Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Well someone has emailed our link at Suzan's to two of Erocse's brothers suggesting they should know. His brother's  have gone to his Father and Mother without coming to us first and giving us the opportunity to be the ones to tell them. It has been a painful time. His father is 71 and his mother has Alzhiemers. The stress could not be good for them. I can only wonder who they were considering??? They were not considerate at all. Even though one brother is an Elder in the Jehovah's witness organization and thier belief is," if you have an issue with your brother that you should go to him first." He did not even follow his own basic instructions. His other brother is Mormon.
This all came to our knowledge because Erocse is a person who loves his family. He calls his Mom and Dad weekly to see how they are and share humor and life with them. His father then revealed what had happened reluctantly. It was emotional, stressful, and hurtful. Many things were said.
Erocse has always loved his family and has done his best to show everyone that. His Mormon brother did call us back, though the JW one is neglectful, inconsiderate, unprepared, disconcerned??? I am not sure if it is one or all of the above. Perhaps if they are reading this they will let us know.
Erocse and I will be reading on Susan's but for a time we will not be posting. We have always tried to post positive posts but because we feel they may be read, and quoted from, in a destructive manner against us we will refrain for now. Not forever but for a time.
The simplest Bible rule is ignored by Christians,"Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself." It really is sad. It is an amazing concept. 

I am so sorry.

This is why it is so important for those who are not ready to come out to avoid posting pictures or any identifying information.

Dear Mrs. Erocse and Erocse,

I am so sorry to hear about how this came about. I am thinking of you and your family as you guys work through the issues that came up.

I'm not sure it's a comfort, but just know that many people in the LGBT community have gone through what you are going through right now. Sometimes in the end we can be surprised at how things turn out, and despite the disrespect and abuse of some around us; that things can work together for good.

From your posts I can see how strong and equally compassionate you both are; and your commitment to each other and your kids. I know you'll find a way through this mess together.

Please know you will both be missed while you are away.

I understand your and Erocse concern.  If you feel you tow must step back a bit, that is entirely within your rights to do.  Just keep the accounts and come back when you feel that you can.

But I wonder if they are not accomplishing what they were wanting to.  Make her step back.  And I know the JW have a spy network that rivals the CIA.

Your call, but I am just a 'ballzy" enough broad that I would not back down and keep right on posting.   But I know we will miss both of you while you are on hiatus.

Wow... That's really messed up of whoever did that  >:( I hope your able to work things out with your family

I'm with Janet on this though... It's your call but I hope you stick around

*HUGS*

Erocse and Mrs. Erocse,

I'm so sorry this happened to you!  It sounds like Erocse's brothers are confused and not thinking straight, for what they did is hurtful to you, Erocse's parents, and people here at Susan's who admire your positive attitudes and will miss your posts during your absence.  You two have become role models during your time here - dealing with things with love and grace and respect for other people.  Your contributions here are appreciated, and I'm sure you'll be missed. 

I really hope this situation with your family can somehow be resolved, hopefully sooner rather than later.  Once people get over the initial shock, maybe they'll be able to put aside their fears and put compassion first.  I'll be thinking of you and wishing you well.

Alex

I do feel for you. One of my best friends (non Trans) is an EX JW and has experienced the trauma of Interventions and disconnect from his family. I'm sure he would be willing to correspond and offer advice if that would help in any way.

I understand totally why you feel the way you do, but I would ask you to consider if withdrawing totally really is the best option. There are private areas on the site which can only be accessed by members and if you post in those you should be reasonably safe. For the specific groups within the just for us area such as MTF etc the moderation team must vet and approve membership, and we would NOT approve anyone who did not appear genuine. Therefore postings withing those areas should NOT be visible to anyone outside.

Furthermore withdrawal might seem to signal to the wrongdoers that they have won. You have been intimidated and silenced I say it is surely better to stand up to them and show them that such intimidation simply will not work. These are not the actions of a loving and concerned person. They are the evil and manipulative deeds of a coward who did not have the decency to face you first and give you a chance to respond.

Sounds like they are trying to cause divisions between ercose and they parents.

They clearly have little or no respect or regard for them.

Good luck to you both.

Let me chime in, if I may.

You two are the exception to the rule that seems to say that relationships in transition suffer and dissolve.  I wish more relationships were like yours. 

You have shown courage and conviction to come here and post about yourselves and the issues that so deeply affect your lives.  You have demonstrated what being at Susan's is all about.  Support.  Both giving and receiving the support and understanding of your peers.  Trying to figure out this terrible blessing-inside-a-curse that we are born with.

Mrs. Erocse, I give you so much credit to stand with your spouse during this hard time.  I know it is hard for you, but you have shown love and support that really is beyond measure.  Thank you for all you have done for Erocse.

Erocse, you are a very lucky person in having Mrs Erocse with you.  And you have shown love and commitment while you work through the issues in being trans.  You are to be commended.

But if you stop posting, you let them win.  They impose their ignorance and hatred on you.  This is what society wants us to do.  To go back into the closet.  To stop being icky trans people.  To allow them to feel righteous in their bigoted christian (small c) dogma and force you back into hiding.

And to the lurking person who is so cowardly that they cannot come and confront people about what is really none of their damned business.  I really hope that when rapture comes, that you are taken to heaven, for we have really little use for one such as you here.

You are a cowardly, sniveling, bigoted, ignorant waste of a soul.  I hope that in time and in the infinite love of that which passeth all understanding, you come to see the horrible thing you have done and that you regret that action and realize that you cannot ever undo the hurt you have caused.

These two lovely, kind, and generous creatures were damaged beyond your pitiful intelligence to understand.  You have permanently damaged a parent's love for their child.  You have prematurely set off actions that were going to happen, but in a way that would have perhaps preserved that love that you have so thoughtlessly ravaged.

I truly hope that whatever you describe as God loves you, for I surely do not!

-Sandy

I am so sorry to read of the hateful act of your family member. It must hurt so much. I hope for you to have healing.

Like others, I have enjoyed, been stimulated by, and appreciated the posts both of you have made. You deserve love, not hate from your family. Thank you for sharing yourselves.

Kendall

I'm so sorry to hear about this, Mrs. Erocse. But I add my voice to the others in saying don't let this cut you off from support here. As Jenny suggested, we do have more private areas in the Just for us (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,89.0.html) section as well as Mtf Transsexual (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,144.0.html) for Erocse and the Significant Other (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,147.0.html) for you peer support areas.

The Mtf Transsexual (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,144.0.html) and Significant Other (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,147.0.html) sections are viewable only by mods and those in the MTF and Significant Other peer groups, respectively.
Note these are the peer support sections under Just for us, not the open sections under Transsexual Talk.

You both have been such an inspiration and bright presence for many here.

I am said, because since I 've been on this site, I've admired the positive way you are writing.
In my opinion you are a good person and I can"t image why somebody  is acting like that.
I'll be missing you for a while
It's a bloody shame
I hope things will work out for you in a positive way

Quote from: Sandy on November 06, 2010, 01:30:26 PM

But if you stop posting, you let them win.  They impose their ignorance and hatred on you.  This is what society wants us to do.  To go back into the closet.  To stop being icky trans people.  To allow them to feel righteous in their bigoted christian (small c) dogma and force you back into hiding.

-Sandy

Have to agree Mrs Ercose and ercose. Hope you will reconsider.

I too am filled with grief & righteous indignation that you have been forced to endure this at the hands of someone who should know better. I agree with Sandy-these are the actions of a coward and they show how little about Christ they really know. God is able to take evil and make something good out of it and I pray this will be the case here. May these people have no peace until they repent of their hurtful actions and pay for the crimes they have committed. I truly thank you both for the positive and supportive posts you have given. You both are truly an inspiration for me and I wish only the best for you.

May the Holy Spirit of the Almighty give peace and blessing to you in your time of trouble,
Randi

Oh my dear Erocses, I am so sorry this has happened to you. It was always resfreshing and optimistic to read about you 2 and to think that your open nature is used against you in such inconsiderate manner. This once again shows how every tiny piece of information can be used against you. Is it even possible to understand why people do this?
I wish you to the best in cleaning up the mess the 2 brothers made for you and hope you can salvage the good relationship with your parents (in law).
Please do not be discouraged by these low actions, you 2 are a lighthouse in a dark night and show a couple can survive the transition of a partner. So much love should only be used as an example and to cheer up other people in similar situations.
It is understandable that you wish to take a break from posting here to sort things out. But like many other people here we hope that this will only be for a short time.

To the lifeform that went behind the backs of this kind couple:
What were you planning to achieve by causing such a disruption in the family. You should state your reasons here.
Now I am certain I will not place my picture for an avatar and I will urge Rose to take hers down.

Quote from: Octavianus on November 06, 2010, 05:51:10 PM
Now I am certain I will not place my picture for an avatar and I will urge Rose to take hers down.

good plan if being outed would be bad for you

*hugs*

I enjoyed reading your posts. I hope you make it through this hardship and begin posting again.

Erocse and Mrs. Erocse

I echo the sentiments of Janet and Sandy.  The two of you bring something special to Susan's Place.

Erocse's last post about the jeans made me smile and laugh, a bright spot on a bad day.

Hugs to the both of you.

Brook

I am sorry to hear that someone with evil in their heart has done this. I hope your parents can cope and will still keep contact with the both of you.
I cannot stand interfering snoopy people.  >:-)I think their own morals should be brought up as to why they would do such a thing, as it is none of their business in the first place. Belonging to any or no religion, does not give them the right to 'out' someone without consent.
I wish you both the best.  :)

I am so sorry to hear that your brother-in-law acted so cruelly.  You two have been an inspiration for me and I will miss you if you decide to stop posting.

Hugs to you both.

Love

Jamie

Hi,

Im so sorry to hear  of people who,    because of what ever reason these people have in there mind in trying to belittle you both in this situstion .

Remember this tho .

   Even tho they in thier distoted wisdom ,  will not take us  down with them . we can rise above all of this .

if you can handle the heat & this is up to you both,   carry on dont stop posting & dont allow them to think you have to sink to thier level  rise above & enjoy who you are . dont think because you take your pic down or stop posting they have you where they wont you

Let the dog return to its own vomit .

& pass  on by ,

my prays are with you both.

Hugs xxx

...noeleena...

 Beautiful Escorse's

I think I will start posting Cindy's Laws.
1. If you don't want people to know, don't tell them.
2.  I f you post and get hassled tell them to F off
3. I own my own  life
4. I do not answer for your problems, You have no right to reflect on mine.
5. I love and accept me. If you cannot love yourself it is not my problem.
6, I have no problem loving others, if you can't ,you are then the failure.
7

E and MrsE, I am shocked that you have suffered such a betrayal by a family member.  I have suffered a similar family shafting myself, in a different way and know how painful it is.  If your parents love you they will still accept you, but will think less of your brother-in-law.

Or to put it in Aussie vernacular- What a pair orf Bastards!  Sorry, just had to rant.  Your love will see you through this I am sure.  Hugs, Sandra.

And might I politely suggest for rule 7 we add:

"I will not let a man-made patriarchal God based bigoted creed blight mine or others lives"

You two are such nice people! Sorry this happened to you. But at least one things is for certain. That is one thing on your checklist that is done now even though it was a crappy way to have it done.  When I first started coming out someone outed me to pretty much all my friends and I was horrified. Then I realized, well, actually cool, now that is done. On to the next item on the list.

That's so low for whoever did that. Neither of you deserve anything like that. You both have my best wishes, and I hope that you can resolve/make the best out of the situation. You both have my utmost respect, Erocse and Mrs. Erocse.

It's a real pity people exist that cause such harm, be it without thinking, or without being able to think.
Please don't give in to these creatures by staying silent.
Let's hope the bond between you and your parents can heal.

@ Erocse & Mrs. Erocse:

Big Sister Sandy above put it all wonderfully well ... as has everybody else on here. 

When I openly say, and without any reservation whatsoever, that you two are dearly beloved here at Susan's Place, I'm sure that nearly everyone here will instantly agree.   

I'll bet you a dollar to a doughnut that the JW relative did the outing.  In fact, I can just about guarantee it.  Thrity years ago, my first wife was a JW.  I got to know JWs very well as well as their mindset.  They see ANYBODY and EVERYBODY in the LGBTQ Community as possessed by Satan and deserving death, destruction and damnation.  I kid you not. 

Liken this event to Hurricane Katrina:  Unexpected, devastating but over.  It happened.  You're allegorically bruised and battered, but you're alive and well.  Time has a way of healing.  It will heal this. 

We of The Susan's Place Family love you two dearly.  Granted, we are a surrogate family ... a virtual family ... but a family nevertheless.  How strong a bond can this surrogate e-family create amongst its members?  Consider this, and YOU decide:

John Donne (1572-1631) wrote to his friend, Sir Henry Wotton:

"Sir, more than kisses, letters (words) mingle souls, for thus friends absent speak."

Your souls have mingled with our souls here on Susan's Place.  While you may have lost some closeness and cohesiveness with Erocse's biological family, you have gained closeness and cohesiveness with your adoptive family ... here!

The Witnesses, and the Mormons too for that matter, are extremist's religions, indeed, cults, when all is said and done.  I can tell you from ample first-hand experience that JWs, in particular, have major-league witch-hunt mentality.  They outted Erocse.  It's done.  Erocse's folks may come around.  Given their advanced age, I believe they will.  As Erocse is already doing, shower them with love ... all the more:

Shower the People (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rm-bfASKGPE#)

Love,

Your Susan's Place Family    ;)

The Jehovas' Witnesses are NOT a violent sect. They refuse to even join the military. So saying they wish death on the GLBT is way over the top.
I have family who are JW's and if anything there only major failing is that they spy on eachother.

The Mormons always seem jst a bit weid to me. As if they are trying to prove that god gave them America.

But I don't believe that the mainstream Jehovas' Witnesses' would condone such behaviour, for many reasons. Not least the distress it will cause to two elderly people.

My personal take on this is that it is some sort of sibling rivalry. For this brother to do this to his elderly parents and to his own brother is really just nasty.

Quote from: cynthialee on November 08, 2010, 06:45:10 AM
The Jehovas' Witnesses are NOT a violent sect. They refuse to even join the military. So saying they wish death on the GLBT is way over the top.
I have family who are JW's and if anything there only major failing is that they spy on eachother.

Correct in all you have said.  Bear in mind that I did not say that the JWs are, themselves, violent.  As you have stated here, they are quite the opposite.  They believe God will do the destroying in his due time and that LGBTQs are among those slated for destruction.  Over the top?

From 1979-1984, I was myself a baptized and practicing JW.  I HAD to become one in order to marry my first wife ... who was one herself.  Been there and done it, girl.  Things are MUCH different internally than they appear externally.  This kind of pettiness and meanness runs rampant with SOME (Note, I said SOME) people in the JWs.  In all fairness, it is the leaders who are generally so affected, though it is a small minority of them.  Such treachery was perpetrated upon me personally in 1982, and I lost a career and, ultimately, a wife over it. 

Your average, everyday JW is a wonderful and sincere person.  Indeed, the elderly JWs were generally the finest people I've ever met in my life.  However, there IS "The Lunatic Fringe" within, and they are very mean and extremely cruel.  I know.  I was there.  I encountered them. 

You are right Lacey Lynne.  :)

Quote from: CindyJames on November 07, 2010, 04:58:04 AM
Beautiful Escorse's

I think I will start posting Cindy's Laws.
1. If you don't want people to know, don't tell them.
2.  I f you post and get hassled tell them to F off
3. I own my own  life
4. I do not answer for your problems, You have no right to reflect on mine.
5. I love and accept me. If you cannot love yourself it is not my problem.
6, I have no problem loving others, if you can't ,you are then the failure.
7

QFT

DUDES. This is lame. Bigots be bigots, nahmeen?

It's painful when family turns on you, but pain is just sensation. Pain can be intense. So can anger, and so can fear. But in the end, they're just strong emotions and sensation. Observe! Look how they arise, only to fall away.

Who you are is who you are, and I think who you are is beautiful, feminine, and wonderful! Don't let your brothers get you down girls! Erocse, you've a beautiful feminine soul, and no one can take that from you. No one. No one can beat it out of you. No one can lash their tongue at you and strip it of its intellectual value. No one can rob you of your observed inner truth.

I'm with the others that say you ought to continue to post. We need your smiling words to grace our threads when we're in a panic or feeling oh-so-down.

Also, a word to the toads lurking- may your blades chip and chatter fools. What kind of chopstick hangs around on a TG messageboard to pull some cruelness like this? Honestly. Us Tgirls and Tboys have it hard enough as is. What do you do with your time? ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- anyone?

Anyway, enough hate for the haters. Peace! Love! Solidarity for our sisters in need! Queermo forever!

Erocse is in my thoughts as she deals with the aspect of her mother's Alzeheimer's during all of this. My father died a year ago of heart complications but also had the disease himself.  He went into a nursing home following a broken hip and replacement surgery and never made it back to live in the home he built with his own hands.

My father had periods of frustration when he couldn't gather his thoughts to convey his feelings.  He had times he didn't recognize people he had known for a lifetime.  Although he always seemed to know who I was, I began to notice my mother would prompt him by saying my name and noting I was there.

I don't know what stage Erocse's mother is in but I know it will be difficult for each of them.

The other factor to realize is no matter what the persona was before the disease it can change drastically as time wears on.  My father was kind, appreciative, and good natured while others he had lived with in the home were anywhere from violent at times to mean and nasty.

I was struck by the story told by Michael  Reagan.  As his father the ex President got steadily worse Michael wasn't quite sure how to deal with his visits, so each time he made it a point of hugging his father before he left.  One day he became preoccupied talking to Nancy and failed to give his dad a hug before he left.  Outside heading to his car he became aware he was being followed by his dad who called out, "hey, mister you forgot to give me a hug!".   

Brook

Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 06, 2010, 11:33:34 AM

Your call, but I am just a 'ballzy" enough broad

That's not what I heard Janet. :laugh:

I can't beleive nobody jumped on this comment earlier.

   Hugs Erocse

You really might as well carry on posting, why allow those people the power?

My partner is away at the moment but I know he will join me in giving you both a hug.

I think that is awful behaviour for an adult. I can't imagine what possessed the brother/s to go to your parents before speaking to you.

Hang on in there and please don't isolate yourselves by not interacting with your friends here.