Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm only considering the possibility of transition, but I thought of something and it seems like it could be quite troubling for any FTM. Has anyone ever dated someone and had a messy break up and that person got so upset about the situation that they outed you to other people without your consent? Or even worse, on a large scale like posting something on facebook?

It's something I'm worried about. I don't think I'd be able to live it down. I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to know who I haven't told myself. It would do A LOT of damage and I feel it might ruin the possibility of another relationship....

honestly, i can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who would turn out to be that vindictive and malicious.  but then again, you never know.  i think there are always going to be people out there who will gossip about you and disclose your status without your permission, but what can you do except roll with it? if you bog yourself down with all the "what if's" that could possibly occur, you're never going to be able to live your life the way you want to.

i came out in the middle of 10th grade. so you can assume that news of my transition was spread like wildfire.
i've had trouble with people outing me, sometimes out of spite. sometimes it's simply because they are proud of me for being strong and coming out to begin with. but regardless the reason, it used to upset me immensely.
i've talked to the people that were outing me because of being proud. and rather than saying i'm trans, they have adapted to just calling me a boy.
the people who would out me out of spite, are generally people i have never personally spoken to. and thankfully now i have enough support from family and friends that they no longer tolerate those people. though i still hear about the unnecessary comments people who don't know me say. but it hurts less than it used to.

i had a situation where someone found out i knew, and told the person i was perusing before i could get the chance to tell them. and posted a bulletin about it on myspace. the damage it really only caused was between me and the person who posted it.

i guess what i'm getting at is that once you embrace who you are, if you decide that you're going to transition. you can't stop people from finding out, or stop people from talking and gossiping. as sad as it sounds.
but if this is who you are, the people who love you; they'll help you through whatever the nay-sayers do.

it's sad that network sites have become such a tool of torment that it scares people into the closet. but you shouldn't let that fear keep you from doing what you need to to make you happy. because once you're happy, people won't try to so hard to make your situation unbearable for you. atleast that's what i've found with embracing and accepting myself.

I do have the fear of being outed (10weeks on T). I think I will have this fear at least until top surgery(maybe forever). There is always the chance that someone will out you, even if its a friend after an argument. Take your time considering your transition and think if you WERE outed would you still be happy with your decision to transition.

I definitely had that fear for being outed.  I still do (and probably always will).  Luckily I was in a relationship where I had enough dirt on them that there was no way they'd tell about me.  Not saying that's how it should be.  We're now just acquaintances and I highly doubt she'd out me even if I did make her upset.

I wouldn't let my fear get in the way of a good relationship though.  I think I'd do my best to end on okay terms, and if he told, he told.  I had to learn that I can only control one person, and that's myself.  What other people do is on them.

I did not have such an experience yet.

However, you'll find me almost nowhere on the internet with my name, and I avoid facebook etc.

I'm in 10th grade right now. If I were ever outed to the point to harassment, then I'd probably just change schools and go as stealth as possible there. My mom wants to move to a house that would have me going to a different high school anyway. But so far, the only person at school who's said anything was an MtF who told me I looked very androgynous, so I guess so far all is good.

Quote from: dudical on October 11, 2010, 11:05:34 AM
honestly, i can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who would turn out to be that vindictive and malicious.  but then again, you never know. 

Yeah, you never know.  I try to avoid vindictive, malicious people and only hang out with nice people, but some people turn out to have another side to them that you don't see until it's too late.  And people can change over time too.  Whenever you commit an act of trust towards someone, you're taking a risk, though it's often a risk that's worth taking.

That said, if someone's going to try to use gossip to make me look bad, I'd much rather they tell the truth than lie.  I've been in both situations.  Losing friends because of a malicious lie is purely awful.  Losing friends because they don't like some truth about me is easier to deal with.  If they can't accept that I have flaws and aspects of myself that I'd rather not make public, then we wouldn't have been good friends anyway and it's no real loss.  It's painful of course, but I can get over it and move on.

whoa man, thats super ironic! just happened to me.. i was kinda livin the girl mode and boy mode thing.. boy on facebook, girl in school. my girlfriend knew me on both, so when i dumped her she told all my 'boy' friends on facebook and all my friends/peers at school too. sucks. yuck. sorry, i didnt really answer your question but it fits the subject,  :)

It is one of those risks you run. Usually the percentage is low, but it's still there.

Also @tangobravo you look like the dude from Green Day in your avatar ;)

You could come out first but that might not be realistic or desirable.

I'm just sort of out, it's no secret.