Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, I've been passing almost exactly 50% lately, with people usually having to give it some thought before pinning me totally as male or female. (I actually did a survey this Monday as part of an art project, and the way people in groups argued about what gender I was, was hilarious.) As a result, I've been starting to use the men's room consistently and have actually gotten a few odd looks in women's rooms. But I just reached the bloody time of the month for the first time since getting into the habit of this, and I have no clue what to do. First of all, it makes me way more tense because I'm afraid of leaking and having a visible spot on my pants. Or getting blood on the seat. Or dropping the pad/tampon on the floor where people can see it. And I'm also not at all sure what to do when changing said pad/tampon - if there are other people in the room, I can't exactly bring it out the stall with me and drop it in the trash. So what do I do? Do I risk the glares (and outing to people with whom I'm stealth) and give in to using the women's room for the week? Or is there a way to discreetly get rid of whatever I'm using while in a public, multi-use men's room?

what I used to do was well, to be honest i didnt DO anything.. i just changed my attitude to 'i dont care'  i remember i used my exboyfriends dorm bathroom and accidentally got blood on the toilet, he thought it was hilarious and told me to write on the walls with it. haha (i didnt)

use tampons and you can flush them down, use the trash cans if no one is there, and if someone is there, just put the pad on the back of the toilet seat.  chances are you will never visit that bathroom again, and the other person in the room isnt going to look in the stall after you are done, and anyone who sees it will just think a girl somehow went in there by accident lol. just get out as fast as you can if you do leave it on the toilet.

if you are the type of person who would feel this is rude.. then I suppose you coudl take a little baggy and put the trash in that and throw it away in a different trash can, ball it in your hand so no one can see it

btw, i thought you were on T, how did you do the facial hair?

just wrap the string of the tampon around your index finger twice and there's no way it could drop to the floor really......i really don't know why people leave blood on the seat, why can't you just take a LOT of toilet paper and wipe it off? if you take enough paper you will not be touching the seat...
used tampons can be wrapped a couple of times in toilet paper and then be put in the trash by the sinks....unless you give people scared looks while doing that people will just think you blew your nose. you could also flush them in the toilet, it usually doesn't cause clogged up toilets. or put them in your pocket first and then drop them in the trash after washing your hands, together with the paper towel.
or as elijah said, you could carry small zip-lock bags and throw them out when no one's looking.

Lol, write on the walls with it.... "the menses monster was here."  This area's septic system is garbage, I'd be lucky if flushing a tampon down the toilet didn't end up flooding the whole building. I guess I could leave a pad there if it's not too crowded... hmm... yeah, rude, but reasonable I guess. And it's true wrapping it in toilet paper wouldn't be suspicious to anyone else, just me because I'd be self conscious about it.

Blood isn't a problem unless you've been sitting there for a while and didn't notice, it's like the seat absorbs the damn stuff.

T is next month, fingers crossed. The mustache in the photo was mostly just a accidental shadow that appeared in the photo, plus a little natural facial hair there, and then I used the burn tool in photoshop to emphasise it. But I think in any other photo it'd be clear I wasn't on T, my features are still too round.  :-\

If you're comfortable trying another method you can look into sea sponge tampons but you'll need a private stall to rinse after each use. I love them.       

My tactic: Don't use public bathrooms.
I have, like...a public bathroom phobia, so I just avoid bathrooms. I guess if you can't do that, then if you wear pads, change it and put the old one behind the toilet or on the back of the toilet seat (gross, I know, but I've seen it happen in girls' bathrooms) and if you wear tampons, flush the old one down the toilet.

I suppose you could do some planning. Was it the school restrooms you're referring to? If you're stuck there for an extended time frame you're really kinda stuck with using them. Is there a more remote toilet on the campus that isn't very well traveled? That might just help with the stress factor if there wasn't a lot of traffic happening while you were in there.

If I'm out and about I usually try to avoid public toilets in general but I also keep my eyes out for any unisex toilets (the single room ones like you find in a lot of coffee shops, some smaller stores, etc.)

No, on campus I just use women's rooms - I wasn't out or passing when I started college, and it's a small school, so people already know me as female. Which gets a bit worrying when I'm trying to be stealth not 5 minutes away from campus. But when travelling about, many of my destinations are at least an hour away from home, so waiting isn't an option there. I'll definitely keep my eyes open for single-occupancy toilets though.

You can also try a diva cup ... I know lots of folks like it.  You only have to change it once a day.

http://www.divacup.com/ (http://www.divacup.com/)

Thanks for the suggestion Rob- I wish I'd known about that earlier, looks like a good alternative. But since I'm getting T so soon I'm not sure the price is worth the convenience. I'll probably try wrapping whatever I use in lots of toilet paper and putting it in the trash as discreetly as possible. And hope I don't run into this problem between now and whenever my bleeding ceases for good.

Quote from: Nikolai_S on November 17, 2010, 08:37:15 PM
But when travelling about, many of my destinations are at least an hour away from home, so waiting isn't an option there. I'll definitely keep my eyes open for single-occupancy toilets though.

Starbuck's tends to have single occupancy toilets.

I mostly just use the disabled toilets anyway.  But if there isn't a disabled or the disabled is in the ladies (odd but happens a lot for some reason) then I always use the men's.  I always use tampons and just flush them.  I take the applicator bit out with me then chuck it in the bin.  It's never a problem. 

Tampons are pretty easy: carry new one in pocket, remove and flush used one, insert new one, put applicator back in sleeve, put whole thing back in pocket, discard in trash on the way out (or elsewhere, if it's crowded and you don't want to be seen throwing it out).

Of course if you can't flush the used one it's a little complicated...but I find it hard to believe that it would flood the building, public toilet septic systems are usually fairly well constructed and nearly all women who use tampons flush them normally so I seriously doubt they're all refraining from doing so in your particular septic system unless there are posted signs asking them not to.

Christ almighty, I can't believe the disgusting habits some people have. Change tampons, wrap the used one, and dispose of it discreetly later. Wipe the damn seat after you and remember to raise the seat before you leave the cubicle, guys don't leave the seat down.

As for leaving a used pad IN the cubicle... ::)

Ugh, i have no clue what to do in that situation  o__o''

Quote from: Nikolai_S on November 17, 2010, 07:30:30 PM
T is next month, fingers crossed. The mustache in the photo was mostly just a accidental shadow that appeared in the photo, plus a little natural facial hair there, and then I used the burn tool in photoshop to emphasise it. But I think in any other photo it'd be clear I wasn't on T, my features are still too round.  :-\

By the photo, I would say that you look pretty much like my boyfriend, when he was in his 18's  :3
You're a beautiful boy, Nikolai  ^..^

Quote from: JohnR on November 18, 2010, 06:11:03 AM
Christ almighty, I can't believe the disgusting habits some people have. Change tampons, wrap the used one, and dispose of it discreetly later. Wipe the damn seat after you and remember to raise the seat before you leave the cubicle, guys don't leave the seat down.

As for leaving a used pad IN the cubicle... ::)

Actually I find most guys who go in a cubicle to umm...use it seated won't put the seat up after  :-\   I also don't think flushing a tampon is "disgusting" - though to be fair you might not be referring to that. 

Leaving a pad in is littering - and pretty nasty littering at that though!

Quote from: Alessandro on November 18, 2010, 08:07:48 AM
Actually I find most guys who go in a cubicle to umm...use it seated won't put the seat up after  :-\   I also don't think flushing a tampon is "disgusting" - though to be fair you might not be referring to that. 

Leaving a pad in is littering - and pretty nasty littering at that though!

No, tampon flushing isn't disgusting, it would be the preferred method of disposal, but apparently that isn't an option in this case.

What is disgusting, is considering leaving a used pad in the cubicle or joking that it's acceptable to use menstrual fluid to write on walls. Also, what kind of person can't work out for themselves that if they get blood on the seat it needs to be wiped clean?

If people want to be accepted into men's bathrooms then don't behave like disgusting chav females.

I might add that flushing tampons isn't necessarily ideal, as they are not friendly to septic systems, just a thought. Best wishes, Valerie       

We weren't saying writing menstrual fluid to write on walls would be acceptable, it was just a joke about an awkward situation. And believe it or not sometimes it isn't so easy to clean blood off the seat - at a toilet in my house there is a stain almost a year old that we've never been able to get rid of. I believe it was from a diarrheal incident that necessitated a long stay.

I'd only ever consider leaving a pad on the back of the seat in a really crowded situation with multiple stalls that could be used, since if I saw something on the back of the toilet I'd avoid that stall. At a sports stadium or something where it might be really crowded, I might be too panicked to switch a pad and carry it out even if it needs to be done. I have social anxiety issues to start with. I'd probably use toilet paper to temporarily fix the situation instead.  :-\

And thanks Flam.  :D Your boyfriend looks pretty cute.

Quote from: Nikolai_S on November 18, 2010, 03:26:48 PM
We weren't saying writing menstrual fluid to write on walls would be acceptable, it was just a joke about an awkward situation. And believe it or not sometimes it isn't so easy to clean blood off the seat - at a toilet in my house there is a stain almost a year old that we've never been able to get rid of. I believe it was from a diarrheal incident that necessitated a long stay.

I'd only ever consider leaving a pad on the back of the seat in a really crowded situation with multiple stalls that could be used, since if I saw something on the back of the toilet I'd avoid that stall. At a sports stadium or something where it might be really crowded, I might be too panicked to switch a pad and carry it out even if it needs to be done. I have social anxiety issues to start with. I'd probably use toilet paper to temporarily fix the situation instead.  :-\

And thanks Flam.  :D Your boyfriend looks pretty cute.

Right. so the cisguys have to cope with your used menstruation products littering up the cubicle because you have social anxiety issues and might be too panicked to switch a pad and carry it out even if it needs to be done. That ought to help with passing when the next guy in the queue sees what you've left behind.

Yeah guys are really on the lookout for a buddy who can leave used sanitary products around. 

EVERY GUY IN THERE CAN SMELL YOU AND KNOWS YOU'RE ON THE RAG.

Cargo pants.  Not only will they hold fresh supplies, but also if for some reason you can't toss the used stuff (or you're too embarrassed to toss it) you can haul it out to toss someplace else.

All used stuff (pads and tampons) should be wrapped thoroughly in toilet paper (ie lots).  And please wipe the seat.  I don't advocate leaving anything in the stall.  Eeewwwww.

You also could carry a few snack sized plastic baggies for used stuff (again, wrapped) if you're worried about leakage before you can toss it out.

Jay

I'm with sneakersjay on this one, I've got a few pairs of solid black cargo pants and shorts for those days just in case.

to be honest the best way to deal with it is: DO NOT GO OUT DURRING THAT TIME OF THE MONTH. mine is just 2-3days. So i usually stay at home and rott -_- until its light/almost gone.

Quote from: tekla on November 18, 2010, 04:33:44 PM
Yeah guys are really on the lookout for a buddy who can leave used sanitary products around. 

Have to agree with the sarcasm here. It's f'd up to even think about leaving used sanitary products somewhere where someone else is going to have to deal with them.

Quote
EVERY GUY IN THERE CAN SMELL YOU AND KNOWS YOU'RE ON THE RAG.

This, on the other hand...not (always) true. My own husband, whom I live and share a bathroom with, has no idea I'm bleeding until he wants to have sex and I tell him. Never been with a guy who could tell, actually. There might be a minority of guys who can tell, or there might be a minority of female people who smell so strong as to be obvious to most guys, but it's not generally true that all guys can tell when all female people are bleeding.

Quote...EVERY GUY CAN SMELL YOU...

Some women do smell; I noticed that in college in the women's dorm.  I always wondered if they just didn't change their stuff often enough.


Jay

Quote from: tekla on November 18, 2010, 04:33:44 PM
EVERY GUY IN THERE CAN SMELL YOU AND KNOWS YOU'RE ON THE RAG.

In addition to what Rob said about being able to only have to deal with it when you're at home, one of the most attractive selling points of menstrual cups is that there's no odor:

Quote
Q. Is there odor with The DivaCup?
A. No, there is no odor when using The DivaCup. Menstrual flow only begins to develop an odor when it begins to oxidize and break down from being exposed to air. Menstrual fluid on pads is exposed to air, so it does create an after odor. Tampons are not as bad since they are worn internally, but they can still create odor. With The DivaCup, odor is not created because the flow is not exposed at all. No more worrying about embarrassing odor or leakage!

i forgot that in the US everyone uses applicator tampons. in europe most tampons are sold without the applicator bit, so that's a lot less trash to worry about. I saw O.B. tampons at riteaid in the U.S., which don't come with an applicator.

Ah, yes, but without the applicator you have to stick your finger in there. While it's bleeding. If that's uncomfortable for you, then it can be hard to position it deep enough, and if it's not deep enough, you end up feeling the tampon all day.

Wow I never knew you could flush tampons.

I remember back in high school I always thought it was obvious because of the way I smelled.  I could smell other girl's blood in the bathroom too.  I don't know if that was bad hygiene on my part or what, because I haven't had a period in a couple of years.

I think that women might be able to identify the smell better because they have more experience with it?

It may not be hygiene - it may just be individual variation.

John, let it go. I wasn't the one to suggest leaving it behind and it is never something I would have thought of doing if other people didn't seem to think it was okay. I think it's disgusting, too. Last resort, okay?

Sneakersjay, thanks for the suggestion on cargo pants. I don't currently have a pair since they make me look kind of gnomelike, but probably a good thing to have for situations like this.

Cargos are a guys best friend ... specially if you have a lot of stuff to carry/hide... (I often use it to sneak home the hormones I am taking while making unexpected trips to the chemist) and while dressed as a guy one can't be seen carrying a handbag & backpacks are not always possible to carry everywhere/every-time... while I have no experience with tampons ... you can try carrying a very strong deodorant to cover/mask the smell in one of the cargo pockets, preferably one that smells like either cigars/musk/chocolate as they tend to be used mostly by guys and have a stronger/more recognizable scent.

Check to make sure before buying the pant has pockets that are deep enough...  try to have at least 1 pair preferably 2 just in case ...

Honestly? If the septic is bad. I'll fricken just wrap it all up... pull out clean toilet paper and pretend I'm blowing my nose and throwing away the tissue.

Guys mostly don't pay attention to other guys in the bathroom. The whole social phobia of being gay prevents that and actually can be useful at times.

Just take some deep breaths and relax. If you act funny, then you'll be noticed. If anything just grab some paper towels when you got in to wrap it. If a guy looks and sees you throwing it away, he'll not even think, and if he does? Most likely will be all "ah that wasn't a flushable paper. Yup"

Quote from: tekla on November 18, 2010, 04:33:44 PM
Yeah guys are really on the lookout for a buddy who can leave used sanitary products around. 

EVERY GUY IN THERE CAN SMELL YOU AND KNOWS YOU'RE ON THE RAG.

So true. That odor is distinct and in a mens room would give you away right quick.

I feel like there is a lot of over-thinking going on here, which is understandable, but it's taking on a negative tone.  :-\

The cargo pants/lots of tissue sounds like a good remedy. Or, like someone said on a past page, you could avpoid going out to public areas that would involve you using your preferred restroom during your period. This, however, can be difficult unless you are lucky enough to have a short period. I know I don't, and I know my bathroom life would be a lot easier if I did.  :laugh:

Just do what makes you comfortable, y'know? Go into the mens stall when it's kinda late or no one is there, feel it out, figure out a plan of action before you end up having to do that AND not give yourself away.

And one last thing. Not all women give off an odor. I've lived with women all my life, and most of my friends are women, and I can't honestly say I've "smelled" them. Perhaps a stranger in women's bathroom yes, like ONCE OR TWICE in my entire life, but I doubt it is something to fret over as long as you do your best to stay fresh, which most tampons and pads are getting better at doing.

My periods last around 8 days, plus I continue to leak for up to a week after. Which is why this was a big concern of mine - hard to plan for such long occurrences. I've been mostly been making sure to change things right before leaving the house so unless it's really heavy I won't run into a problem... A few days ago I did have a problem I didn't anticipate, when the toilet wasn't flushing right, leaving visible bloody water. I just hauled ass out of there, but it certainly didn't help my paranoia. I have rotten luck in public.

To me, it has a distinct odor. I can smell when most women are menstruating, even out in public with other smells around. My nose is horribly oversensitive. But the bio-guys I know aren't capable of distinguishing it. For example, when my dad takes out the trash and there are old pads in it, he'll sometimes sniff and ask what smells of death - I've told him a few times and he still doesn't recognise it.