Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've got to explain this situation:

My parents are divorced, my mother knows about my transsexuality and she's not accepting it, what's more, I've had constant fights with her about this issue (you know, I'm a demon, I'm disgusting, a shameful sin, I was born a MALE and I must be a MAN and bla bla bla). My dad recently knew about my wish of transitioning from male to female (less than a month ago), but his position is still unconfirmed. He is now aware of my past, that I've already tried to transition when I was 14 and that I've had a hrd time dealing with this situation.

My mom wasn't aware that I was under psychological counseling for this situation until she overheard a conversation with my dad this last Friday. My father wanted to talk with my mom over the phone but she refused to, and he said he'd call next day. He didn't.

Meanwhile, my mother decided to take away my internet connection (I'm relying on a neighbor's WiFi conenction) because "->-bleeped-<-s are brainwashing me and I need to realize I'm a guy". She's treathening with canceling the service by tomorrow. She even wants me out of the house, which legally, belongs to my father, not to her.

I called my dad yesterday because I wanted his opinion on all this, but he said he was busy and tht he'd call today, Sunday. so far, he hasn't. I'm afraid to lose his support, I really need him to get involved into the situation.

What should I do about all this? I know, it became too dramatic, but I tried to keep it all hidden. Didn't work as you can all see.

I was thinking of waiting the rest of the day until my dad called, to not push him any further, to give him time.

But... what if he doesn't calls?

I'm just too sad, I didn't want this to happen, it's not fair that my parents treat me like this just because I hate to be a guy and I wish to change.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I don't really have anything to say apart from that I understand what you are going through to some degree. My parents have never accepted me being trans and while they didn't force me out of the house I feel that everytime I am there I feel suffocated and I ended up leaving the country to get away from the hurt and the pain. I wish I had some magic bit of advice that I could give to make your problems all go away. I hope the best for you and that someday your mum will come around. *fingers crossed on your dad calling*

Sorry to hear that your Mother is not a loving Christian, but a hate monger in the guest of Christianity.  But taking away your internet connection, she is trying to emotionally abuse you.

I hope that your Dad calls.  But just in case, do you have a back up plan should Mom really carry out her threat.  It might be time to find a way out.

My mom owes me $750USD, I'll ask her to give me my money, and I might just leave.

I'm not waiting any longer.

Fail to plan; Plan to fail. Your situation isn't the best, but thinking it out will help.
Close your eyes and take a deep breath and write it out (well after you open your eyes)

Make sure you have someplace to go that is safe. A hasty decision could be bad.

Do you have a job? Can you support your self?
$750 is not a lot of money, but its a start. Where will you get money tomorrow?

I know  I know :/ I wasn't being serious XD

Right now I'll just wait, and think of other plans to follow in case things do go bad.

My dad hasn't called yet, so that means I'll have to sit patiently until he decides to reply.

I was wondering if I should give him time to reply, possibly a week and not make any move until he decides to call, but it's still something I'm questioning: I've got to be careful with my moves, but I've got to defend myself from my mother. I'm still questioning what would be the best option regarding my father, though.

What's the best option here?

Just a thought. But since your dad knows your mom and you, do you think he's taking his time so both of you have to wait?

Without his opinion, your mom may wait.

Personally, I suggst you sit tight and wait it out.

Quote from: spacial on October 31, 2010, 06:16:54 PM
Just a thought. But since your dad knows your mom and you, do you think he's taking his time so both of you have to wait?

Without his opinion, your mom may wait.

Personally, I suggst you sit tight and wait it out.

Yeah that's what I'm going to do, I already told her i'm not moving from here until my dad calls and give us his opinion, which I hope it happens soon. Technically she can't kick me out since the house belongs to my dad, so he'd have to be notified of the situation if I decide to contact the authorities in case my mom tries to. I don't think any of them would like such scandal to happen.

I'm gonna give him some time, and maybe I won't call him, he needs to do that, he's the one who should, not me. My question here is, for how long should I wait?

EDIT: I've got another idea: what if I ask her to give me back my modem and make some kind of "neutrality agreement" where we will not discuss the situation and set a few rules to follow, just temporary until my father calls and speaks?

Your edit idea might just work.

Well, I've got good & bad news...

The bad news is, that my dad still hasn't called -_-"

But, the good news is that I talked to my mom and we decided to make a neutrality agreement where, she's not accepting me as trans, but she's respecting my decision and she won't keep pushing me for this.

YAY!! hey, it's better than nothing LOL

Now, I'll have to wait for my dad's answer. He's the last one... if I get his suport, at least moral, I'm set.

Seems to me that's a lot better than nothing.

I realise you're impatient and want results, but the realities are that you need to hold on. At least until you can fully support yourself.

Well, it's not exactly like I'm going to beg my dad to provide the money ASAP but who knows, I wanna give time to the therapy, prove my dad that I'm doing this the right way and, idk maybe I'll get his financial support, even if it's partial, just for HRT, it's ok.

All I need is patience and time so I can handle this situation properly.

Hope you hear from your dad girl. And I hope he's supportive. *hugs*

Quote from: Iceprincess on October 31, 2010, 03:59:10 PM
"->-bleeped-<-s are brainwashing me and I need to realize I'm a guy".

Hmmmm... sounds like a serious case of bigotry, a condition not easily cured.  Obviously your mom needs to open her eyes and learn something about humanity, decency, kindness and compassion.  She also needs to understand judging you doesn't change you or define you, it only defines her.

You want her to change.  She wants you to change.  She can't accept you for who you are but can you accept her for who she is?  Before we expect others to accept us we have to accept them first.   If your mom won't set that example, you can.  Maybe that could begin to break the ice.

In the mean time you might consider simple logic.  "Mom, is who we are determined by what's between our legs or what's between our ears?"  On the bigotry, "Would you like it if someone used derogatory terms when talking about you?"  I don't know your mom and maybe this kind of stuff would only make her mad.  A lot of parents don't like their kids teaching them lessons in life.  You'll have to decide what's best.

If your dad hasn't called.  Can you call him?  That would end the suspense.

Maybe you can send your dad a well-thought out email or letter expressing who you are (I know you said he already knows about your ->-bleeped-<-, but I find that it's a lot easier to express yourself on paper, than verbally).  You can also, perhaps, print up some information on ->-bleeped-<- and include that in the envelope.  I think it's better for the reader as well, because they have to sit down and absorb it and maybe go over different passages as needed.

I wish you much luck in this situation.

Quote from: sonopoly on November 03, 2010, 09:40:51 PM
Maybe you can send your dad a well-thought out email or letter expressing who you are (I know you said he already knows about your ->-bleeped-<-, but I find that it's a lot easier to express yourself on paper, than verbally).  You can also, perhaps, print up some information on ->-bleeped-<- and include that in the envelope.  I think it's better for the reader as well, because they have to sit down and absorb it and maybe go over different passages as needed.

I wish you much luck in this situation.

I would just stick to the note.  Keep it simple, explain what your feelings are, that they've always been this way and reassure him you've thought this out, researched it and are ready to move forward and you want his support.  Sign it with your male name.  Its not time to push the issue, let him hold on to you, for now, as his son.

A couple days after he gets it, follow up with a phone call.  THEN suggest you had some information you could share with him, if he's interested, that would explain things more fully.