Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: blair on January 29, 2011, 04:45:36 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Hello everyone
Post by: blair on January 29, 2011, 04:45:36 PM
Post by: blair on January 29, 2011, 04:45:36 PM
Hi everyone! I've copied and pasted most of the below from an intro I made on another forum. Forgive me for being a little long winded!
My name is Blair, and I am a 26 year old MtF transsexual living in Orange County, California. I came out to my then fiance and some friends, most of whom were very accepting, in December of 2003. I made several strong strides in the right direction and started to buy female clothing, learned to properly use makeup, etc. At this point I was not full time, but I was gearing up to be. I had started growing my hair out and it was getting close to shoulder length. Back then I had Kaiser health insurance, which I thought was great because they cover trans therapy as well as hormones. I made my appointment, went into therapy, and a few sessions in I had my first prescription for Estradiol and Spironolactone. Yay!
I decided to come out to my parents, and was mentally preparing myself to deal with whatever happened next. At first, I was surprised because my Mother seemed more against the idea than my Father. My mom would try to give me some sort of affirmation that I was male, and that I was normal, and while I'd argue against it she'd just repeat what she was saying louder as if she expected me to break down like I was in a lifetime movie and the healing could begin. My parents, particularly my Mom, are into new agey stuff, psychics and such. They decided first to connect me with a telephone psychic, the son of Sylvia Browne. I had my session with him, and things went as I expected. He actually knew about me before I could say anything, and I'm not sure what sort of information he may have had up front about me but I was pretty impressed with his accuracy. My parents, disappointed of course, decided next to go another direction.
My Dad would fly with me to Florida to see someone who specializes in "Spirit Releasement Therapy", basically a strange hipnosis coupled with exorcism. I humored them, and of course it didn't work. They next sent the crazy exorcist lady to me, and tried again. Again, as I'm sure you've guessed, it didn't work. Then they seemed to drop things for a while. I started to attend cosmetology school and went basically full time, but because there were times I wasn't presenting as female I'll call it about 75% time. Things were great at first. I was nervous to put myself out there but things for the mostpart went off without a hitch. I ended up leaving school because I just couldn't handle the facials and spa wraps and such that we needed, as I still struggled (and struggle now) with body hair and coarse facial hair. After leaving school, I got a job working at a cosmetics counter in Macy's. It went okay as well but I just had a hard time feeling like I was trying so hard and people would give me looks. I quit the job, and started presenting male again to find a new job.
Slowly I lost my health insurance, stopped having sufficient funds to support my transition, and ended up basically de-transitioned. It was depressing. I would try to restart now and again, but it always felt like an uphill battle. I again started to talk to my parents again about it, and this time they went a more "normal" way at trying to convince me that I was wrong. They sent me books by psychiatrists, made up binders of articles they could find against transsexuality, told stories of all the people that regretted having SRS, etc. It was awful, and probably the worst time in my life for my relationship with my parents. Eventually they started to come around as I made it very clear I would not back down, and that this is me. I sent them rebuttals to their binders, and eventually it became something they just didn't talk about. As I would send them christmas and birthday cards from their daughter rather than their son, I'd noticed the mail they would send me would drop my male first name, then slowly they started using my female first initial, before eventually using blair.
I've been a pretty negative person for a number of years now when it comes to transitioning. I've had a hard time thinking of the positives at moving forward, instead thinking of all I still can't do, who I can't be, etc. I stopped moving forward for so long because I would find pushing it to the back of my mind could be a lot less painful than having it in the front. With all this time passed, and now realizing I'm just 4 years from being 30 years old, I decided I need to change how I think of my life and start doing something about it. I've made the conscious decision to think positively, and realize that every small step I take now will make the big steps much quicker and easier. I'm ready to start my transition again. I found this forum just by doing an internet search. I've been on other forums in the past but this one seems to have more members in my age group, and I think that would be helpful for me.
Thank you to everyone who has read this far as I've realized my introduction has turned into more of a short bio, but it feels good to get this off my chest and be honest. I can't wait to see and talk to you all around the boards!
My name is Blair, and I am a 26 year old MtF transsexual living in Orange County, California. I came out to my then fiance and some friends, most of whom were very accepting, in December of 2003. I made several strong strides in the right direction and started to buy female clothing, learned to properly use makeup, etc. At this point I was not full time, but I was gearing up to be. I had started growing my hair out and it was getting close to shoulder length. Back then I had Kaiser health insurance, which I thought was great because they cover trans therapy as well as hormones. I made my appointment, went into therapy, and a few sessions in I had my first prescription for Estradiol and Spironolactone. Yay!
I decided to come out to my parents, and was mentally preparing myself to deal with whatever happened next. At first, I was surprised because my Mother seemed more against the idea than my Father. My mom would try to give me some sort of affirmation that I was male, and that I was normal, and while I'd argue against it she'd just repeat what she was saying louder as if she expected me to break down like I was in a lifetime movie and the healing could begin. My parents, particularly my Mom, are into new agey stuff, psychics and such. They decided first to connect me with a telephone psychic, the son of Sylvia Browne. I had my session with him, and things went as I expected. He actually knew about me before I could say anything, and I'm not sure what sort of information he may have had up front about me but I was pretty impressed with his accuracy. My parents, disappointed of course, decided next to go another direction.
My Dad would fly with me to Florida to see someone who specializes in "Spirit Releasement Therapy", basically a strange hipnosis coupled with exorcism. I humored them, and of course it didn't work. They next sent the crazy exorcist lady to me, and tried again. Again, as I'm sure you've guessed, it didn't work. Then they seemed to drop things for a while. I started to attend cosmetology school and went basically full time, but because there were times I wasn't presenting as female I'll call it about 75% time. Things were great at first. I was nervous to put myself out there but things for the mostpart went off without a hitch. I ended up leaving school because I just couldn't handle the facials and spa wraps and such that we needed, as I still struggled (and struggle now) with body hair and coarse facial hair. After leaving school, I got a job working at a cosmetics counter in Macy's. It went okay as well but I just had a hard time feeling like I was trying so hard and people would give me looks. I quit the job, and started presenting male again to find a new job.
Slowly I lost my health insurance, stopped having sufficient funds to support my transition, and ended up basically de-transitioned. It was depressing. I would try to restart now and again, but it always felt like an uphill battle. I again started to talk to my parents again about it, and this time they went a more "normal" way at trying to convince me that I was wrong. They sent me books by psychiatrists, made up binders of articles they could find against transsexuality, told stories of all the people that regretted having SRS, etc. It was awful, and probably the worst time in my life for my relationship with my parents. Eventually they started to come around as I made it very clear I would not back down, and that this is me. I sent them rebuttals to their binders, and eventually it became something they just didn't talk about. As I would send them christmas and birthday cards from their daughter rather than their son, I'd noticed the mail they would send me would drop my male first name, then slowly they started using my female first initial, before eventually using blair.
I've been a pretty negative person for a number of years now when it comes to transitioning. I've had a hard time thinking of the positives at moving forward, instead thinking of all I still can't do, who I can't be, etc. I stopped moving forward for so long because I would find pushing it to the back of my mind could be a lot less painful than having it in the front. With all this time passed, and now realizing I'm just 4 years from being 30 years old, I decided I need to change how I think of my life and start doing something about it. I've made the conscious decision to think positively, and realize that every small step I take now will make the big steps much quicker and easier. I'm ready to start my transition again. I found this forum just by doing an internet search. I've been on other forums in the past but this one seems to have more members in my age group, and I think that would be helpful for me.
Thank you to everyone who has read this far as I've realized my introduction has turned into more of a short bio, but it feels good to get this off my chest and be honest. I can't wait to see and talk to you all around the boards!
Title: Re: Hello everyone
Post by: Janet_Girl on January 29, 2011, 05:08:54 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on January 29, 2011, 05:08:54 PM
Hi Blair, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 5300 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )
I too lost my job and my insurance, but I work ever day to stay sane. I am doing OK. It could be better but I have not, nor will I detransition. If I did I would not see tomorrow.
Hugs and Love,
Janet
Welcome to our little family. Over 5300 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.msg146855.html#msg146855)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
I too lost my job and my insurance, but I work ever day to stay sane. I am doing OK. It could be better but I have not, nor will I detransition. If I did I would not see tomorrow.
Hugs and Love,
Janet
Title: Re: Hello everyone
Post by: Ruby on January 30, 2011, 07:09:07 AM
Post by: Ruby on January 30, 2011, 07:09:07 AM
Hi Blair,
I just wanted to welcome you to the site. I am relatively new here also.
I am not one of those younger ones you are looking forward to connecting to. I'm more the age of your parents. But I am a loving hersband to my MtF wife who began her transition 2 years ago after 20 years of marriage. I understand quite a bit more now than I did a few years ago. I've read a lot; have met a lot of trans people; and I write.
I hear what you are saying about adopting a positive attitude. Good for you! It's not always easy but it will guide you in the direction you want to go. I wish you all the best.
Ruby
I just wanted to welcome you to the site. I am relatively new here also.
I am not one of those younger ones you are looking forward to connecting to. I'm more the age of your parents. But I am a loving hersband to my MtF wife who began her transition 2 years ago after 20 years of marriage. I understand quite a bit more now than I did a few years ago. I've read a lot; have met a lot of trans people; and I write.
I hear what you are saying about adopting a positive attitude. Good for you! It's not always easy but it will guide you in the direction you want to go. I wish you all the best.
Ruby
Title: Re: Hello everyone
Post by: Jacquelyn on February 01, 2011, 11:00:46 AM
Post by: Jacquelyn on February 01, 2011, 11:00:46 AM
Welcome to Susan's, Blair!
I have seen a few posts from you throughout the forum, and I can tell that you are an invaluable asset to this family! I look forward to reading your posts, and I am sure that others already do as well!
As I am sure you know Susan's is a wonderful place to get support, vent, or ask questions you might otherwise be unsure of. I am a bit younger than you (21) and the cis SO of a MTF. I understand how frustrating parents and family can be (and I can't imagine how much worse it can be trying to get them to understand something as complex as GID), I am glad that they seem to have come around for you!
Anyway, welcome to Susan's again! I hope to hear more from you, and if you ever want to chat feel free to drop me a PM. :)
Hugs,
Jacquelyn
I have seen a few posts from you throughout the forum, and I can tell that you are an invaluable asset to this family! I look forward to reading your posts, and I am sure that others already do as well!
As I am sure you know Susan's is a wonderful place to get support, vent, or ask questions you might otherwise be unsure of. I am a bit younger than you (21) and the cis SO of a MTF. I understand how frustrating parents and family can be (and I can't imagine how much worse it can be trying to get them to understand something as complex as GID), I am glad that they seem to have come around for you!
Anyway, welcome to Susan's again! I hope to hear more from you, and if you ever want to chat feel free to drop me a PM. :)
Hugs,
Jacquelyn