Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So my girlfriend has some friends over that she went to high school with. They're both pretty hardcore rock chicks that I actually have alot in common with; I've hung out with one a few times before but just met the other one tonight, she seems pretty awesome though.

So why am I posting on here? I've pretty much been banished to the basement as I am clearly the 3rd (technically 4th) wheel in this situation. They're a little off-put by some "guy"  being around, I'm not really welcome to join the conversation nor do I feel like I could even do that having to play the guy role.

<sigh>

My girlfriend said to me before they got here, "The only one stopping you from being yourself around them is you" which, while somewhat true..... that wouldn't make them view me as female. At best, all that would come from that situation would be them questioning my sexuality, I don't know why she can't see that a guy who comes off as fem as I actually am wouldn't be labeled "gay".

I don't think she really gets this whole trans thing at all sometimes. The "being viewed by society as female" doesn't click in her head at all. I guess we need to have another talk.

Eh, what can you do, it just sucks. I'm sorry if you read this mess, I just had to vent.

~Sara (the troll in the basement)

There is one very simple answer. Be yourself. Join them as the girl you identify as. If they cannot accept you, problem solved. If they do accept you and you accept them, problem solved again. Hiding in basements does nothing. Never has, never will.

Join Life.

Cindy

As for being banished by partner and her old friends.

My wife's first language is French. When she get with a crowd of her old chums, I'm left sitting there listening to chatter. A number of years ago, I started trying to pick up individual words that I understood to pretend that i actually understood what they were saying. Since then I been routinely banished.

Don't know if that helps much. But try to laugh at it.

Quote from: spacial on November 26, 2010, 06:32:32 AM
As for being banished by partner and her old friends.

My wife's first language is French. When she get with a crowd of her old chums, I'm left sitting there listening to chatter. A number of years ago, I started trying to pick up individual words that I understood to pretend that i actually understood what they were saying. Since then I been routinely banished.

Don't know if that helps much. But try to laugh at it.

peut-être vous avez un besoin d'apprendre le français alors.
(perhaps you have a need for learning french then)

Sorry - yes I'll get my coat and be on my way... and I've only just come back from a brief vacation too ;D

While it is a shame that you felt that you were " I've pretty much been banished to the basement".  Were you in your own place?

If so you have every right to be there.

If they did not say something to you or her, then I agree with her. 

Quote"The only one stopping you from being yourself around them is you". 

That is what most new transitioners face.  It just isn't you.

Quote from: rejennyrated on November 26, 2010, 07:16:23 AM
peut-être vous avez un besoin d'apprendre le français alors.
(perhaps you have a need for learning french then)

Sorry - yes I'll get my coat and be on my way... and I've only just come back from a brief vacation too ;D

It's a good point. And it's brilliant to have you back. Missed you lately.

I'm thinking a little clearer today, I can see all the points brought up here and agree. I guess I felt a little guilty about the whole situation; they seemed somewhat uncomfortable with my presence and I didn't want to ruin anyone elses good time.

I thought I had gotten past the whole "throw myself under the bus so everyone else will be happy" but I guess I fell back into that pit last night. It's hard to get out of that habbit after doing it for more than two decades.  :-\

Quote from: Miss_Anthropic on November 26, 2010, 03:46:14 PM
I thought I had gotten past the whole "throw myself under the bus so everyone else will be happy"

Yeah thats a really deep hole to climb out from... There is a fine line somewhere between being considerate and being a doormat I think, but you have to step on it to find it. Better to do it while being yourself though. You've as much a right to have a good time, and if for whatever reason it's too awkward to all hang out, to know about it so you can make better plans than the basement high-life for yourself :)

Quote from: CindyJames on November 26, 2010, 04:05:30 AM
There is one very simple answer. Be yourself. Join them as the girl you identify as. If they cannot accept you, problem solved. If they do accept you and you accept them, problem solved again. Hiding in basements does nothing. Never has, never will.

Join Life.

Cindy

@ Miss_Anthropic:

Cindy gives great advice here.  By the way, I'm not preaching at you ... no way.  I need to take this advice myself.  Most of my life, until very recently actually, I would do exactly what you did.  Well, no more of that.  Join the party, live your life and enjoy it. 

You deserve a good life, so just jump in and have it.    ;)