Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I don't think that sexual attraction can be changed at the flip of a switch, but I wonder if it's really permanent. what I mean is, for the longest time I thought I was just a straight guy who wanted to live life as a woman. I was born a male, and I've fallen in love with a couple of women, but it was always an emotional and aesthetic attraction, not sexual. and recently I fell head over heels for a guy... I was crazy in love with him, more than with the women in my life. it began the same way it did with women, as an emotional attraction, but I started wanting to get physically intimate. I don't exactly like the shape of the male body (flat butt, no curves...) and despite that, I loved him enough to want to have sex with him, to want all of him. we went on some dates and kissed, but we didn't have sex. it seemed like he wasn't comfortable with being gay. I told him I was bi, but I'm not even sure myself...

now, I'm not very confident this would have happened before I started transitioning. it really made me question myself. I'm wondering if my foray into transgender life changed my view of men somehow.

what do you think? have you had similar changes in sexual attraction once you transitioned? maybe I'm just bi, but this has only happened once, and it was in the middle of transitioning for me. I'd like to get some thoughts.

This is just about the same situation I found myself in. I lived my life as a straight male and fell in love a few times. However, I found over the last 20+ years I didn't have any serious relationships. I really felt uncomfortable in my male role with women and during the last 10 years it started causing great anxiety for me. Once I figured out what was going on and after being diagnosed I had to tear down the sexuality I lived my life as and let it come out naturally. I am attracted to men and women and have been intimate with one guy. I am pretty sure I am bisexual but to this point haven't been with a woman as a woman yet. That time will come one day after surgery, I hope.

There was a time when I wondered if I could ever be with a man and enjoy it.  Today I know that just won't ever happen.  I am attracted to women, always have been, always will.  Even hormones couldn't alter that.

And if anyone refers to being in a relationship with Julie as an indication that I might have a subconscious attraction to men hasn't met her.  Sometimes, when she does particularly ultra female things, I tell her she doesn't have to be so good at being a girl.  Like when it comes to lifting heavy things or which way to turn a screwdriver.  :D

It can be alittle strange, And how it works psychologically is alittle odd too.

I used to have very little sex drive as a male But what little there was leaned towards females and when I begun transition it vanished completely for quite a time. However as my body has changed it's begun returning I've noticed I do have a desire for certain masculine attributes... So I can only guess I'm a lowly sexed bisexual but that's just a guess. And as for the desire towards females it's pretty different too, not fixated so much on the overtly physical.

This desire for masculine traits wasn't really present before I suspect that part of me wanted those traits even before but I was equally revolted by them as those male traits were also present on my body and I always had enormous animosity towards them.

Quote from: pebbles on November 01, 2010, 10:07:49 AM
It can be alittle strange, And how it works psychologically is alittle odd too.

I used to have very little sex drive as a male But what little there was leaned towards females and when I begun transition it vanished completely for quite a time. However as my body has changed it's begun returning I've noticed I do have a desire for certain masculine attributes... So I can only guess I'm a lowly sexed bisexual but that's just a guess. And as for the desire towards females it's pretty different too, not fixated so much on the overtly physical.

This desire for masculine traits wasn't really present before I suspect that part of me wanted those traits even before but I was equally revolted by them as those male traits were also present on my body and I always had enormous animosity towards them.

I think how we emit and receive pheromones might have something to do with it. I remember when I first started HRT (about 3 months in) I smelled something on guys that resembled a sweaty smell but was different. It smelled exactly the same on any male I came near (even if they just showered). I don't know if you can actually smell pheromones but that is what I thought it was. But HRT can change things a bit and I imagine it can have something to do with sexuality.

I went through life as a straight male that was married for 31 years at the point i started to transition(we have now been married for 41 years)even i knew i was the wrong gender.

We are still deeply in love and still do everything together but are celibate and have been since i started to transition.I am now a straight woman who checks out the guys,but will not act on it as my marriage vows still apply.I was faithful to her as a male and am as a woman!!!
You never really know what your likes will be till you get through!!!
So have fun and see what happens  life's a blast post-op!!!!!

I spent most of my life as a straight male, married three times.  And I even have four children.  I never thought about being with a man.

As I began HRT, I left my sexuality on the back burner.  But after about 6 months into HRT, my neighbor mention that she was sure I was straight as a women.  I still don't know, but yeah maybe.  :D  Oh he has a really cute butt.   :embarrassed:

I too went through life only attracted to females and this remains so to this day.  While I do have one male that I would consider once I am able to have sexual relations in such area after surgery, I cannot fathom a relationship with a man nor oral sex with one.  My brain remains hardwired for attraction to females and do not expect that to change.

Before I met my wife I considered myself to be bisexual. Although, I did try being with a guy, it was never satisfying for me and longed to be with a female. For me, it's an emotional connection that I have with women; in particular my wife. My transition (HRT) has affected my libido, but I think it's partially due to the fact that my wires feel a little crossed. What I mean by that is, I feel unattractive still in my boy state and a bit ugly too. There are times when I CAN feel a bit at ease and I take that opportunity to be who I really am. Still, it is hard for me to even look in the mirror and see the male side.
My wife and I have become even closer since we decided to go with my transition. I am still extremely attracted to her and even more to her soul...as she is of mine.
As far as being Bi, who really needs labels right? Because I am in a relationship with her I tend to say Trans Lesbian so that others don't start asking me questions I don't want to answer. It can also help make a connection with others who are in "lesbian" relationships. 
She doesn't feel awkward when I point out a guy...or share with her how "HOT" he is. It's actually quite fun. Still, it's hard to think of me in a relationship with a guy (although I have a little crush on Tom Welling/Smallville).
We are monogamous by choice (nothing to do with society). And we have a baby on the way too...an extension of our love.
I can't imagine cheating on her with a guy...or a girl. It's hard enough for me with one person. As far as fantasies, well, that's another thing...that stays kept away in my head. ;P

I don't want to say that my sexual preferences have changed. I think a more appropriate way to put it is that my sexuality has become properly understood. I was always attracted to men, but because of my christian upbringing, I hid it away, and any thoughts that I had towards men were quickly brushed off. I was never able to make a relationship with a woman work, despite my best efforts. Coming to terms with my gender identity helped me understand that my sexuality is also alright.

Not much, I am still attracted to girls, it's just that the more girlie I feel the more I see guys as cute.

This is a topic has been of interest to me lately. My best friend while growing up has recently entered a relationship with another man, having been previously married and exclusively heterosexual in activity. He has been slow to come out partly because he is keen to avoid being defined by his sexual orientation. He simply sees it as having become attracted to someone for who they are.

I think, generally not on the forum, those who draw a huge amount of their self definition from their sexual orientation have dominated the debate and contributed to a lot of "bisexual erasure"

Even back in the fifties Kinsey had a 7 point scale for sexual orientation with absolute homosexuality at one end, absolute heterosexuality at the other and bisexuality in the middle.

Short version - if you're attracted to someone and they're attracted to you - f**k them and sort out the labels afterward :)

With Love 

Laura

Quote from: Almond on November 01, 2010, 09:15:37 AM
I don't think that sexual attraction can be changed at the flip of a switch.

No it doesn't change at the flip of a switch, I can only relate to my own experience, I remember when I was growing up before I transition, being attracted to girls, I like the beauty of girls, deep down I just wanted to be one of them, I could never see myself with a guy ugh! But transition changed that, when I started on hormones and feminisation took over I started to see guys in a totally different way, the more my transition progress along the way guys started to notice me and be attracted to me, I loved the attention, I then started to be attracted to guys, I remember my first boyfriend was awesome, I knew then I just wanted to be with a guy, it just developed that way over time as my transition progress with my hormone treatment.
Maybe if I was still a guy I maybe attracted to women, I don't know, but Im not, Im now a woman, a straight woman attracted to men

Quote from: Almond on November 01, 2010, 09:15:37 AM
but I wonder if it's really permanent.

In my case it is permanent, Im now a married woman who is married to a man, I could never see myself with a woman, Im a straight woman, I love the security and comfort of a man, I love a man to except me and see me as a woman, a man to have sex with me, and me to have and enjoy sex as a woman, my Husband gives me all that.
p

I have been bisexual my entire life but it seems since I started HRT and the time passing I'm becoming more and more attracted to woman. Which is strange because I have never been that comfortable with woman. I have been married twice and my second ex-wife is my best friend and we continue to share our home together. I have a feeling that after SRS I maybe a lesbian but that's ok with me. My best friend encourages me to not over think it and just let things take its course and be happy whether I'm straight or gay, she's right. I go round and round with myself over this issue and I think many do.

Quote from: Jalene E. on November 01, 2010, 06:35:57 PM
I have a feeling that after SRS I maybe a lesbian but that's ok with me.

Well you might be surprised Jalene, I know before my transition I just found it repulsive to be with a guy, it didn't feel right for me, then when I started the whole transition process with hormones, surgeries and finally srs, my sexual orienation completely changed, now that Im completely a woman it just feels right for me to be with a guy, I married my Fiancé this year, Iv a much better attitude towards sex, foreplay is much more important to me, for my Husband to whisper sweet nothings in my ear or just give me a big bunch of pink roses is more important than all the sex in the world or just to hold me and tell me he loves me, guys never think like that, must be the hormones, definitely the hormones......
p

When I was male I was attracted exclusively to women.  I'd wonder about men but never found one I was interested in.  Then I blocked T and started E and things changed.  Now I'm still attracted to women - but as friends and compatriots.  Men have a new appeal to me.  I certainly didn't expect it. :icon_chick:

- Kate

After the first five or six months on HRT I couldn't wait to have a boyfriend, that's all I thought about but now it's the other way around. All I can say is "what the hell".

I would say that I have always been interested in and fantasied about men. In that sense, my sexuality has been the same my whole life.

However, prior to HRT I was a lot more sexually attracted to women. I wasn't interested in them however. If that makes any sense. But I couldn't help but feel aroused by attractive women, however all it made me want to do is have sex with men. I was only really interested in having a girlfriend as part of going through the motions of being male.  I was depressed as a male, I felt like I just had to comply to the role (Which meant being gay wasn't an option, to me, at the time). And the idea of having a girlfriend seemed so dysphoria inducing that, it was never something I actually pursued.

I used to feel like I must be nuts and wonder "is everyone else like this?", because I could NEVER feel comfortable with the idea of having sex with women. I could be aroused by them, but that was it.

With men however I have always been interested in having sex with them, but only as a woman. The idea of being with a man as a man seemed unacceptable to me (nothing against gays, but it wasn't the role I was trying to play at the time).

Since starting HRT... my attraction to men has remained exactly the same, however my attraction to women has largely vanished. Which I am happy with, being attracted to women was something that confused and frustrated me.

The funny thing is that, my whole life my sexuality has been mostly indistinguishable from a hetrosexual female. I have always been interested in having sex with men as a woman. When I was still attracted to women, I didn't really want a relationship with them apart from going through the motions of being male, keeping up the act i was playing. And I didn't really want to have sex with them. However despite that, when I was trying to be a male, I thought I was straight then too. I wondered if maybe everyone had this frustration, I didn't know. I was very confused and didn't really want to face that confusion.

Hard to explain I guess.

Ashley, I think I understand what you mean.  I had a gut reaction to women and wanted sex with them but it was confusing because really I wanted them to see me as a friend and equal.  I went through a long period when I thought I was a gay man, except I didn't want to have sex with men as male.  Sex - the urges and the acts - were always problematic for me.  Things are much more straightforward now. :)

- Kate

My attraction has not changed at all.  Though now that I am living as a woman, I am margainally more tempted to have sex with a man, just to have the experience.  I don't know many 50 year-old virgins.  Even most lesbians I know have tried it.  I'd say that the probability I would have sex with a man went from zero percent to one percent.

Well... I might not qualify... as I have not yet started HRT...

but at this time, I think of myself as bisexual, or pansexual, or however you might want to define it.

I think it's more on the personality of the other person. He can by a guy, or she can be a girl, or anything in between. As far as I can feel a connection, it does not matter much.

I have had fun with them all... yes, boys, girls, and in between too, and I hope that will not change with HRT.

I care for the people, not for the gender, which I think, and agree with some of you, are only labels imposed by society.

I am pretty sure I am bisexual though I was married to a woman and have been never intimate with a man. However I have been having dreams about being with a man (as a woman) for years now. I can't say for sure but once I start hormones I bet I will much more interested in men and maybe lose my attraction to women completely, I can't say for sure though. For the moment I am just celibate.

I started out pansexiual with a preferance for males. Now I am pansexual with a DEFINATE preferance or females.
So I guess you could say yes I have had a change in this department.

I lost my sex drive quite a few years before transitioning... It just didn't seem worth the time or trouble to bother with anymore... The juice wasn't worth the squeeze

I still appreciate women greatly, they are wonderful beings that I love and respect... But get involved with one beyond just friends?... Forget it... I've learned my lesson far too often

Actually, I can't picture myself going further than "Just friends" with anyone right now

i was attracted to men before hormones and now after hormones on my transition i love them even mre especially now i feel more comfortable in my femenine body :)

Hi Almond! Though I have not transitioned, my sexuality at this point is a dual conflict on different levels.  On one level, when I am in my male persona, I am attracted to females in this highly physical and emotional ways.  I become enthralled with the female body, their essences, everything about them; the usual male libido.  After I came to terms with being trans, it was like I could finally be honest with myself.  I am attracted to males in a much different way, when it comes down to it.  Their depth of their personalities, not to mention the passing hunk, is irresistible.  The thing is, is that I don't view them in a "gay" sort of way at all.  Rather, it is like a girl appreciating a guy.  I don't want anything physical with a man in my current body, but once I am a woman I am inclined to say it will be different.  With girls, I really enjoy them too but I am conflicted.  I want to be one, and at times I feel wrong in the heat of the moment like I am betraying some inner-truth of me.  Like how can I be with a girl, when I am one inside.  Uhhhh, confusing!! Hope answers your question! 

Quote from: forallittook on November 07, 2010, 02:31:58 AM
Hi Almond! Though I have not transitioned, my sexuality at this point is a dual conflict on different levels.  On one level, when I am in my male persona, I am attracted to females in this highly physical and emotional ways.  I become enthralled with the female body, their essences, everything about them; the usual male libido.  After I came to terms with being trans, it was like I could finally be honest with myself.  I am attracted to males in a much different way, when it comes down to it.  Their depth of their personalities, not to mention the passing hunk, is irresistible.  The thing is, is that I don't view them in a "gay" sort of way at all.  Rather, it is like a girl appreciating a guy.  I don't want anything physical with a man in my current body, but once I am a woman I am inclined to say it will be different.  With girls, I really enjoy them too but I am conflicted.  I want to be one, and at times I feel wrong in the heat of the moment like I am betraying some inner-truth of me.  Like how can I be with a girl, when I am one inside.  Uhhhh, confusing!!  Hope answers your question!

Took me a litlle while to reconcile this one myself but when I did it was super simple and I felt dorkie for not getting it earlier:
"There are wonderful people out there known as lesbians and bissexuals......."
issue resolved

Quote from: forallittook on November 07, 2010, 02:31:58 AM
With girls, I really enjoy them too but I am conflicted.  I want to be one, and at times I feel wrong in the heat of the moment like I am betraying some inner-truth of me.  Like how can I be with a girl, when I am one inside.  Uhhhh, confusing!!  Hope answers your question!

Like a a lot of people out there some of us confuse the boundaries between sexuality and gender, the dividing line isn't so clear sometimes.

To CynthiaLee: You are absolutely right on that point, and I am sorry for not fully acknowledging being a lesbian or bisexual.  I do not know what I will feel is my orientation once beginning HRT or transitioning.  Thanks for the advice!

I would say... bottom line is to just let yourself be.

There are a few socially defined categories, but we don't have to fall exactly in any of them.

I think that the person you meet is more important than the gender he/she has. If you are attracted to him/her, and it's reciprocal, then... that is just perfect!!

I usually like to define myself like a pansexual girl trapped in a man's body... Do I like all the girls? Do I feel attracted to them all? No. Am I attracted to all the men? No. Am I attracted to some people of both genres.. yes, definitely.

Why limit yourself ladies? :)

Being "limited" isn't really a choice. I can't help it. Physically, I am attracted to males. Can I become emotionally attached to a female? Absolutely! But physically, I find the female form unappealing, in the sense of romantic relations.

I can certainly identify females as being pretty and attractive by a general viewpoint. But me being physically attracted to one is a different story.

I believe my orientation is changing.  Before, I was mostly attracted to women, but had some bi- tendencies.  Now (at 7 months 2 weeks HRT) I feel like it could go either way and I'm positive it's moving more in the attracted-to-men direction.

Yes.

I used to be very attracted to women, but now I'm not really attracted to any gender.
But I also have no real sex drive and that's more than just fine with me.
I don't feel like a predator on the hunt anymore.
Thank goodness.

Jillieann

I have always been attracted to females and still am. I was never attracted to males in any way sexually before starting HRT. There is an attractive man where I work who is openly gay but very cute. For the past couple of years I have noticed him watching me in a longing, detached sort of way. At first I wanted nothing to do with him and detested his advances. But now, I find his attention exciting and I look forward to seeing him again. He does and says little things that I now like. Now that my breasts are growing I have noticed his glance linger there and he always has nice things to say and goes out of his way to help me or hold doors open for me. I am still attracted to females but YES you could say that I have changed.
Randi

Like some of y'all mentioned gender, gender identity, sex and sexuality often get conflated, and while they really are four separate things, there is a relationship between them such that you'll often find that if you tug on one, the others move.  And they don't always move in ways you would expect.

So, the short version of my answer to this question is, "I don't know, but probably."

Even though I had relationships with women, I'm not sure if I was ever truly physically attracted to them.  It was, in fact, my lack of attraction that led to the failure of every relationship I ever had.  Yet, I can't say I was attracted to men either back then.  I think my issues with my own body made it impossible for me to find the male body attractive.  Just an idea, anyway.

As I came to terms with the reality that I am a woman, my sexuality became less and less ambiguous.  Right away I realized I was NOT attracted to women in the least, and I started finding guys cuter and cuter- a trend which accelerated like crazy once I got on HRT.

Nowadays I wouldn't call myself boy-crazy, lol, but hell, maybe I am :P.

I feel that before we come to accept and understand ourselves we can have so many psychological roadblocks in our minds obfuscating the truth, that, post-transition, we find that when we look back we can't even recognize the person we once thought we were.  Was that really me?  Did I really used to think like that?  No... couldn't be.

Quote from: Jen on November 08, 2010, 08:34:40 PM
I feel that before we come to accept and understand ourselves we can have so many psychological roadblocks in our minds obfuscating the truth, that, post-transition, we find that when we look back we can't even recognize the person we once thought we were.  Was that really me?  Did I really used to think like that?  No... couldn't be.

Whoo boy, aint that the truth!

- Kate

Quote from: K8 on November 09, 2010, 07:15:26 AM
Whoo boy, aint that the truth!

- Kate

I concur. ;)

I'm in love with boys  :-*

Quote from: Karla on November 07, 2010, 12:13:27 PM
Like a a lot of people out there some of us confuse the boundaries between sexuality and gender, the dividing line isn't so clear sometimes.

that's true ... I still don't know who I prefer although  :embarrassed:  :-\ I am sure I am bi at least... result was I was never able to succeed at any relationships....  :-\

Quote from: K8 on November 09, 2010, 07:15:26 AM
Whoo boy, aint that the truth!

- Kate

Can imagine.

Gender always has been confusing. Adding in sexuality made it all even more confusing. I really couldn't place myself anywhere on the sex-spectrum anymore. I guess I always loved people and some just "have it" and others not. Happens to be that some tend to be more masculine than others.

Emma