Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Even when I was a kid and didn't know what being trans was, I didn't think I looked like a girl.  Even when naked I think I look like a guy with breasts and fat hips, like I'm a hermaphrodite or something.  I thought of myself as ugly and 'too masculine,' but the truth was I wanted to look that way...

Anyone else feel this way?

Quote from: perlita85 on February 04, 2011, 04:24:20 PM
When I am naked I see somebody I do not know in the mirror. However, I am dressed, then I see a woman

I feel the same, but let me rephrase, "when i am naked, i see somebody I do not know in the mirror.  However' when I am dressed i see myself, maybe a bit younger then I am, but I see a young man"

A very awkard and clumsy chubby guy. Who knows. Maybe it will change someday.

"A giant a$$ho1e from Moscow."

Oops, sorry, wrong movie.

I see this middle-aged man looking back at me. For years, it was a reflection that I didn't think much about, really. These days, it looks so ... unexpected. I expect to see a middle-aged woman, but this breastless fool is there instead.

I see a girl with a few flaws..

Just so it's clear, I'm not trying to brag about passing or anything.  I just don't feel like my reflection is someone I don't know, I know it's me but my brain can't seem to comprehend the female part.  I have to squint and force myself to see that my hips are actually part of my body.  It's weird and I don't know if I'm explaining it very well...

Quote from: Sylvester on February 04, 2011, 06:36:59 PM
Just so it's clear, I'm not trying to brag about passing or anything.  I just don't feel like my reflection is someone I don't know, I know it's me but my brain can't seem to comprehend the female part.  I have to squint and force myself to see that my hips are actually part of my body.  It's weird and I don't know if I'm explaining it very well...

I think I understand.

Biologically, anatomically, I'm male. But, I having trouble of late getting my head around that fact. I expect to see a reflection that is biologically and anatomically female. I'm not there yet, I just at the very beginning of my transition. But one day, there will be a woman in the mirror.

I see a woman who is dismayed by a particularly embarrassing birth defect

I see a guy.  Slightly feminine features, but still a confident guy. 

That is, unless I'm naked, then my mind just collapses and I'm so messed up.  I feel like a horrible freak of nature. 

Quote from: Sylvester on February 04, 2011, 04:16:32 PM
Even when I was a kid and didn't know what being trans was, I didn't think I looked like a girl.  Even when naked I think I look like a guy with breasts and fat hips, like I'm a hermaphrodite or something.  I thought of myself as ugly and 'too masculine,' but the truth was I wanted to look that way...

Anyone else feel this way?

I felt exactly this way. Funnily enough, now that I've accepted who I am and have taken steps to appear more masculine, I see my physical appearance as male less often. I sure don't see a girl but it's not explicitly male all the time either. Yesterday my dad had to refer to me as his daughter in a phone call and I literally couldn't make the personal connection to the names and pronouns. I've always felt stung by them, but I wore the badge reluctantly because I hadn't even learned about trans stuff yet. Now that I've gotten rid of those particular labels I just can't feel related to them anymore. I've just been surrounded by so many people who use the right name and pronouns, it's made dysphoria a lot quieter.

I still see this guy in the mirror who isn't me.
But every once in a while, out of the corner of my eye, when I'm passing a mirror, I do see me.
The women that I am inside , but when I stop and look she vanishes.
But I do have hope that one day she/me will be all it see in the mirror.
For now I do not like mirrors.
Jillieann

Quote from: Jillieann on February 04, 2011, 11:31:56 PM
I still see this guy in the mirror who isn't me.
But every once in a while, out of the corner of my eye, when I'm passing a mirror, I do see me.
The women that I am inside , but when I stop and look she vanishes.
But I do have hope that one day she/me will be all it see in the mirror.
For now I do not like mirrors.
Jillieann

This is very close to how it is for me.

When I'm undressed, I consider myself kind of hot, but I have learned to disassociate myself pretty well from my body/hide myself from myself in mirrors for my own sanity.

However, when I'm dressed as my usual male self, I feel so in tune with myself that I become extremely confident and outgoing (the exact opposite of me when I'm in girl attire unless I'm doing it for fun or I've become desensitized to an extent to the clothes). I kind of can't look away when I feel totally in tune with myself in a mirror, actually.

I used to hate mirrors even more than now because I had an image of myself in my head, and looking at myself in the mirror would always crush it fully (plus, the snide comments about my face and acne didn't help my fear of mirrors during that time).

I hate mirrors and I avoid them as much as possible, especially if I'm naked. Then what I see doesn't connect with what I feel. Its like I'm not looking at myself, but a stranger.

Now that I've cut my hair, I see more of a man when I'm clothed. For the first time, I'm seeing a man and I love it. Of course that makes me feel worse when other people don't see it.. Oh well. Good with the bad.

Brent; You look like a pretty run-of-the-mill guy to me. Certainly wouldn't have you clocked as FtM if your avatar is anything to go by.

When I look in the mirror (Which I never do), I see someone that needs direction and help becoming herself.

I see a girl...though ocassionally the ghost of my identical twin brother comes back to haunt me.

Quote from: Lairiana on February 05, 2011, 02:26:39 PM
Brent; You look like a pretty run-of-the-mill guy to me. Certainly wouldn't have you clocked as FtM if your avatar is anything to go by.

Thanks that really means a lot. Especially sense its still hard to see myself as a man. That picture was a turning point for me. It was the first time I saw myself as the person I felt I was; a man. :)

If it helps, you remind me of me! If you grow your hair a bit more you could 'rock the Neil Gaiman look' ;)

Quote from: Lairiana on February 05, 2011, 04:26:20 PM
If it helps, you remind me of me! If you grow your hair a bit more you could 'rock the Neil Gaiman look' ;)

My hair used to look similar to that but it gave me the worse bouts of dysphoria. I don't know why. I saw female and I hated that so I chopped it off.

When undressed, I see a hybrid - too male to be a woman's body, too female to be a man's, with a horrible tumor of the crotch. Essentially, an androgyne who wants to be a woman.

When dressed, I sometimes see a guy, and sometimes a gal. The guy looks repulsive, and the gal is actually kinda cute.

As a teen, I used to think that my body looked like a girl's body with male genitals grafted on, and used to think it was a shame this body was wasted on a guy. Now, I just hope HRT will widen my hips so I end up looking proportional.

It depends on how the angle.

When I look in the bathroom mirror, I see a handsome young man. We have a side mirror in the bathroom, for whatever reason, so when I look at that I see a girl. My body is quite feminine and curvy..

Quote from: E on February 05, 2011, 06:37:37 PM
As a teen, I used to think that my body looked like a girl's body with male genitals grafted on, and used to think it was a shame this body was wasted on a guy.

I often felt this way growing up

I see a woman.  A mother.  A wife.  Those are the things that I am, and that's what I see when I look in the mirror.

Quote from: Brent123 on February 05, 2011, 06:27:50 PM
My hair used to look similar to that but it gave me the worse bouts of dysphoria. I don't know why. I saw female and I hated that so I chopped it off.

That's fair enough. Suits you fine as it is, though. :)

a bloke, unfortunately. :(

I see my father, which is off-putting, but it's nice that I see the maleness in my face instead of the female aspects.

I don't look at myself in the altogether. No sense beating myself over the head about it.

As a kid/teenager I used to look in the mirror and see what I thought would be a good looking guy. Enter young adult hood.. and I was like.. hmm I look like a female.. even somewhat attractive.. enter now.. I see a dude looking back.. though.. boobs and body shape is kinda off :( *cries*

Quote from: Brent123 on February 05, 2011, 11:51:39 AM
Now that I've cut my hair, I see more of a man when I'm clothed. For the first time, I'm seeing a man and I love it. Of course that makes me feel worse when other people don't see it.. Oh well. Good with the bad.

I finally realized who you remind me of (physically, anyways; personality-wise you're much nicer): Gideon from Scott Pilgrim.

On-topic, what I see varies from day to day; it's almost always better when clothed.  Sometimes I see a slightly pretty girl, sometimes a guy who'll never look like a girl in a million years.

Not a mirror as such, but when I saw my reflection out of the corner of my eye in the bus window last night, I didn't see me. I saw a woman.

*Was quite overjoyed by it*  :D

I'm pretty ok with what I see in the mirror. Clothed or naked I see a woman.
It's photos I have a problem with. I always see a man in photos :-/

Quote from: perlita85 on February 04, 2011, 04:24:20 PM
When I am naked I see somebody I do not know in the mirror. However, I am dressed, then I see a woman

I never look at my whole body in a mirror... Eeeewwwww what a horrible thought.

Now I have boobs I look at my top half... and I do more often than not see girl now.

I see bits and pieces of the real me here and there. But when I put the whole thing together I see this young man staring back at me and I wonder "How in the world can THAT turn into what is inside, specially when I look at my hairline.

But I also try to embrace the guy in the mirror who needs as much love and care as I do.

Usually I look in the mirror and wonder how I could ever really look like a woman, but for the first time, the other day I combed my hair down over my ears and bangs, and I saw a tiny bit of cuteness that made me smile.  That was something very rare with my low self-esteem, but it also made me feel good and have a bit of hope.

I see a guy in the mirror when clothed. When naked, I see a guy's face on a woman's body, and that looks bizarre and disturbing, like a Photoshop prank, and then I move my hand and realize that it's me and I actually do look like that.

Quote from: Brent123 on February 05, 2011, 04:22:28 PM
Thanks that really means a lot. Especially sense its still hard to see myself as a man. That picture was a turning point for me. It was the first time I saw myself as the person I felt I was; a man. :)

There is nothing female at all about your face. I thought the picture was a male one from an avatar gallery.

Quote from: JohnR on February 08, 2011, 02:54:40 PM
There is nothing female at all about your face. I thought the picture was a male one from an avatar gallery.

Thanks. That means a lot especially sense I'm feeling a tad bit dysphoric.

I see a Female body with a Male spirit

I don't see a woman

I see what others can't, I see a guy. A shorter than average one, who isn't very hairy, and isn't comfortable being naked. But a guy.

When i really look (Don't usually look to long) i see a full body costume that i can't take off. Underneath that i see a girl trapped in a prison cell. Look a little longer and then i can see the person i really am without all the masks.

Quote from: PixieBoy on February 08, 2011, 10:55:11 AM
I see a guy in the mirror when clothed. When naked, I see a guy's face on a woman's body, and that looks bizarre and disturbing, like a Photoshop prank, and then I move my hand and realize that it's me and I actually do look like that.

Whoaa, dude thats what I said to my shrink x_X

I somewhat recognize my face, but when it comes to the body I see either that quote up there ,or a horribly deformed male body.

Okay, I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks they look like a deformed (insert identified gender here).  This is one of the things that really affirms my feeling like I'm trans.  There is a boy in this body and he isn't very good at hiding himself.

Clothed I see myself as me now.  Naked...I just avoid mirrors.  Like pixie said, it's like seeing my face on someone else's body.

Quote from: perlita85 on February 04, 2011, 04:24:20 PM
When I am naked I see somebody I do not know in the mirror. However, I am dressed, then I see a woman

^ This....for 31 more days! *giggle*

:) Grats in advance Jerica

Quote from: Lee on February 11, 2011, 03:21:49 PM
:) Grats in advance Jerica

Thanks Lee =)

I see a male that desperately needs to break out of a body that looks just a little too female. If I'm not in a judgmental/terrible mood I tend to focus on the masculine features and actually enjoy my reflection. Then the clothes come off and I see a male with big hips and boobs, but they don't seem like they're mine. They seem like they should just be able to be removed as easily as my packer is.

I've investigated myself very closely in mirrors trying to figure out exactly what I thought of what I saw. I don't necessarily hate any part of my body, but things seem out of place. Even naked my body looks almost masculine. Like, a ghost of my manhood just below the surface or something. It's hard to explain.
I'm not in denial of the presence of my breast nor the absence of a penis, but I still see a man in the mirror. Just a man with curves, tits, and no penis.

Depends. Often I tend to think I look better in the mirror than "in person". Like even if I try to capture it on film (well, digital film) it doesn't come out like how I see it in the mirror. Maybe I've somehow been able to look past any "flaws" that the camera can not? Naked I look like a dude with tits.

I can't dilute myself anymore on what I see in the mirror. When I look in the mirror I see what everyone else sees when they look at me, and the look on his face confirms why strangers are apprehensive about me when they first see me.

The mirror doesn't bother me as much as the shadow that fallows me whenever I approach a glass door or walk by a glass window when the sun is shining in the right direction. Sometimes depending on the glass I can actually see enough of this person's reflection and the sad look on his face.

Then I realize it's me.

When I look at my face, without makeup or anything on, I see a girl with short hair and ugly eyebrows. I see the girl in my eyes most of all. When I'm trying to dress deliberately as my preferred gender I see a girl who is kind of tall and awkward looking. But when I'm nude I see this really disgusting mess, from excessive difficult to remove hair, to my lack of hips and breasts and the annoying addition of a.. thing... hopefully someday really soon I can fix a few problems, and in the perhaps distant future solve the.. thing. Optimism! :D