Susan's Place Transgender Resources

For the most part, I've never been a happy person and have struggled with depression most of my life. I suppose much of it may be genetic and also related to childhood and other life events.  All my life I've searched for a cure, thinking that if I just found this one thing I would be happy.  Some things have helped, but nothing has changed my attitude.  I never liked myself and just don't know how to be happy with myself - I try to find my happiness through others.

Anyway, I'd like to know if any of you have experienced freedom from depression through HRT and/or SRS.  I'm sure that if one is upset about their gender that such treatment would have a positive affect on mental health, but I'm wondering if maybe my gender dysphoria has played a bigger part of my depression than I have realized.  I never allowed myself to seriously question my gender in the past.  It took me 35 years before I could publicly admit that I was sexually attracted to men.  That was a tremendous break through for me and helped me a lot, but the more I learn from folks here and the more I explore myself, the more I feel that I'm just not happy trying to live as a man.

Well, I meant for this to be shorter.  Been feeling down lately and facing an upcoming scary situation and just wanted some feedback from people who understand.   :)

I think that is a very difficult, if not impossible question to answer, because everyone is slightly different.

It would seem to me that the answer depends on whether or not your depression is rooted in your dysphoria. If it is then logically it should be alleviated by the treatment, if not then not.

Transition HRT /SRS is not a magic cure all bullet. In many respects it may even make your life more tricky because previously you had only to deal with your own feelings of discomfort whereas afterward you may have to deal with the social disapproval of those around you. So if you are one of those people whose self esteem is highly dependent on the opinion of others then you could find that difficult to deal with.

Personally I have never really been given depression. I got to a very low ebb towards the end of my enforced reparative therapy period of trying to live as a heterosexual evangelical christian male - all of which didn't work, because I am in reality a bisexual pagan female - and that one instance of truly suicidal depression was indeed almost instantly alleviated by treatment, but I personally would hesitate to predict this for anyone else.

I honestly think the only way to find out is try it and if it doesn't seem to be helping then review the situation.

For me regular daily HRT (doctor monitored) was the major turning point, no question...

Surgeries any/all of them I tend to only really settle, be comfortable with what's transpired some months later....and I have a better grasp of what the new really is?

(being more introvert) than extrovert in the real world yous sees, means I'm good at internal discipline and gratification delaying......

*s->-bleeped-<-s*

Yeah, my own experience with evangelical Christianity took its toll on me.  I suppose much of my problem, as my therapist pointed out, is that I don't know who I am, and then my conclusion is that if I don't know who I am, I am not able to love that person. 

I never had a good female role model, other than my grandmother, but she lets herself be a doormat, so probably not that good of model.  I have had such issues with my mother that I never wanted to be anything like her, plus I was taught that women were to be subordinate to men  >:( and I felt that they were weak,  so I think I did not allow myself to seriously consider that I might be a woman inside.  I'm sure this has contributed to my depression without me realizing it.

I'm really wanting to try HRT to see if it makes me feel better emotionally, plus I know that I need hormones for my osteoporosis.  I'm seeing my psychologist tomorrow and going to ask him to look into whether or not he thinks that he might be able to write me an HRT letter when he feels the time is right (I'm going to take a copy of the Standards of Care to him).  From what I've read, if my brain is not female, I would react badly to HRT, right?  I know hormones help us feel better (my doc keeps telling me that T would give me a sense of well being, but does not know how much I hate T).

Girls, thanks for responding.  I've been feeling kind of scared and alone, and knowing you are there helps a lot   :)

Quote from: Robertina on September 22, 2010, 12:59:36 PM
For the most part, I've never been a happy person and have struggled with depression most of my life. I suppose much of it may be genetic and also related to childhood and other life events.  All my life I've searched for a cure, thinking that if I just found this one thing I would be happy.  Some things have helped, but nothing has changed my attitude.  I never liked myself and just don't know how to be happy with myself - I try to find my happiness through others.

Anyway, I'd like to know if any of you have experienced freedom from depression through HRT and/or SRS.  I'm sure that if one is upset about their gender that such treatment would have a positive affect on mental health, but I'm wondering if maybe my gender dysphoria has played a bigger part of my depression than I have realized.  I never allowed myself to seriously question my gender in the past.  It took me 35 years before I could publicly admit that I was sexually attracted to men.  That was a tremendous break through for me and helped me a lot, but the more I learn from folks here and the more I explore myself, the more I feel that I'm just not happy trying to live as a man.

Well, I meant for this to be shorter.  Been feeling down lately and facing an upcoming scary situation and just wanted some feedback from people who understand.   :)

In my case whether or not I was successful in life I always depressed.  After i went full time, it went away.  I have not gotten SRS yet but will within the next year.  You see for the longest time i had wished that i could live as a woman for just one day, I would give the rest of my life for just one day, I had over a year so far, there is nothing that gets me down much except for hormonal mood swings, but they go away.  I like myself now, and participate more in friends and activities that i otherwise would have no interest in.  Something must be going right because the vibe i give off seems to attract people.  I was social awkward before too but that also went away, i have always wondered if this is what is it is like to be GG, everything socially speaking is so much easier.....

Anyway, that is my experience.

I too never ever have been really, you know, the "totally forgetting about the world"-kind happy, even when I was successful in something, it was surrounded by some inherent sadness. Don't know where it came from, didn't think it was from dysphoria and still don't, I think it's just the type of person I am. And though I really liked to laugh a lot, but even those laughs were more of the bitter kind.

However. When I bumped into hormones a few months ago, or rather, they bumped into me :) I started to feel better during my days. I now have an almost constant feeling of happyness, and my smiles and laughs are not at all bitter and I don't tell aggressive and cynical jokes to others which was some "quality" people usually associated with me :)

But to tell you the truth I'm a bit afraid sometimes because this happyness brought a kind of "I don't care" attitude with it. Something along the lines of "okay, I'm happy, so why should I care about what happens tomorrow?" And it's somewhat frightening, to not care about the future this much. I always did, a lot more than I should've had so it's definitely a big change which is hard to cope with. You know, to live in the present, instead of the future, I'm just not used to it. Makes me sad sometimes, now go figure :)

Robertina, I think you should go for the hrt, I have a sense it might do you some good :) srs on the other hand, rarely makes people feel better, it's mostly just a physical requirement, a must have, so to speak.

Good luck!

g

I find myself in the same place questioning whether or not HRT will help. My history is similar with the depression, the constant search for cure and more.

It's been a huge struggle to decide what to do but I finally came to the conclusion that it can't keep living with the constant misery and if I didn't go on HRT I would regret it the rest of my life. In a week and a half I see my therapist to ask for the letter.

Best of luck with the psychologist and with finding an answer.

For me SRS cured my depression. I was DEEPLY suicidal in the last year before surgery became available. Within six months the people who had known me before (doctors and shrinks) were amazed - I was a TOTALLY different person. 36 years on and I can't say I have had any problems with depression, no more so than most normal people.

I've been on HRT for about three and a half months and my depression has been drastically reduced.  I still have some, but it's nowhere near as bad.  It definitely helps.  For a lot of us, gender dysphoria is a major source of mental distress, and it often affects more than we initially realize.

Hrt has not cured my depression, though dysphoria and depression did compound each other. So it is better. But I am still on medication for depression and probably will be the rest of my life. It runs in both sides of my family. But for the most part I am so much more stable now and my depressive episodes are relatively minor compared to what they were without HRT or antidepressants.  Like as long as I recognise that I am depressed I seem to be able to work out of it in 3 days, instead of pre drugs I would be almost constantly layed low for months at a time - 6 months was the worst. It was bad. I can't remember much of that time now.

Not yet, but I'm not sure how much of my current depression is situational, how much is seasonal, and how much is the everyday kind.

It helps its not a complete cure tho whereas before I would fall into self-destructive fits for months at a time and by the end I was planning suicide.

Now I only fall into those spells for a few days before I recover. Thus I don't get suicidal anymore and I only feel a slight urge at times to injure myself which I can more or less resist now.

I haven't began my HRT yet, but I've been pretty much approved for it, as soon as my doctor gets a copy of the psych evaluation he;s going to get the prescriptions taken care of. That aside though, I'm not expecting it to take care of mine completely. I don't think anything can do that other than an unbelievable twist of fate or something. I hate life that much. I would be well into the suicidal level, except that I'm too afraid of attempting it and living through it. Part of the reason I hate life, except for despising this male body that I was born in, is that I hate pain and suffering. If I attempt it and fail, then life will just get that much worse. Everything can always get worse.

So anyway. I know I kind of butted in here with no advice to give, which I am sorry for that. But, at least I can tell all of you suffering from depression, that for what it's worth I know what you are going through.

As I was kind of saying at first though, I don't expect everything to be good, I'm just trying to make the world a little less unbearable.

Hi

I've been having rolling depressive times throughout my life. I went on medications about 4 years ago, which helped. I went onto HRT about 10 months ago, but more importantly I accepted me. I started to live me, with the unfortunately necessary male persona relegated to the back burner. I am Cindy who has to cross dress in male clothes, which are getting rather androgenous :laugh:.
My depression has lifted, I am being weaned off the drugs, you cannot stop anti depressants suddenly you need to slowly decrease them.  Next month I'm off them. 

Depression is a many faceted problem, I think mine has been driven by both GID, a sexual assault  as a teenager, that I hadn't realised was still dominant and a family situation that is difficult overcome. Now I feel really strong, happy and very ambitious again.

ROAR


Cindy

Quote from: CindyJames on September 24, 2010, 04:43:39 AMbut more importantly I accepted me.

I'd like to learn how to do that. I think that is one of my biggest problems.

@ Cindy....

GO, GO, GO....pussycat!  :-*