Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I came out to my mom last night. I don't know what I was thinking at the time. I wasn't prepared at all; I didn't plan it, it just happened. I guess it was just time and my subconscious knew or something.

I have social anxiety and my mom constantly bugs me about it. Last night she was angry at me because I keep putting off a phone call I need to make. Anyway, I tried explaining the social anxiety thing to her but she just said the usual "Why can't you just grow out of it?" I explained some of the reasons, but didn't mention anything about my dysphoria.  She then asked me what we could do to fix the anxiety.

I don't know what came over me but I told her that most of the times I don't feel extremely anxious are when I'm with people who treat me as male. Then I went on and explained how part of why I get so anxious is because I feel like I'm in the wrong body. I was shaky, stuttering like hell and just terrified of her response. It took what felt like hours to spit it out. She just gave me a skeptical look and laughed. Then she called out to my brother (who I'm out to) in the other room and asked him if he believed me. He looked her straight in the eyes and said "Yes, I do believe her". My mom stopped laughing and looked really worried. I instantly regretted saying anything, all I could think was "WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST DO?!!"

All the other times I've tried coming out to her she would just laugh and call me ridiculous, but this time it seemed to finally click that I wasn't joking around. She didn't understand at first and unfortunately because I wasn't prepared, I didn't have any pamphlets or papers to give her to help explain that I'm ftm and what that means and such.

I then explained how I've always felt male and how unhappy I am because of my female body. The more I talked about it the more she understood and accepted. She even mentioned that I had told her I wanted to be a boy when I was very young and that she saw some signs when I was growing up.

I wasn't going to discuss surgery but she brought it up. She told me she didn't want me to "mutilate" my body with surgery. My mom works in the medical field so she knows about Phalloplasty (even though she works in another area) and is completely against it. Luckily, I don't plan on getting bottom surgery but I still tried explaining why people do it. She didn't get it, and when I tried explaining top surgery she responded with the ol' "Women get their breasts removed because of cancer, why would you do that?" and I countered with "Some women get breast reduction because they're too large chested and it causes back problems. Think of it that way." That seemed to defeat her protests.

We spent about 2 hours talking, and there's some things she still doesn't understand (i.e. gay ftm/mtf), but I think it went pretty well considering she was brought up in a very Catholic household. She even started brainstorming male names for me. I'm surprised she took it so well and finally accepted it after all the times she's played dumb.  I'm still kind of in shock that I told her, but I also feel really great.  ;D

I have this wonderful site to thank. Ever since I've come across this place I've felt less alone and just more accepting of who I am which made coming out so much easier. Thanks everyone for being so great.

Hi Fries,

It's one of those steps, we sort of end up telling the truth, we don't know why but in the end it happens. I think it is the point that validates us.  When we finally explain something so non-understandable to a person who cannot conceive of the concept , we change opinion.

I'm really glad your brother was there, I think he may have swayed an unhealthy debate.

So now it's one step at a time, try not to spook Mum too much, gradually move forward and never back. The whole idea of GID is more foreign to her than it is to you.
Good Luck, my new brother.

Cindy

Hi Fries,
well done.   now you've got it out you'll feel happier about planning a future.

Quote from: fries on October 06, 2010, 02:09:34 AM


I wasn't going to discuss surgery but she brought it up. She told me she didn't want me to "mutilate" my body with surgery. My mom works in the medical field so she knows about Phalloplasty (even though she works in another area) and is completely against it. Luckily, I don't plan on getting bottom surgery but I still tried explaining why people do it. She didn't get it, and when I tried explaining top surgery she responded with the ol' "Women get their breasts removed because of cancer, why would you do that?" and I countered with "Some women get breast reduction because they're too large chested and it causes back problems. Think of it that way." That seemed to defeat her protests.

People who work in medicine iften take those sorts of attitudes.

For most of the world, medicine is the mysterious cure all. For those who work there, the realities are a little more obvious.

Example. My sister in law is a midwife. When both of her sisters got married she regailed them with terrible tales of the consequences of pregnancy. (The three of them are very close and my sister in law was being her usual over protective self).

Good that your mom has taken things so well. Moms are frequently overbearing on their daughters. (Said on the basis that, until now she regarded you as her daughter).

It's funny how when people realize we want top surgery they get horrified.  I mean, seriously, they don't get that men dont' want breasts?!  But if you weren't transitioning and wanted a boob job, nobody would bat an eye. 

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer about the time I started transition.  So I used that as proof I needed to lop them off.  No use but could get cancer!  Goodbye!!  LOL


Jay

P.S.  Humor does help in situations like this.  If you think about transition from a logical point of view, it does seem a bit ridiculous.  ::)  But then, I have a weird sense of humor.

I've noticed that as well.

Inspite of all the standard stuff about people, humans, individuals, so many people betray their notion that women are breasts and men are testicles and a penus.

Even the feminists talk about men castrating themselves.

But in the case of mothers, I'm prepared to be a bit more tolerant.

Congrats fries! That's great! :D I'm glad she took it so well