Susan's Place Transgender Resources

[Warning from forum admin: This post contains Possible Triggers for abuse survivors]

Hi:

I am a 31-year-old pre-op transgender woman from Thailand. I was born in Thailand and came to the USA when I was  15. I have always looked, sounded, and dressed like a female. So I don't plan to get any surgery or other sex  reassignment therapy. Gender is the brain, not the groin.

People in the west seem to think Thailand is more friendly for transgender women than the rest of the world.  It isn't.

My present is decent and I can't see there is anything wrong with my current life. It's my past that really  hurts me.

As I've mentioned, my voice, and my body [excluding the groin], and clothing are completely female. However  because my groin is male, that is where I've had serious trouble.

At the age of 14, my life was miserable. I was a freshman in a high school hostel. The senior boys would  mistreat me. Initially there were nice to me and most girls. It's when they found out that my genitalia is  completely-male, then they began bullying me. The adults, staff, and other figures of authority didn't care.  They were as transphobic as the most of the senior students. Also, transgender girls were housed with boys and  were not allowed to use girl-only facilities

It was around two weeks after I turned 14, and things took a terrible turn. A 17-year-old senior boy began  doing terrible things to me. He had a sharp knife in his hand and threatened to slit my anus open and stab me  in the rectum with it if I didn't do what he wanted. He carried this knife where even he went and the adults  didn't care.

This boy gained pleasure from making me smell bad, smelling me, and then cruelly-teasing me about how I stunk.  He demanded that I not take a shower, not use any deodorant or perfume. He ordered me not to clean my behind  after I defecate. He also would make me rub my feces all around my body so that I would really stink. I had  two sets of yellow silk dresses which I would change every day. I remember, the boy would not let me wash or  otherwise clean them.

The senior boy made me rub vaseline all over my body, my hair and into my anus. He would mix vaseline into my  food. He also made me eat plain vaseline. Diarrhea hit me everyday. He would make make rub these unusually- malodorous greasy stools on my legs, clothes, sock, feet, back, neck, scalp, arms, and into my hair. He would  then smell me and taunt me about the foul odor he noticed. He would also sodomize me while smelling me. He  would spit and drool on the back on my neck and scalp, rub the saliva on the back on my neck with his nose,  and smell my neck and hair. Again, he would tease me about the bad smell.

During class, he would sit behind me, pull up my dress, and insert a pencil into my anus. I would scream and  go into shock but none of the staff cared.

The entire school knew that this boy was a danger to my existance but no one did anything to stop him.

My parents would visit me and question me about my condition. I didn't report to them that I was being bullied  because I was so scared. Aside from the terrible body odor, there were no bruises, bleeding, or other  noticeable signs of abuse, so my parents figured there wasn't much wrong. Finally, about a month before my 15  birthday, my parents visited me. This time, I just had to complain to them about how the senior boy was  mistreating me and how the staff did nothing. Scared as I was, I just had to let it out. Following this, my  parents immediately pulled me out of the school. My parents did not waste time reporting it to police, because  the local authorites were corrupt and would likely side against us.

In about 2 months later my folks were discussing moving to the USA. Approximately, 4 months later we had moves  to America but were not complete citizens yet. It took another 6 months, and then my family and I because full  US citizens.

Currently, I live in Rowland Heights of Southern California. I am a cleaning lady at a local restaurant.

Ironically, I felt so much better in the US than in Thailand. Most westerners would assume the opposite.

The pain which I suffered when I was 14 still lurks in me.

Any assistance on this matter would be greatly appreciated.



Thanks so much,

Kathoey

I am very sorry to read about the awful time you had. Some scars will never vanish but I hope fot you they will become so small that they won't hurt you anymore.
It is really unbelieveble how people can behave with no regard for the feelings other people. How is it they think they can be better by degrading others? No one should experience what you have gone through.
It is good to read that you have put this situation behind you and have a much better life now.

Also, welcome to Susan's!

Hi Kathoey, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 4100 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
  
• Reputation Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.msg146855.html#msg146855)
  

Now you are out of that hell hole.  I think some think Thailand is better because of the surgeries there and Ladyboys.  But you can find horrible treatment of trans people any where.  Including the USA.


Hugs and Love,
Janet

Hi Kathoey,
It is so sad to hear how others, the mean boy and those who did nothing about it, can be so cruel.
I do hope that the metal pain that remains with you will not hurt less as time goes on.
But as Janet wrote

Quoteyou can find horrible treatment of trans people any where.  Including the USA.

Susan's is a place with allot of caring people.
So glad you joined.
Jillieann

Welcome to Susan's. I'm so sorry to hear about the terrible time you had - I'm glad you're in a safe place now.

I don't mean this to sound insensitive, but can you or one of the admins please put a trigger warning in the title or the beginning of the post?

Thank you all for your compassion.

There is something I don't understand. If I smelled so bad when I was 14, then why did the boy want to smell me? Wouldn't anyone get grossed out by the stink and distance themselves from the source of it? I just don't understand this.

I'm so sorry to hear about how cruel those twisted idiot boys treated you. I am glad that you made it out of there safely and very glad you found the site. The people on here become like a second family after a while. Welcome to the forum Kathoey, I look forward to seeing your future posts.

That is so horrible. I really just dont understand how some people can be so horribly cruel. I am also glad to hear you are now in a safer place, and glad to see you here!