Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Lately I've been thinking a lot (and I mean a lot) about coming out to the woman I am currently talking to -- we care very much about one another, and in fact I think it is one of the best relationships I have had to date (romantic or otherwise), but she does not want to be in an official relationship until we see each other in person though we still tell one another that we love each other. As that last bit probably showed: this is long-distance and internet-based (though we also text, but have never talked). I've been trying to figure out how to tell her, when to tell her, even trying to recall any signs of how she might take the news -- I've even done a search of "key words" to take a look at past conversations for clues.

She has always known me as the guy I really am.

I know she is interested in and supportive of gay rights. I know she is open-minded. We've spoken about a wide range of topics and not once have I thought she was at all close-minded. She knows I'm bi and thinks that's hot (and, at least at the time, found it fascinating); in that conversation she admitted she would have sex with a woman (she volunteered the information) but she has admitted she could never be in a relationship with one, that she honestly doesn't know how guys do it and doesn't even have many friends that are women. That works, really, since I'm a guy.

But even with that there's always that nervousness, that fear, that things will be different given the dynamics of the relationship. She has gotten very upset with me, pissed even, over things in the past -- we have always managed to work things out, but I still worry this will be a case where I fear losing her for keeping this back and she will be upset by it. I honestly feel it's her right, I just don't want to lose her and pray that I won't.

Uh...really that was the background to a different question, as I know I have to figure the above out myself, I guess I just had to get all of that off of my chest first. My question is, and it's a general one:

Has it seemed that those supportive of and interested in gay rights, open-minded in such fields, have been more accepting of the news that someone is trans?

Also, another question: has it seemed that those who see you as your true gender, rather than knew you first as your birth sex, are more accepting or find it easier to accept? Seems it would be less of a leap to go from, I suppose.

Wow...that didn't look as long in the preview. Sorry, folks!

It was nice to put it all to words, though.

As with any relationship, you roll the dice and take your chances.

You will ether have a friend for life, a possible SO, or she will just walk away.

She is more open to your trans-past.

Thanks, Janet.

I realize I just have to roll the dice and hope she takes it well, I just suppose thinking about all of this made me wonder if, in general, gay rights and gay friendly open-minded people tended to be more accepting of the transgendered as well. I feel like she would ultimately not walk away, but I guess I'm still terrified -- the whole "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" idea.

By the way, I love your signature. It always makes me think of my ma: she told me once that that song was her song for me because that's what she hopes for me.

I've found that gay men will tolerate TS better than gay women but both types wish we would just stay home and out of their clubs.