Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I sure don't. It would be encouraging to hear from others like me.

One might ask what the typical trans narrative is?

-Sandy

Quote from: Sandy on December 27, 2010, 08:24:10 PM
One might ask what the typical trans narrative is?

-Sandy

"having known since I was two" or " I feel like a ____trapped in a ____'s body"

stuff like that.

From what I've read of your posts, your narrative is actually pretty typical.

Quote from: Sandy on December 27, 2010, 08:24:10 PM
One might ask what the typical trans narrative is?

And how one confirms that the 'typical' narratives haven't been carefully constructed to fit what psychiatrists want.

Well, sometimes those are just stereotypes but I definitely get what you mean.

I'm flamboyant. I like clothes. "Manly men" don't usually. So there's one.

I make the best of my body. I feel sort of trapped, but I'm coping. I don't want surgery or T or anything like that.

I didn't know so young. There may have been hints, but I didn't get it until fourteen, fifteen. And even then, I was in denial for a few years.

I don't try to like things that guys like, like cars and guns and stuff. (Not that all do, again, another stereotype.) I just like what I like. Those who love me don't care.

And so yeah, I get what you mean.

QuoteI'm flamboyant

I am also very flamboyant  :)

well for one, my nails are painted bright blue right now
I loved wearing dresses and going to school dances
and I didn't realize i was trans until i was 17-18, I started experimenting with gender around 16

Quote from: Elijah on December 27, 2010, 08:48:24 PM
well for one, my nails are painted bright blue right now
I loved wearing dresses and going to school dances
and I didn't realize i was trans until i was 17-18, I started experimenting with gender around 16

I use to love wearing dresses too!

Ooh, also, I love to bake and cook.

I sometimes get teased for it, but then I threaten not to make them anything, and they shut up. :P

I don't fit the 'typical' narrative, and soo many others don't either.

Please don't put much stock in it, but I still definitely understand how it matters when you're still wrestling with your trans identity.

What you're left with at the end of the day is the pain and the dysphoria and that is real.

I didn't like sports, cars, etc etc except.. rifles or anything that have similar ballistics intrigued me.  :icon_nerd:

Quote from: Samson on December 27, 2010, 08:55:39 PM
Ooh, also, I love to bake and cook.

I sometimes get teased for it, but then I threaten not to make them anything, and they shut up. :P

My fiancé and his best friend often have 'guy nights' at our house, which consist of them baking and watching Project Runway.
You can tell that a guy is totally secure in his masculinity if he can do stereotypically 'female' activities without giving a crap what others think  :)

Quote from: Samson on December 27, 2010, 08:40:36 PM

I don't try to like things that guys like, like cars and guns and stuff. (Not that all do, again, another stereotype.) I just like what I like.

I'm the same way. I bake, I sew costumes, but I also do martial arts and love fast cars and action flicks. I like what I like, and anybody who cares can mind their own business.

I don't think there really is a cut-and-dry 'trans-narrative,' at least not from what I've read on here in the last year.

I know I certainly don't fit anything typical (*points at pic title* I am eccentric, after all, heh).

Though there were tons of hints over the years, none of it added up for me until recently, so I'm not one those who 'knew since they were two' or anything. I don't freak out over my body...I certainly don't like it, but I put up with it like you would a annoying zit or ill-placed mole. It is what it is, and I can't afford to change it for now, so I suck it up.

Nothing big or dramatic of note.

You are who you are, and you'll only stress out if you try to fit in a box. It's instinct to try to 'fit in' with certain criteria, and if you're like me at all, you'll probably have to closely examine your thoughts and feelings to figure out when you're succumbing to the 'fit in the box' instinct, and make a conscious decision on what is truth and what is merely trying to fit. If you don't 'fit the box,' screw it. Make your own box. Or quadrangle...or pyramid...bwahahaha! :icon_evil_laugh:

Do I have a typical story? Yes and No.  Yes in the sense that what I did or thought are similar to others. Like when I was young, I wanted to be girl or I had my surgery.

No, I never cross dressed or never considered it as such because, what I wore, was what I liked to wear and it felt right.  As Valeriedances said, "my clothes never defined me", I swore suits to work when I first started, I wore evening dresses when I went out, I dressed frumpy, when I was at university and currently I dress casual smart were I work at the present.

After coming home from boarding school. My thoughts kept getting stronger and stronger, that I wanted to be female, until eventually I realized that I was a female.  I then left my family and friends, I never suffered any pain or any dysphoria, I never considered suicide, I just did what I wanted without giving myself away.

I never came out to my family and friends my uncle did that, because of family pressure, actually from my mum wondering where I disappeared to.  After being away from my family for nearly 5 years, I said to each member I will only answer to the correct name and pronouns and I will totally ignore you, if you address me otherwise and if they persisted I would never associate with them again.

Except for a couple of times, I never associated with the community, in fact I avoided it like the plague after a couple of incidents.  I did what I needed to do so that I could finally live my life as a female.  I had surgery so that I could function as a normal female. I was never sexually active before surgery,  but, I certainly made up for that afterwards.  I was never gay and I was never sexually attracted to females either.  I have had several long term partners one knew the other did not.  I'm currently involved in a long distance relationship and I take care of my family.

So is this a typical narrative?  Well that is up for you to decide,  I live my life as normal as possible, with the exception of a few stories that are unique to me and me only and that's the way I like it.

Kind regards
Sarah B

ME. Many reasons.

Death Metal. Tomboy. Like to climb for weeks on end without showering. Only drink beer and whiskey. Like to work on my mountain bike.

Dude. No one is normal. We just cope with reality the way we cope. I'm still going to live as a girl. I have NO IDEA why I feel this way. I just feel very strongly that I should be a girl.

I found a very encouraging video on YouTube.

my trans narrative (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbMEar8-11I#)

I didn't know until age 10 or 11ish I was raised kinda androgynous and was close to my sister yet I was generally fine with the idea of begin a boy it was only then I realized that I would turn into a MAN at that age and what that implied that things begun turning foul.

Even then I didn't really understand my feelings and I was just severely repressed things only became clearer when I was 16 and I grew my hair long with crossdressing in private that I knew I was "something like that" but I didn't admit I was trans then thinking transsexuals were drag queens.

Even as someone who probably could be accused of fitting much of the typical narrative, I really don't hold much truck with the concept of there being one. People are individuals first and foremost and only anything else that they may or may not be after that.

Besides as soon as you start placing too much emphasis on this so called typical pattern then some arse will go and start using it to start a pissing contest and then we get the whole ->-bleeped-<-r than thou debates which always end in tears.

If you are happy it doesn't really matter.

As a child, I played with Barbie dolls AND G.I. Joe.

I don't believe that there's really a typical trans narrative, the reason being that we're all individuals. I would also wager that anyone telling you that there is a typical trans narrative (and by inference if you don't fit it you're not trans enough) is doing it for their own validation and to quench their own insecurities.

Quote from: rejennyrated on December 28, 2010, 04:20:40 PM
If you are happy it doesn't really matter.

Never a truer word spoken.

The only "typical" trans narrative is the one the uneducated mainstreamer has created.  You know, "I'm gay but can't admit it so I'll dress up like a woman so I can go out and pick up guys."  I don't think they even know there are FTMs.  Butch lesbians?  Yes. FTMs?  HUH?

Within the community and those who are educated, there are so many variations one cannot create one trans narrative and call it typical.  Certain experiences may be common, but from what I've seen, everyone is unique in their trans feelings and experience.  I think that's what makes the transgender reality so difficult for outsiders to wrap their head around.

Quote from: Julie Marie on December 28, 2010, 04:32:58 PM
The only "typical" trans narrative is the one the uneducated mainstreamer has created.

Actually, no.
The 'typical' trans narrative is the one used by trans people to bypass gatekeepers. The uneducated mainstreamer has nothing to do with it; the psychiatric community has forced the creation of the 'typical' trans narrative.

Quote from: rejennyrated on December 28, 2010, 04:20:40 PMIf you are happy it doesn't really matter.

This is very true :)

If there was a magic test that would tell you if you were trans or not. And you took it and it said "no" dose that change anything? you still feel the same. its only you who knows what you need to do.

It dosen't really matter at the end of the day where the feelings come from as long as they aren't going to go away and you end up regretting something.

The fact that after nearly 10 I have to presume that in my case they are perminant if they aren't then I'm screwed but that's a reasonable gamble.

I don't fit the narrative you described.
Got married had kids and grandkids before I figured it out.
Liked hunting, fishing and baseball but also like to playing house.
Trans yes typical I don't think so. "What's that anyway?"
There are as many types of trans people as there are people that are trans.
We are all unique and special people.
There are allot of markers or sign that are used to identify us as trans but even they varier as to number and intensity in each of use.
When I first started on this journey I thought I was just a cross-dresser, then a person with both a male and female personality and as I continued I discovered I was a transsexual. And now no one can tell me otherwise because I know who I am.

So take your time figuring out who and what you are. There are really no standards just some guidelines.
I say find out what make you happy with yourself and go from there.
Jillieann

I don't think i fit the text book narrative either, but i am who i am.

I didn't fit in when I was little, but i didn't know there was something different until like 16-17 yrs old.

The feelings became very strong after the birth of my first child and unbearable after my second child. It was a motherly instinct that came out and very strong. After that I knew I had to become a woman, and couldn't live inside the male body and stereotype anymore.

I love to cook, sew, clothes, makeup, shop & have my nails done. I also love to trucks, atvs, hunting, camping, shooting, welding/metalworking, & woodworking. I enjoy doing all of these things wearing pink and painted nails. (i do keep my nails short, but painted.) My boys also love that I still do these things with them.

It is what is is, i just enjoy being the person who I feel inside. Whatever that is.

Jenn

Well honestly I didn't know anything when I was a kid...just that I wanted to play a lot!  In teen years I was very confused, or at least I thought I was.  Feelings for both guys and girls was very strange to me.  I thought it had to be one or the other.

If I have to change my narrative to better suit somebody's "list" to get HRT...so be it!  I really wish I didn't have to, I wish we could just tell them the truth but then they might drag it on and on and on. 

I dunno, everybody's narrative is different in one way or another.  I worried a lot about it at first too, but now I'm like, "Whatever!"  ;D

Typical?  Who knows?  And why does that worry you?  I have never heard any two stories the same.

I think "typical" changes from generation to generation as well.  For us who are older, I know it is hard to imagine, but we did not have access to information like everyone does now.

I honestly grew up thinking I was atypical.  I thought no one else ever felt like this.  Yep, that is true.  I heard about Rene Richards and her sex change and how everyone thought that was the most repulsive thing ever.  I only knew I could never let my feelings show, especially in light of a big brother who would beat the $hit out of me if ever he saw me doing anything not "guy" enough for him.  And especially in light of how I was beaten at school and called names and was a general outcast.  I learned to be very sneaky and learned to steal things at an early age and to lead a double life.  I learned to be one thing on the outside while protecting the little girl I was on the inside.  Absolutely no one could know my secret!  I was sure no one would.  At last I even got married.  Surely that would cure me.  Yeah, right!

But you can only stuff and purge so many times until it will not go down or go away any more.  I may hold the world's record for trying. 

At this point I pretty much do what I want whenever I can get out.  If I don't get my girl time I just can't cope.  It is the only time in my life I feel as if I am not cross dressing.  I have never fit in with the CD crowd.  They just can't seem to believe I go and do the things I do.  And my issues are not the same.  I don't want to be loud and bodacious, overly made up and draggy.  I just want to be like any other girl.  And I don't fit in with most of the TS crowd.  I want very badly to have surgery but doubt I will ever have a way to afford it.  So I don't fit in with the elite around here either who have finished their journey.  Dear friends have moved on and I am happy for them.  I am stuck.  So my journey is atypical by circumstance as well.

Hang on and let your journey work its own way out, hon.  And be at peace.  It took me a lifetime to learn that.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

Quote from: Kristi on December 29, 2010, 12:26:18 PM

I honestly grew up thinking I was atypical.  I thought no one else ever felt like this.  Yep, that is true.  I heard about Rene Richards and her sex change and how everyone thought that was the most repulsive thing ever.  I only knew I could never let my feelings show, especially in light of a big brother who would beat the $hit out of me if ever he saw me doing anything not "guy" enough for him.  And especially in light of how I was beaten at school and called names and was a general outcast.  I learned to be very sneaky and learned to steal things at an early age and to lead a double life.  I learned to be one thing on the outside while protecting the little girl I was on the inside.  Absolutely no one could know my secret!  I was sure no one would.  At last I even got married.  Surely that would cure me.  Yeah, right!

Hang on and let your journey work its own way out, hon.  And be at peace.  It took me a lifetime to learn that.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

That is one thing that makes many of us "typical" is that we believe that we are "atypical".  That we are somehow unique in the world and that no one would understand.

And we have to mask our atypical nature by joining in or at least having to sit through such abuse and humor at the expense of other like we feel we are so that we can show we are "men".  I felt like I was betraying myself when that would happen.

We all start from different places.  But we have so much in common.  That is what makes us typical.  Our commonality.  And we come her to share, to support, and to encourage.  Because few others will.

You are one of us Alex.  You have found a home.  You are welcome here.  You are not an outcast.

You are loved.

Be well, my brother.

-Sandy

I do feel the need to chime in here, since I'm another who doesn't "fit the narrative", so to speak.

I wasn't one of those who felt like a boy since little - I was just me. We don't believe in gender stereotypes etc. in our family, so I was never told that climbing trees, playing footie (soccer) or running around shirtless wasn't something boys did - they saw me playing with my brother's Transformers, with my brother, and left us to it. The whole gender/orientation thing didn't kick off 'til school, where it became obvious that exploring such things was a bad idea. Thus it lay buried for a couple of decades or so. As it stands, I'm another who likes to dress up, never complained about being in a dress or skirt while growing up, etc. So yeah, that got pretty confusing.

The problem came once I'd realised that I am in fact trans, rather than "just" andro/bigender - after getting referred to the psychiatrist, I got pretty anxious about whether my background would be enough to get my medical transition off the ground, since I didn't have the "typical" story - by that I mean, I've seen it told on here, I've heard it by people in my support group. One or two have said they were at the point where it was transition or die. I never got to that point, I never self-harmed, I never abused alcohol or drugs, so would I still qualify for hormones or surgery?

I stuck to the truth, and I've now been on T for over two months. Either the doctors and therapists involved were exceptional, or there really isn't any need for people to use the same story when we're all such different people with different backgrounds. Unless I was just lucky, of course...

I'm definately not typical.
I'm not as dysphoric about my appearance so much as I am about the whole... period and pregnancy thing, whereas most transguys seem most concerned about their "basement" or chest.
I did not believe myself to be a boy as a child, but nor did I believe myself to be a girl. I didn't see a difference between boys and girls.

I may be more accurately described as genderqueer, but because I most desire to be accepted as male, I identify as ftm. I would like to be physically male with an overall androgynous appearance, but still be a convincing girl if I want to crossdress.

Quote from: Yakshini on January 03, 2011, 07:10:20 PM
I may be more accurately described as genderqueer, but because I most desire to be accepted as male, I identify as ftm. I would like to be physically male with an overall androgynous appearance, but still be a convincing girl if I want to crossdress.

Same for me.  Going on T would be an easier decision for me if I wasn't genderqueer...but I definitely don't like being female.  But I'd still like to be able to crossdress.  I do have a feminine side; I wish it was more socially acceptable for guys to express that side.  I'm not sure I could stand having to keep that side of me hidden.  Females have lots more freedom to be masculine or feminine.

I'm not a stereotypical "manly man".

When I was a kid, I was raised to do whatever I wanted. When I was in kindergarten, I was into dragracing, knights, dinosaurs and Star Wars. My father gave me toy dragsters to play with, and I climbed trees, used sticks as "swords", read a lot, etc. My mother tended to want me to look pretty and cute, and she dressed me in girlish things that broke easily.
I was a clumsy kid and fell a lot, so I tended to break/grass stain those pretty girly clothes.
Father used to tell me, when I was little, that I should never shave my legs or wear makeup, that appearance is one of the least important things, and that nobody could stop me from doing what I wanted in life. I didn't really think about being a girl or a boy at that age, I was just me, a kid who made friends with boys and the girls disliked.

When I hit puberty (at age 12 or something, I dunno, it's a bit of a blur) I felt as if something alien had possessed me. My diaries from that age are full of "Oh god, please take it away from me. I wake up and I look even more hideous than the day before. I never asked to be swelling up with fat. I want to be normal, please, take it away from me". I was expected to get into makeup, to start dating boys, etc. I felt horror and revulsion at partly my bizarre transformation (voice not dropping, only slight traces of wispy moustache, ugly fat growths), and partly at how my sexual impulses and desires were centered around girls.
I started wearing a bra at age 15, I refused to do so until then.

On occasion, I like to dress up as a girl (stockings, skirts, dresses, etc) and go outside. I get an adrenaline kick out of it, it feels like I am doing something very mischievous and forbidden, something you aren't allowed to do. My thoughts are something like "Oh, heehee, he thinks I'm just a girl but if he knew, oh, if he knew..." Like I am playing a prank on everyone when I am doing that. It's amusing, really. I've had those feelings and thoughts before I "came out to myself" as trans (I repressed it a lot).
I've also dressed up as a girl when on masquerade parties and the like, but then it feels okay.
During the school prom, mother sewed me a gorgeous dress, which I wore with my corset and garters and makeup and everything. I didn't really like it then, because on masquerades, everyone is dressed as something they really aren't. On the prom, everyone was dressed up "seriously", it was only me in "drag" there. It felt wrong, like I was crashing their party, and I was afraid of them finding me out, of them knowing somehow that I was not a real girl.

Is this an example of the classic trans narrative or not? It's my experience.

I fit the narrative in one way: I knew, when I was very young, that I was a boy.

I don't fit it, though, in another way: the "standard" trans narrative involves things like secretly crossdressing, having interests/tastes assigned to your self-identified gender but either being afraid to express them or having to fight to express them. I never had that, it was always just fine for me to have "boyish" interests and wear boys' clothes most of the time. What I did secretly, what I was ashamed/afraid to do in public, was dress up like a girl, wear glitter, listen to boy bands, paint my nails. I secretly enjoyed (but pretended to hate) wearing dresses and makeup and going to dances. At night I still watch chick flicks and listen to pop music furtively, with headphones, tabbing out when anyone else wakes up.

I did have 'standard' trans indicators that I kept secret, like trying to bind my breasts and stuff my pants - purely body-dysphoria-related stuff. But my gender-role dissonance was actually more MTF than FTM.

(Actually, the more I think back on it, the more I realize it's just "normal little gay boy in a homophobic society." The only thing making it odd is that I was born with the body that the society wouldn't condemn for having those tastes/proclivities, and yet I am/was ashamed of them anyway.)

Quote from: kyril on January 05, 2011, 05:42:08 AM
(Actually, the more I think back on it, the more I realize it's just "normal little gay boy in a homophobic society." The only thing making it odd is that I was born with the body that the society wouldn't condemn for having those tastes/proclivities, and yet I am/was ashamed of them anyway.)

Dude, that's the way I feel about it too.  I'm kind of embarrassed about my girly side, even with people who know me as female.

My therapist and I had a conversation about how trans people often have even more stricter definitions of what is masculine/feminine than CIS folks.  I read it on these kinds of boards all of the time.  It makes a certain sense because we've always been looking for definition and if we are ashamed of the way we feel might have tried to find things that made us seem more of our birth gender or look to express ourselves as our desired gender.  I don't know any CIS men or women who do exclusively "man" or "woman" things.  Maybe it's because we're all liberal and urban but we all like the same music, TV shows, hobbies, etc. etc.

Even as I transition I don't see myself changing much. (I could be totally wrong at the end of the road) I want to be female and feel honest, I don't need to be more feminine or less masculine.

Quote from: Karla on December 27, 2010, 09:04:35 PM
Please don't put much stock in it, but I still definitely understand how it matters when you're still wrestling with your trans identity.

What you're left with at the end of the day is the pain and the dysphoria and that is real.

Yeah, seriously. I've felt out of place since I could remember, but I'm a cooking fanatic, I sew, knit, and still wear makeup from time to time. I hate dresses though, gah. I'd rather shave my head than ever wear a dress ever, ever again X_X.

Quote from: N.Chaos on January 07, 2011, 02:51:18 PM
I've felt out of place since I could remember, but I'm a cooking fanatic, I sew, knit, and still wear makeup from time to time.

OMG!!!!!! You cannot possibly be trans!!!!!!!!! :P

Oh noes you've found me out, I'm a traitorrrrrrrr!
Lawl.

Quote from: Helena on December 28, 2010, 04:32:03 PM
I don't believe that there's really a typical trans narrative, the reason being that we're all individuals. I would also wager that anyone telling you that there is a typical trans narrative (and by inference if you don't fit it you're not trans enough) is doing it for their own validation and to quench their own insecurities.

I totally agree.

I'm sitting around in leggings and beautiful long shirt.  I'll be putting my nice, fluffy boots on in a little bit and then I'll be putting on my nice, rockstar-girly jacket so I can walk the dog.

I have played with barbie dolls, horses, and other dolls.  I collect stuffed animals.  My apartment is done in a young female adult manner and there are plenty of beautiful antiques around that I've gotten from my mom.  I love to cook and I'm good at it.  I enjoy making blankets and pillows.  I have a dream of being a house husband/wife so I can cook and clean and take care of the pets.  I don't like getting dirty or manual labor of any sort.  I can't change my own oil and barely know how to change a tire.  I take care of my nails.  I wear skirts and dresses.  I squeal like a little kid whenever I see a cute animal (which is all of the time since I think most animals are cute) and I get doey-eyed if I get bunny kisses.  I like purses and have several.  I love candles and fresh scents.  I did I mention I really hate getting dirty and I really dislike a lot of stereotypical "guy" things?

But I'm a guy.  I didn't know when I was kid or even when I was a young teenager.  About 16 or 17 I sort of realized something was up, but didn't realize it until I was about 20 or 21.

I have no idea if any of it fits any sort of "typical trans narrative", but I doubt most of it does.  Then again, since joining this site, I've realized there doesn't seem to be any "typical trans narrative" and I've met guys with a lot of the same tastes as me.

Quote from: pebbles on December 28, 2010, 04:00:42 PM
I didn't know until age 10 or 11ish I was raised kinda androgynous and was close to my sister yet I was generally fine with the idea of begin a boy it was only then I realized that I would turn into a MAN at that age and what that implied that things begun turning foul.

If I share a narrative, this is what I share.  Even now its only really made sense to me recently, since getting back in to therapy.  I was pretty well balanced about things growing up until about 10/11.  Yes I played with my female cousin almost excluisvely, yes I could pretty much do whatever girl or boy things I wanted to.  There wasn't really a sense of right or wrong, boy or girl in what I was doing - I just did the things I wanted to and didn't think much about it.  She moved the summer I turned 11.  My world fell apart after that, I think I first started thinking "I'm supposed to be a girl" or something like that about the same time.  The best I can think is that I lost my social outlet for being a girl and it wasn't until then that I realized that maybe I was a girl.  Before then I was just me.

Well, I new I was not like other boys from a very young age. I identified as an androgyne/non-binary for about 5 years, considered myself transgendered for a long time. I did not try to be as macho as possible to compensate, just could not stomach that. I was always openly rather queer, though I do enjoy hunting and building.

I only identified as a woman the start of last year. Not sure why it took so long to figure out, but hormones seemed to give me some clarity.