Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm easily able to put myself in almost anyone ele's shoes and a little while ago I thought of what it must be like for my family or what it will be like when I start transitioning, what if my brother wanted a sex change, or my mom or dad, told me one day they feel they have always been a member of the opposite sex? I would be really really f*^#ing shocked. unless they acted like someone of their selected gender for as long as I've known them. but still, no one sees this coming. I would be put aback then probably say something like "o.k whatever it is you feel you need to do that's best for you to live your life," yadda yadda. we'd do things together that fits their new correct gender, I'd call him a her or vise versa, learn and remember their new name and all would be well and good, I'd know I still have that relative always but at the end of the day I'd think  "I miss my brother/mom/dad." honestly. it would be like a death, the person i know and grew up with would be slowly going away, being replaced with a new different version of them to get to know and I'd never see the version i knew ever again. i hate thinking about it because it's so sad but i know that's what my mom and brother will probably struggle with for as long as they live. my brother, 3 years older than me, has never had a brother he's just had a little sister and I'm taking that little sister away soon. same with my mom who never had two sons she had a son and a daughter and this will all be so different and i kinda wouldn't blame them if it took several years to understand, it would for me if I were in that situation.

I wonder if it's right or makes sense to feel guilty about transitioning, I know it's right for me, it's what I really need to do and am doing whatever I can to make it happen but it might hurt them so much....if one of them comes to me one day saying it's so hard for them to get used to the new me, just tearing their heart out, I won't even know what to say besides "I know, I would if I were in your position, it might be an advantage being in my own shoes instead of yours as hard as this is for me." no, that'd make me an a-hole :(

Well I totatlly understand what your saying. I think about that all the time. For me its my mom and sister. I always wonder what it would be like if my mom came to me and was like I am a man inside and I am getting a sex change. Ive never had a father figure and I love my mom, well as a mom. And I just always wonder how my sister is going to take it because I am her older "sister" and she looks up to me. But it is different because we've never seen these family members wanting to be the opposite gender so we wouldnt be able to imagine how it really would be. Even though I understand, you have to just not worry what they feel because this is for yourself and they will love you no matter what and when they see you so much happier I think it will be a lot easier to accept than your making yourself feel it will be.

yeah, i need to learn to calm down lol. i let my mind wander too far sometimes i guess where i should be here and now so i can focus on what's important and I am pretty sure it'll for the most part be o.k.  :)

I think we often flatter ourselves that our transition matters more to others than it actually does.  I was scared sh**less of what people would think if they ever found out that I transitioned, and then when they actually started to find out, the reaction was generally, "wow...okay back to caring about myself again."  Same with my family to some degree.  Plus, while they may at first respond as if they're losing someone they cared about, once you actually start transitioning, they'll realize that you're still the exact same person.  the physical changes on T are gradual and subtle (the psychological changes even more so), which allows for an easier time for friends and family who are still adjusting.

sweet. i guess it's good that it's not ammediate for that reason then. i was saying to myself a lot the last few moths that I'll probably be the same exact person after transitioning but the last few days I've been "well, maybe i should get a total new personality seeing as I've been a coward my whole life about making myself figure out new things to make progress/ have a better life eventually, speaking up for myself, asking for help. so if it did change and i became outgoing, confident, all that good stuff a psychological make over from the T would be quite welcome lol.