Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Jenn has not been super-supportive of my transitioning or cross-dressing and has frowned on it anytime I dressed in front of her.  Generally her comment is "that just makes you look girly." (but she says it as if that's a bad thing...)  She usually rolls her eyes at me when I go out even wearing womens jeans and a women's tshirt.

Anyway, last night we were getting ready for bed - I usually wear pj pants and a tank top to bed but that night I decided to mix it up and instead of my usual bed getup, I wore a black cami (nothing fancy) and some low-cut black bikini undies (again nothing fancy, just comfy panties -- I was planning to sleep in them.)

So i get in bed and Jenn starts to get all excited and "hoping to get lucky".... after a while of "playing in bed", i asked her what came over her and she told me that even though she doesn't generally like when I present as female, she really thought I looked rather sexy in my black cami and bikini :)   She told me that it was really rather hot and she was surprised at her own reaction. I was also completely surprised and walked on air the rest of the night.  I told her that was one of the nicest things she's said to me lately (with regards to my clothing), and was thrilled with her reaction.  Hopefully this can continue outside of the bedroom but for now I am totally celebrating this compliment!!  ;D

I'm so happy for you Rayalisse!  :D

w00t w00t!  ;D

That's awesome!

yay!!!!

Hummmmmmmmmm.  Maybe she is getting in touch with her inner Lesbian.

Lucky! Lol. My wife is the same way. I'm so.happy for ya. It's a big step.

Cool!

Happy for you!

She gave an inch, now take a mile?

Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink, say no more  ;D

Kind regards
Sarah B

Sounds as if the bed springs got sprung.

Good News as well
Cindy

Nice.  I hope her attitude carries over!

Quote from: Janet Lynn on January 31, 2011, 11:04:50 PM
Hummmmmmmmmm.  Maybe she is getting in touch with her inner Lesbian.

Shhhh. Don't let her hear you!  :laugh:

Its the only place my wife is comfortable with it at the moment too. It's a start at least!

Amy.x

Quote from: Janet Lynn on January 31, 2011, 11:04:50 PMMaybe she is getting in touch with her inner Lesbian.

After reading this thread, I think I am getting in touch with my inner lesbian, too.

This is where I also found acceptance in our early days together. I will say that the feelings of excitement or acceptance would come and go for me, and I hear from other spouses that this is true for them as well. I am happy for you both that she could find a loving place with your female self, but if she doesn't find it next time? Well, have patience.

As to why in the bedroom and not elsewhere? For me, it was the only place that felt safe. What goes on in the bedroom is private after all (except for places like Susans!). No one else sees - which for us, with 4 kids seemed huge to me.

Quoting Rayalisse:
Generally her comment is "that just makes you look girly." (but she says it as if that's a bad thing...)

This. "Girly" as a bad thing. This is the ugly head of inner misogyny and the crux, IMO, of why most SOs cannot find the intimacy needed to maintain a marriage. Inner misogyny is what results from growing up hearing "girl" used as a putdown. It is a place of shame and so is hard to see sometimes. In some ways it is not very different from inner homophobia or inner transphobia - the forces that keep people in the closet to their dentriment.

And yes, I can understand your joy and relishing of her attention as a compliment. My wife also loves compliments and I do love to shower them on her. But please remember that your wife loves them too. My dear wife is ever so generous in her complimenting of me, praising my taste in clothing, my outspokenness, whatever it is about me that she loves, I hear about it! Some wives experience jealousy of their transsexual mates. I suspect this could be alleviated with plenty of loving attention.

Happy to hear of you happiness! ;)

Wow...this was very helpful to me ... the bedroom too is the only place that my wife accepts me as a male too.  Glad to see it's a starting point for other folks too.  Gives me hope

Yep, it happened for me too! In fact, she was so incredibly turned on, that she went out and bought me $500 (on her credit card) worth of Victoria Secret undies, pj's, and lingerie! LOL

I think you are on the right path.  I also think that each person is different and they will act and re-act differently as time goes on. For some, it's constantly shifting as they try to figure out the "why's" (I'm talking about the spouses and/or lovers) and "how's".  I've been lucky in that my spouse has been at 150% since I came out as Trans.  Maybe this is a good thing for yours too. Having seen you in those clothes may allow her to think of you a little more as a woman than before OR her brain is finally coming to grips with the reality of it all. As I have always said, Transition is also about the people around you. You can't expect for those that love you in your other self to change in one day. It takes some of us years to figure ourselves out and also to accept ourselves on top of that.

I'm excited for you and hope that you will keep us posted!

YAY!

Happy to hear this has helped (at a least a little) for several couples.  I think that's a good starting point.  Gives me hope as well.  My wife's been as understanding as I think I could expect.  But she specifically said she doesn't want to see me dressed in femme.  Hopefully we'll get there in time.  But I love her and keep praying things will work out for the best.

Thank you everyone for your comments and encouragement. 

@Ruby - Thank you especially for the perspective and recommendations. 

Yes this was a "big deal" -- Jenn usually is pretty stingy with her compliments. 

I knew this was the slow road but I think its worth it to try to keep my relationships intact.  It was almost 35 years for me to finally come to an "aha" moment.  I can't expect Jenn to suddenly jump on board just because I personally had an epiphany.

Quote from: Rob on February 01, 2011, 03:47:20 PM
Wow...this was very helpful to me ... the bedroom too is the only place that my wife accepts me as a male too.  Glad to see it's a starting point for other folks too.  Gives me hope

I hate to throw water on your birthday candles, but you all need to be aware that "keep it in the bedroom" is a coping strategy.  It's easy to mistake encouragement to keep in the bedroom as a sign of more acceptance to come - when it might mean the opposite.

When you keep it in the bedroom, your partner may be looking at it as a sexual kink, not real gender issues.

Oh what a lucky lass you are!!!!

What a wonderful thing to happen between you and your wife.

I could only dream that my wife would be intimate with me while I was wearing any female clothing like that.
Hope it continues for you!

the love of my life started the same way. having trouble accepting this abd yesterday we went lingerie shopping together and both bought a few things  and she even grabbed something FOR me because she thought it would look good on me.

We started out the same way with the me going to bed 'dressed'. but still tread carefully at this point. it sounds to me like she maybe on her way to full acceptance but it only takes a little thing to push it all back the other way so yes and the other ladies have said already tread carefully