Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was just using the family computer to print something out and I was using my mom's account because it was already logged on. I was typing in a website name and I saw susans.org in the address bar (you know how it'll show the names of similar websites?)

I'm pretty sure that means she's been on here. Not that I have a problem with that, but I saw the titles of the things she's seen. It showed several titles of my own posts, my profile, and many, many more things. I started shaking, and forgot what I was looking for. I didn't click on any of it, but I freaked out so badly that I deleted all of it from her history.

I know that's an invasion of privacy for me to do that, but I literally didn't know what to do. I was in this state of shock. In fact, I'm still shaking as I'm typing this on my laptop.

She's never brought it up, so I'm assuming she doesn't know. But she asked why I was on her side of the computer all defensively, and when I said printing, she calmed down. My idea: I'll ignore it. We'll both pretend like I saw nothing and I'm good...I think.

I'm freaking out right now. Should I say something? I don't think I should. How did she find out? Maybe she used my laptop once before I deleted my history and she saw it saved on my address bar. I don't know. I should just forget about it, right?

I really want to cry right now.

Maybe this is the perfect opportunity for you to talk to her.
After you've calmed down of course.

You now know that she knows at least a little bit about what youre going through. How youre struggling.
And she's had some time to process that.

I'd say this is a good thing.
The first hard yards have been done for you.
She's probably waiting for you to say something so she's 'allowed' to try and make you feel better.

Meh.. if she's been looking at your stuff but hasn't berought it up I wouldn't worry. Chances are she was concerned about you.. and looked it up to figure out what's wrong so she can help if she can. Mom's are like that.

She'll bring it up if she needs too, if not.. I would take it that she is somewhat accepting you as is.

Don't talk about it unless she brings it up.  Don't give her a reason to confront you.  Also, just for future reference (since it's too late now) use private browsing when doing something you don't want anybody else to see.

Quote from: Rain on December 04, 2010, 09:39:17 PM
Don't talk about it unless she brings it up.  Don't give her a reason to confront you.  Also, just for future reference (since it's too late now) use private browsing when doing something you don't want anybody else to see.

I don't know what private browsing is.

You do realize since she's browsed the forums and read some of your threads she may come across this one as well as it's in a public part of the forum?

Quote from: Osiris on December 04, 2010, 09:57:46 PM
You do realize since she's browsed the forums and read some of your threads she may come across this one as well as it's in a public part of the forum?

She hasn't used the computer since I've posted this.

And if she has seen this, oh well. If she's read my other ones, then this is nothing compared to them.

Quote from: Devyn on December 04, 2010, 09:39:54 PM
I don't know what private browsing is.

Do you use Firefox or Google Chrome?

I'm sorry, Devyn, that sounds really stressful, and I don't know what advice to give. At least, if she hasn't mentioned it yet, she's unlikely to suddenly mention it now, so you should have time to think about what you want to do.

Private browsing - I think it's in internet explorer, and I know it's in safari, firefox, and google chrome. Look through the options on the top bar when you have your internet browser open - file, settings, etc. There should be something title private or incognito browsing. When you select that option you can go online without it saving your internet history. You should either use that every time you view something you want to keep secret, or routinely delete your browsing history.

Quote from: xander on December 04, 2010, 09:30:29 PM
Maybe this is the perfect opportunity for you to talk to her.
After you've calmed down of course.

Exactly, if she knows and she hasn't kicked you out or flipped out at you about being trans, she probably won't over react if you were to come out to her.

Also, similar thing happened to me (mom snooping room & computer). She knew years before I came out to her, but like me was in denial before. Moms know a lot more than any of us will give them credit for.

Devyn, I feel for you.  But the good news is that now that you know she knows, you don't have to worry about how you're going to tell her.  And when you do talk about it, it may go relatively smoothly because she will have had some time to think about it.  I know it's not easy to deal with, but it isn't all bad.  You'll get through it.

Personally, I think the fact your mom hasn't brought it up means it's likely either of these things:

- She read your threads, and just went into denial and is hoping that you being trans will go away if she doesn't do or say anything about it.
- She wanted to see what websites you are browsing, saw this site, thought "Oh that's just some forum", skimmed through it and didn't really read anything.
- She read your threads, and is just as nervous about approaching you about the issue as you are about approaching her with the issue (thus putting you in a situation where one of you has to "break the ice").

I'm pretty sure that if she was opposed/unsupportive, she would have let you know by now. Perhaps this is a sign that it's a good time to come out right now, and when you feel that it's the right time to come out to her, do it.

I used to hide anything that would give me away and one day i left my packer out when i was off at work and when i came home i realized that some stuff was moved around in my room.. and shortly after that my mom asked me if I wanted to be a boy. I agree with taking it as a good thing, especially if she hasnt said anything yet. That way, when you do talk, she already has an idea, and its obviously not bad enough to her that shes done anything about it. Even though it seems like she might be trying to snoop or something, maybe shes trying to learn how you feel and understand, possibly?

Well, this could be an opportunity to reach out to her.

Simply start a thread titled "Hi Mom".

And as your post say, "I guess that there are things that we need to talk about and I have been too afraid to speak to you directly."

If your mom has read as many posts as you have worried about, then she would see that one sticking out like a sore thumb.

Say everything you ever wanted to say to her about being trans and what your feelings are.  Talk to her as openly and honestly as you have felt in your heart.  Tell her you love her and that you know that she loves you.

And even if she has never come here, never seen any of your posts, and your fears are unfounded, you will have focused in your mind the things that you will want to say to her one day.  You will have given your mind the structure it needs to formulate your response to any question she may ask.  And if you decide to write her a letter instead of speaking to her directly, then you will have already written the letter and you can give it to her then.

And as others have said, if she *has* cruised through your posts and she had a real problem with it she would have probably brought it up to you by now.

It will be alright, Devyn.

-Sandy

Quote from: Sandy on December 05, 2010, 01:15:29 AM
Well, this could be an opportunity to reach out to her.

Simply start a thread titled "Hi Mom".

And as your post say, "I guess that there are things that we need to talk about and I have been too afraid to speak to you directly."

If your mom has read as many posts as you have worried about, then she would see that one sticking out like a sore thumb.

Say everything you ever wanted to say to her about being trans and what your feelings are.  Talk to her as openly and honestly as you have felt in your heart.  Tell her you love her and that you know that she loves you.

And even if she has never come here, never seen any of your posts, and your fears are unfounded, you will have focused in your mind the things that you will want to say to her one day.  You will have given your mind the structure it needs to formulate your response to any question she may ask.  And if you decide to write her a letter instead of speaking to her directly, then you will have already written the letter and you can give it to her then.

And as others have said, if she *has* cruised through your posts and she had a real problem with it she would have probably brought it up to you by now.

It will be alright, Devyn.

-Sandy

Hmm thats a really good idea!

hey Devyns mom! Welcome to Susans.

As everyone else has said...

1 - don't you think she'd see this thread too? It's in a public area.

2 - Oh well, you're going to have to come out to her anyway. See this as an easy opportunity to break the ice.

Parents keep tabs on kids. I'm surprised you thought anything you did on a family computer was private! :laugh:.

But really - chances are they know more than they let on. They might not know exactly what is up - but chances are they know something is up. Maybe this thread reading is their way of making sure it's nothing really life ruining (like drugs or pregnancy) while still staying in the background enough to let you "find your own identity". Maybe they figure you'll come out to them when you're ready.

I'd also say that if they were going to flip out on you, they'd have done it by now.

Quote from: Tad on December 05, 2010, 02:18:30 AM
hey Devyns mom! Welcome to Susans.

lol

If I found out someone in my family was spying on me I would bring up a dos prompt on their computer and type in
C: format
enter

Quote from: cynthialee on December 07, 2010, 08:43:26 AM
If I found out someone in my family was spying on me I would bring up a dos prompt on their computer and type in
C: format
enter

You are evil.  ;D

The fact that she hasn't flipped out and called her church for an emergency intervention I would take as a real good sign.  That is what happened when my Mother thought she saw porn on my computer.  All that happened was a pop-up ad that showed something slightly objectionable.  This was a while ago obviously but I was still at adult with my own family and house.  She hit the roof and I had pastors calling me up and trying to get me to pray with them over the phone and she gave me about a hundred books on the evils of pornography.  Plus cried and cried and cried.  And I hadn't even been looking at porn! 

Just be glad you have your Mother, who seems at least to be respectful, and not mine.  She did everything in her power to drain me dry and I only escaped just in time.

Quote from: Squirrel698 on December 07, 2010, 10:18:03 AM
The fact that she hasn't flipped out and called her church for an emergency intervention I would take as a real good sign.  That is what happened when my Mother thought she saw porn on my computer.  All that happened was a pop-up ad that showed something slightly objectionable.  This was a while ago obviously but I was still at adult with my own family and house.  She hit the roof and I had pastors calling me up and trying to get me to pray with them phone and she gave me about a hundred books on the evils of pornography.  Plus cried and cried and cried.  And I hadn't even been looking at porn! 

Just be glad you have your Mother, who seems at least to be respectful and not mine.  She did everything in her power to drain me dry and I only escaped just in time.

That makes me think of,"Detroit Rock City."
Sorry that this has been a stressful time.
I think that Sandy gave good advice.
~Hugs~
Mrs Erocse

I've never seen that film. 

Thank you.  It has been getting so much better for me ever since I walked away.

I agree that Sandy's advice is well worth considering

Squirrel, I'm sorry you have to deal with that.  This is when I'm really glad that I have a very liberal family.  (When I was still at my parents' place our cable switched over to one that has more channels, including some pay-per-view porn.  My mother thought it was funny and just informed my brother and I that we'd have to talk if the extra porn bill got to be too high.  :laugh: )

Quote from: Teknoir on December 07, 2010, 12:45:03 AM
Parents keep tabs on kids. I'm surprised you thought anything you did on a family computer was private! :laugh:.

I've never logged on here on the family computer. I only log on on my laptop. I don't know how my mom found this. o.o?? Oh well. What's done is done.

You all give great advice, btw.

aww dude i'm sorry :( But, now she knows what your goin though....i wouldnt worry though, if she hasnt brought it up with you i guess she doesnt have a problem with it.

Quote from: Kohdi Daniel on December 07, 2010, 06:49:35 PM
aww dude i'm sorry :( But, now she knows what your goin though....i wouldnt worry though, if she hasnt brought it up with you i guess she doesnt have a problem with it.

She's been looking at therapists again. I'm going to take this as a good sign, but I'm not sure quite yet. I'm seeing how it plays out. I'm pretty cool with her (secretly) knowing now. At first, it freaked me out. I felt like it was an invasion of my privacy, but now, I mean...when I told her I'm bi, she's freaked out. I'd rather NOT have to say it.

In a way, it's all working out, even if it didn't happen the way I wanted it to.

Edit:// Also, if this goes well and my mom decides to let me be who I am after I go to therapy or whatever she's planning, I'm curious to know how it will go down with my dad. See, my step dad will just have to get over it because I live with him and my mom. However, I only see my biological dad two weekends out of the month and I only see that side of the family 2-3 times of year (who are very conformist, mind you. They still can't stand that my uncle married a black woman - who is actually really nice.) So, with my dad...my dad has said that he doesn't think kids/teenagers can decide something so important like transsexuality about their life yet. So, if it ever gets to the point where I have to tell him, well...that should be interesting.

I'm glad that it looks like your mother is handling this in a really good way.  Best of luck with your father.

if you're mom is looking at therapists (hey devyn's mom again if you're reading this!) look at these therapists yourself. Make sure they aren't ex-gay types. My dad at first told me to go see ex-therapist, that he had called and talked to them and that they sounded good. However when I looked into them - they were religous type dealios.. and I steered clear. And Devyn's mom, I gotta assume you're be reading this.. let your kid get a fair therapist - don't shove him into some kind ex-gay programming. That tends to only work on young children.

Quote from: Squirrel698 on December 07, 2010, 10:18:03 AM
The fact that she hasn't flipped out and called her church for an emergency intervention I would take as a real good sign.  That is what happened when my Mother thought she saw porn on my computer.  All that happened was a pop-up ad that showed something slightly objectionable.  This was a while ago obviously but I was still at adult with my own family and house.  She hit the roof and I had pastors calling me up and trying to get me to pray with them over the phone and she gave me about a hundred books on the evils of pornography.  Plus cried and cried and cried.  And I hadn't even been looking at porn! 

Just be glad you have your Mother, who seems at least to be respectful, and not mine.  She did everything in her power to drain me dry and I only escaped just in time.

Wow. Back when people used AOL there were special accounts for those under 18. My mom didn't find it in my history, but big brother AOL did. I guess I spent way too much time watching porn, because they shut the internet off in fear that I was actually a child predator something. I was about 11 at the time. One day I couldn't connect so my mom called AOL and thats how she found out. It was really bad. She was afraid she was going to some how get arrested.