Susan's Place Transgender Resources

not sure how I'm going to do it. But I decided that tomorow would be the day (my moms coming to the city to bring me my car/take back her car). I only see her once a month typically.

I'm out to most of my friends, docs, therapists, people at uni who need to know, and alot of other people including my parents best friends have figured out that I'm trans.. it's only a matter of time before my parents figure it out (if they haven't already - I'm sure neighbours have approached them about it.. and it's pretty obvious). Anyhow.. I want this out in the public so that my parents can know about my life like a parent should. So.. tomorow mom.. when she's visiting!

RAWR!

Good luck tomorrow Tad :)

The best of luck!

Good luck dude I hope the best for ya.

I wish you the best of luck, Tad!

Good Luck, Tad. I'm hope it all goes well..

T minus 4 hours. O_O. Anyhow.. my parents seem to be rpetty much the last people in my life that know. Majority of my friends do.. neighbours have figured it out.. so lets hope it all goes well.

Good luck!

So, how did it go?

Mom said she'd always wondered. UHhhh, that she didn't hold it against me and that she was sure dad wouldn't either.. and that she'd take care of telling dad for me (thankgoodness). She asked me why I had been scared to tell her and why I was crying.. bahahaha. Oh and that I have missionary relatives in Brazil that work with Transexuals - and maybe I should visit them for a while to gain perspective. And if I'd been feeling happier since going full time.. and lots of hugs. And told me it must be hard


Then she asked what caused it and I tried to explain the theory of testosterone exposure in the womb... and she was just like.. well.. we have no idea about your biological parents soooo...

Glad to hear it went well....I am afraid to tell my folks....so hearing yours went well is encouraging

Congratulations, man!

cool mom  :D

Dad called late, told me he couldn't sleep that mom gave him my letter to her. First thing he told me was that he'd always love me. Then he went on to tell me he'd known something was wrong.. but he didn't think it was this. (Donno how he's ignored the obvious signs). Then he went on to how I should look up my biological mother and meet her, find out her characteristics.. so that I can learn about myself..

I donno.. that kinda hurt a lot. He made it sound like I didn't know anything about myself truely and that meeting my biological mom would fix me. But then, that was just my interpretation of him telling me to go learn about myself and meeting bio relatives.. O_O

it's great that both parents are Ok with you and that they are happy to suggest you go meet your bio mom. 
as TSism rarely runs in families your bio mom may not have any relevance to your TSism but if you can make her your friend and ally it will be nice.
I think that from what I've read bio moms generally are glad to be contacted even though first meetings are likely to be very emotional.
adoption agencies generally keep kids and bio mom separated until they decide contact will be acceptable on both sides?

I'm glad your coming out went well, i hope mine does too. it's good to read about the good coming out stories

Glad to hear they seem to be taking it well!

Tad, sounds like it went pretty well overall.

I expect much the same sort of responses will be typical of my folks. My ma knows, in fact, she outright asked me and said she had always had a feeling. She said she's been working on my father and he doesn't really want to think about it I guess, but she said to know that no matter what he loves me. I expect he'll accept it, but not be as accepting as my mother, I suppose is the way to put it? Actually, I think he'd have a harder time if I were to tell him I'm bi than if I were to tell him I'm trans...haha

Maybe his suggesting you find out about your biological mother isn't so much him thinking it will fix you or that you don't know yourself as maybe thinking it might help you through the process? I don't know, that thought kind of goes a few ways. Like, since you've learned about, accepted, and come out about this maybe he wonders if knowing more "about yourself" (about your biological relatives) might be something you're interested in or that could help you. Or maybe, since these are changes you're opting into (the fact transgenderism isn't a choice is irrelevant to the fact that, at least in a basic sense, we opt into HRT and such -- we accept the changes they bring) he thought maybe knowing more about your biological parents might help with knowing what to expect in transition?

Uh, this is all speculative, of course, as I don't know how much he may or may not know, nor do I know him...but just some alternatives that are possible, I suppose. I think though that maybe if it bothers you that speaking to him to get it straight from him what he meant would be the best idea -- that way you're not left wondering or speculating or anything.

hehehehe... dad called. Said I needed to go talk to someone about this.. and told me he'd already contacted the _____ xxx counselling. Turns out they are super religous. Thanks dad. Apparently the fact that I already have a counesllor, doctor, and as of yesterday appointments with the provincial specialist, a local psychologist, and another local counselling group that will do my therapy for the WPATH standards... Oh, and I talk to an ordained minister on a regular basis, is not enough for him.

I'm sure he thinks that the christian counselling serivce will be able to fix me :P bahahaha.

ahh I forgot to update this thread. Dad sent me an email telling me that he thought I was sexy and such, but that I wasn't mature and wouldn't be til I hit 24 or 25, and talked about all the 'traumatizing things' that he thought might have felt play into these feelings. It was a really disturbing email. He spent almost 2 pages talking about how he thought I was pretty and sexy and such.. and then went on to say I was selling myself short. And how he'd had no clue about any of this.

So I sent him a further email talking about how I've always been too scared to talk to him because he's been abusive most of my life. Went on to say that many of my earliest memories even are having to do with wanting to be a boy, about 'packing' before I even knew really what that was, about not telling people I was a girl at summer camps.. so getting to be in boys groups, about getting bullied to the point that I was suicidal through a lot of junior high. etc. He sent a short reply saying he needed time to think about all this, but that there was a lot more playing into this then he initially thought, and that he was hurt by a lot I said. I think he's finally realizing that he knows pretty much nothing about me even though I lived under his roof for years and years. I have a feeling this is going to be hard on him.. because the topic of abuse is likely going to come up at some point, and how he's been abusive of mom and me.. but he thought he was just being normal. O_o.. Yeah, it's normal to routinely yell at your wife/kid that they are going to hell, and that they are as useless as tits on a bull, and that they are idiots, and blah blah blah. And yeah it's normal for a mom to tell their kid she wonders if anybody would notice if she just dissappeared and about how dad makes her feel like crap. Yeah. Anyhow. I think that ultimately.. dad's going to be more troubled as he sees how much pain hes caused me and mom.. then about me transitioning. That's the impression I got from his last letter anyhow.. We'll see. I sent my letter on Monday with these further explanations.. got a short reply on wednesday.. and haven't heard from him since.

he also told me that I was more intelligent than he thought, and took some comfort in this... gee thanks dad.

wow your dad sounds really creepy. if my dad did that to me i wouldn't talk to him anymore, then again i barely know my dad so I'm not even bothering telling him I'm a transmen. he'll just see me with a beard one day and he'll be like wtf? lol  i told mom though and that went amazingly well! so happy! she actually 100% supports my transitioning and said she's not ashamed of me, she doesn't not like me, and she'll never be like i don't like this and out the door that she'll always be mom no matter what whether I'm her daughter or son. i hugged her, cried and then ate peppermint.

oop sorry stole your thunder, I'll give it back to you ::)

No problem Noah.. nother letter from dad came last night. Telling me I could never be a man even with all the changes (which is true.. from a scientific standpoint).. but I'm still a guy dad. Also telling me that this was unhealthy to think about as young as 9 or 10.. and that its something I thought about and wanted then.. it's probably skewed my desires.. and would likely not be something I actually wanted now if I stopped to think about it. Told me he and mom were going to have to go into counselling over this.. etc. Anyhow. meh!

well I'm glad you seem pretty well rounded and still are going for what you want regardless of your dad's opinions. wait, you still are right?

Course.. I mean yeah. Though I'll likely take a bit longer, really delve into counselling for a while.. appease the dad and such first. But if this is right, and I do believe it is, and I'm sure anyone I see over it will agree, he's not going to hold me back from doing what I need to do for me.

Most parents are just worried about losing their children. It sounds like your dad is in denial at the moment. Don't be surprised if he says some pretty wierd stuff to you over the next few months/years. I know in my case, spending some time "figuring things out" with a counselor made a huge difference in the way my parents saw my gender status.

For my parents and I,  this ended up lasting around 3 years before they moved to the mourning stage. This is really where acceptance started. They knew their child was gone and were on their way to beginning to accept the new me.  Basically the point I'm trying to make is parents can take a while to come around and it might not seem like it will happen, but its possible. Having parents in your life can be a great help if you have the opportunity.