Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It physically pains me to hear people use female pronouns when talking about me. If I hear it once, I'll get over it. But when I'm standing there in a store while my dad and the cashier guy talk about me and my new cell phone, saying "she" this, and "she" that, it really starts to piss me off. Not to mention, about two days ago at school, a guy that hangs around my group of friends said straight to my face that I should be jealous of him and that, "You're not a guy like me. You're a girl. You don't have a penis.", etc.
Honestly, although I am jealous of the fact that he is biologically male, I wouldn't want to be him. He's arrogant and rude and annoying. And he has body hair. Everywhere. It's dark. And there's a lot of it. Ew.

God, that pissed me off so badly. It's put me in a bad mood ever since then and I ended up crying when I got home. >>

On a brighter note, I got a new cellphone! I've never had a phone before. O: It's exciting stuff.

But oh my God. I hate that overload of "she"s and "her"s and "miss". For example, my dad. He called me "Miss (insert female name here)." I was all,  :embarrassed: :-\ :'(

Hello there Devyn!

IE: She overload.

Quote from: Devyn on December 18, 2010, 07:58:38 PM
Not to mention, about two days ago at school, a guy that hangs around my group of friends said straight to my face that I should be jealous of him and that, "You're not a guy like me. You're a girl. You don't have a penis.", etc.

Not to much you can do about dad at the moment.  Fathers are strange creatures they live in worlds of they're own and pretend to not see anything that bemuses them.

But as to the young man who said "You're not a guy like me. You're a girl. You don't have a penis."
As  person that's FTM I think. How rude.  But at a young age say high school age I might have simply replied.
"Wow you have a penis? I thought you were just a D**K! " and them simply walked away. 

Regardless of that, I do not advise doing what I would have. But you can think it to yourself and smile. If nothing else the guy will be confused because you are smiling and he won't know how to take that.

Hugs Devyn you hang in there guy. All will come out in the end.

Simone.

I can really sympathize with ya. I've been she'd and seen as a chick alot lately. It's put a real downer on the holidays but as the song goes, just have to muddle through somehow.

Quote from: Simone V on December 18, 2010, 08:11:25 PM
Hello there Devyn!

IE: She overload.

Not to much you can do about dad at the moment.  Fathers are strange creatures they live in worlds of they're own and pretend to not see anything that bemuses them.

But as to the young man who said "You're not a guy like me. You're a girl. You don't have a penis."
As  person that's FTM I think. How rude.  But at a young age say high school age I might have simply replied.
"Wow you have a penis? I thought you were just a D**K! " and them simply walked away. 

Regardless of that, I do not advise doing what I would have. But you can think it to yourself and smile. If nothing else the guy will be confused because you are smiling and he won't know how to take that.

Hugs Devyn you hang in there guy. All will come out in the end.

Simone.

Hey. 8D

Well, personally, I was ready to punch him. lol But after a minute of kind of being just, you know, frozen there, thinking, "Did he really just say that to me?" I ended up cussing at him and telling him to go away. And one of my friends heard what he said because she was sitting right there and felt bad but didn't do anything. =/

I should try using witty remarks like you suggested with the "I thought you were just a d**k" thing. lol. that was actually pretty funny. Except I would probably say it out loud though.

Quote from: Osiris on December 18, 2010, 08:14:55 PM
I can really sympathize with ya. I've been she'd and seen as a chick alot lately. It's put a real downer on the holidays but as the song goes, just have to muddle through somehow.

Yep. =/

Good news is that winter/holiday break is coming up so I won't have to be around people that will piss me off. Well, my mom and step dad will be using female pronouns and calling me a girl, but that's 'cause my mom knows about me and is in denial. >>

I'm sorry to hear about the overload. I understand what that's like. Once, when my parents were nearby talking about me and using as many "she"s as possible, after a bad week of dysphoria, I had a sizeable breakdown. It doesn't piss me off unless the person using female pronouns knows better, or I'm in public - it just makes me disoriented and dysphoric. The "Miss _" is the worst, isn't it? It's so unnecessary.

I hope things look up for you soon. Hang in there.

I feel the same way right now :(   I was at my neighbor's today and they have a baby boy and the mom was like "look at the girls! All those girls ! Girls girls girls oh u love these girls !" I was sitting there like really?!?!

That guy's comment was really out of line, but, look at it this way, obviously something bout ya made him feel threatened/insecure enough to have to try to degrade you, which, no matter the gender he was born, isn't a very masculine reaction, it's an a--hole reaction but not a masculine reaction. You don't insult other's genders I'm assuming, you don't have to invalidate someone else's gender to feel better about yourself, that jerk does, that difference right there makes you more of a man than he is, least in my opinion.

Either way, school is cruel to begin with, more so if you don't fit into the narrow 'norms', thankfully, school is also temporary, I know that what occurs in school seems like a big deal but in the broad scope of things, it's really nothing compared to the rest of your life, just stay the course, those who don't understand just don't understand, there's nothing one can do to change their minds, but in truth, it's the judgmental ones I feel sorry for, I mean, could ya imagine going through life seeing no farther than the end of your nose like they do? Thankfully the world beyond school is a bit more accepting, you still run across the narrow minded ones but it's not quite as bad because if someone bugs you about it in public, you have every right to tell them to get the hell away from you or face harassment charges, I found myself surprised just how effective that warning can be sometimes.

Just don't let it discourage you, you know who you are, that guy at school doesn't, heck, he likely doesn't even know who he really is to begin with, I tend to study people and have noticed that those who try to be judgmental about others normally live to please the mainstream, and normally, don't even have a good sense of self, you have a better sense of who you are than they do, and that's something to be proud of.

Sadly I don't know much about dealing with the family and improper pronoun thing, so I can't say much on that, but denial seems a likely cause for it, but that's merely an assumption.

HE.

I find that the most I get she'd or her'd is out in public by service people. Not sure why exactly. It could be that most of the time when you work in the service industry (retail, restaurant, etc. etc.) people are not really paying attention or they're moving really fast and they may catch something like longer hair or certain clothes and just read you as she no matter what you do. I'm sure the amount of people seen in a day by the average service worker tends to blend all together after awhile.

If a place is slow or you're the only one there and they're definitely having to deal with you on an individual basis and they still she you, that can be totally annoying. In my case, if I have to do something like that I have to suck it up because if I'm getting a cell phone or some other sort of thing I always have to do credit card, ID, put my name on a form, etc and that is pretty much a give away there no matter how I look.

put the schoolboy down next time by telling him hairy gorillas like him always stink no matter how often they shower.
Hold your nose as he approaches to get the message across.

Quote from: Devyn on December 18, 2010, 07:58:38 PM
Not to mention, about two days ago at school, a guy that hangs around my group of friends said straight to my face that I should be jealous of him and that, "You're not a guy like me. You're a girl. You don't have a penis.", etc.

Do you and aidengabriel go to the same school?

Quote from: aidengabriel on November 18, 2010, 06:29:09 PM
Today Alee [girlfriend] and I were heading outside durring our lunch period. I dont remember what he was saying but a hall monitor called us "ladies", and I corrected him "I'm not a lady". and he continued to tell me that I am NOT a guy, and I will never be one until I "grow one of those things [penis], and get bigger biceps". After repeatedly telling him that this conversation was uncalled for, he asks me "well what bathroom do you use ugh? youre not a guy."

Quote from: Arch on December 19, 2010, 12:33:20 AM
HE.

That says it all. Sorry you had to go through that man :( Are you out to your dad? I personally just correct everyone including my mom every time now.

Aw man, thats depressing :/

and yeah I know exactly what your talking about, even tho my parents are supportive my dad now introduces me as 'his daughter who wears man clothes' I mean wtf ? I'm pre everything I dunno if I should correct them :s

I also work at a restaurant and I get 'she'd' and 'miss' every few minutes for 5 hours pretty much every day, I can't wait to ditch the place before I go crazy. 

Quote from: JohnR on December 19, 2010, 05:01:16 AM
Do you and aidengabriel go to the same school?

just on a note, its a very common thing...
I used to get comments from my own folks going 'you don't have a dick so your not wearing male clothes !' luckily enough they turned around.

I wonderful quote from the rock-opera "Rent" from Angel, MTF transsexual to a dick who was harassing her "I'm more of a man, than you'll ever be.  And I'm more of a woman, than you'll ever have."

Not something I think you should say to this person, or necessarily any person, but words to reflect on.  I too, often wish I had witty comebacks instead of violent urges, followed by "did that just happen" feeling. 

Often people in the service industry are trained to use terms like "sir," "ma'am" out of politeness and feel they have to pick one.  There really isn't training that says "when you see someone you're not sure of their gender, or gender identity, try to use gender-neutral terms." 

Light-hearted story time.  I once went to a restaurant with a friend, she's a lesbian and has a very manly haircut and no boobs to speak off.  She order first, the waiter had said "And, what would you like today sir?" and when she answered, he became very flustered and apologized profusely even though she obviously didn't care.  He probably thought she was just acting like she didn't care, but really pissed off.  He then took my order being very good to avoid pronouns and after hearing my voice said tentatively "will that be all ladies?"  Almost asking more "is this the right word I'm using?" than really about the order.  I had to laugh and tell him neither one of us took offense, but I'd prefer "sir" and my friend "miss."  For the rest of the meal, he was very accommodating. 

Hope that makes at least some of you smile.

sounds like my last week home. 6 female pronouns in a minute at times.

Terrible for you guys, but take heart, one day it'll be a distant memory.

So what if a guy unfortunately loses his penis in an accident what's he then, my book says he's a guy who was unfortunate.

Quote from: JosephKT on December 19, 2010, 05:50:12 AM

Often people in the service industry are trained to use terms like "sir," "ma'am" out of politeness and feel they have to pick one.  There really isn't training that says "when you see someone you're not sure of their gender, or gender identity, try to use gender-neutral terms." 

Light-hearted story time.  I once went to a restaurant with a friend, she's a lesbian and has a very manly haircut and no boobs to speak off.  She order first, the waiter had said "And, what would you like today sir?" and when she answered, he became very flustered and apologized profusely even though she obviously didn't care.  He probably thought she was just acting like she didn't care, but really pissed off.  He then took my order being very good to avoid pronouns and after hearing my voice said tentatively "will that be all ladies?"  Almost asking more "is this the right word I'm using?" than really about the order.  I had to laugh and tell him neither one of us took offense, but I'd prefer "sir" and my friend "miss."  For the rest of the meal, he was very accommodating. 

Hope that makes at least some of you smile.

I read that out to my partner and he was laughing. Not fair is it, trying to do their best and ending up not knowing what to say.