Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, uh, my mother said she wants to eventually take me to see a gynecologist.

I asked what they do and she explained it to me.

Basically, my reaction was, I said, "I'd rather cut off my own arm."

She kept repeating that I would get used to it after it's done a few times and the only thing I would say was, "I'd rather cut off my arm."

I mean, I really would rather chop off a limb than go to a gynecologist. I'm terrified of them. /I/ don't even pay much attention to my vagina; meaning, I don't want somebody feeling all up inside of it. No. That just isn't happening.

On another hand, if they find something wrong, it could cause me to get a hysterectomy, which would ultimately make my life so much more better. I could bind, wear boxers, and not bleed out of my genitalia. How great! =D Too bad that's not the case. =/

Also, I was going to tell my mother that I think my vagina is gross (when I simply just plain out don't like), but it came out as "I think vaginas are gross." She asked why, and I said, "They look weird." Now she thinks I'm her straight daughter again. DX DAMN IT. I NEED TO WATCH WHAT I SAY!

What I meant to say was, "I don't like my vagina. It looks wrong."
Secretly meaning: I should have a god damn penis.

Lately, I've been feeling, like, a physical withdrawal. I physically feel like something is missing down there. I feel incomplete, you know? It's really bad and it's all I've been able to focus on lately. ><

So, uh, anyway, gynecologists. What should I do?

I know that if I go, I'll start screaming and crying when they try to do something. Nothing, and I repeat NOTHING should be going up there.

Lol. You know what this reminds me of? The first time I tried shaving my pubic hair. It went something like, "Why does my penis look so weird?"
Honestly, I didn't even know what my downstairs looked like until I was about 12 or 13 because I didn't want to look and I didn't shave down there. I just kind of forgot what it looked like when I was younger. Pretty much when I found out what was down there... I opened it, freaked out, and ran out of the bathroom. Penises aren't supposed to open up like that, you know? XD It freaked me out. That, and I wanted to know why it was so small.
I didn't look down there when I was younger either. I think I just ignored the fact that there was nothing there.

Ah...those were horrible times, were they not?  ;D

I just skimmed through this a realized it got a bit off topic. Oops. My bad. Sorry.  :P

Then don't go. The only person who can decide if your life is worth it is you.

Quote from: JohnR on November 18, 2010, 05:13:45 PM
Then don't go. The only person who can decide if your life is worth it is you.

My mom is going to make me. >> Eventually (meaning probably in the next year or so.) She says I'm female and I have to go.

Quote from: Devyn on November 18, 2010, 05:15:27 PM
My mom is going to make me. >> Eventually (meaning probably in the next year or so.) She says I'm female and I have to go.

If you're over 18, she can't make you.  You're a legal adult then.

Edit: I probably should've said more.  I feel like you.  It scares the crap out of me.  I've only been to get birth control, and I just sat down and talked with the doctor, and that's all.  From what I've heard, it's not actually that bad or anything.  Honestly, I think it depends if you're sexually active or not.  If you aren't, then don't go.  If you are, maybe consider it. 

Quote from: Devyn on November 18, 2010, 05:15:27 PM
My mom is going to make me. >> Eventually (meaning probably in the next year or so.) She says I'm female and I have to go.

You certainly have female body parts. I wouldn't recommend screaming and crying though, that is definitely a girl thing to do.

Going to the gynaecologist is one of the curses we have to put up with. Either that or don't bother and take the risk of either being perfectly healthy and ok or dying from something that could have been treated had it been picked up in time.

Your mother can't make you, unless she physically carries you in.

Quote from: JohnR on November 18, 2010, 05:20:10 PM
You certainly have female body parts. I wouldn't recommend screaming and crying though, that is definitely a girl thing to do.

Going to the gynaecologist is one of the curses we have to put up with. Either that or don't bother and take the risk of either being perfectly healthy and ok or dying from something that could have been treated had it been picked up in time.

Your mother can't make you, unless she physically carries you in.

I don't see how crying or screaming is a "girl thing" to do. Guys do both of those things.

Also, dude, I'm just trying to start a sort-of-casual conversation about gynecologists, awkward genitals, and guys who have to go to gynecologists. Not talk about how I might die from something I may or may not have. Just saying.

Quote from: Rain on November 18, 2010, 05:16:56 PM
If you're over 18, she can't make you.  You're a legal adult then.

Edit: I probably should've said more.  I feel like you.  It scares the crap out of me.  I've only been to get birth control, and I just sat down and talked with the doctor, and that's all.  From what I've heard, it's not actually that bad or anything.  Honestly, I think it depends if you're sexually active or not.  If you aren't, then don't go.  If you are, maybe consider it.

Well I'm not sexually active. So I don't have a reason to go. 8D Woot.

Quote from: Devyn on November 18, 2010, 05:26:09 PM
Well I'm not sexually active. So I don't have a reason to go. 8D Woot.

Well there ya go  :D Explain this to your mom.  But do be sure to see it from her point of view.  She's just looking after your health.  So if you do start feeling odd or something weird goes down, be sure to visit a obgyn asap.  You don't want anything nasty or life-threatening.

How old are you?

Just asking.  My daughter is 16 and hasn't had any internal exam yet, nor did her doctor suggest it.

And, FWIW, I did not ever visit a gyno until I was married, having sex (I was 28 before I had sex!), and contemplating having children.  (I never wanted anything 'in there' either!)

So no, you don't need to go have an internal exam 'just because'.  If you have to go to the appointment, leave your mother out of it (ie make her wait in the waiting room) and discuss your concerns privately with the doctor.


Jay

Quote from: sneakersjay on November 18, 2010, 05:32:53 PM
How old are you?

Just asking.  My daughter is 16 and hasn't had any internal exam yet, nor did her doctor suggest it.

And, FWIW, I did not ever visit a gyno until I was married, having sex (I was 28 before I had sex!), and contemplating having children.  (I never wanted anything 'in there' either!)

So no, you don't need to go have an internal exam 'just because'.  If you have to go to the appointment, leave your mother out of it (ie make her wait in the waiting room) and discuss your concerns privately with the doctor.


Jay

Ah. I always figured that, you know, female-bodied people had to go just because you're supposed to. If that sounded sarcastic, it really wasn't. XD

I'm with Devyn, I find the thought terrifying, awkward, and would be highly uncomfortable. I don't know what to tell you man. That's good news, I also didn't know if you hadn't had sex yet that you wouldn't have to go. I do know a lot of women who only go once every 2-3 years though so when you finally do have to maybe it won't have to be often

Quote from: Michael Alexander on November 18, 2010, 06:07:05 PM
I'm with Devyn, I find the thought terrifying, awkward, and would be highly uncomfortable. I don't know what to tell you man. That's good news, I also didn't know if you hadn't had sex yet that you wouldn't have to go. I do know a lot of women who only go once every 2-3 years though so when you finally do have to maybe it won't have to be often

Alright, that makes me feel better. Lol. I hate feeling like I'm the only one misinformed.

I only go every couple of years.  I think I've been a total of two times since I was 17 (I'm 21 now).  I went for birth control because my monthly "gift" was unbearable pain wise, which made me the devil incarnate for about 1.5 weeks every month.  That, and the gynecologist also does the breast exams while I'm there and I'd really rather have breast cancer caught early.  I also go because my mom has had some really bad issues with her uterus for most of her life and the issues can be genetic or passed from mother to daughter and I'd rather go to something that's uncomfortable for me than wind up dead or have my uterus fall out in pieces (like my mom's did to her).

Quote from: Devyn on November 18, 2010, 05:26:09 PM
Well I'm not sexually active. So I don't have a reason to go. 8D Woot.

You should still probably go when the time comes that you're supposed to go regularly. Other complications can happen that don't involve sexual activity.

I empathize, I used to be really scared and disgusted by the thought, but now it doesn't seem so bad. You still have the parts, and as long as you have them you have a responsibility to take care of yourself and make sure everything is OK, even if you plan on getting rid of it later. They usually tend to be sympathetic for even non-TG patients, so just let them know how you feel about it.

Quote from: Lachlann on November 18, 2010, 06:34:02 PM
You should still probably go when the time comes that you're supposed to go regularly. Other complications can happen that don't involve sexual activity.

I empathize, I used to be really scared and disgusted by the thought, but now it doesn't seem so bad. You still have the parts, and as long as you have them you have a responsibility to take care of yourself and make sure everything is OK, even if you plan on getting rid of it later. They usually tend to be sympathetic for even non-TG patients, so just let them know how you feel about it.

Oh. That slightly disappointed me, but I understand. Will do.

Quote from: Devyn on November 18, 2010, 05:15:27 PM
My mom is going to make me. >> Eventually (meaning probably in the next year or so.) She says I'm female and I have to go.

She can drag you to the office, but they can't force a physical exam on you; that would be sexual assault, big time.  If you do go, just tell the doctor that you do not consent to it.  Even if you're technically a minor, a doctor would not perform what can be a traumatic test even in the best cases on an unwilling patient, especially when there is absolutely no medical need for it.

Your mom just wants to keep you healthy, but if she thinks you need to see a gynecologist when you're neither sexually active nor experiencing symptoms of a problem meriting specialist attention (severe cramps, heavy bleeding, etc.), she's simply misinformed.  You might want to tell her that outside the U.S., gynecologists are reserved for really severe problems; routine sexual health testing is done by a general practitioner as needed, and based on what you've said, it's not needed.  If you have a regular doctor you trust, you might be able to get your mom to take you there instead, where you can explain your situation and get out of the unnecessary testing.  Good luck!

Quote from: Ilan Reshon on November 18, 2010, 08:10:52 PM
She can drag you to the office, but they can't force a physical exam on you; that would be sexual assault, big time.  If you do go, just tell the doctor that you do not consent to it.  Even if you're technically a minor, a doctor would not perform what can be a traumatic test even in the best cases on an unwilling patient, especially when there is absolutely no medical need for it.

Your mom just wants to keep you healthy, but if she thinks you need to see a gynecologist when you're neither sexually active nor experiencing symptoms of a problem meriting specialist attention (severe cramps, heavy bleeding, etc.), she's simply misinformed.  You might want to tell her that outside the U.S., gynecologists are reserved for really severe problems; routine sexual health testing is done by a general practitioner as needed, and based on what you've said, it's not needed.  If you have a regular doctor you trust, you might be able to get your mom to take you there instead, where you can explain your situation and get out of the unnecessary testing.  Good luck!

Very informative. Thanks.  ;D

If you aren't having problems I don't see why you need to be examined. I'm 21 and never have been. I'm sexually active, but STD free. I have PCOS and the Dr I see just talks to me, she doesn't try to talk me into it. If your mom is that worried about it just tell her you were examined and your fine.

I caught your age before it was edited. What kind of mother wants a kid of that age to have an internal examination?

Quote from: JohnR on November 19, 2010, 03:57:00 AM
I caught your age before it was edited. What kind of mother wants a kid of that age to have an internal examination?

I would imagine it has to do with "see you're completely normal (physically female) so you can't possibly be trans".  Not nearly as harsh, but my mom was convinced I was bi-polar not trans.  I went to the therapist she chose and she was seriously disappointed to find out I was just depressed and as the therapist put it "who wouldn't be in that situation?"  :)

Quote from: regan on November 19, 2010, 07:48:44 AM
I would imagine it has to do with "see you're completely normal (physically female) so you can't possibly be trans".  Not nearly as harsh, but my mom was convinced I was bi-polar not trans.  I went to the therapist she chose and she was seriously disappointed to find out I was just depressed and as the therapist put it "who wouldn't be in that situation?"  :)

Yes, could well be. It just shocked me that a caring mother would wish for her very minor child to be subjected to an internal examination. It could easily be read as a sexual assault. I can't think of any parent I know who would attempt to force a child to be touched up vaginally.

Some moms go crazy when they realize you'll never be the young women they dreamed of you being. The first time I came out to my mom I was 15. She thought part of the problem was that my boobs were too big. She tried to force me to get a breast reduction. She would even drag me to see surgeons. During one of her tantrums to get me to go she kicked a hole in the bathroom door.

Quote from: JohnR on November 19, 2010, 08:46:08 AM
Yes, could well be. It just shocked me that a caring mother would wish for her very minor child to be subjected to an internal examination. It could easily be read as a sexual assault. I can't think of any parent I know who would attempt to force a child to be touched up vaginally.

Parents will go to extreme lengths to believe what they want to believe, even if its just in their own minds.  I agree that making the focus of an exam the very thing that's causing your child distress could be at the very least bad parenting, but for most of society if we just tried harder to be our birth gender all of "this" would just go away.  And what better way to prove to your child that they are female then an intrusive exam that in your mind proves it once and for all.

To be honest I think you're too young for an examination, i.e. meaning that female bodied people only really go to have one once they seriously consider having babies. What's the deal with your mum? I remember when I was forced to join the reserve army by my parents and there was a compulsory medical exam that included the doctor feeling my parts down there. It was majorally uncomfortable and embarrassing and I was just a minor at the time. Later when I gave out to my dad as he didn't tell me about the medical his reply was that if I had known I wouldn't have gone.

Seriously, I know how uncomfortable it would be for you so I suggest, especially seeing as their is no pressing medical need, that you just simply do not go. Courage!

I agree with much of what's been said, but I think there is some misinformation in the responses here.

If you are under the 18-21 age bracket, and you are not sexually active, and you have a normal menstrual cycle, then there is absolutely no medical reason to go see a gynecologist or to have a vaginal exam.

However, you *should* get the HPV vaccine, because it can prevent you from ever contracting HPV when you do get older and become sexually active, and that's important, not the least because the HPV virus will increase your risk of cervical cancer (and even it will require you to have at least more frequent exams to monitor in the future - something you surely would like to avoid). A regular doctor should be able to give you this vaccine, you don't need a gynecologist for it.

If you an abnormal cycle that causes you pain, distress, significant bleeding, etc., then you may want to see a gynecologist sooner.

If you ARE sexually active, then you SHOULD be getting regular exams and pap smears, because of the risk of HPV, which can be transmitted from skin to skin contact/bodily fluids, even with the use of condoms,and even women with whom you may be sexually involved could have it and transmit it to you. Most people are NOT symptomatic and many do not know they have HPV.

I agree that at *some* point in the future, you may have to see a gynecologist and learn what those exams are like and what they are screening for, depending on how you approach your transition. But I don't think there is any benefit to having you go now to learn. Most young *women* are extremely scared and uncomfortable about going to the gynecologist, let along young *men.*

Quote from: Sean on November 19, 2010, 11:03:49 AM
I agree with much of what's been said, but I think there is some misinformation in the responses here.

If you are under the 18-21 age bracket, and you are not sexually active, and you have a normal menstrual cycle, then there is absolutely no medical reason to go see a gynecologist or to have a vaginal exam.

However, you *should* get the HPV vaccine, because it can prevent you from ever contracting HPV when you do get older and become sexually active, and that's important, not the least because the HPV virus will increase your risk of cervical cancer (and even it will require you to have at least more frequent exams to monitor in the future - something you surely would like to avoid). A regular doctor should be able to give you this vaccine, you don't need a gynecologist for it.

If you an abnormal cycle that causes you pain, distress, significant bleeding, etc., then you may want to see a gynecologist sooner.

If you ARE sexually active, then you SHOULD be getting regular exams and pap smears, because of the risk of HPV, which can be transmitted from skin to skin contact/bodily fluids, even with the use of condoms,and even women with whom you may be sexually involved could have it and transmit it to you. Most people are NOT symptomatic and many do not know they have HPV.

I agree that at *some* point in the future, you may have to see a gynecologist and learn what those exams are like and what they are screening for, depending on how you approach your transition. But I don't think there is any benefit to having you go now to learn. Most young *women* are extremely scared and uncomfortable about going to the gynecologist, let along young *men.*

There are some issues with the HPV vaccine. I believe it was one of the head researchers who came out with the information that it should not be given to anyone under the age of 18 because of the raised potential for very serious side effects (actually I did dig up one link on this: http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/report-lead-researcher-for-hpv-vaccine-questions-its-safety/ (http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/report-lead-researcher-for-hpv-vaccine-questions-its-safety/)). Of course the drug companies make $$$ off of anything like this (and they also spend millions on just the marketing campaigns - and who are the campaigns targeted to most? Teens under 18 and parents.) It's also not a 100% prevention method ... so no, it won't prevent you from EVER contracting that. There are over 100 types of HPV out there, the vaccine does not protect against all of them.

If you're not sexually active and things are functioning normally there really is no medical reason to go in.

Regarding the HPV vaccine, it can be administered by a general practitioner if you and your mom and your doctor think it would be beneficial (and you haven't already gotten it due to local laws that can require it for middle/high school enrollment).  It doesn't have anything to do with seeing a gynecologist.

I know it's really scary but you really should have it looked at. Whether it's defected or not, it's a part of your body, and if something bad happens there it can really (not allowed) your life up.

And I really need to take my own advice on this one.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on November 19, 2010, 07:32:52 PM
There are some issues with the HPV vaccine. I believe it was one of the head researchers who came out with the information that it should not be given to anyone under the age of 18 because of the raised potential for very serious side effects (actually I did dig up one link on this: http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/report-lead-researcher-for-hpv-vaccine-questions-its-safety/ (http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/report-lead-researcher-for-hpv-vaccine-questions-its-safety/)). Of course the drug companies make $$$ off of anything like this (and they also spend millions on just the marketing campaigns - and who are the campaigns targeted to most? Teens under 18 and parents.) It's also not a 100% prevention method ... so no, it won't prevent you from EVER contracting that. There are over 100 types of HPV out there, the vaccine does not protect against all of them.

The website you quoted includes dubious medical information, including continued promotion of the vaccine/autism link that has been disproved time and time again.

I'm not the biggest supporter of a drug-pushing big pharma culture, but I am inherently skeptical of information presenting by an organization that is promoting blatant scientific falsehoods.

I will look further into the claim about the HPV vaccine. As of now, I'm unaware of any legitimate medical organizations and practitioners who have come out against it.

Quote from: Sean on November 20, 2010, 09:52:19 PM
The website you quoted includes dubious medical information, including continued promotion of the vaccine/autism link that has been disproved time and time again.

I'm not the biggest supporter of a drug-pushing big pharma culture, but I am inherently skeptical of information presenting by an organization that is promoting blatant scientific falsehoods.

I will look further into the claim about the HPV vaccine. As of now, I'm unaware of any legitimate medical organizations and practitioners who have come out against it.

When that story first broke I do believe it was the researcher cited that was cautionary about it. It wasn't until thousands of serious side effect reports were logged that the whole thing kind of got brushed under the rug and moved over to more "sensational" and one-sided sites. Meanwhile, the drug companies are naturally going to say it's safe. What you should do some research into are how drugs are put on to the market in the U.S. (the process, the timelines, and the marketing). They're now marketing the HPV vaccine to teenage boys. Great way to sell more vaccines.

I used to believe drug companies and the FDA had our best interests in mind, until one of my best friends got a job as a drug rep with Pfzier. THAT was an eye-opener to say the least. So yeah, I have a total different viewpoint on the claims and safety of some of these drugs.

Quote from: Devyn on November 18, 2010, 05:15:27 PM
My mom is going to make me. >> Eventually (meaning probably in the next year or so.) She says I'm female and I have to go.

If you go on T they will generally eventually make you go do such things to make sure you haven't messed anything up with the T I guess....
my doctor that I get my T from [not therapist, I do not go to a therapist of any sort] prescribed me anxiety meds for such an occasion this summer.  It still didn't turn out too well, but the meds helped anyway.