Susan's Place Transgender Resources

You've probably run into this:

A 3 to 5 year old child comes up to you and politely asks,
"Are you a boy or a girl?"

Of course a direct answer suffices, but it makes things a bit awkward with the parents or bystanders.

Ha ha, that's happens to me from time to time.  My job requires that I ride on our school bus to evaluate our drivers and their performance. There has been the odd time where a kindergarten or grade one student has asked that very question.  I simply reply with a smile something like "Thats a funny thing to say, what do you think?". The frequent respoce from them is something like "Well you look like a girl but you sound like a boy." to which I reply, "that's because I have a funny voice."

It's never bothered me. I've come to realize that young children are very, very perceptive and haven't learned that art that many adults lack - Tack.

Steph

That's a good approach Steph.

With young children, I've often found they say things that might be inappropriate for older people. But often, they are simply trying to get some attention or strike up a basic relationship.

Not to be discouraged, of course. But a response like yours should satisfy them.

I wouldn't mind if a little child asked me this. Children are curious and direct, and you can easily tell if they're merely curious or if they're trying to be mean. I'd just tell them that I'm a boy.

I'm only annoyed if someone who's older (as in teenaged and up) who asks me something like that, but it's only happened once.

Strangely I haven't had this happen yet even while in girl mode out with friends. Mostly they just look at me weird and then get distracted by something else.

I was at a job once and was wearing full mens formal clothing, dress pants and nice white shirt.  This little girl came up to me and was talking to me.  Then she said to me "You know, sometimes your voice talks like a girl" and I said "yes, I know."

I thought it was funny.

I had a child of an aquaintance say to me, 'some days you look alot like a man'. I took it in stride. I have to agree with the childs observation so I didnt take it harshly. So I just said, 'I know that is just part of being me'. My spouse however was quik to jump to my defense and chewed the kid out for being rude. Then he had to sit though Sevans version of gender basics 101 for a while.
Personaly I would have just let it go.

I have never had a child say anything to me.  I don't know if I don't set off their curiosity or not.  ???

Quote from: Elijah on September 24, 2010, 06:10:15 PMThen she said to me "You know, sometimes your voice talks like a girl" and I said "yes, I know."

Haha, that's funny! :D

I once had a boy about 6 years old come up to me and ask if I was a boy.  Since I wasn't out/dressing/even realized I was trans yet I said no, but he insisted I was.  I kept denying it but nothing would do.  It was most interesting.

But yeah, I don't mind if kids ask me.  They don't do it to be mean or hurtful, so it's fine with me.

I went over to my sister's ex's house for thanksgiving and I was introduced as my sister's sister and her ex's niece who was really young made a face like this  >:( and said "No you're not!" To which I laughed off and said "I suppose I'm not then  :laugh:" And that was that ;D.

the first time I had this happen was actually before i was presenting full fem. i was at a yard sale and this little boy checked me out for a bit, then turned to his mother and said "that's a MAN!"

it embarrassed her more than it did me and i suspect he got in trouble.

I've been asked a couple of times and usually just said "girl" and it went over ok, I was also asked once what my name was and there was no way not to say "Tammy" even though the house is walking distance from mine and the adults there probably knew different (this, too, was a yard sale) but they backed me up on it and said "Say 'Hi, Tammy'"

the only time it's caused me discomfort was when i was with my wife and to confirm directly I was a girl or give the female name would cause tension later - but I still claimed i was female as the lesser of two evils

I've never had this happen yet as I usually try to avoid children like the plague. But I like the idea of turning the question back on them to see what they think. I mean if you're going to get a "real" genuine honest answer it's going to come from a young whipper snapper that is for sure. :P

Before I even considered the possibility of being trans a kid asked me that.  I wanted to just say, "I'm a girl" and be done with it, but for 'some' reason getting those words out was very hard.  I was kind of confused after that.

Nobody's asked me since I started actually trying to present male, though.

Oh I've had this happen to me once when I first began to transition. I got a buzz cut but I wasn't binding at the time so people assumed I was butch or a stud. The young boy who had just moved in beside us was riding his scooter and he stopped when he came near me. I was just coming out of the car from school. The passenger window was open and my mom was sitting in the driver's seat. So when the boy asked "Excuse me, are you a boy or a girl?" I didn't know what to say. I wasn't out to my parents yet. So I glanced at my mother through the open window, stared down at the ground, and muttered "girl" underneath my breath. After that the boy rode away on his scooter, after simply answering 'okay'.

I felt like ->-bleeped-<- for the rest of the day.

I've never had a child ask me if I was a boy or a girl. I would think that if one were to ask I would respond with "yes."

I would respond with what gender I'm representing at the time. Admittedly, I haven't had experience with this type of encounter at all.

Quote from: Nygeel on September 25, 2010, 01:33:44 PM
I've never had a child ask me if I was a boy or a girl. I would think that if one were to ask I would respond with "yes."

I would love to say that to someone. LOL

Quote from: cynthialee on September 25, 2010, 01:51:40 PM
I would love to say that to someone. LOL

Well...on formspring somebody asked me "Are you bio-guy or FTM?" and I said "yes." That's kinda close?

My friends 80 year old grandmother asked me if I was girl yesterday, and here I thought I had my boy disguise on.  I even took off my pretty scarf to look more 'boy'.  It was funny because my two friends that were with me knew that I am trans and identify as 'girl', we all looked at each other and smirked and then the grand father told her I was a boy.  I like it when my disguise doesn't work so well.  jenna!

Oddly, when I was much younger (not presenting or realizing that I was trans) I was asked this very frequently by other kids in school. I always just figured it was because I have a boy's name. As I got older and experimented with my passibility, I was never asked but I caught people checking me out to try and figure out what I was.

A child once insisted I was a "boy" once while I was attempting to present as female(which is really really not hard for me T-T) at a family function, but I know he was just trying to be mean, because when I asked him why he said it was because I have "yellow teeth". I really hoped it was one of those "kids are totally perceptive" moments but he was just trying to make me feel bad. Kids are mean.

with kids, whichever answer is believable (basically if im not binding i won't say boy)

with older people, the answer of "yes" suffices

I had a boy ask me for my name once. This was before I considered myself trans, so I told them [birth name]. It was a school function where family was welcome in high school and the boy must have been about 7/8. I watched him go back to where he was before hand (with a girl, maybe his sister), and he said "It's a girl."

I've also been referred to as male, asked which gender I was, etc. by kids while presenting as female.  I, honestly, don't seem to pass as female all the time, even though I have long hair and an obviously female body.  That's one thing I don't have to worry about in regard to transitioning (though I do have plenty of other fears about it).

Anyway, I think it's cool that kids seem to pick up on people's true gender identities better than adults do.  It's like they go by the person's attitude, not the shape of their body.  And I like it that they're so directly honest about things.