Susan's Place Transgender Resources

What are some things you regret that still really bother you? Things you haven't gotten over. Or they could be things you have come to terms with that used to really bother you.

Not continuing on with transition 25 years ago.

Listening to my parents in regards to my ex-girlfriend, but I've come to terms with it because I had no choice because I was underage and I was able to mature more and find out what I really like in a person...and find out I really don't like guys all that much in a romantic or sexual way.

I regret wasting time on friends who ended up becoming my enemies post transition. They were such a big part of my life at one point that it's hard to let go and stop carrying them around in my thoughts.

I regret not fighting against my parents when I was a teenager and I especially regret not standing up to my abusive step mother.

I regret the countless hours of trolling I used to do every day during my bleak pre-transition existence. The 'fun' I had at the expense of some of these people now makes me feel sick to the stomach with guilt and regret.

I regret not going to my grandfather's funeral because of my step mother's presence. Trans people have just as much right to mourn as cis people.

Quote from: Seven on January 10, 2011, 08:28:13 PM
And sick internal mind games instead of "fun" trolling.

Yeah, there was an unhealthy dose of that going on too, but best not to dwell on it  :-\

Letting my first significant other to accept me despite the my gender identity use it to guilt trip me into sexual situations I didn't want to do, and keep me in the relationship long after I wanted it to end... being easily swayed by guilt in general too.

Also the first day I decided that cutting and extremely unhealthy dieting may make me feel better about myself.

I have two things that I really regret.

1.  My inability to read people when in a relationship with them ... Women and Men are both a giant mystery to me it seems ...

2.  Not accepting my Gender Identity when it first started emerging in my early teens.  I had the opportunity to start seeing a therapist specifically for Gender Issues after being caught wearing makeup as a child and I turned it down out of fear of disappointing my mother.   

Had I accepted that, I could be living a very very different life right now.  My therapist thinks I would likely be in a worse place had that happened (it was a very different time ...)  But I always wonder, "What if ..."

My own ignorance and low sense of self.

1. Not telling my parents how I felt.

2. Not telling my wife the truth when she asked me if I was gay before we got married (she had a lot of gay ex-boyfriends). I wasn't gay in the sense she meant it, but I do identify as lesbian now. Not the same thing, but somewhere in the same ballpark. 

I used to regret a lot of things, but nowadays if I ever regret something it's just one of those, "I shouldn't have done that" and then I move on.

I guess I just appreciate the lessons that I've learned as opposed to regretting it.

Quote from: Lachlann on January 11, 2011, 12:07:51 AM
I used to regret a lot of things, but nowadays if I ever regret something it's just one of those, "I shouldn't have done that" and then I move on.

I guess I just appreciate the lessons that I've learned as opposed to regretting it.

I feel the same way

-Waiting so long to accept who I really am and on that track, keeping it from everyone. I realize there's people who've held it back far longer than me, but I'm usually such an honest person, it bothers the hell out of me.

-Being an alcoholic and all the hell it caused everyone around me. I contributed to my best friend going broke, almost killed my girlfriend and wrecked over 600$ in musical equipment. I'm past it now, but I still feel like a bastard for it from time to time.

-Telling my mother I wished I'd been her miscarriage instead of the sibling I almost had. While I meant it wholeheartedly, I still feel horrible for saying that to someone I love so much.

-Not taking writing courses in college and wasting my time majoring in art. 3 years, thousands of dollars wasted on a hobby. I've never gotten anywhere with any of my art, first bit if writing I ever whore out I manage to get published in multiple places, one of which is practically begging me for more stuff. Hindsight is 20/20.

Being so ignorant and frightened that when I told Mum and Dad that I was a girl at thirteen yrs old, I panicked and didn't let them take me to a psychiatrist.

But largely I have to dredge for past horrors. Some are strong and always will be. But I'm doubtful if my past regrets are any more painful, and probably less deeply  painful, than many who have lived in the last 50 odd years.

I've been very fortunate to live in a society where I could get a job and feed myself, and my family and friends. I have not watched my family tortured and killed. I have not watched people I know stoned to death or whipped or worse for holding hands or kissing. A poor statement but do we live in a world that if it doesn't happen to us, or those we know, it is less of an insult?

I'm proud that I have accepted people different to me in gender, race, religion and thought. I'm also ashamed that sometimes I have to remind myself of the need for that.  That brings me regret.

I'm finding horror in my emotions that I'm trying now  to explore. Carefully, because there are  wounds that I carry  that I did not realise. I'm finding, maybe unjustly, that hormones may be responsible for actions. I do not accept that morally.  But I'm finding it difficult to debate. My inner violence and rage is lessening in the control/presence of AA. I was a small 'man'. I could be a violent one; I regret. Certainly in the pain of my youth, after certain happenings I took my vengeance on males whom I thought fitted a pattern who had abused me. I regret that. I never picked the fight, but I ensured they were never fair. I was far too well trained to allow that.


Life is an experience that we cannot choose. I haven' t seen my family and home and friends ripped apart in a natural disaster. I haven't seen the famine. I have not seen the tsunami. I have not watch the mother weep over her still born child.

Sorry Forum Admin,

You have hit me at a sensitive time. Delete if you wish, it is your thread, but I needed to get some stuff out.

Hugs Bro.
Cindy

I never thought it would come to this, but now I'm quoting Frank Sinatra:

Quote from: Frank Sinatra, My WayRegrets? I've had a few,
But then again, too few to mention.

Now I am in my mid-twenties and I regret not having transitioned earlier and known the existence of hormones when I was still 14 cos at that age I was still with my parents I was a spoilt bratt and my dad was always giving me big money and I'm sure I could have bought my own hormones if I had a proper doctor or endo to guide me. I was 100% passable when I was still 14 naturally, facially, voice and all. I lost all of those precious aspect during puberty. Now I managed to recover back my feminity on track but with very great difficulty thanks to hormones but I still need to go FFS etc...

I regret not having left my country when I still had the money and possibility to leave from this conservative and cruel country that I am and I'm straining like a cow to leave.

There is only one thing I really regret and that is leaving the BBC when we moved down to Cornwall. I should instead have asked them for a 6 month unpaid sabbatical. I was still grieving my mother and I didn't act rationally in the slightest.

I do also wish that age 16 I had stood up to my first therapist in 1976, then I wouldn't have de-transitioned and would probably reached the surgeon a few years sooner without spending the first few years of adulthood pretending to be male, but as some good things came out of that I can't truly call it a regret.

Quote from: Laura91 on January 11, 2011, 08:21:34 AM
The only thing I regret is the fact that I didn't end my life prior to my natal puberty.

Aw, Laura. :(

You got a second chance with your second puberty.
Every day brings you a new chance, use it.

Quote from: CindyJames on January 11, 2011, 04:44:31 AM

Sorry Forum Admin,

You have hit me at a sensitive time. Delete if you wish, it is your thread, but I needed to get some stuff out.

Hugs Bro.
Cindy

Not at all. That's what it's for, hon. To share.

I regret the fact that I seem hell bent on squandering what meagre talents I appear to have been blessed with.

I regret not having transitioned earlier...

I regret not having studied harder so that I could get a better job and have a better chance of leaving this country and the people that I love but will never accept me for who I really am...

I regret not having taken better care of my health when I was younger rather than falling into drinking, smoking and overeating... 

I regret having acted like a nasty A'hole in my sad and futile attempt to be "normal" I wish I could tell them I am sorry....

I regret that I may never be able to see my parents and brother again once I transition....

I am sorry folks I have a lot of regrets...  :'( :'( :-\ :(

Quote from: Helena on January 11, 2011, 01:32:36 PM
I regret the fact that I seem hell bent on squandering what meagre talents I appear to have been blessed with.

This pretty much sums up mine (other than ones relating to other people). Thanks Helena.

I regret not getting help for my social anxiety when I was alot younger.

I regret ever cutting myself, I haven't cut myself since I came out but my arms and legs are covered in scars. I was 14 when I started I wish I was as mature as I am now because then I might have seen how flawed my logic was, I thought as depressed people cut that it's would help me (for longer then a few minutes).

I regret not finishing school. I'm 19 with no qualifications and no work experience which is making finding a job very difficult.

All of these regrets aren't really my fault but I regret them none the less. My life was a hell for me then, I honestly didn't expect to live past 16.

Not being there for my brother more when he needed me
    -He did some stupid stuff on his own, realized he was an idiot for it, and came back as a wonderful person.  Our family is closer than ever.
Cutting and leaving scars
    -This is one of the main things that helped me sort out my gender.  The more I accept myself as a guy, the less I feel the need to cut.
Being stupid and injuring my knee
    -This made me realize that I actually care what happens to my body.  I take better care of myself now.
Not taking college more seriously from the start
    -I took a year off and worked, which was a very important time to me.  I also changed schools and career paths, which I am much happier with.
Not asking for help on several occasions
    -I would not have even considered going to see someone about my gender issues had I not realized before that I really cannot deal with some things by myself.

Edit: After taking another look at these, I added in the bullets.  I guess I don't really regret any of these things, as they have all come out better in the end.  They still bother me, but I guess, in a way, I'm glad they happened.

Taking out my anger and pain of dysphoria on my ex's and my friends

Just letting my ex back in my life every time she wanted back no matter what she had done

Losing touch with old friends

i regret not going to the college i was set to register at the fall after high school that i had a scholarship for. instead i sat around home for almost a year not even working and i still haven't started college.
i regret not driving anymore at 17 because it was hard and my mom was terrible at helping with it.
i regret stopping trying to get my license again in 07 for the same reason.
i regret my first relationship since she turned out to be a total manipulative, leading me on, lying....someone i barely recognize as human.
i regret forcing away my dysphoria for so many years in denial keeping me from transitioning year ago, i could have at 18...that would have been amazing but nope i couldn't figure myself out then.
i regret spending 24 years of my life being so introverted, shy, afraid of everything, just hating myself and every part of myself. it made me waste so many years.
i regret the suicide attempt i made fall of 03 when i was 17. but I'm so glad me cutting that night left no scars....well, physically.

I like to think that there is no reason for regrets and that everything happened the way it happened in order for me to be who and where I am at right now.

However, it is not always easy to hold that perspective and

I regret not finishing high school and getting my GED instead of a high school diploma.
I regret not sticking with college when I was younger rather than older.
I regret all the hurtful things I have said to people in the past.
I regret not believing in myself at times.
I regret not talking to my father about my gender related feelings before he died.
I regret not paying enough attention to the little things.
I regret being so caught up with myself at times that I forgot about others and their feelings.
I regret not being more active in regards to social issues I feel strongly about.
I regret taking things for granted.

I regret not starting the transition process 20ish years ago when i first knew what or who i was
i regret not doing as well at school and not being able to follow the career path i wanted
i regret that my dad never had the chance to know the real me
i regret all the s**t my exes had to deal with because i was hiding from myself as well as them
BUT everything i have done or not done has led me to be here today and be the person i am now and that is something i can't regret

I regret going to prom with my ex a couple years ago.  We seriously didn't click, and prom made it so much more evident.  And then I tried to fix it, cause I thought I could be more manly so that she'd stay with me.  Didn't work, obviously.  *sigh*

6 years ago, at age 16, I was sitting in front of a computer, when I somehow ended up reading an article on transsexualism. I was intrigued and looked for more information.

I deeply regret letting the demand for a year's real-life experience deter me from possibly pursuing transition back then.

@E: I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're still damn young, you have all your life ahead of your.  If that's how it feels, have at it!~

Maybe this is old woman's talk, but...

I could regret a lot of things, but I also realize "I" was always part of the stories that could be regrettable. So I figure, why regret something I chose to do (doing nothing being also a choice). Probably given the circumstances and the knowledge at that point in time, I made the wisest decision ever. It's only with 20/20 hindsight it turns out regrettable... In any case: the future is ahead of us, not behind us

I regret ever allowing my mental health to plummet to a degree where I was alienating my friends and significant others. I should have sought treatment and attempted self control.

I also regret ever dating my ex... I only started dating him because I was scared that he would successfully kill himself. I never really liked him, but was scared to leave him because I knew he had a history of attempted suicide, he was incredibly unstable, and he had seriously hurt other people before... in a physical way... fatally... (DO NOT DATE A MURDERER. EVER.)
When I eventually broke up with him, he tried to manipulate me by attempting suicide so I would take him back. It was almost a good thing that he found out I cheated on him just because it made him finally leave me alone. Except, being the crazy guy that he was, he used the fact that I cheated on him as a way to try and deface me, ruin my reputation, and make friends hate me. He succeeded with a few people that were very good friends of mine. Granted, his being a total and complete dick doesn't completely justify my cheating on him, but I'm still sick of people telling me that I deserve the defacement  and demonization because I cheated on him. I was cheated on by two people, and remained completely civil in both cases.
Moral of the story: seek stability, don't date someone just because you feel sorry for them, and DO NOT DATE CRAZY PEOPLE (I don't refer to mentally ill, I mean people who will use suicide as a tool for manipulation).

Quote from: JosephKT on February 11, 2011, 01:10:22 AM
@E: I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're still damn young, you have all your life ahead of your.  If that's how it feels, have at it!~

You're right - it doesn't. It feels like I'm starting to grow old, and have lost my opportunity for a "proper" youth. Or even young adulthood. Not to mention my childhood, but that wasn't really my fault.

It was a moment teetering on the razor's edge. My fall could have been either way. But I nudged myself in the wrong direction, and thus lost my balance and squandered that opportunity. I chose the side of the demons, and now have to climb back up to grace. But my only handhold is the razor's edge, and the demons will not let me climb.

*sigh*

Sorry - I didn't mean to write a poem, especially not such a bad one.

Quote from: E on February 11, 2011, 07:35:20 PM
You're right - it doesn't. It feels like I'm starting to grow old, and have lost my opportunity for a "proper" youth. Or even young adulthood. Not to mention my childhood, but that wasn't really my fault.

It was a moment teetering on the razor's edge. My fall could have been either way. But I nudged myself in the wrong direction, and thus lost my balance and squandered that opportunity. I chose the side of the demons, and now have to climb back up to grace. But my only handhold is the razor's edge, and the demons will not let me climb.

*sigh*

Sorry - I didn't mean to write a poem, especially not such a bad one.

It's cool, we all need to vent through moments of less than stellar use of prose   ;)

Having sex the two (Attempted thrice) times that I did.
The on/off relationship I had with a girl.
Not building a relationship and trust with my mum like I should have.
Letting myself go in sixth form to the point where my bank balance was perpetually empty and I missed hours of lessons a week.
Taking so damn long to get a job or even go to the JobCentre.
Letting myself get walked over all through primary and secondary school.
Wasting so much money on stuff I don't need.
Taking so damn long to get counselling.

Probably a few others, but I can't think of them.

I regret believing all the lies about how i wasn't good enough, i was a disappointment,or that i wasn't man enough.
I regret that it lead me into things i shouldn't have done and also getting involved with people i shouldn't have because i really thought i deserved all the crap they gave me.
The biggest was getting involved with helping my sister and not seeing the warning signs before it got to be to late.

No regrets but I do wish they taught Philosophy in Grade school.

I regret causing this post to have ever existed. WAY TMI

Stretch marks are scars. I never heard of laser removing scars before.

It can be done, but the older the stretch marks are, the more difficult they are to remove.

What do I regret?  Sitting down when told to, stop talking about it when told to, going to my room when told to.  LOL  I wish I would have said "No" more often.

If you catalog these responses - and hey taxonomy is a hobby of mine, which makes me real popular at parties - other than dealing with GID in a different way, mostly earlier, the number one regret on this tread is not getting a proper education at the right time.  Younger members should not just take note of that, they ought to pray on it with bell, book and candle.

I regret not expressing how I felt so out of place in this body when I was a lot younger.  I should have expressed it a lot to them.  I feel that it would have been easier for me to do it back then than now.

I regret having my ex-fiancé down here.  It wasn't fair to either us, but oh well.  Not much use to dwell on it now.

Update:  I now regret that I ate this bagel and cream cheese.  I can feel the fat forming around me now.   :embarrassed:

I don't really regret not having transitioned earlier. I don't think I had a real opportunity back then, also, it can take a while to figure out this is right for you. Now I know this is right for me. Sure, it would been really good to join univeristy in my right gender and go from there as a new start in life, but I wans't -sure- I needed this back then. What if I didn't?

I regret not investing in good friends, too often I left negative people surround me and that has been horrible for me in the past. Lesson learned though and worthwhile friends made!