lots of fear? How did you cope with all those fears?
To me, just getting started on this journey, it's seems like I have already faced up to so many of my fears like coming out to my family and many of my friends, going out in public for the first time, going to a therapist, and so forth.
But looking forward from where I am right now it seems like an endless mine-field to try and navigate through. Like coming out at work, how my daughter will react and how it will impact her, will I be able to make a living and support my family, will my wife decide enough is enough and leave and so on, just a ton of things to get through and there is a lot of fear around all of them.
So, I guess am just wondering how do others deal or dealt with all that fear during transition?
To me, just getting started on this journey, it's seems like I have already faced up to so many of my fears like coming out to my family and many of my friends, going out in public for the first time, going to a therapist, and so forth.
But looking forward from where I am right now it seems like an endless mine-field to try and navigate through. Like coming out at work, how my daughter will react and how it will impact her, will I be able to make a living and support my family, will my wife decide enough is enough and leave and so on, just a ton of things to get through and there is a lot of fear around all of them.
So, I guess am just wondering how do others deal or dealt with all that fear during transition?
Title: Re: coping with fear
Post by: Cindy on September 15, 2010, 05:47:43 AM
Post by: Cindy on September 15, 2010, 05:47:43 AM
Hi Arbon,
What is fear? An emotion of the unknown. It can be the terrifying fear of being brutalised, seeing, hearing, knowing your child is ill, attacked or what ever. Many people seek fear through movies or life style. Base jumpers, extreme skiers. climbers or whatever's push their adrenaline to seek their core.
How to cope with fear, well for some it is the drug of life. For a person in your situation it isn't the drug, it is the unknown. You have or are very close to a decision that affects many people, including people you love. What is that fear? Define it and explain it. Then you can deal with it. Your wife cannot accept you. Why? Work through it. I have to admit that suddenly finding your husband was in fact female would shake most woman. After all she may not be into lesbian relationships. Your daughter may be in the same position, but children tend to be resilient.
Coping with fear for most TG is the core of the transition. Most of us starting this journey, cry out. I'm frightened. The echoes go on forever.
Cindy
What is fear? An emotion of the unknown. It can be the terrifying fear of being brutalised, seeing, hearing, knowing your child is ill, attacked or what ever. Many people seek fear through movies or life style. Base jumpers, extreme skiers. climbers or whatever's push their adrenaline to seek their core.
How to cope with fear, well for some it is the drug of life. For a person in your situation it isn't the drug, it is the unknown. You have or are very close to a decision that affects many people, including people you love. What is that fear? Define it and explain it. Then you can deal with it. Your wife cannot accept you. Why? Work through it. I have to admit that suddenly finding your husband was in fact female would shake most woman. After all she may not be into lesbian relationships. Your daughter may be in the same position, but children tend to be resilient.
Coping with fear for most TG is the core of the transition. Most of us starting this journey, cry out. I'm frightened. The echoes go on forever.
Cindy
Title: Re: coping with fear
Post by: kelly_aus on September 15, 2010, 08:27:42 AM
Post by: kelly_aus on September 15, 2010, 08:27:42 AM
Quote from: CindyJames on September 15, 2010, 05:47:43 AM
Coping with fear for most TG is the core of the transition. Most of us starting this journey, cry out. I'm frightened. The echoes go on forever.
Cindy
Yeah, I certainly had some fears when I first accepted myself for who I am.. Then I found Susan's Place and the wonderful, supportive people - who understood me and where I was and what I was going through.. I still have some fears, but I now know that I have support, both here and in my family, that will help me and/or give me a shoulder to cry on..
Title: Re: coping with fear
Post by: Lacey Lynne on September 16, 2010, 12:35:23 AM
Post by: Lacey Lynne on September 16, 2010, 12:35:23 AM
@ Cindy James:
Beautifully said. Many times, I lie awake much of the night lamenting what I have lost and am about to lose ... the same things mentioned in the initial post in this thread. Personally, I counteract it by thinking with anticipation of all that I'm gaining by transitioning.
A most marvelous trans-sister here on Susan's Place mentored me this weekend. For the first time ever, I did up all the way ... the whole kit and kaboodle ... she taught me how to apply makeup ... I fully decked out in the female clothes I bought ... and finally put on the wig I bought. My point? Being 8+ months on hormone replacement therapy has transformed me way more than I thought it had. Both my mentor and my for-now wife pointed out to me that I have way female legs and have developed good hips and a nice backside. God! I had no idea! Breasts? A way to go, but they are starting to take off now at 2+ months on full-tilt hormone replacement therapy with and androgen blockade along with 6 months of light-dose HRT before then. As my mentor pointed out, I've a way to go and much to learn. Agreed. She's ooching me into being part-time and full-time posthaste. I'm into that! Thanks, hon!
Are you at the point of no return where the changes wrought by hormone replacement therapy are permanent and profound? I believe I've reached that threshhold. In fact, I've surpassed it. Scared? Uuuhhh, yeah! Thrilled? Uuuhhh, yeah!
One day at a time. One day at a time. The losses? Real and heavy. The gains? Real and awesome.
I know now that it'll be so well worth it ultimately. May it be so well worth it for you also. My best to all of you here. :)
Beautifully said. Many times, I lie awake much of the night lamenting what I have lost and am about to lose ... the same things mentioned in the initial post in this thread. Personally, I counteract it by thinking with anticipation of all that I'm gaining by transitioning.
A most marvelous trans-sister here on Susan's Place mentored me this weekend. For the first time ever, I did up all the way ... the whole kit and kaboodle ... she taught me how to apply makeup ... I fully decked out in the female clothes I bought ... and finally put on the wig I bought. My point? Being 8+ months on hormone replacement therapy has transformed me way more than I thought it had. Both my mentor and my for-now wife pointed out to me that I have way female legs and have developed good hips and a nice backside. God! I had no idea! Breasts? A way to go, but they are starting to take off now at 2+ months on full-tilt hormone replacement therapy with and androgen blockade along with 6 months of light-dose HRT before then. As my mentor pointed out, I've a way to go and much to learn. Agreed. She's ooching me into being part-time and full-time posthaste. I'm into that! Thanks, hon!
Are you at the point of no return where the changes wrought by hormone replacement therapy are permanent and profound? I believe I've reached that threshhold. In fact, I've surpassed it. Scared? Uuuhhh, yeah! Thrilled? Uuuhhh, yeah!
One day at a time. One day at a time. The losses? Real and heavy. The gains? Real and awesome.
I know now that it'll be so well worth it ultimately. May it be so well worth it for you also. My best to all of you here. :)
Title: Re: coping with fear
Post by: K8 on September 17, 2010, 07:04:38 PM
Post by: K8 on September 17, 2010, 07:04:38 PM
When I was getting started - actually, before I began - the first thing I did was list all the things that people could call me. Then I would sit by myself each day and call myself those names until they didn't hurt anymore. Then I listed all the good things, and repeated the process with "I am transgendered; I am ..." It helped me to accept myself and the fact that I am transgendered.
I then spent time thinking about what could happen if I came out and was known to the world as transgendered or even transsexual. Going over and over possible outcomes, I gradually came to accept the various possibilties - rejection, insult, derision, physical attack or even death.
When I finally managed to be comfortable with all that, I was free to begin to be me and there was no looking back. :)
- Kate
I then spent time thinking about what could happen if I came out and was known to the world as transgendered or even transsexual. Going over and over possible outcomes, I gradually came to accept the various possibilties - rejection, insult, derision, physical attack or even death.
When I finally managed to be comfortable with all that, I was free to begin to be me and there was no looking back. :)
- Kate
Title: Re: coping with fear
Post by: V M on September 17, 2010, 07:37:20 PM
Post by: V M on September 17, 2010, 07:37:20 PM
Yup... Anyone that tells you that they transitioned without any degree of fear is lying
The soldier returning from battle that is considered one of the bravest will tell you... "Yes, I was frightened near to death"
Self acceptance is probably one the most important and frightening things you can do... You are fighting a battle to liberate yourself from the oppressors
Once the oppressor and/or suppressor is no longer you... Then you will be set free and enjoy the true taste of liberation
The soldier returning from battle that is considered one of the bravest will tell you... "Yes, I was frightened near to death"
Self acceptance is probably one the most important and frightening things you can do... You are fighting a battle to liberate yourself from the oppressors
Once the oppressor and/or suppressor is no longer you... Then you will be set free and enjoy the true taste of liberation
Title: Re: coping with fear
Post by: lilacwoman on September 18, 2010, 04:56:02 PM
Post by: lilacwoman on September 18, 2010, 04:56:02 PM
I made the decisioon to transition after travelling in full female mode to see the top psychologist. I went on three trains each way without any hassle and the next day I put a notice up at work and let everyone know that the follwoing Monday I was going to be me. I had no fear over any aspect of it. I just did what seemed appropriate at each step of the way.
What is there to be scared of?
What is there to be scared of?