Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: regan on November 04, 2010, 02:52:34 PM Return to Full Version
Title: The Voice
Post by: regan on November 04, 2010, 02:52:34 PM
Post by: regan on November 04, 2010, 02:52:34 PM
I'm not going to bother to tell my life story, seeing as we're all here because of the same life story. Really I hate introductions, but I guess I've been here long enough it's somewhat of a necessary evil at this point.
Schizophrenics hear voices. We hear a voice. The same voice that tells us we're not who we appear to be is the same voice that tells us to stop when we try to be who the voice tells us we are in the first place. And so the struggle begins. We all have our own timelines, but what we share in common is the desire for the voice to stop.
And so here I am. I'm 36 years old and still looking for the voice to stop. I did HRT for two years from 23 to 25 and self-medicated on a couple of occasions between then and now. HRT got the voice to stop, but that same voice never told me to go either, to go full time and go the rest of the way. I may never know why or it may just be that it wasn't any one reason, but many. I panicked, I walked away.
The voice is still there and I want it to go away. No more self-medication, no more freelancing. Maybe I'm not supposed to transition, but at least I'll know what I'm supposed to be doing and then maybe I won't hear the voice anymore.
Hopefully my posts so far have given you a sense of who I am, better than an introduction could. Most of all, I hope I don't come across as some preachy list queen. If it ever comes down to it though, don't be afraid to tell me "Regan, don't be such a preachy list queen". :)
Someday when I'm through all this and my husband and I are holding hands as Tyra Banks interviews us, I'll say "Tyra, I just wanted to be loved on my own terms, in my own way.", and you can turn to your SO and tell them "That old list queen just wanted the voice to stop." :)
Schizophrenics hear voices. We hear a voice. The same voice that tells us we're not who we appear to be is the same voice that tells us to stop when we try to be who the voice tells us we are in the first place. And so the struggle begins. We all have our own timelines, but what we share in common is the desire for the voice to stop.
And so here I am. I'm 36 years old and still looking for the voice to stop. I did HRT for two years from 23 to 25 and self-medicated on a couple of occasions between then and now. HRT got the voice to stop, but that same voice never told me to go either, to go full time and go the rest of the way. I may never know why or it may just be that it wasn't any one reason, but many. I panicked, I walked away.
The voice is still there and I want it to go away. No more self-medication, no more freelancing. Maybe I'm not supposed to transition, but at least I'll know what I'm supposed to be doing and then maybe I won't hear the voice anymore.
Hopefully my posts so far have given you a sense of who I am, better than an introduction could. Most of all, I hope I don't come across as some preachy list queen. If it ever comes down to it though, don't be afraid to tell me "Regan, don't be such a preachy list queen". :)
Someday when I'm through all this and my husband and I are holding hands as Tyra Banks interviews us, I'll say "Tyra, I just wanted to be loved on my own terms, in my own way.", and you can turn to your SO and tell them "That old list queen just wanted the voice to stop." :)
Title: Re: The Voice
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 04, 2010, 04:35:20 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 04, 2010, 04:35:20 PM
Hi Regan, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 3900 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )
Hugs and Love,
Janet
Welcome to our little family. Over 3900 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.msg146855.html#msg146855)
Hugs and Love,
Janet
Title: Re: The Voice
Post by: xAndrewx on November 04, 2010, 04:46:08 PM
Post by: xAndrewx on November 04, 2010, 04:46:08 PM
Welcome to the forum Regan :)
Your post had a lot of... personality I think is the word I'm searching for. It reminded me a lot of my best friend the way you speak. I haven't read any of your other posts yet but I look forward to seeing you around the forum. ;D
Your post had a lot of... personality I think is the word I'm searching for. It reminded me a lot of my best friend the way you speak. I haven't read any of your other posts yet but I look forward to seeing you around the forum. ;D