Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I talked to my mom a little bit tonight, well I tried to. Neither of my parents have any interest in talking to me about my transition or how I feel about myself, as much as I have tried to reach out to them. I'm dying to scream at them "Please support me, I need you I love you. Love me back, please!" But I'm paralyzed with fear. It took me weeks to ask my parents to go with me to therapy but they both said they didn't wanna talk about it, my dad even said he doesn't support me but that doesn't mean he doesn't support me with everything else. My mom didn't say anything hurtful but her refusal to talk to me left me hurt and feeling like ->-bleeped-<-. I'm starting to question everything and I just don't even know if this is worth what I'm giving up. Like I started this ->-bleeped-<- because I wasn't happy as a boy, I never have been and I don't think I ever will be. I'd rather be dead. But now how am I going to be happy when I'm stuck living with people who don't support me? I feel unloved, alienated, ugly, alone, stupid, selfish, hated, crazy...the list goes on. At least before I would just blab to my friends about how unhappy I was. Now thanks to hormones I feel everything 100 times more. When its just me I feel good about myself, I feel like I finally look somewhat right, and and I'm getting happier with myself. Then I leave my room and hear michael, he, him and it kills me. I don't know what to do and I just feel like nothing right now. I feel dead, I don't know if I'm being dramatic but right now I don't think I would care if I gave up everything and everyone and just died. I don't want to die though. I want to live, and feel beautiful. And get married to a great guy in a beautiful dress and have kids and a career and a home. I just want a normal happy life and I don't feel like I could ever have that, transition or not. I just feel like I'm digging myself into a bigger and bigger hole and I'm not gonna ever be able to climb out. I don't know what to do. I'm alone.

*Big hugs*
Oh sis, it sucks being put in that position  :(
Do you have the means to move out and live on your own? If they don't support you, then you should try and find a place to be in where you're either on your own, or with people who DO support you.
It's a shame you don't live over here.  :-\

Quote from: Vexing on January 13, 2011, 12:54:48 AM
*Big hugs*
Oh sis, it sucks being put in that position  :(
Do you have the means to move out and live on your own? If they don't support you, then you should try and find a place to be in where you're either on your own, or with people who DO support you.
It's a shame you don't live over here.  :-\

I wish I did. :( I told my sister its just motivation to getting a job and getting the hell out of here but since i haven't been in school for a while, it'll take about two years. :( I'm screwed. I just want to be happy and I feel like I did something to not deserve it.

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 13, 2011, 12:56:07 AM
I wish I did. :( I told my sister its just motivation to getting a job and getting the hell out of here but since i haven't been in school for a while, it'll take about two years. :( I'm screwed. I just want to be happy and I feel like I did something to not deserve it.

Hey, at least you're beautiful  :D And on these forums you're surrounded by people who care about you.
I haven't yet met someone who had a flawless transition. Hang in there.

Quote from: Vexing on January 13, 2011, 12:58:01 AM
Hey, at least you're beautiful  :D And on these forums you're surrounded by people who care about you.
I haven't yet met someone who had a flawless transition. Hang in there.

I will. Thank you Cait. I don't feel so alone anymore.  :-\

Alone is the absolute worst feeling in the world. I feel for you and know exactly what your going through. I've been single know for three years and there are numerous times where i lay there in bed crying myself to sleep. I wish i could say that things will get better but at this point there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Best of luck to you

Quote from: MyKa on January 13, 2011, 01:00:01 AM
Alone is the absolute worst feeling in the world. I feel for you and know exactly what your going through. I've been single know for three years and there are numerous times where i lay there in bed crying myself to sleep. I wish i could say that things will get better but at this point there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Best of luck to you

I've been single my whole life.

Sweetheart your not alone. And I know for a fact many people on here care about you so much! Having grown up on female hormones *cringe* I know that sometimes they can make you feel emotions more than you should have to. Sometimes I would randomly cry for no reason. So try to figure that in when things become really hard. When I first started out my mom and my family refused to use correct pronouns. They shut me out when I tried to talk to them about it. A year later it's gotten better. Maybe the same will happen for you. Just think, is it worth living a life as someone you aren't to make them happy? You are inspiring and amazing. You have so much to give to the world. Just try to give it some more time maybe?  :-\

As Cait said, you are young and beautiful. You deserve as much happiness as anyone. Do not let anyone make you feel unworthy or less of a person. Your time will come.

Quote from: Andrew Scott on January 13, 2011, 01:03:50 AM
Sweetheart your not alone. And I know for a fact many people on here care about you so much! Having grown up on female hormones *cringe* I know that sometimes they can make you feel emotions more than you should have to. Sometimes I would randomly cry for no reason. So try to figure that in when things become really hard. When I first started out my mom and my family refused to use correct pronouns. They shut me out when I tried to talk to them about it. A year later it's gotten better. Maybe the same will happen for you. Just think, is it worth living a life as someone you aren't to make them happy? You are inspiring and amazing. You have so much to give to the world. Just try to give it some more time maybe?  :-\

Thanks so much Andrew. I've been trying to give them time, they've known for maybe 5 months, and I've been on hormones almost 4, and nothing has changed. I just want to get out of here so bad. I love you guys. Life savers.

Quote from: Melody on January 13, 2011, 01:06:07 AM
As Cait said, you are young and beautiful. You deserve as much happiness as anyone. Do not let anyone make you feel unworthy or less of a person. Your time will come.

Thanks Melody. :)

I applaud you for even coming out to your parents! That's one hurdle i'm going to try to cross tomorrow.

Quote from: MyKa on January 13, 2011, 01:24:07 AM
I applaud you for even coming out to your parents! That's one hurdle i'm going to try to cross tomorrow.

Thanks. Honestly if I wasn't living with them, I probably would have not said anything and just saved myself the drama and cut them out at the start.

 i know exactly how you feel, if not..very close. When i get in moods like this im say to myself...im human first, before anything. I have a mind and emotions just like any human being on this earth. i cry i get upset at times. just like a human being. I am. I deserve to be happy...and one day everything will...ill have my husband and my kids and they will be proud i didnt give up...because if i would have..there would be no them. Hugsss***

Quote from: RoseBlossom on January 13, 2011, 02:00:46 AM
i know exactly how you feel, if not..very close. When i get in moods like this im say to myself...im human first, before anything. I have a mind and emotions just like any human being on this earth. i cry i get upset at times. just like a human being. I am. I deserve to be happy...and one day everything will...ill have my husband and my kids and they will be proud i didnt give up...because if i would have..there would be no them. Hugsss***

I'll never give up. Thank you <3



Seriously everyone, thank you so much for the support. I feel a little better, and I hope I can go back to feeling normal tomorrow. I wish I hadn't talked to my mom cuz I'd been having a great week so far. =/ OF COURSE. Thanks boys and girls. Much much much love.

Some very wonderful comments have been made here, and I would like to add by saying,

Yes, life is so very worth it!! And you being around is really making the whole world a better place, even if others are causing you to feel self doubt and have started the wheels to turning to make you feel that you don't count for anything.

You have so much to give to this world and don't even realize it. Give yourself a break, your only human and your not alone either, you have many sisters here in your corner. Ok, lets see, lets start by making a list of all the things that make you that special girl that you really are.

your very beautiful, really pretty.
your young, you have your whole life ahead of you.
your very tender hearted and sincere about what you feel and care of others feelings too.
your very smart, and you already know what you want from life and have goals, many people don't even know what they really want until its to late.
all things point to, that your a classy lady.

Start making plans now for what you want to do and where you want to be 5, 10 and 20 years from now, write it all down and make your plans, look at them everyday, short and long term plans. Educate yourself so you can make a good income, because let me tell you girl , living well is the best revenge and a good education will give you the tools you need to survive and make your plans come to be. 

Involve yourself in charity's and become a volunteer, you will be amazed how rewarding it is to be able to help others.

Remember that you are just a valuable as anyone, and that this situation with your parents is only temporary. Respect them and be kind to them, tell them how much you love them too, help them when they need it, but also remind them that you where born this way, there are many like you, and since you respect them, could they give your feelings the same respect, is that to much to ask.

I hope this helps, cheer up, your really awesome !!

Suzy

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 13, 2011, 01:25:45 AM
Thanks. Honestly if I wasn't living with them, I probably would have not said anything and just saved myself the drama and cut them out at the start.

It's a hard decision to make to actually transition and it's equally hard for your parents. Even the most liberal and open-minded parents feel something when their little girl or little boy they raised tells them that they're the wrong sex. Parents can think it's maybe something they did or didn't do .... or worse - they could be the types that think being transsexual goes against their religion or any number of things. A parent could have long held prejudices against these types of things that even a love for their own flesh and blood can't overcome sometimes - sometimes they can with time. Some parents have spent decades dealing with their offspring one way and overnight are expected to just accept and be okay and use the proper pronouns, etc.

I'm certainly not "sticking up" for the behavior of a parent because I do believe in unconditional love when it comes to your own kids but it doesn't work that way unfortunately for everyone. The important point I want to make is it's no fault of yours. If you are doing what you feel is correct and comfortable for your own self, you are better off than doing nothing and wanting to die.

And yes, female hormones can make you totally "emo"! So that's another factor that's not really your fault. All you can do is stay on the path that feels right and use your support network here or if you have close friends that are supporting you. Cling to the things that make you feel better in general and about yourself. You are really beautiful on the outside and I'm sure you are in the inside as well. Just hang in there :)

QuoteIs this "life" even worth it?

Worth what?

There's not much of anything worth much in this world.  Relatively, life comes off as something fairly decent.  I guess the answer to the question depends on what measure you are using.

Hey Britney....

Yer not alone as such in the ethereal sense.... as many of us (here) have been in the exact same spot you be.... or think yourself to be right now.

(And we all have black moments in the darkside still, no matter how outwardly successful we might seem)

And when yer a youngster and reliant on family for shelter/survival.... then it's an uber-bummer if they be the type of parents that simply can't deal with your dysphoria..... again this is a very common deal.

My relationship with my Ma (still living) is appalling as she's an avid religious nut.... and has always blamed my now long dead Pa for my condition...

Fortunately I've never, ever had to rely on her for anything emotional, financial or otherwise.... and she's not the kind of person you'd want turning up at your hospital bedside bible clutching either.....lol

Saying prayers for someone (nice idea) but for me hands on practical help wins hands-down every time.... which is why my surgery buddy will be with me in two weeks time.

So do get out more physically Britney, and build a real-life not (online) buddy network....

You have many things going for you (yer good-looking lol) and being on HRT now is more likely to see you getting emotional for sure... but try to keep focused on what is working for you rather than what is not.

And stick with improving things in little ways for yourself that you do have full-control over, and slowly you will get to where you need to be.

Its taken me twenty years to reach a time/place where I can concentrate on some second stage makeovers.... and tis been a v.hard slog to get here....

But one thing about many TG folk I've come to realise is our unswerving spirit to make it through against all the odds....and to overcome the many difficulties.

(Sisters do keep doing it for themselves for sure)

So hold that thought, grit yer teeth girlie..... and make sure you get a good nights sleep as oft you can.... and look to tomorrow to be a brighter better day....

Take care....

Brit

Look you have it tough now, there is no doubting that! I really feel for you, but when you are in a dark tunnle the only thing to do is walk towards the light! (and hope that it isn't an oncoming train ;D)

The tunnel might be a long one. It may take you some time to reach the end, but one day you will look back, the transition will be done, the HRT will be done, the SRS will be done and hopefully you won't be living with mum and dad.

Then things will be better. In the meantime as others have said what you need to know is that you are not alone, because there are thousands of others who have walked the same road. All of them do eventually make it out, as long as they don't give up, and so will you!

Britney, I know it is tough right now, but at least both your parents are still supportive of you. They may not support your transitioning, but give it time. It could change in a few years. I dont think you should dwell on this, this should be a fun time in your life. Just concentrate on your transition for now, and things will work themselves out. Love you Brit !! :-*

Hi Britney.

Like others, really sorry to hear of you situation.

You know what? When I was in a similar position I figured that if they weren't going to support me, I'd just have to continue with out them.

If I could get anything from them, then I'd take it. But I knew I wasn't going to get emotional support, even friendship, so I didn't bother looking for it.

Take what you can from them, while it's still there.

Frankly, what they want is to micromanage your life. They don't have any right to do that.

We need to show them honour, for our own sake. But anything else, they have already thrown away.

If the situation breaks down, then you can think about getting out of there. But in the short term, take what you can.

I've been on testosterone for 9 nine months and I live with a mother who doesn't support me. She (like your dad) supports me with everything else but not this. I go through phases of feeling like all of these things don't matter because I want to be loved for who I am more than given things and then I go through phases of thinking, "I'll take all that she can give because she can't give me love." Ultimately, you have to realize that transition is what makes you want to live so no matter what your parents say, you are going to be you. It's not easy living with someone who doesn't support me but it IS possible. My mom has changed for the better since the beginning of my transition but she still calls me by my birth name and uses female pronouns. Transitioning can be the loneliest thing, sometimes, but I think that's what makes a lot of trans people strong.  Keep transitioning fro yourself no matter who does or does not support you.

Quote from: Suzy Johnson on January 13, 2011, 02:02:33 AM
Some very wonderful comments have been made here, and I would like to add by saying,

Yes, life is so very worth it!! And you being around is really making the whole world a better place, even if others are causing you to feel self doubt and have started the wheels to turning to make you feel that you don't count for anything.

You have so much to give to this world and don't even realize it. Give yourself a break, your only human and your not alone either, you have many sisters here in your corner. Ok, lets see, lets start by making a list of all the things that make you that special girl that you really are.

your very beautiful, really pretty.
your young, you have your whole life ahead of you.
your very tender hearted and sincere about what you feel and care of others feelings too.
your very smart, and you already know what you want from life and have goals, many people don't even know what they really want until its to late.
all things point to, that your a classy lady.

Start making plans now for what you want to do and where you want to be 5, 10 and 20 years from now, write it all down and make your plans, look at them everyday, short and long term plans. Educate yourself so you can make a good income, because let me tell you girl , living well is the best revenge and a good education will give you the tools you need to survive and make your plans come to be. 

Involve yourself in charity's and become a volunteer, you will be amazed how rewarding it is to be able to help others.

Remember that you are just a valuable as anyone, and that this situation with your parents is only temporary. Respect them and be kind to them, tell them how much you love them too, help them when they need it, but also remind them that you where born this way, there are many like you, and since you respect them, could they give your feelings the same respect, is that to much to ask.

I hope this helps, cheer up, your really awesome !!

Suzy

Thanks so much Suzy! I'm almost in tears, in a good way. This really meant a lot to me. And I found a program for vet assistant that takes like a month. I'm gonna talk to my dad about that because it IS like 2000 dollars but hey I could pay it back soon haha.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on January 13, 2011, 02:03:36 AM
It's a hard decision to make to actually transition and it's equally hard for your parents. Even the most liberal and open-minded parents feel something when their little girl or little boy they raised tells them that they're the wrong sex. Parents can think it's maybe something they did or didn't do .... or worse - they could be the types that think being transsexual goes against their religion or any number of things. A parent could have long held prejudices against these types of things that even a love for their own flesh and blood can't overcome sometimes - sometimes they can with time. Some parents have spent decades dealing with their offspring one way and overnight are expected to just accept and be okay and use the proper pronouns, etc.

I'm certainly not "sticking up" for the behavior of a parent because I do believe in unconditional love when it comes to your own kids but it doesn't work that way unfortunately for everyone. The important point I want to make is it's no fault of yours. If you are doing what you feel is correct and comfortable for your own self, you are better off than doing nothing and wanting to die.

And yes, female hormones can make you totally "emo"! So that's another factor that's not really your fault. All you can do is stay on the path that feels right and use your support network here or if you have close friends that are supporting you. Cling to the things that make you feel better in general and about yourself. You are really beautiful on the outside and I'm sure you are in the inside as well. Just hang in there :)

Thanks!! I agree but it just makes is really hard when they don't support me and don't even want to talk to me. It makes me feel like crap, but they've always been this way. Unless they had something to tell us, usually clean up etc, they never spend much time talking.

Quote from: VeryGnawty on January 13, 2011, 05:43:14 AM
Worth what?

There's not much of anything worth much in this world.  Relatively, life comes off as something fairly decent.  I guess the answer to the question depends on what measure you are using.

Last night when I posted this I was questioning my transition, because I feel I will be able to make my parents happy if I transition. Do I stay a miserable boy if they're happy or a miserable girl with no parents? But I think whenever I can move out I will be a lot happier.

Quote from: Cruelladeville on January 13, 2011, 05:56:39 AM
Hey Britney....

Yer not alone as such in the ethereal sense.... as many of us (here) have been in the exact same spot you be.... or think yourself to be right now.

(And we all have black moments in the darkside still, no matter how outwardly successful we might seem)

And when yer a youngster and reliant on family for shelter/survival.... then it's an uber-bummer if they be the type of parents that simply can't deal with your dysphoria..... again this is a very common deal.

My relationship with my Ma (still living) is appalling as she's an avid religious nut.... and has always blamed my now long dead Pa for my condition...

Fortunately I've never, ever had to rely on her for anything emotional, financial or otherwise.... and she's not the kind of person you'd want turning up at your hospital bedside bible clutching either.....lol

Saying prayers for someone (nice idea) but for me hands on practical help wins hands-down every time.... which is why my surgery buddy will be with me in two weeks time.

So do get out more physically Britney, and build a real-life not (online) buddy network....

You have many things going for you (yer good-looking lol) and being on HRT now is more likely to see you getting emotional for sure... but try to keep focused on what is working for you rather than what is not.

And stick with improving things in little ways for yourself that you do have full-control over, and slowly you will get to where you need to be.

Its taken me twenty years to reach a time/place where I can concentrate on some second stage makeovers.... and tis been a v.hard slog to get here....

But one thing about many TG folk I've come to realise is our unswerving spirit to make it through against all the odds....and to overcome the many difficulties.

(Sisters do keep doing it for themselves for sure)

So hold that thought, grit yer teeth girlie..... and make sure you get a good nights sleep as oft you can.... and look to tomorrow to be a brighter better day....

Take care....

I'm trying to make friends in real life, something I've wanted since before transition. I've never had many just a few close ones. But Idk how to meet any, trans or cis. I did meet some trans ppl who are great in this support group...but they were all 30+.

Quote from: rejennyrated on January 13, 2011, 06:07:12 AM
Brit

Look you have it tough now, there is no doubting that! I really feel for you, but when you are in a dark tunnle the only thing to do is walk towards the light! (and hope that it isn't an oncoming train ;D)

The tunnel might be a long one. It may take you some time to reach the end, but one day you will look back, the transition will be done, the HRT will be done, the SRS will be done and hopefully you won't be living with mum and dad.

Then things will be better. In the meantime as others have said what you need to know is that you are not alone, because there are thousands of others who have walked the same road. All of them do eventually make it out, as long as they don't give up, and so will you!

Thanks a lot Jenny. :) That did make me giggle :) I know I will get there one day. Last night was just omg...I had no one to talk to and had to get it out. =/

Quote from: Angela Foureira Komninou on January 13, 2011, 06:15:48 AM
Britney, I know it is tough right now, but at least both your parents are still supportive of you. They may not support your transitioning, but give it time. It could change in a few years. I dont think you should dwell on this, this should be a fun time in your life. Just concentrate on your transition for now, and things will work themselves out. Love you Brit !! :-*

I'm trying! I'm done caring about my parents and what they think though. If they won't even TRY to talk to me, or even listen when I tried to tell them how much pain I felt being a boy. They won't even try, so as soon as I move out I'm gone. I think i'll be a lot happier. Thanks sis Love you too :D

Quote from: spacial on January 13, 2011, 06:35:53 AM
Hi Britney.

Like others, really sorry to hear of you situation.

You know what? When I was in a similar position I figured that if they weren't going to support me, I'd just have to continue with out them.

If I could get anything from them, then I'd take it. But I knew I wasn't going to get emotional support, even friendship, so I didn't bother looking for it.

Take what you can from them, while it's still there.

Frankly, what they want is to micromanage your life. They don't have any right to do that.

We need to show them honour, for our own sake. But anything else, they have already thrown away.

If the situation breaks down, then you can think about getting out of there. But in the short term, take what you can.

Yeah. And I was even trying to slow down, because my dad didn't want me rushing. But I'm not going to respect them anymore, not in the sense where they have input. So I'm saving up to change my name starting today.

Quote from: TheOtherSide on January 13, 2011, 07:52:23 AM
I've been on testosterone for 9 nine months and I live with a mother who doesn't support me. She (like your dad) supports me with everything else but not this. I go through phases of feeling like all of these things don't matter because I want to be loved for who I am more than given things and then I go through phases of thinking, "I'll take all that she can give because she can't give me love." Ultimately, you have to realize that transition is what makes you want to live so no matter what your parents say, you are going to be you. It's not easy living with someone who doesn't support me but it IS possible. My mom has changed for the better since the beginning of my transition but she still calls me by my birth name and uses female pronouns. Transitioning can be the loneliest thing, sometimes, but I think that's what makes a lot of trans people strong.  Keep transitioning fro yourself no matter who does or does not support you.

You're right. I'm sorry she calls you the wrong name too. I finally got the guts to ask my sisters last night to start calling me Britney and they're going to try. I wasn't asking them, to make my parents more comfortable but screw it. Its what I'm comfortable with and with the opposite, I'm more than uncomfortable.

Stick around, I like your face  :)

Quote from: JohnR on January 13, 2011, 01:00:33 PM
Stick around, I like your face  :)

Aww thanks bb.

You are a sweet, generous, caring and beautiful woman that is currently stuck in a toxic environment which is draining you.  I hate to see that happen because you have so much to offer both this site and the world itself.  Amazing things are going to happen for you, you just need to get over this hump and then you'll have a clear path out in front of you.

I really hope you find a way to break free of those who do not support you.  Despite what they may say it seems to me they are only supportive of their idea of you.  You don't need their approval to be happy.  There are plenty of people who would be thrilled to have someone like you in their lives.  Those who love you for who you really are is a better family than your biological one could ever be.

Best of luck and please stick around.  Seeing your smiling face in your avatar makes me happy inside.

Quote from: Squirrel698 on January 13, 2011, 01:28:13 PM
You are a sweet, generous, caring and beautiful woman that is currently stuck in a toxic environment which is draining you.  I hate to see that happen because you have so much to offer both this site and the world itself.  Amazing things are going to happen for you, you just need to get over this hump and then you'll have a clear path out in front of you.

I really hope you find a way to break free of those who do not support you.  Despite what they may say it seems to me they are only supportive of their idea of you.  You don't need their approval to be happy.  There are plenty of people who would be thrilled to have someone like you in their lives.  Those who love you for who you really are is a better family than your biological one could ever be.

Best of luck and please stick around.  Seeing your smiling face in your avatar makes me happy inside.

Thank you so much! You guys here mean the world to me and I could never bring myself to leave, even if in some alternate universe I didn't transition lol. One day in the somewhat distant future I'll post "HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE, I'M MOVING OUT" lol.

Sorry I didn't get in on this sooner.

Everyone has said some great things so I'll keep it simple.

*HUGS*, We all love you, Britney!

Britney you are such a lovely girl and bring smiles and good cheer to so many here on Susan's. We are sorry you are having to struggle and are feeling down right now. Sometimes I cannot figure out how family can cut us up to ribbons with thier lack of compassion and support. But they do.  I find solace when I read all of the kind support here on Susan's. Yet still the negativity will buzz around in my head anyways. I wish I knew of a cure. We do think very highly of you and wish you wonderful times.

Physically you are very pretty. I do not see any masculine traits about you at all.

Roxy and I are thinking about you and sending you our very best wishes for more positive times.

Many, many many big Hugs.
Patty

Quote from: SamanthaFLA on January 13, 2011, 01:52:26 PM
Sorry I didn't get in on this sooner.

Everyone has said some great things so I'll keep it simple.

*HUGS*, We all love you, Britney!

Thanks Sam <3

Quote from: Mrs Erocse on January 13, 2011, 01:53:47 PM
Britney you are such a lovely girl and bring smiles and good cheer to so many here on Susan's. We are sorry you are having to struggle and are feeling down right now. Sometimes I cannot figure out how family can cut us up to ribbons with thier lack of compassion and support. But they do.  I find solace when I read all of the kind support here on Susan's. Yet still the negativity will buzz around in my head anyways. I wish I knew of a cure. We do think very highly of you and wish you wonderful times.

Physically you are very pretty. I do not see any masculine traits about you at all.

Roxy and I are thinking about you and sending you our very best wishes for more positive times.

Many, many many big Hugs.
Patty

Thanks Patty. When I saw you're name on this thread, I knew I was in for a smile!

Transition is no joke, if you care about anything externally , your friends, your career, your family, heck even your life, and put it at a greater importance then transitioning, you shouldnt transition.   Because people can and have lost all those things in this process and if your not willing to make those sacrifices (some may happen some may not) then you need more therapy to make sure this is what you want.

For me the decision was simple.. if i die i lose all those things anyway, so i will transition and hope i keep some, at least i will fix myself in the process so that i can enjoy life.

In my case it was worth the gamble.  I turned my whole life around into something enjoyable, and am even engaged to a guy that didnt know I was TS. 

This is a tough road, its hard, its depressing, its painful, and the results are not guaranteed.  However, typically you get out what you put in.  Parental support is great and all but sometimes you have to grow up and do things on your own, at least when its all over, you will be stronger person, and i mean super strong, the world seems a little easier after you go through the struggles of changing you sex.

I hope that you dont take your life, because truly the grass greener on this side.

Hey Brit

Of course it's worth it, lack of acceptance from family hurts, but never ever think you should apologise for being you. You're you and that is flipping awesome, if your parental units can't see that then that's their issue not yours. I really feel for you with being stuck at home...you have to face them every day, but you know what, be yourself, don't feel guilty and show them every day that this is who you are because you do not need to apologise for that.

Now I want you to smile that winning smile of yours, look at yourself in the mirror, see you and not that construct that went by the name of  Michael and tell yourself that it is worth it and it will get better. If you don't then Auntie Helena will have no choice but to rob a post office, get on a plane to the other side of a pond and give you a hug...hopefully before the fuzz arrive and throw me in a cell somewhere  :laugh:

Quote from: Izumi on January 13, 2011, 02:02:32 PM
Transition is no joke, if you care about anything externally , your friends, your career, your family, heck even your life, and put it at a greater importance then transitioning, you shouldnt transition.   Because people can and have lost all those things in this process and if your not willing to make those sacrifices (some may happen some may not) then you need more therapy to make sure this is what you want.

For me the decision was simple.. if i die i lose all those things anyway, so i will transition and hope i keep some, at least i will fix myself in the process so that i can enjoy life.

In my case it was worth the gamble.  I turned my whole life around into something enjoyable, and am even engaged to a guy that didnt know I was TS. 

This is a tough road, its hard, its depressing, its painful, and the results are not guaranteed.  However, typically you get out what you put in.  Parental support is great and all but sometimes you have to grow up and do things on your own, at least when its all over, you will be stronger person, and i mean super strong, the world seems a little easier after you go through the struggles of changing you sex.

I hope that you dont take your life, because truly the grass greener on this side.

I would never take my life. And I too will risk everything for transition because I would rather be a woman with nothing than a man with everything. I was never happy with myself as a boy, and even though I'm not physically a girl by much standars, I already feel a lot happier and less depressed. Last night really threw me for a tough loop.

Quote from: Helena on January 13, 2011, 02:09:35 PM
Hey Brit

Of course it's worth it, lack of acceptance from family hurts, but never ever think you should apologise for being you. You're you and that is flipping awesome, if your parental units can't see that then that's their issue not yours. I really feel for you with being stuck at home...you have to face them every day, but you know what, be yourself, don't feel guilty and show them every day that this is who you are because you do not need to apologise for that.

Now I want you to smile that winning smile of yours, look at yourself in the mirror, see you and not that construct that went by the name of  Michael and tell yourself that it is worth it and it will get better. If you don't then Auntie Helena will have no choice but to rob a post office, get on a plane to the other side of a pond and give you a hug...hopefully before the fuzz arrive and throw me in a cell somewhere  :laugh:

Aww thanks Helena, I could definitely use that hug. That's one thing Susan's can't provide me with is real hugs. Which I rarely get but often need. You're right though, I can't let them make me feel bad for who I am. I'll try not too.

I would like to echo everything everyone has said here so far <3 We love you Britbrit, you're amazing and gorgeous and sweet! You're an inspiration, you truly are. Things will work out eventually, but until then, keep strong, and keep smiling because you have a beautiful smile! I wish I could say more but you get the gist of it from what everyone has said. Yes life is worth it, because life is what you make it!

Here. Have surprised kitty. Surprised Kitty (Original) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Bmhjf0rKe8#) Girls love kittens, right?  :icon_giggle: Cheer up

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 13, 2011, 01:35:18 PM
Thank you so much! You guys here mean the world to me and I could never bring myself to leave, even if in some alternate universe I didn't transition lol. One day in the somewhat distant future I'll post "HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE, I'M MOVING OUT" lol.

Now thats the spirit, thats what I'm talking about!

I'm sorry you are going through hell right now.  Like others have said, you *will* move out.  It *will* be a wonderful time in your life!  (It was the best day in my life, other than my wedding - I suspect your life will be similar)  You already are beautiful - but I know the depression makes it hard to believe.  But you are!  I'm sorry your parents don't yet recognize how beautiful their daughter is.  I hope they come around soon, as they are missing out.

I'm glad I didn't listen to the depression when I was younger.  It told me that I would *always* be lonely, isolated, excluded, etc.  That wasn't true.  That was the lie of depression.  Depression doesn't want you to see a better tomorrow - it wants you to think that today is permanent.  It's not.

The only advice I can give is to keep any hope alive that you can.  Find reasons to keep going, not just long-term (like "I'll move out" and "It's going to be a beautiful wedding!"), but also short term.  The short term ones don't have to be "big" or things that others will think are important.  For me, it was things like wanting to watch the next Star Trek episode that night or eating a good meal.  These things might sound stupid, but having *anything* to look forward to, even a little bit - just something that I wanted to do before I died - kept me alive.  Hope is the enemy of depression.  Even when that hope is watching a corny TV show, it's worth more than anything.

I'm glad I made it through it.  It was the most courageous thing I've ever had to do - it's courageous because you can't see what will happen, but you go forward anyhow.  You're obviously very courageous.  Not only because you've made it thus far, but also because you've come here and shared your heart.  Sharing takes a lot of courage.

I'll also say that you will have empathy, compassion, and respect for people - because you've personally seen how easy it is for people to harm someone else.  Having personally come out the other side of depression, and seen what life can be, I know I wouldn't want to trade my wounded heart for one of stone.  We have a very important message for the world, and we're very much needed in the world.

It takes time... You have come to this decision over the course of many years. Your parents  just found out. Every one of there hopes and dreams for you is being threatened, at least in their mind.  They just want whats best for you and want you to be happy... Transition is a very rocky road that not everyone makes it through. They're just afraid for you and are in denial. It took my parents about 4 years to get out of this stage, but it can happen.

One thing that might help is to make yourself successful in other aspects of life (school, socially, physically). Things were a lot easier to stomach when it seems like you're going some where in life.

Quote from: Suzy Johnson on January 13, 2011, 03:51:35 PM

Now thats the spirit, thats what I'm talking about!

:D

Quote from: Slanan on January 13, 2011, 03:57:19 PM
I'm sorry you are going through hell right now.  Like others have said, you *will* move out.  It *will* be a wonderful time in your life!  (It was the best day in my life, other than my wedding - I suspect your life will be similar)  You already are beautiful - but I know the depression makes it hard to believe.  But you are!  I'm sorry your parents don't yet recognize how beautiful their daughter is.  I hope they come around soon, as they are missing out.

I'm glad I didn't listen to the depression when I was younger.  It told me that I would *always* be lonely, isolated, excluded, etc.  That wasn't true.  That was the lie of depression.  Depression doesn't want you to see a better tomorrow - it wants you to think that today is permanent.  It's not.

The only advice I can give is to keep any hope alive that you can.  Find reasons to keep going, not just long-term (like "I'll move out" and "It's going to be a beautiful wedding!"), but also short term.  The short term ones don't have to be "big" or things that others will think are important.  For me, it was things like wanting to watch the next Star Trek episode that night or eating a good meal.  These things might sound stupid, but having *anything* to look forward to, even a little bit - just something that I wanted to do before I died - kept me alive.  Hope is the enemy of depression.  Even when that hope is watching a corny TV show, it's worth more than anything.

I'm glad I made it through it.  It was the most courageous thing I've ever had to do - it's courageous because you can't see what will happen, but you go forward anyhow.  You're obviously very courageous.  Not only because you've made it thus far, but also because you've come here and shared your heart.  Sharing takes a lot of courage.

I'll also say that you will have empathy, compassion, and respect for people - because you've personally seen how easy it is for people to harm someone else.  Having personally come out the other side of depression, and seen what life can be, I know I wouldn't want to trade my wounded heart for one of stone.  We have a very important message for the world, and we're very much needed in the world.

Thanks Slanan. You're right, I wouldn't trade my wounded heart either.

Quote from: Kaelleria on January 13, 2011, 06:27:53 PM
It takes time... You have come to this decision over the course of many years. Your parents  just found out. Every one of there hopes and dreams for you is being threatened, at least in their mind.  They just want whats best for you and want you to be happy... Transition is a very rocky road that not everyone makes it through. They're just afraid for you and are in denial. It took my parents about 4 years to get out of this stage, but it can happen.

One thing that might help is to make yourself successful in other aspects of life (school, socially, physically). Things were a lot easier to stomach when it seems like you're going some where in life.

Yeah I am looking into school. Just need to talk to my dad about paying for a course. If it's not full lol. =/

Hi Britney,
I'm new here, but I've been around the TG community here in Seattle for about 2 years and have known about my partner for all of our 21 years together. I'm a mom too. Although I am very supportive of my MTF wife, Chelsea, I was not always so. I remember when she used to talk about her feelings of wanting to be a woman, it would make me feel very uncomfortable. I would always listen politely for just a bit and then change the subject. It was a feeling in me that must have been fear, but it made me feel literally kind of sick. You should realize that your parents probably feel something like that themselves when you talk about your transition. It does NOT mean that they don't love you; it means they don't know how to love you very well right now; they are in shock and paralyzed by their fear.

Have you tried giving them the book True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism for Family, Friends, Coworkers and Helping Professionals? When we came out to our parents, we gave them this book and eventually they actually read it and it helped. Of course, Chelsea's mom read it before her dad, but even her dad read it after a few months. Don't expect them to read it right away, but gently encourage them in order to increase their understanding and lessen their fear.

I understand what you mean when you say it hurts you physically inside and emotionally to hear them use your male name and pronouns. Chelsea experience this as well. I was pretty good about learning to use the correct pronouns, but I was willing and it still took time. She understood, but when I talked about her in the past, I used the male name and pronouns. She explained how much hearing them hurt her, so I even adjusted that. They will be able to make the adjustment eventually. They need to go through a grieving process. Even though they are gaining a daughter, they are losing a son, and they loved that son; some say they just loved the idea of their son, but really it is that and much more. They loved your face, your smell, your voice. All that is changing. Don't be afraid to let them grieve. They might not understand that they are grieving but that is what we experience. It passes. But not without going through the stages of grief including such nasty emotions as denial, anger, and sadness. It seems like they are living in denial right now. Don't get angry at them for their process. That's a lot to ask of yourself. But I know you are a strong and big hearted young woman. I can see it in your eyes. You have courage. You can do this.

I have one more bit of advice, if I may. Your parents are supporting your room and board needs right now, is that true? You don't pay rent or contribute to food? You will find that if you can express your gratitude to them for doing that for you, really and truly, they do not have to and if they did not love you, they wouldn't - then the expression of that gratitude will bring more goodness into your life. The more we focus on the things in our life that we are truly grateful for, the more we attract things into our lives to BE grateful for.

Oh, and work on your legal name change (if you haven't already). If your name is legally Britney, they will take you more seriously. This helped with Chelsea's parents, anyway.

Okay, that's a pretty long post. I hope you don't mind. You have a lot of friends here who love you. I hope you meet some others in the non-virtual world soon. You do truly deserve a wonderful life.
Love,
Ruby

I'm coming into this really late, but I know just how you feel Britney, I really do.  I (thankfully) live apart from my parents, but they're just as unsupportive as yours are.  Based on the reactions I got when I came out to them (when I was going to tell them I was on hormones), I decided to not talk to them about anything transition-related after that first week.  I still visit them, and I would be amazed if they haven't noticed I'm changing, so I guess it's just that giant hot pink elephant in the middle of the room.  But you know what?  You gotta do what you gotta do.  The lack of support gets me really down sometimes, but I'm not living my life for my parents... or anyone else, for that matter.  And you're not either.

It's good that you have support otherwise - if you can keep paying for your transition yourself and they will help with your schooling, you honestly can't get much better than that.  I would certainly appreciate that for what it is and hope they come around eventually.  Hopefully once they see what a happy, beautiful girl you're becoming they will come around.

So, from one who has the same kind of thoughts regularly, *HUG.*  We all need support :)

Hi Britney
Sorry to hear that you're feeling like crap.
Things will be better hon, they really gonna be better.
Try to see it the way it is, you are making changes now and you are in the middle of a proces of transition, it's all very confusing, but I think your parents are a part of this transition.'

You need time to become what you've always felt, I think your parents need the time to get used to your female identity.
It's all in the game, you can't be a woman from one day to another and I think they can't switch in a short time to get used to have a daughter now.
But it will be okay, they can't ignore it their whole life.

Once they see how happy you are, they know it was the right decision to do the transition.
Cheer up honey, now you think of being dead and in a few years you will be enjoing life as never before.

And for a beautifull nice woman like you it's possible to have a normal life as you wanted.

Hang on sister, you're not alone, we all love you and support you.

lots of love
annette

Quote from: Morgan on January 13, 2011, 02:59:30 PM
I would like to echo everything everyone has said here so far <3 We love you Britbrit, you're amazing and gorgeous and sweet! You're an inspiration, you truly are. Things will work out eventually, but until then, keep strong, and keep smiling because you have a beautiful smile! I wish I could say more but you get the gist of it from what everyone has said. Yes life is worth it, because life is what you make it!

Here. Have surprised kitty. Surprised Kitty (Original) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Bmhjf0rKe8#) Girls love kittens, right?  :icon_giggle: Cheer up

Sorry I missed your post. Thanks Morgan. And thanks for calling me BritBrit! Thats cute!! and yes I love kittens, I hope to own "my own" one day lol! And thank you, you're really cute too :P Ahh everyone here is making me feel so good about myself. Last night seems like last month by now!

Quote from: rubywendt on January 13, 2011, 07:14:28 PM
Hi Britney,
I'm new here, but I've been around the TG community here in Seattle for about 2 years and have known about my partner for all of our 21 years together. I'm a mom too. Although I am very supportive of my MTF wife, Chelsea, I was not always so. I remember when she used to talk about her feelings of wanting to be a woman, it would make me feel very uncomfortable. I would always listen politely for just a bit and then change the subject. It was a feeling in me that must have been fear, but it made me feel literally kind of sick. You should realize that your parents probably feel something like that themselves when you talk about your transition. It does NOT mean that they don't love you; it means they don't know how to love you very well right now; they are in shock and paralyzed by their fear.

Have you tried giving them the book True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism for Family, Friends, Coworkers and Helping Professionals? When we came out to our parents, we gave them this book and eventually they actually read it and it helped. Of course, Chelsea's mom read it before her dad, but even her dad read it after a few months. Don't expect them to read it right away, but gently encourage them in order to increase their understanding and lessen their fear.

I understand what you mean when you say it hurts you physically inside and emotionally to hear them use your male name and pronouns. Chelsea experience this as well. I was pretty good about learning to use the correct pronouns, but I was willing and it still took time. She understood, but when I talked about her in the past, I used the male name and pronouns. She explained how much hearing them hurt her, so I even adjusted that. They will be able to make the adjustment eventually. They need to go through a grieving process. Even though they are gaining a daughter, they are losing a son, and they loved that son; some say they just loved the idea of their son, but really it is that and much more. They loved your face, your smell, your voice. All that is changing. Don't be afraid to let them grieve. They might not understand that they are grieving but that is what we experience. It passes. But not without going through the stages of grief including such nasty emotions as denial, anger, and sadness. It seems like they are living in denial right now. Don't get angry at them for their process. That's a lot to ask of yourself. But I know you are a strong and big hearted young woman. I can see it in your eyes. You have courage. You can do this.

I have one more bit of advice, if I may. Your parents are supporting your room and board needs right now, is that true? You don't pay rent or contribute to food? You will find that if you can express your gratitude to them for doing that for you, really and truly, they do not have to and if they did not love you, they wouldn't - then the expression of that gratitude will bring more goodness into your life. The more we focus on the things in our life that we are truly grateful for, the more we attract things into our lives to BE grateful for.

Oh, and work on your legal name change (if you haven't already). If your name is legally Britney, they will take you more seriously. This helped with Chelsea's parents, anyway.

Okay, that's a pretty long post. I hope you don't mind. You have a lot of friends here who love you. I hope you meet some others in the non-virtual world soon. You do truly deserve a wonderful life.
Love,
Ruby

Thanks so much Ruby. :) I'm wanting to change my name ASAP but I found out from a mutual friend of my therapist, who transitioned a year or so ago, that it could cost up to 700 dollars. Thats a little more than I make in a month. So it'll be a while before I can afford it. And I've been meaning to get some books for them to read, but that takes money too. lol. Thanks again <3

Quote from: AmySmiles on January 13, 2011, 07:17:20 PM
I'm coming into this really late, but I know just how you feel Britney, I really do.  I (thankfully) live apart from my parents, but they're just as unsupportive as yours are.  Based on the reactions I got when I came out to them (when I was going to tell them I was on hormones), I decided to not talk to them about anything transition-related after that first week.  I still visit them, and I would be amazed if they haven't noticed I'm changing, so I guess it's just that giant hot pink elephant in the middle of the room.  But you know what?  You gotta do what you gotta do.  The lack of support gets me really down sometimes, but I'm not living my life for my parents... or anyone else, for that matter.  And you're not either.

It's good that you have support otherwise - if you can keep paying for your transition yourself and they will help with your schooling, you honestly can't get much better than that.  I would certainly appreciate that for what it is and hope they come around eventually.  Hopefully once they see what a happy, beautiful girl you're becoming they will come around.

So, from one who has the same kind of thoughts regularly, *HUG.*  We all need support :)

Yeah I know I'm so lucky. Its just really hard. They want me to be happy and healthy etc but its like if they really want that for me, then they'd at least try. =/ Good luck <3

Quote from: annette on January 13, 2011, 08:09:58 PM
Hi Britney
Sorry to hear that you're feeling like crap.
Things will be better hon, they really gonna be better.
Try to see it the way it is, you are making changes now and you are in the middle of a proces of transition, it's all very confusing, but I think your parents are a part of this transition.'

You need time to become what you've always felt, I think your parents need the time to get used to your female identity.
It's all in the game, you can't be a woman from one day to another and I think they can't switch in a short time to get used to have a daughter now.
But it will be okay, they can't ignore it their whole life.

Once they see how happy you are, they know it was the right decision to do the transition.
Cheer up honey, now you think of being dead and in a few years you will be enjoing life as never before.

And for a beautifull nice woman like you it's possible to have a normal life as you wanted.

Hang on sister, you're not alone, we all love you and support you.

lots of love
annette

Thanks annette. :) At first I was like man this post might have been a bad idea, but I'll definitely book mark it so I can come back and get a pick me up anytime I get down. I love everyone here, so grateful for you all.

I am glad to see that you are feeling a bit better today. As everyone above me has already said, keep your chin up. You are beautiful, kind, and have yet to show the world everything you have to offer. It can seem tough for any young person who is stuck at that in between of living with their parents and supporting themselves.

As Suzy said the best thing you can do is make a plan, set a goal for yourself (you seem to be doing that, and succeeding already), educate yourself, and go for it!

I know that you can do anything that you put your mind and heart into. You are such a sweet person, Britney. The world needs more people like you. You sweetness and fun nature shine through to all of us here and I am sure that as you gain the confidence you need you will exude that in every other aspect of your life.

If you need to talk you have my number, you are always welcome to call or text.  ;)

*Hugs*

Jackie

Ps. If I ever make it to CA I will personally deliver you a very large and awkward hug. It's my specialty.  :laugh:

Oh Britney,
I missed this posting earlier sorry  :embarrassed:
Hon I know it's hard when loved ones don't support you.
But look at all of your family here and all of the responses.
Almost 3 pages of postings in a couple of hours.
You see we care for you Britney.
You are special to us girl.
Your our sister and we will help you get through tis down time.
Big Long Bear Hug,
Jillieann

Quote from: Jacquelyn on January 13, 2011, 08:46:48 PM
I am glad to see that you are feeling a bit better today. As everyone above me has already said, keep your chin up. You are beautiful, kind, and have yet to show the world everything you have to offer. It can seem tough for any young person who is stuck at that in between of living with their parents and supporting themselves.

As Suzy said the best thing you can do is make a plan, set a goal for yourself (you seem to be doing that, and succeeding already), educate yourself, and go for it!

I know that you can do anything that you put your mind and heart into. You are such a sweet person, Britney. The world needs more people like you. You sweetness and fun nature shine through to all of us here and I am sure that as you gain the confidence you need you will exude that in every other aspect of your life.

If you need to talk you have my number, you are always welcome to call or text.  ;)

*Hugs*

Jackie

Ps. If I ever make it to CA I will personally deliver you a very large and awkward hug. It's my specialty.  :laugh:

You guys are really teaching me things about myself that I never realized, like I didn't think I was THAT nice but its a great feeling to know I have so many people who care. Thank you bb <3 And that hug will be amazing and not awkward. :D It might last for a while though, so plan to stay a couple days....well a hug that lasted a couple days probably would get awkward....lol ANYWAYS......... :D

Quote from: Jillieann on January 13, 2011, 08:49:24 PM
Oh Britney,
I missed this posting earlier sorry  :embarrassed:
Hon I know it's hard when loved ones don't support you.
But look at all of your family here and all of the responses.
Almost 3 pages of postings in a couple of hours.
You see we care for you Britney.
You are special to us girl.
Your our sister and we will help you get through tis down time.
Big Long Bear Hug,
Jillieann

Thanks Jilly. You're right, the responce I've received is so overwhelming in the best way. If only we all LIVED in this small community. Again I love everyone here. :D

QuoteIf only we all LIVED in this small community.

That would be so great.

Quote from: Jillieann on January 13, 2011, 10:30:30 PM
That would be so great.

Maybe one day! We should all get together, pitch in a buy an island. lol move all the trans ppl there!

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 13, 2011, 10:38:41 PM
Maybe one day! We should all get together, pitch in a buy an island. lol move all the trans ppl there!

I'm in some of the trans men are cute!

Quote from: Simone V on January 13, 2011, 10:49:13 PM
I'm in some of the trans men are cute!

Some? haha like all of them, its crazy! haha.

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 13, 2011, 10:38:41 PM
We should all get together, pitch in a buy an island. lol move all the trans ppl there!

Islands are good.

Re: "Is this "life" even worth it?"

(YES!)

Britney?Bieber! young lady!!! ""Is this "life" even worth it?" YES! should you even for a moment begin to believe that it is not, you need to get hold of me in person. I'll turn you over my knee and spank some sense into you! Don't even think of talking back just yet. I'm old enough to be your mother  :police:

Quote from: Britney?Bieber on January 13, 2011, 12:51:03 AM
So I talked to my mom a little bit tonight, well I tried to. Neither of my parents have any interest in talking to me about my transition or how I feel about myself, as much as I have tried to reach out to them. I'm dying to scream at them "Please support me, I need you I love you. Love me back, please!" But I'm paralyzed with fear. It took me weeks to ask my parents to go with me to therapy but they both said they didn't wanna talk about it, my dad even said he doesn't support me but that doesn't mean he doesn't support me with everything else. My mom didn't say anything hurtful but her refusal to talk to me left me hurt and feeling like ->-bleeped-<-.

Your parents are going through this with you but on parallel roads Britney. While you suffer the deep feelings of rejection that can happen.  They are suffering guilt.  Oh yeah Guilt!  They are probably wondering," where they went wrong?" They really haven't got much of a clue about the situation. They probably don't even know that in vitro we are all first formed Female as a fetus.  That only 8 weeks into the pregnancy is gender determined by a random testosterone squirt that happens inside your mom.  They probably don't know that sometimes it's a missfire and our body goes boy while our brain never changes from girl to boy mode.  Most likely they believe the old school thing about the male sperm determining gender.  So if they are say from a traditional Catholic or older euro family they are simply in this state of mind that is Guilt!  Self blame and even worse Self pity.  Good news is, eventually and there's no telling when. They will except you. It might be tomorrow it might be 10 years from now. But there's a 90% chance that someday your mom and dad will say. "That's my daughter".

Quote from: Britney?Bieber on January 13, 2011, 12:51:03 AM
I'm starting to question everything and I just don't even know if this is worth what I'm giving up. Like I started this ->-bleeped-<- because I wasn't happy as a boy, I never have been and I don't think I ever will be. I'd rather be dead. But now how am I going to be happy when I'm stuck living with people who don't support me? I feel unloved, alienated, ugly, alone, stupid, selfish, hated, crazy...the list goes on.

Do you want to make yourself into what you are inside and live life happily?  Or would you rather live unhappy in order to please others? 43 years I have hidden away in the dark my secret me. Crying nights wishing I were pretty looking at woman in jealousy of the simple fact they are woman.  Going to parties where all the ladies are in one room and the men in the other and finding myself strangely drawn to the kitchen. But sitting silent in a corner with the men occasionally laughing as some quip that actually quite disgusted me.
Resulting in Clinical Depression, Mental break down. A attempt so slowly commit suicide by eating my self into a heart failure. So that no one could say "He was weak!" . Finally I decided that I need to live as me. A Woman and everyone else could except it or not. I don't care.
Now my mom is in her late 70's and dad is in her late 80's and I am the one that takes care of them not my sisters.  That in it's self has told them much. So they have excepted me.

Quote from: Britney?Bieber on January 13, 2011, 12:51:03 AM
At least before I would just blab to my friends about how unhappy I was. Now thanks to hormones I feel everything 100 times more. When its just me I feel good about myself, I feel like I finally look somewhat right, and and I'm getting happier with myself. Then I leave my room and hear michael, he, him and it kills me. I don't know what to do and I just feel like nothing right now. I feel dead, I don't know if I'm being dramatic but right now I don't think I would care if I gave up everything and everyone and just died. I don't want to die though. I want to live, and feel beautiful. And get married to a great guy in a beautiful dress and have kids and a career and a home. I just want a normal happy life and I don't feel like I could ever have that, transition or not. I just feel like I'm digging myself into a bigger and bigger hole and I'm not gonna ever be able to climb out. I don't know what to do. I'm alone.

Dad still says HE. HIM. And calls me Glenn. Though I am and have told them it's now Simone. Mom makes those same mistakes but I don't care and it doesn't hurt because I don't care! Your parents are younger then mine are presumably, they are in that guilt self blame and slightly defensive state of mind that many trans peoples families get into.  Keep going Britney, turn it off and "Don't care what they say" In the end you will be the woman you want to be and everyone will come around. If not you'll find new family, trust me on it.

Look Britney you have to do this for you. Not for anyone else.  People care about you that have never met you in RL, you will meet people in RL that will love you unconditionally for who you are as a woman. Have faith and just for now when someone says HE HIM MICHAEL.  Tell yourself "Whatever! I don't care!" smile and walk on don't even admit fo having heard it. Live love laugh and become the lovely girl you are.

Hugs Simone.
PS I'm not kidding if I find out you are thinking of the end.  I'll spank you till your fanny is red!
Hugs.

Quote from: Simone V on January 13, 2011, 11:45:48 PM
Re: "Is this "life" even worth it?"

(YES!)

Britney?Bieber! young lady!!! ""Is this "life" even worth it?" YES! should you even for a moment begin to believe that it is not, you need to get hold of me in person. I'll turn you over my knee and spank some sense into you! Don't even think of talking back just yet. I'm old enough to be your mother  :police:


Your parents are going through this with you but on parallel roads Britney. While you suffer the deep feelings of rejection that can happen.  They are suffering guilt.  Oh yeah Guilt!  They are probably wondering," where they went wrong?" They really haven't got much of a clue about the situation. They probably don't even know that in vitro we are all first formed Female as a fetus.  That only 8 weeks into the pregnancy is gender determined by a random testosterone squirt that happens inside your mom.  They probably don't know that sometimes it's a missfire and our body goes boy while our brain never changes from girl to boy mode.  Most likely they believe the old school thing about the male sperm determining gender.  So if they are say from a traditional Catholic or older euro family they are simply in this state of mind that is Guilt!  Self blame and even worse Self pity.  Good news is, eventually and there's no telling when. They will except you. It might be tomorrow it might be 10 years from now. But there's a 90% chance that someday your mom and dad will say. "That's my daughter".



Do you want to make yourself into what you are inside and live life happily?  Or would you rather live unhappy in order to please others? 43 years I have hidden away in the dark my secret me. Crying nights wishing I were pretty looking at woman in jealousy of the simple fact they are woman.  Going to parties where all the ladies are in one room and the men in the other and finding myself strangely drawn to the kitchen. But sitting silent in a corner with the men occasionally laughing as some quip that actually quite disgusted me.
Resulting in Clinical Depression, Mental break down. A attempt so slowly commit suicide by eating my self into a heart failure. So that no one could say "He was weak!" . Finally I decided that I need to live as me. A Woman and everyone else could except it or not. I don't care.
Now my mom is in her late 70's and dad is in her late 80's and I am the one that takes care of them not my sisters.  That in it's self has told them much. So they have excepted me.



Dad still says HE. HIM. And calls me Glenn. Though I am and have told them it's now Simone. Mom makes those same mistakes but I don't care and it doesn't hurt because I don't care! Your parents are younger then mine are presumably, they are in that guilt self blame and slightly defensive state of mind that many trans peoples families get into.  Keep going Britney, turn it off and "Don't care what they say" In the end you will be the woman you want to be and everyone will come around. If not you'll find new family, trust me on it.

Look Britney you have to do this for you. Not for anyone else.  People care about you that have never met you in RL, you will meet people in RL that will love you unconditionally for who you are as a woman. Have faith and just for now when someone says HE HIM MICHAEL.  Tell yourself "Whatever! I don't care!" smile and walk on don't even admit fo having heard it. Live love laugh and become the lovely girl you are.

Hugs Simone.
PS I'm not kidding if I find out you are thinking of the end.  I'll spank you till your fanny is red!
Hugs.

Ahhh Simone your post really inspired me and cheered me up a great deal. I'm so glad to be here. <3

Hi,

One thing to keep in mind is that you have been dealing with gender probably for all of your life.  By the time you came out to your parents, you already dealt with all the emotional issues.  You were: "Okay, I am here, where are you?"  The problem is that they got shocked, although probably had some ideas, but still.  You have to give your parents some time to accept and deal with the whole thing, just as you did.

I know.  That sucks.  I had the same thing told to me by a friend.  I was upset at hearing that at the time, but now I can see that there is merit.  Your parents seem to still love you, so they will come around.

By the way, I can only smile, when you said that you cringe every time that you hear your male name and/or male pronouns.  I hate that too.  Hearing "sir" truly ticks me off.  I went to get a trim the other day wearing a female blouse and the hair stylist at Supercuts and the cashier went out of their way to say "sir" and "would you like your sideburns trimmed" and other such stuff, even though I have no facial hair at all (thank you electrology) and now no hair on my back or neck (almost all gone).  I had my purse with me too.

How long ago has it been that you came out to your parents?

You said that you want kids.  Is your plan that you and your future husband adopt a child / children?  Did you save any sperm and will use a surrogate mother?

Quote from: sarahla on January 14, 2011, 01:40:47 AM
Hi,

One thing to keep in mind is that you have been dealing with gender probably for all of your life.  By the time you came out to your parents, you already dealt with all the emotional issues.  You were: "Okay, I am here, where are you?"  The problem is that they got shocked, although probably had some ideas, but still.  You have to give your parents some time to accept and deal with the whole thing, just as you did.

I know.  That sucks.  I had the same thing told to me by a friend.  I was upset at hearing that at the time, but now I can see that there is merit.  Your parents seem to still love you, so they will come around.

By the way, I can only smile, when you said that you cringe every time that you hear your male name and/or male pronouns.  I hate that too.  Hearing "sir" truly ticks me off.  I went to get a trim the other day wearing a female blouse and the hair stylist at Supercuts and the cashier went out of their way to say "sir" and "would you like your sideburns trimmed" and other such stuff, even though I have no facial hair at all (thank you electrology) and now no hair on my back or neck (almost all gone).  I had my purse with me too.

How long ago has it been that you came out to your parents?

You said that you want kids.  Is your plan that you and your future husband adopt a child / children?  Did you save any sperm and will use a surrogate mother?

I came out to them about 4 or 5 months ago I'd say. I would have walked out of there and found a more friendly place to give my business to. I'm sorry that happened, some people are sick :(

And I hope they come around. :) Thanks

Another thing to consider about mood, you said you've been on hormones for what, four months? I know with myself I gradually increased my dose each month, and I was a crying sobbing mess the whole way. It wasn't until month six, well after I was on a stable dose that I was able to go a week without crying at the slightest things. I know you can feel crummy now, but you will get better. Take it from someone who has been there, razor-blade in hand, it'll pass.

Quote from: AbbyJ on January 14, 2011, 08:57:18 PM
Another thing to consider about mood, you said you've been on hormones for what, four months? I know with myself I gradually increased my dose each month, and I was a crying sobbing mess the whole way. It wasn't until month six, well after I was on a stable dose that I was able to go a week without crying at the slightest things. I know you can feel crummy now, but you will get better. Take it from someone who has been there, razor-blade in hand, it'll pass.

My dose is the same

Quote from: Simone V on January 13, 2011, 11:45:48 PMPS I'm not kidding if I find out you are thinking of the end.  I'll spank you till your fanny is red!

She really is not kidding, Britney...  :laugh:  I sent her an email today with some sadness in it (because I have to leave my wife), and she called me on the phone, just to see how I was.  But the thing is, she can't spank me, I'm older than HER.  And she can't lecture me, either, even if I talk back to her.  Age has privileges, dear, which is why you need to GET THERE, so you can find out how sweet life can BE.

Always remember, when you're young, everything seems like it'll go on forever.  I remember that very well.  It's impossible to see very far down the road.  There's always a little hill that hides the horizon.  When you get old and wrinkly like me, you're tall enough to see over that hill, and things look a lot more promising.  PLUS, I have the power to change what I don't like, and I don't need permission, and I'm not dependent on anyone else.  That's where you're at a disadvantage, but that's only temporary.

Is it worth it?  You bet your Azz!

I can only imagine how rough it is telling family. I have yet to tell my parents. I'm afraid too. But hey, my brother is gay and they accept him fine so they can't be that closed minded.

Anyhoo, back to you Britney. I'm sorry that your parents are having a hard time with it. Unfortunately, that is expected. This is the way I see it; I'm sure it took you some time to admit and come to terms with the situation yourself. The same time is required for your parents. Just give it time and I'm sure everything will work out. I know that can be hard to do but look on the bright side, they could be taking the news a whole lot worse.

Here's to hoping for the best.  :)

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on January 14, 2011, 09:41:30 PM
She really is not kidding, Britney...  :laugh:  I sent her an email today with some sadness in it (because I have to leave my wife), and she called me on the phone, just to see how I was.  But the thing is, she can't spank me, I'm older than HER.  And she can't lecture me, either, even if I talk back to her.  Age has privileges, dear, which is why you need to GET THERE, so you can find out how sweet life can BE.

Always remember, when you're young, everything seems like it'll go on forever.  I remember that very well.  It's impossible to see very far down the road.  There's always a little hill that hides the horizon.  When you get old and wrinkly like me, you're tall enough to see over that hill, and things look a lot more promising.  PLUS, I have the power to change what I don't like, and I don't need permission, and I'm not dependent on anyone else.  That's where you're at a disadvantage, but that's only temporary.

Is it worth it?  You bet your Azz!

haha gotta love Simone! :D Thanks CC

Quote from: Shai on January 14, 2011, 09:43:52 PM
I can only imagine how rough it is telling family. I have yet to tell my parents. I'm afraid too. But hey, my brother is gay and they accept him fine so they can't be that closed minded.

Anyhoo, back to you Britney. I'm sorry that your parents are having a hard time with it. Unfortunately, that is expected. This is the way I see it; I'm sure it took you some time to admit and come to terms with the situation yourself. The same time is required for your parents. Just give it time and I'm sure everything will work out. I know that can be hard to do but look on the bright side, they could be taking the news a whole lot worse.

Here's to hoping for the best.  :)

No kidding bb, I thought about transition for like five years and always dismissed the idea saying it wasn't for me, or I didn't NEED to do all that stuff. Yet the whole time I hated myself and my life and never knew why. Haha well I'm happy to be where I am now, despite my feelings a few nights ago. :) And I really hope you're parents are better than mine. Nothing is worse than feeling ugly hated alienated etc all by your parents. I feel that sometimes from myself or strangers but from my PARENTS of all people. =X Gahh I'll get over it in time. This is worth it. I can't be anything to make them happy, except happy. And if my happiness doesn't make them happy, then they'll be sad. And I'll be happy. Sounds like its not my problem. If only I could believe that all the time lol.

Britney, here's how lucky YOU are.  Whereas you wrote:

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 15, 2011, 04:04:41 AM
No kidding bb, I thought about transition for like five years and always dismissed the idea saying it wasn't for me, or I didn't NEED to do all that stuff. Yet the whole time I hated myself and my life and never knew why.

Here's how I would rewrite that statement to apply to MY life (by the way, it's ALMOST word-for-word...)

QuoteNo kidding bb, I thought about transition for like THIRTY-five years and always dismissed the idea saying it wasn't for me, or I didn't NEED to do all that stuff. Yet the whole time I hated myself and my life and never knew why.

At least you're taking action now.  And you're not married.  Two VERY wise decisions.

Quote from: Simone V on January 13, 2011, 11:45:48 PM
I'll spank you till your fanny is red!

The joys of American English v British English.

Yeah!!  :laugh:

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on January 15, 2011, 06:48:48 AM
Britney, here's how lucky YOU are.  Whereas you wrote:

Here's how I would rewrite that statement to apply to MY life (by the way, it's ALMOST word-for-word...)

At least you're taking action now.  And you're not married.  Two VERY wise decisions.

Yeah thats why I don't want to wait, like my parents want me to. Whateverrrrrrrr

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 15, 2011, 09:51:05 AM
Yeah thats why I don't want to wait, like my parents want me to. Whateverrrrrrrr

Hey Britney,

I missed a lot of this thread before (grumble....work), but I'm glad you're feeling better.

I think our parents want us to wait because they simply don't understand what GID is, so they don't want us to make a 'mistake' or 'ruin our lives.' They just don't understand how it feels to be trans or how long many of us have *already* grappled with or waited to make the decision to transition.

Sometimes, it's still a form of their denial or bargaining, as part of the grieving process. My parents were also in the "why don't you wait?" camp, and I asked them: Do you honestly believe that I am trans? Period. The honest truth was a "maybe you are, maybe you aren't." They were still denying that this is who I am a lot of the time, and they were still trying to bargain with me on timing (wait 1 year, wait 3 months, just whatever you do, don't take HRT, don't do anything permanent..). I am being patient about things like names, pronouns, etc., but my family does not get a vote in my health care. The requests for me to wait for them to catch up (which may or may not ever happen) are about them, not about me. They aren't going to wake up one day ok with my transition just because I waited an additional arbitrary amount of time. It really is a reversal where we have to be the parent while they are the children about this.

People who love you who KNOW what being trans is and KNOW that this who you are (not "maybe yes but I'm still hoping not") would NEVER ask you to wait. They would see that living life as the wrong sex is so damaging for your health.

I do hope your parents' love for you allows them to move through the normal steps of the grieving process more quicky, so they can be supportive of you. As you know, this doesn't happen for everyone, but it sounds like your family may have a decent chance of getting there in time. And if they don't, know that you will have support elsewhere - both online and irl.

Quote from: Sean on January 15, 2011, 10:43:18 AM
Hey Britney,

I missed a lot of this thread before (grumble....work), but I'm glad you're feeling better.

I think our parents want us to wait because they simply don't understand what GID is, so they don't want us to make a 'mistake' or 'ruin our lives.' They just don't understand how it feels to be trans or how long many of us have *already* grappled with or waited to make the decision to transition.

Sometimes, it's still a form of their denial or bargaining, as part of the grieving process. My parents were also in the "why don't you wait?" camp, and I asked them: Do you honestly believe that I am trans? Period. The honest truth was a "maybe you are, maybe you aren't." They were still denying that this is who I am a lot of the time, and they were still trying to bargain with me on timing (wait 1 year, wait 3 months, just whatever you do, don't take HRT, don't do anything permanent..). I am being patient about things like names, pronouns, etc., but my family does not get a vote in my health care. The requests for me to wait for them to catch up (which may or may not ever happen) are about them, not about me. They aren't going to wake up one day ok with my transition just because I waited an additional arbitrary amount of time. It really is a reversal where we have to be the parent while they are the children about this.

People who love you who KNOW what being trans is and KNOW that this who you are (not "maybe yes but I'm still hoping not") would NEVER ask you to wait. They would see that living life as the wrong sex is so damaging for your health.

I do hope your parents' love for you allows them to move through the normal steps of the grieving process more quicky, so they can be supportive of you. As you know, this doesn't happen for everyone, but it sounds like your family may have a decent chance of getting there in time. And if they don't, know that you will have support elsewhere - both online and irl.

Well I hope they will. Like my mom bought me girl boots for Xmas. But then when I asked to talk to her about my transition and invited her to therapy she  just reiterated what my dad said, no theirs nothing to talk about. I've said what I have to say and you're just gonna do whatever you're gonna do just like everyone else. Etc and it makes me so frustrated. One of these day I should sit them down and tell them about GID and stuff. I feel they are really uneducated about being transgendered...but hello so is almost everyone who isn't trans or doesn't know a trans person. I didn't know much except they were in the wrong body and they wanted to fix it. But I respect that. My parents are just closed minded =X or something lol.

Britney,
Your parents are from a generation of many people that don't talk about things that are different from what they consider normal. They just try to sweep it under a rug so to speak. (bad joke) But you get my drift.
And we are anything but normal as far as the world is concered.
I do beleive there love for you will eventually win them over but it's hard for them too.
So hang in there. Keep being you and loving them.
Jillieann

I'm so sorry to hear this, Britney! 

I really hope things get better for you and that they'll at least become somewhat accepting of you.

*hugs*  You're absolutely fantastic and deserve the very best, hon.  Keep on with your transitioning and be the best girl that you are.

I've worked for the red cross for several years and been to parts of the world where kids had to drink dirty mucky water out of a shoe from a dead guy floating down the river upstream...and been to places where transexual women are forced to be prostitutes and live in run down poverty-stricken neighborhoods and arent allowed jobs. I hate to say it girl but those people wake up every morning and get on with their lives and continue to strive and hope for a better tomorrow, they do not have much of anything to hope for but they continue to live and have faith.

It's the same way here, i know your battle is an internal one and i think that in some ways that can be so difficult sometimes, but hey look on the bright side...you are pretty, you still have support, you have your parents, you have your family (as rude as they are) and you still have your friends. You have other TG girls who care about your well-being, and you yourself have already taken the most difficult step in your transition...learning to accept yourself.

Count your blessings, be positive and don't let your family bring you down, they will come around once they realize how happy and fulfilled you are with your new life. just trust me i have been there too =]

Thanks so much!!! I love you guys!! :)))

"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life - daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual."


Above quotation from page 122:
Frankl, Viktor E., Man's Search for Meaning, Washington Square Press, Simon and Schuster, New York, 1963.

Learn to whistle Britney!

Always Look On The Bright Side of Life (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ#noexternalembed)

This still cracks me everytime...

Quote from: tekla on January 16, 2011, 04:11:53 AM
"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life - daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual."


Above quotation from page 122:
Frankl, Viktor E., Man's Search for Meaning, Washington Square Press, Simon and Schuster, New York, 1963.

I love that!

Quote from: Cruelladeville on January 16, 2011, 04:34:30 AM
Learn to whistle Britney!

Always Look On The Bright Side of Life (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ#noexternalembed)

This still cracks me everytime...

;D ;D ;D

Quote from: tekla on January 16, 2011, 04:11:53 AM
"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life - daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual."


Above quotation from page 122:
Frankl, Viktor E., Man's Search for Meaning, Washington Square Press, Simon and Schuster, New York, 1963.

I enjoyed this too. :)

Oh dear Britney! I do hope you are feeling better! Everyone has already chimed in with such support, love, and great suggestions :)

I would just like to say that you are a beautiful, vivacious, and spunky gal! One of a kind  :)

You are young. Transitioning is a rocky road for many of us. We live a life that not just anyone is cut out for. I like to think that we all make a difference in everybody's world. I get my "blah" days and there are days when I'm the cherry on top of everyone's ice cream (mmmm...must hit up Dairy Queen sometime today or tomorrow!).

Just keep taking care of business and be sure to get plenty of outdoor air. Treat yourself out once a week :)

Take care girl :)  {{{HUGS}}}

Frankl was a Doctor, a student of both Sigmund Freud and Alfred Adler, who was one of the first psychiatrists to study depression and suicide in depth.  When WWII came, Frankl (who was Jewish of course) was put in a concentration camp and that book is his examination of his life, and everyone else, who under conditions that were beyond horror didn't kill themselves, but instead, choose to keep on living.  Very interesting stuff.

Quote from: Mia B on January 16, 2011, 10:51:35 AM
Oh dear Britney! I do hope you are feeling better! Everyone has already chimed in with such support, love, and great suggestions :)

I would just like to say that you are a beautiful, vivacious, and spunky gal! One of a kind  :)

You are young. Transitioning is a rocky road for many of us. We live a life that not just anyone is cut out for. I like to think that we all make a difference in everybody's world. I get my "blah" days and there are days when I'm the cherry on top of everyone's ice cream (mmmm...must hit up Dairy Queen sometime today or tomorrow!).

Just keep taking care of business and be sure to get plenty of outdoor air. Treat yourself out once a week :)

Take care girl :)  {{{HUGS}}}

Thanks Mia. I'm having a super bleh day. DNW to work. Just wanna stay in bed and relax. Grr

Resistance is futile

Well Britney here is how my day went yesterday.
I got up dressed, Nylons, men's jeans because I have not reach my lady jeans goal yet, a nice purple blouse. Did my short hair the best I could and makeup. Whew ready to.

Got out to the car and it's a snow storm outside so I clean it off with a broom. Start up head to a meeting for a company called ACN. I get to the meeting park way in the back because the front is full already. Walk into the Masonic hall it is being held in. There in front of me is a man I knew for 10 years as a fellow truck drive. He looked at me turned pale, turned physically and walked into the men's room. Not letting this stop me I walked into the meeting hall. Where I was greeted by a tall woman and I'm going to say this. I am 5'11" this Natural born GG was 6 plus with heels on. She smiled took my hand and said "Well aren't we quite the MAN" to which I replied with out even thinking.  "And aren't we more so the lady for pointing it out!" Then I walked on with out another word leaving several greeters and other onlookers stand mouth open jaw dropped.

Britney my point in sharing this with you in your thread is, (life is what you make it.) Your a transgender person you are doing more in life right now this moment then 90% of North Americans ever do. Because you are making yourself.  If you keep this in mind that you are making yourself into what you are supposed to be.  Anything anyone says or does in response to it.  IE mom and dad, Friends, strangers is only a futile attempt to by them to quench some inner problem they have.  Not your problem. 

So be a Transgirl but think Borg when someone resists you.  Resistance is futile

Hugs Simone

QuoteYour a transgender person you are doing more in life right now this moment then 90% of North Americans ever do. Because you are making yourself.  If you keep this in mind that you are making yourself into what you are supposed to be.  Anything anyone says or does in response to it.  IE mom and dad, Friends, strangers is only a futile attempt to by them to quench some inner problem they have.  Not your problem. 

So be a Transgirl but think Borg when someone resists you.  Resistance is futile

Right on Simone. Took me years to figure that out.
I totally agree.

Quote from: Simone V on January 16, 2011, 01:28:40 PM
Resistance is futile

Well Britney here is how my day went yesterday.
I got up dressed, Nylons, men's jeans because I have not reach my lady jeans goal yet, a nice purple blouse. Did my short hair the best I could and makeup. Whew ready to.

Got out to the car and it's a snow storm outside so I clean it off with a broom. Start up head to a meeting for a company called ACN. I get to the meeting park way in the back because the front is full already. Walk into the Masonic hall it is being held in. There in front of me is a man I knew for 10 years as a fellow truck drive. He looked at me turned pale, turned physically and walked into the men's room. Not letting this stop me I walked into the meeting hall. Where I was greeted by a tall woman and I'm going to say this. I am 5'11" this Natural born GG was 6 plus with heels on. She smiled took my hand and said "Well aren't we quite the MAN" to which I replied with out even thinking.  "And aren't we more so the lady for pointing it out!" Then I walked on with out another word leaving several greeters and other onlookers stand mouth open jaw dropped.

Britney my point in sharing this with you in your thread is, (life is what you make it.) Your a transgender person you are doing more in life right now this moment then 90% of North Americans ever do. Because you are making yourself.  If you keep this in mind that you are making yourself into what you are supposed to be.  Anything anyone says or does in response to it.  IE mom and dad, Friends, strangers is only a futile attempt to by them to quench some inner problem they have.  Not your problem. 

So be a Transgirl but think Borg when someone resists you.  Resistance is futile

Hugs Simone

Good for you! I wish I was that brave haha

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 16, 2011, 09:29:07 PM
Good for you! I wish I was that brave haha

I think you give yourself less credit than you deserve.

*Hugs*

You are plennnnnnty brave.

Quote from: Jacquelyn on January 16, 2011, 09:32:58 PM
I think you give yourself less credit than you deserve.

*Hugs*

You are plennnnnnty brave.

Maybe. Idk. I can barely tell my family I'm trans, let alone strangers. haha thanks though.

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 16, 2011, 09:45:27 PM
Maybe. Idk. I can barely tell my family I'm trans, let alone strangers. haha thanks though.

One step at a time. You don't have to do it all at once. You are brave enough to know what you need to do and acting upon that.

Quote from: Jacquelyn on January 16, 2011, 09:52:16 PM
One step at a time. You don't have to do it all at once. You are brave enough to know what you need to do and acting upon that.

True. Thanks babe. :)

Quote from: Jacquelyn on January 16, 2011, 09:52:16 PM
One step at a time. You don't have to do it all at once. You are brave enough to know what you need to do and acting upon that.

I think Britney's biggest problem is her lack of self confidence. She's beautiful, she's mastered her voice, her hair she is kind, thoughtful. She is everything that a girl can be and many things that a lot of GG girls won't ever be. 

But is so frightened of every little step that it hurts her. 

So Britney remember the little train the could.
"I Think I Can" "I Think I Can" "I Think I Can" "I Think I Can" "I Think I Can" "I Think I Can" "I Think I Can" "I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!"

love and hugs Britney.  I'm here for you little sister.

Simone.

She is everything that a girl can be and many things that a lot of GG girls won't ever be. 

That's kind of a crippling attitude to have to walk around with.  At its base it means that no matter what, she will never be one of them, and I don't think that's true.

Quote from: tekla on January 16, 2011, 11:56:14 PM
She is everything that a girl can be and many things that a lot of GG girls won't ever be. 

That's kind of a crippling attitude to have to walk around with.  At its base it means that no matter what, she will never be one of them, and I don't think that's true.

I think you totally miss understand me
What I am saying is she is more then most GG girls are now already. 
Not sure I understand how you miss understood me. But I am sure you did.

Quote from: Simone V on January 16, 2011, 10:36:06 PM
I think Britney's biggest problem is her lack of self confidence. She's beautiful, she's mastered her voice, her hair she is kind, thoughtful. She is everything that a girl can be and many things that a lot of GG girls won't ever be. 

But is so frightened of every little step that it hurts her. 

So Britney remember the little train the could.
"I Think I Can" "I Think I Can" "I Think I Can" "I Think I Can" "I Think I Can" "I Think I Can" "I Think I Can" "I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!""I Can!"

love and hugs Britney.  I'm here for you little sister.

Simone.

Wow simone, that really means a lot to me. I'm getting better. I'm getting there. At least I feel good about myself now though, that's new. :) I'm being positive most of the time. :)

QuoteAt least I feel good about myself now though, that's new.  I'm being positive most of the time. 

Now that's the attitude to have.  Your a beautiful young lady with a long life ahead of you.
So just go for it girl.
Hugs

Quote from: Jillieann on January 17, 2011, 05:11:38 AM
Now that's the attitude to have.  Your a beautiful young lady with a long life ahead of you.
So just go for it girl.
Hugs

Thanks a million bb! Much love!

hi, i'm going through the name problem too. my mom, i know supports me. my dad is just indifferent. my mom said that he said something like "oh, i've failed him as my son." i've been on hrt for a while, i've been growing my hair, dressing more female. when i'm hearing my boy name, and getting called "he," i just feel like a fool and it's really starting to piss me off now. alot of the time i just wish i could been assigned a female at birth. i feel like these cisgendered girls just have this gold card that i wish i had. all because of the genitals they are born with.

xxUltraModLadyxx,
That is some virulent gender dysphoria creating some pretty real anger in you. I hear that. Anger is a lot better than depression, so that's a small blessing. (Are you seeing a gender therapist?) I would love to just give you the "gold card" I was born with, being cisgendered and all, but, you know, it is mine to bear. Do you successfully keep in mind the suffering that natal females also endure? The general lack of power and respect, the lower wages, the degrading cat calls, etc. If you can find the feminist within, you might begin to enter into your womanhood with a little more humility and forgiveness for those in the world who naturally assume you would prefer to be a male. I do not mean to challenge you too hard; I know something of the pain that the old name and pronoun cause; my dear partner usually suffered depression rather than anger at hearing her old name. So I applaud your spunk.  ;) Ruby

Quote from: xxUltraModLadyxx on January 17, 2011, 06:05:33 PM
hi, i'm going through the name problem too. my mom, i know supports me. my dad is just indifferent. my mom said that he said something like "oh, i've failed him as my son." i've been on hrt for a while, i've been growing my hair, dressing more female. when i'm hearing my boy name, and getting called "he," i just feel like a fool and it's really starting to piss me off now. alot of the time i just wish i could been assigned a female at birth. i feel like these cisgendered girls just have this gold card that i wish i had. all because of the genitals they are born with.

I know how you feel, and it really sucks. :( Its quite degrading to feel that way. Just know you're being strong and brave. Being you is really hard. But you're doing it. Try not to get TOO mad though. That's not good for anyone.

Quote from: rubywendt on January 17, 2011, 06:52:23 PM
xxUltraModLadyxx,
That is some virulent gender dysphoria creating some pretty real anger in you. I hear that. Anger is a lot better than depression, so that's a small blessing. (Are you seeing a gender therapist?) I would love to just give you the "gold card" I was born with, being cisgendered and all, but, you know, it is mine to bear. Do you successfully keep in mind the suffering that natal females also endure? The general lack of power and respect, the lower wages, the degrading cat calls, etc. If you can find the feminist within, you might begin to enter into your womanhood with a little more humility and forgiveness for those in the world who naturally assume you would prefer to be a male. I do not mean to challenge you too hard; I know something of the pain that the old name and pronoun cause; my dear partner usually suffered depression rather than anger at hearing her old name. So I applaud your spunk.  ;) Ruby

i think anger drives me more than getting depressed. i have depression, and i've been depressed alot, it makes it hard to do anything, but at least when you're angry, it gives you a reason to try and change things.

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 17, 2011, 06:56:34 PM
I know how you feel, and it really sucks. :( Its quite degrading to feel that way. Just know you're being strong and brave. Being you is really hard. But you're doing it. Try not to get TOO mad though. That's not good for anyone.

yeah, it is. the problem is that no matter how much i look female, act female, and feel female. the people who know i've been assigned male at birth are just going to think of me as some kind of male, that i'm not. that's why i don't talk to most of them, because i know i won't get the kind of respect i want. my mom used to not understand it, but i think she does now, maybe.

Ruby.

That was a really intelegent response. I hope xxUltraModLadyxx enjoyed it as much as I did.

Quote from: xxUltraModLadyxx on January 18, 2011, 12:40:58 PM
yeah, it is. the problem is that no matter how much i look female, act female, and feel female. the people who know i've been assigned male at birth are just going to think of me as some kind of male, that i'm not. that's why i don't talk to most of them, because i know i won't get the kind of respect i want. my mom used to not understand it, but i think she does now, maybe.

I know how you feel. I asked my sisters and bestie to call me britney and she but nope. They still "can't" do it. I just gotta wait it out and hope it doesn't take them too long to adjust to it

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 18, 2011, 03:08:01 PM
I know how you feel. I asked my sisters and bestie to call me britney and she but nope. They still "can't" do it. I just gotta wait it out and hope it doesn't take them too long to adjust to it

i hope it works for you. i hope it works for me too. when they say the "can't" it sounds more like they just don't want to yet. oh well, i guess we can only do our part. i'm thinking of just not answering to my boy name pretty soon.

Quote from: xxUltraModLadyxx on January 18, 2011, 03:16:15 PM
i hope it works for you. i hope it works for me too. when they say the "can't" it sounds more like they just don't want to yet. oh well, i guess we can only do our part. i'm thinking of just not answering to my boy name pretty soon.

I've tried that but my sister said she just won't talk to me. =/

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 18, 2011, 03:22:06 PM
I've tried that but my sister said she just won't talk to me. =/

Britney love, sweetie, darling!

there are many people in the world that would be excited about the prospect of they're sisters shutting up for once!

Call it a blessing and only answer to Britney from now on.
If they can't see a girl in front of them. They are blind.

Hugs tightly
Simone.

QuoteCall it a blessing and only answer to Britney from now on.
If they can't see a girl in front of them. They are blind.

How did you know what I was thinking Simone?
Yes, try that Britney.
If that doesn't work at least she won't be calling you by a male name.
That's a blessing.
Jillieann

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 18, 2011, 03:22:06 PM
I've tried that but my sister said she just won't talk to me. =/

One trick is to not respond if people use your old name or use the wrong pronouns.
Keep ignoring them until they get it right. This actually worked quite well with a douchey guy at my old workplace.

I'm going to have a pro-noun and gender swear tin to rattle at my work colleagues once the grace period is up...all I have to do is decide on a tariff for each slip up :laugh:

Idk, I don't want to cause any issues, especially since my parents are so against it. :S idk

Quote from: Helena on January 18, 2011, 05:50:07 PM
I'm going to have a pro-noun and gender swear tin to rattle at my work colleagues once the grace period is up...all I have to do is decide on a tariff for each slip up :laugh:

try demerrits. if one person gets 5 demerits in one day, they lose some privilige you may give them  :laugh: or even "card changes" like teachers gave when i was in 2nd-4th grade. you start off with a white card, a green card is a warning, a yellow card is 5 minutes off recess, and orange card is 10 minutes off recess, a red card is lost recess, a call to the parents. last, a black card is no recess and you go to the principals office   :laugh:

Quote from: xxUltraModLadyxx on January 19, 2011, 12:20:47 AM
try demerrits. if one person gets 5 demerits in one day, they lose some privilige you may give them  :laugh: or even "card changes" like teachers gave when i was in 2nd-4th grade. you start off with a white card, a green card is a warning, a yellow card is 5 minutes off recess, and orange card is 10 minutes off recess, a red card is lost recess, a call to the parents. last, a black card is no recess and you go to the principals office   :laugh:

I wish I could find a way to institute this into our home. Hahahahaha  :laugh: