Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Today, I did something that has only happened once or twice in the past, but it's still bothering me. Today when I was putting my name on an assignment I absent mindedly put down my old name. When asking a classmate for an eraser I explained what I had done, and he said something that really got to me: "Maybe it wasn't an accident.", implying that I unsure about my gender. This got me into a spiral of thought processes, along the lines of "What if I'm not really a transsexual?". Deep down I know who I am and know that I've been so much more happier and confident since transitioning, but things like this leave a really icky feeling in my stomach. I hate that name so much, just as much as I hate having a male body.. so why am I a putting down on paper, even if rarely? Is this just an accident brought on by old habits? Or is it something subconscious? I'm confused and frustrated and asking myself these questions right now.. Has this ever happened to anyone else or is this just me?

Yeah that's just part of it, you have to change your name and your pronouns and sometimes you accidentally use the wrong one absentmindedly out of habit. I mean, you used the old one every day on every paper you wrote for years, right? It was one of the first things you learned to write in kindergarten. Old habits die hard.

Ask a married person (if they switched their name, that is) how many times they accidentally wrote their old last name.  Does this mean they're not married?  We're creatures of habit. 

You should see me at Starbucks when they ask me what name they should write of the cup. If I am not paying attention and they ask, I get so confused. I am sure it must be kinda funny if you are the guy working behind the counter and the person you are servicing can't remember her name.

  I think it doesn't mean a thing. I know who I am.

   Hugs, Erocse

It's happend to me a couple of times, it's no surprise really as I did use that name for nearly 18 years.

it is a memory that gets accessed by accident.  When you first change you name, it happens a lot.  Even now at 2 years full time I catch myself starting to sign something with my old name.  Does it mean I am not TS?  Absolutely not. It is just that we are relying on a habit, an old habit.

Thank you, everyone, for your responses. It's good to know that I'm not the only person who has made this mistake. Before it didn't bother me this much (though it was rather annoying) and I just fixed the error and moved on, but I suppose what my classmate said really of made it feel worse this time around.

I haven't had that problem, however I wouldn't worry about it either. Much of what we do is done without thinking just hardwired habits. It's gonna take a while to break those connections and rewire them. *hugs* Don't doubt yourself just because of what your classmate said.

I haven't slipped yet but I often have to go back and look at what I wrote because I worry I will. I sometimes check to make sure I ticked the right gender too.

It's just a habit. The guy saying that wouldn't understand. We've not only lived as that person for so many years, we've also had to remind ourselves constantly that the old name and gender actually belonged to us.

I thought I'd slipped up at the airport yesterday.  I thought I had clearly chosen the mens' room and as soon as I turned the corner the first thing I saw was a stroller and a child!  But the next step brought me to the row of urinals.  Phew!  For a second there I thought I was losing my marbles!

Jay


(not that dads can't bring their little ones into the restroom; just that up until now I hadn't encountered any in the mens' room, but clearly had encountered lots in the ladies' room!  Triggered an oh no! moment :) )

Quote from: sneakersjay on December 03, 2010, 03:54:38 PM
I thought I'd slipped up at the airport yesterday.  I thought I had clearly chosen the mens' room and as soon as I turned the corner the first thing I saw was a stroller and a child!  But the next step brought me to the row of urinals.  Phew!  For a second there I thought I was losing my marbles!

Jay


(not that dads can't bring their little ones into the restroom; just that up until now I hadn't encountered any in the mens' room, but clearly had encountered lots in the ladies' room!  Triggered an oh no! moment :) )

I used to make that mistake, but only at my college's washrooms. I was so used to using the same washroom every day for about 2 years, that I sometimes began to enter that specific door without thinking about what gender it's meant for. At these times it's not until the word "Mens" stares me straight in the face that I realize that I'm about to enter the wrong washroom. Luckily I have never gone any farther than this before realizing my mistake.

Transmit the message, to the receiver
hope for an answer some day
I got three passports, couple of visas
don't even know my real name

Life During Wartime, Talking Heads

I only use my old name when I am talking to myself. 41 years of constant reinforcement makes it hard to completely adjust.
I am happy enough that I answer to Cyndi/Cynthia.

Quote from: cynthialee on December 03, 2010, 06:36:27 PM
I only use my old name when I am talking to myself. 41 years of constant reinforcement makes it hard to completely adjust.
I am happy enough that I answer to Cyndi/Cynthia.

I'm sorta in the opposite boat. I no longer have any kind of emotional identification with my old name, but I haven't really internalized a new one. So, I'm in a position where I don't really have a name. Sure, I sign with my old one and am conditioned to respond when someone uses it, but it still isn't my name, on an level.

I had to sign some legal papers - four separate signatures.  I got chatting in the middle and after three good signatures on the fourth started doing my old signature.  (RATS! >:()  It happens.

Quote from: Forum Admin on December 03, 2010, 01:19:42 PM
It's just a habit. The guy saying that wouldn't understand.

Ask him if he's ever had to change his name.  If not, tell him to screw off that he has no basis for making that statement.

- Kate

Quote from: Rachel B. on December 03, 2010, 12:28:48 PM
but I suppose what my classmate said really of made it feel worse this time around.

One thing you do need to understand is that that classmate was winding your up.

The reference is one of those bits of pop psychology that you find in Teen magazines. It's a variation that has become popular of some psuedo intellectual TV shows and the like of the early 20th century psychology principal that there are no accadents.

The best response is to say something like, 'Hmm, good point, there are no accadents.' Then look directly at him and add, 'But then,.... how exactly were you born?'

I wouldn't worry about it. It was an old habit and old habits do die hard. That doesn't mean you aren't transsexual.