Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Just a few minutes ago, I was talking to my mom about my new room in our basement. She asked me if I'd be okay turning off all the lights when I go to bed, and jokingly asked if I was afraid of the dark. I then replied, "No mom, I'm a big girl."

I only just came out a few weeks ago. Nobody's using any male pronouns (haven't really brought it up yet, I'm waiting until after I start seeing a therapist), nobody really refers to me as male except a few days ago in the car, when my mom asked me, "Because you're a boy, do you like girls?" So I guess I'm just in the habit of referring to myself as female around family. But did any of you guys accidentally refer to yourself as female after coming out?

I've had this sort of conversation:

Somebody: "Blahblah.. she... blahblah"
Me: "Hey, you know it's "he"."
Somebody: "Oh, well, it's hard okay? Besides, you call yourself "she"!"
Me: "I do, really? Like when?"
Somebody: "Uhhh... I can't think of a specific time..."

So who knows if I'm slipping up or not.

I wouldn't worry too much, it's hard to break a habit even if it's important to us.

I called myself a "city girl" once.

The people around me were kind enough to pretend not to notice, but it was terribly embarrassing :(

I dont ever call myself she, especially sence coming out, and I dont think i did it that much before transition either

I really just avoided talking about myself like that at all since I considered it an indignity to refer to myself as female. Other people I can not control, but I have no reason to offend myself in such a manner.

When talking about my fat old cat, I call myself her mom.  I've done that since I got her when I was in fourth grade, and I think that's the only occasion on which I use female names for myself.  It's cool, since I'm her mothering, smothering, feed-you-love-you-overly-cuddle-you figure.   :P

I refer to myself as a female now and again because its inappropriate or unwanted around family friends and people that wont understand...

On my own and with accepting people I refer to myself as male.

Quote from: Silver on October 13, 2010, 01:12:29 AM
I really just avoided talking about myself like that at all since I considered it an indignity to refer to myself as female. Other people I can not control, but I have no reason to offend myself in such a manner.

yea, thats how I feel

Quote from: Silver on October 13, 2010, 01:12:29 AM
I really just avoided talking about myself like that at all since I considered it an indignity to refer to myself as female. Other people I can not control, but I have no reason to offend myself in such a manner.

Quote from: Elijah on October 13, 2010, 01:30:59 AM
yea, thats how I feel

thirded.

Depends on who I'm with, with my friends I refer to myself as male but with my family I refer to myself as female if I have to use a gender specific word.

Lol I got the "You're a boy so you like girls right?" from my mum too.

Yea I also pretty much avoid speaking of myself. But I was at a meeting with my therapist one day and was talking about my sister and said "out of my sisters, we're full brother...err..and sister" I almost thought I had to "correct" myself and say sister, but then realized I was right, brother and sister.

I often talk about myself in third person (Jeatyn like bagels, etc)  and I've come out with my old name a couple of times then been like "woah that was weird"

I don't think I've ever done the wrong pronouns on myself, I can't even bring myself to do it when I am talking to somebody who I'm not out to. If I was saying something like "I'm a city girl" I would change it to "I'm a city person" - sorry to rob your example Kyril, couldn't think of anything else :P

when I talk to myself, i still refer to myself as "Sara". that bad habit is slowly drifting away though thank goodness

Yes, once after about a year on T I was talking about the time I had made a purchase of some exercise equipment (I was fat) and in the course of relaying the story, I said something like, "Like yeah, right, she's gonna run a road race!" referring to what the salesperson was thinking about me, as I was F at the time I bought it.

Another time about 2 yrs on T I was talking about a time my son was sick, and referred to myself as just a mom.  UGH.

But yeah, I'm working on that to either eliminate pronouns, or insert male ones.  Took a few slips like that to go DOH!! and wake me up.


Jay

Quote from: Elijah on October 13, 2010, 01:05:38 AM
I dont ever call myself she, especially sence coming out, and I dont think i did it that much before transition either

i agree with this.
i protested being a girl all the time. though i didn't admit that i was a boy either until i was 15.

i was a confusing child.  :-X

Nope. For a long time before coming out I just used... gender exclusive speech. I'd find a way to word things without having to refer to my gender.. Now I don't at all.

Off topic but OMG, Elijah....I want that kitty in your avatar. I'm a cat fanatic....it is quite pathetic, the degree to which I love kittehs.

Quote from: zombiesarepeaceful on October 13, 2010, 12:17:09 PM
Off topic but OMG, Elijah....I want that kitty in your avatar. I'm a cat fanatic....it is quite pathetic, the degree to which I love kittehs.

lol thats my baby Edwin

I do the opposite.

I refer to myself as male to people i haven't come out to.
Not sure if that's good or bad. But people ignore it.

I actually don't think I've ever really spoken too often of myself in a way where pronouns or nouns other than "I" are necessary, and on the occasion I have I can only ever remember using gender neutral words. Of course, occasionally to the people who know I'm trans or know me as a guy I will use male pronouns (admittedly occasionally just for the chance to use them), but even then I don't usually refer to myself in any way that warrants them. Really it's just a habit, I suppose -- I never really refer to myself in any way as my bio sex unless first explaining that I'm trans, or trying to explain it, or talking about it in general I suppose. Hell, even now I'm not entirely comfortable admitting that I'm not physically a guy...it's sort of my way of avoiding dysphoria: ignoring the whole mess as much as I can.

In the first couple of weeks after coming out, I had to constantly check my use of pronouns.  I don't think I ever actually messed up out loud, but if I was talking about myself in my head (don't ask), I would often mess up and use the wrong pronoun.  It stopped being an issue shortly thereafter, when more people began using the right pronouns and I was able to get used to it.

no, but i dont think i ever really did that much to begin with. before i was out or anything if i did it'd just be something like 'im a cowboy! i mean....cowgirl -rolls eyes to self-"

I do often refer to myself as female in my head, which kinda sucks. If I'm thinking about what someone would say about me in some kind of situation I'll think something along the lines of, "Oh, well she probably wouldn't like this."
Which sucks, because I've never not even once in my life seen myself as a girl yet I have these slip ups mentally. I guess I'm just used to hearing that so I say it naturally, but I'm stopping it since I've come out.  :)

I am definitely on the older side of this group....so I have had many years of referring to myself in public as she ... I guess in private too.   Always in my head I have been a guy...but years of conditioning as a female I still use it.  I am trying to refer to myself as a guy more and more when I talk with the folks I am out to ... I am getting better

I have never thought of myself as female (except for a brief phase during college, but that's another story).  In my thoughts, I have always used male pronouns for myself.  When talking to other people, I've always avoided using pronouns or gender-specific words.  Maybe people think it's just a quirk of mine.  Maybe people think I'm being ultra pc.  Who knows. 

Sometimes I slip up and use a male term to refer to myself among people I'm not out to.  It's a bit odd when I do this and they correct me.  But I just kind of laugh it off and try not to think about it too much.

So I guess I have the opposite problem as everyone else: I'm not out to many people but I accidentally use male pronouns for myself.

I avoid the female references in speaking of myself and I don't think I've slipped up yet. I however do feel really awkward when my family (those who I've "come out" too) use the "she", "her", "daughter", "granddaughter" etc. and my birth name too even pre-everything, but I let it slide because I know it's difficult for them. I avoid using my birth name wherever I can as well. Can't escape either during job interviews though... much to my discomfort and annoyance.

But, I have two furkids (feline) and my mom always refers to me to them as "your mamma"... I let that slide too. But wish she'd use "daddy" or something, 'cause that's how it is. But, I'm sure that will start happening with the male pronouns after I'm on T and clearly, visibly male.

I'm to embarassed to refer to myself as "He" in front of my mom and I'm to shy to correct my friends. Today at lunch I put Ranch dressing on my pizza and my friend said "Do you feel like a whore putting all that white stuff on your pizza?" and I said "No, but I feel gay" (I hope I didn't offend anyone) and he said "Your still a whore" and I got kind of sad so I said "Yeah.....I guess"

nah, I never really identified myself as female though.  Its something I've always somewhat openly rejected. 
I always referred to myself as a[n] "_adjective_ kid"  never "girl" 

I've been playing the pronoun game for a long long time. Gender talk is so hard to avoid.
I often find myself saying things about growing up to be a cat lady; "cat person" just doesn't have the same effect.

Quote from: RaeLikesTea on October 14, 2010, 09:12:17 PM
I've been playing the pronoun game for a long long time. Gender talk is so hard to avoid.
I often find myself saying things about growing up to be a cat lady; "cat person" just doesn't have the same effect.

And saying "I'm going to grow up to be a Crazy Old Cat Man" kind of sounds like you're a superhero.

Quote from: Magnus on October 14, 2010, 08:40:52 PM
But, I have two furkids (feline) and my mom always refers to me to them as "your mamma"... I let that slide too. But wish she'd use "daddy" or something, 'cause that's how it is. But, I'm sure that will start happening with the male pronouns after I'm on T and clearly, visibly male.

Oh yeah my mom always used to tell my I was my pet's "mommy" and I'd always argue so much about that. Not just because I am not female but also because I consider myself more of an "owner" than "parent." It irritated me so much :laugh: Still don't want to be called a "daddy" but I'd much prefer it to "mommy." Can't wait to pass consistently, then slipping up will make people more uncomfortable than it will make me.

Nah, I've always been a something-guy, or something-person. Couldn't bring myself to ever refer to myself as anything female.

It's given people odd impressions before - I didn't realize I was doing it until it was pointed out that presenting female and announcing that you're the token Linux guy is bad in a professional context :laugh:.

Something "Person" became a habit I had to force as a compromise. It's a habit I've mostly broken again :laugh:.

Quote from: littlemonster on October 13, 2010, 01:18:47 AM
When talking about my fat old cat, I call myself her mom.  I've done that since I got her when I was in fourth grade, and I think that's the only occasion on which I use female names for myself.  It's cool, since I'm her mothering, smothering, feed-you-love-you-overly-cuddle-you figure.   :P

This!

I am my fluffykins mama, but I'm getting into the habit of saying "papa", especially around family members.
Though to be honest, I just kind of play up the whole "mama" thing as being ridiculously campy joke.  ::)

Quote from: Teknoir on October 15, 2010, 03:22:53 AM
Nah, I've always been a something-guy, or something-person. Couldn't bring myself to ever refer to myself as anything female.

It's given people odd impressions before - I didn't realize I was doing it until it was pointed out that presenting female and announcing that you're the token Linux guy is bad in a professional context :laugh:.

Something "Person" became a habit I had to force as a compromise. It's a habit I've mostly broken again :laugh:.

Yeah, I did this a lot...got some odd looks sometimes. I was the computer repair guy and the parts delivery boy in my Navy squadron. I think "city girl" is just a carryover from when I was forcing myself to think of myself as female. Only slipped out once, anyway.

When I talk to my dog I still say "who's mommy's little <insert goofy name>?" and I'm not big on caring because I feel "maternal" and not paternal with my dog.  Around other people I don't really use pronouns or anything "feminine" in reference to me.

I'm fairly good at remembering not to out myself with wrong pronouns but the other day me and my wife were out and there were cherry pancakes on the menu. So i proceeded to tell my wife that when i was pregnant with my son i really really craved cherry pancakes.

Cherry pancakes?! :o

Uh...ahem...I've gotta try those some time.  :eusa_think:

Uhm...more on topic, though I've already posted. My folks also usually refer to me as my dog's parent when they're talking to her and the other night my dog came into the kitchen after I'd accidentally ripped a hole in the paint on the wall (we were trying to put up a new shelf and I didn't know how to work the adhesive things -- whoops!) and my ma kept telling her she was gonna kill me (joking, of course). At first she referred to me in the usual way, but then corrected herself and kept saying "I'm gonna kill your daddy, I'm gonna kill him." ;D I usually ignore when I'm called something I don't care for (namely as the main reason I don't care for them is the fact they don't suit me: I'm a guy), but it was nice that she corrected herself all the same. :)

Of course, my dog thought that maybe she was getting a treat so she didn't care that my ma was threatening my life; I joked that she was thinking, "So long as you feed me I don't care what you do!"