Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I know it was only two weeks ago that I posted that I didn't feel comfortable trying out gender neutral pronouns. Well, today on another site I tried it. I was writing as something talking about me in the third person, basically saying "Casey has to much time on hir hands". Wow. I'm not sure I can adequately describe that feeling I got when I did that. It was like untethering myself from the whole debate of male versus female. I felt like I had finally described ME without worrying about qualifying "male" and "female". My sex suddenly became a whole different subject completely unrelated to the topic at hand.

Now, I'm not out to many people yet. Using gender neutral pronouns is probably going to be something I keep trying online for a while. And I am hardly ready to ask others to refer to me with gender neutral pronouns, although I won't complain if you do. This is still something I'm trying out.

But I was wondering. For those of you who do prefer gender neutral pronouns, how did you get to that point? Was it something you introduced gradually, or was it more a case of trying it and it clicked so you went with it? I really don't know what anybody's experience is so I really don't know how to word my question. But I assume that most if not all of us grew up being called he or she. So how did you get from there to using gender neutral pronouns?

I have used them a few times in posts here. I know what you mean about how it feels good to be freed from the bounds of gender bias.

I havent used them verbally or extensively off the site. I am interested in this subject also.

K

        I've just been trying it out online, very few people willingly want to use them, other are nice enough to call me zie/zir, or anything else that isn't related to "male" gender that I am ok with. Others try best to remember I'm a zie/zir they make a mistake from time to time and I just remind them or jokingly tell them each time they call me anything linked to male gender, I'm going to bite them.^^ I do have others that refuse to call me anything but he/him and so on just because I have certain body parts and actually got kind of rude when I tried to correct them.
       Online wise I'm pretty comfortable with zie/zir I would be with it irl if I was sure everyone would accept it and be nice enough to refer to me by it. A friend says that zie uses zie/zir, which zir friends and family and a few people zie works with use everythig genderless t refer to zir. Zie has had a few stubborn people who no matter how many times zie told them they would still call zir a she/her.
        I'd very much like to be refered to as zie/zir IRL, which I know will take sometime to get people to understand. People will call me he/him because it is what they will see, I know everytime I meet someone knew and tell them I'm genderless, I might endup having to give the explain myself so they would understand. I figure take it slow, start from close friends, to family, if you want to expand from there you can go for it and hope you don't meet alot of new people. @_@
         

I have a friend who will not respond to gender pronouns at all. Some see it as being rude but I suspect it is how they are dealing with their own headspace.

I love the idea of non gender anything... however I also realise that zir/sie is not in general usage. I found that if I ask to be refered to like that it opens up a can of worms that causes more confusion and I am not really ready to deal with that yet.

At least if you are on-line you can shut down and talk to someone who understands better.   :)

For me I am happy to respond to he, she and "Oi you".

peace and love

N

I would much prefer being referred to w/ gender neutral pronouns, and would gladly use them irl to refer to other people as well. I've been confused how to pronounce hir though, so if it's zie and zir instead, that would make more sense. I've occasionally tried not using any pronouns at all in my writing, wow, that's not always easy to do without bogging down sentences... :)

zythyra

I would imagine that when you were little people referred to you as he. When did he become "wrong" or at least not really right? How did zie come to mean you to you instead of he? That's probably not coming out right, sorry.

It has been 6 months since I've been called anything but she, miss, her, and anything that was not the feminine form. It's always music to my ears, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I don't get it.

Bri

I've been called "it" before, a long time ago in a state far away.  Is that gender neutral or what?

It sorta made me feel like a beef or something.  It is amazing the power that these words have to us.

Cindi

Ugh, that's the one thing I couldn't stand to be called Cindi. I'm not sure that's gender neutral so much as passive-agressive.

As for "it", I only use that word to something I have (between the legs), which seems to be an entity on its own.

I do only try to use he and she, his and her for like my close family members or girlfriend. Strangers I try to say "them" "they" (which isnt far fetched for me considering Tagalog uses plural pronouns to show respect to others) or use other nouns such as "your grandma" or "the cashier" and such.

I really really hate "sir" and "ma'am". They are two words used around here a lot (especially here in the south, Mississippi) way too much. I refuse to use them at all. I dont remember them being used in Seattle, or while I was growing up in Washington State.

I also try to use "one" and "person".

I heard the other day one coworker say ma'am to a young boy who had long hair, who then turned and said "I'm a boy".

I will always use sir or mam with people.  I use it as a sign of respect.  I would certainly not use it if it made someone uncomfortable.

Cindi

Tagalog has a word for respect "Po". It is both used for Males and Females alike. Its equivalent to "sir/mam" without gender being gender specific. Ironic from a culture that has more feminine and masculine nouns then english.

Kamusta po Kayo? = either "How are you doing? (plural with respect) or "How are you doing?" (male or female respect to one person).

Ironically , respect in tagalog, becomes gender neutral.

Ironically also, the culture there more readily accepts transgender as part of the society more openly. Coincidence? I saw much more Transgender people there in the public, from young school children to older ones, then I see here in the states. I dont remember hearing about the voilence or isolation against them, like I do here, even from the members of the Mormon church there, which you and I know is rampant in Utah like your past posts stated.

QuoteI would imagine that when you were little people referred to you as he. When did he become "wrong" or at least not really right? How did zie come to mean you to you instead of he? That's probably not coming out right, sorry.

I realized I was transgendered in 1993, and transitioned M2F. From that moment on, being referred to as "he" "him" or "sir" was wrong. Even once I decided not to go further (HRT, SRS, etc).

QuoteI will always use sir or mam with people.  I use it as a sign of respect.  I would certainly not use it if it made someone uncomfortable.

That's what always makes it so difficult for me. I know it's just a word and I try not to let it bother me, but it does. Being sirred can ruin my day. Obviously most people use it as a sign of respect, but for moi, it just feels like a slap in the face. And the person saying it doesn't even know its effect.

zythyra

     It gets annoying when someone you asked very nicely to not call you he/him, or whatever you dislike being called, then they get a big attitude with you for trying correct them. =/

I've started using sie and hir in a short story I wrote for a supporting character.  I use them when I refer to myself in the third person, at least sometimes.  But I only use it while writing. 

I don't do much talking about the gender thing.

As for as pronunciation, I would go with "zee" and "here."  Just my opinion, there's a few web sites if you Google "Gender Neutral Pronouns." 

On the mighty Wikipedia, it's said that English had a gender neutral set, but that died out in approx the 14th century.   "sie, hir, hirs, hirself" and "zie, zir, zirs, zirself" are used.  Also, a there is a Spivak set, "e, em, eir, eirs, eirself."

But what one?  I think that the sie/hir set rolls off a little easier and sounds less annoying to me. 

http://www.aetherlumina.com/gnp/faq.html (http://www.aetherlumina.com/gnp/faq.html) is a Gender Neutral Pronoun Pronoun FAQ
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender-neutral_pronoun (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender-neutral_pronoun) is the afore mentioned Wikipedia entry

That is all I got for now.

I do particularly hate choosing a "Salutation," though.  Mr. Miss, Ms., Mrs., Dr.  I choose Rev. if I can find it, mostly because I think it's funny.  At least until the PhD is done.

b/d