Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Topic started by: MaxAloysius on February 05, 2011, 10:23:58 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Unacceptable Behaviour
Post by: MaxAloysius on February 05, 2011, 10:23:58 AM
Post by: MaxAloysius on February 05, 2011, 10:23:58 AM
Hey, so this might be a little long, it's pretty much just a rant :(
My birthday is coming up soon, but I don't have a single friend to celebrate with, nor will I be receiving anything from my family, as they see they have already given me my birthday presents (read: put a roof over my head and paid for my bus passes) and it's gotten me a little down. I'm not feeling that opressive missery that I used to, for whatever reason that's gone now and I can only think that it's a good thing, however, in it's place is an unsettling feeling of...well I'm not really sure how to put it. Nothing, perhaps?
At times I'm aware that I feel a little happier than normal, or that I've shifted a little closer to sad, but it's nothing drastic and the feeling is easy to shrug off. I'm cruising through life now, for better or for worse, and I'm not bothering anyone with any facts of my life like I used to.
And yet the other day I was walking through the mall to go to my job, just like any other day, and I was insulted. Loudly and plainly in the middle of a crowd of people. Two teenagers behind me jeered at me horribly, they called me a stupid lesbian, and a butch whore, and I was so in shock all I could do was keep walking and ignore them as they followed me the entire length of the building, the whole time insulting me.
I told myself that they were just threatened by my masculinity and felt the need to call me up on it to make themselves feel better, but it didn't help me to feel any better at all. The point is, I did nothing to deserve this kind of behaviour.
I've stopped being loud and proud, I'm shuffling through life with my head down and still I get treated like this? What have I done to anyone that could justify this kind of behaviour?
I'm still not hurting like I should be, I was a little shaken, now I'm just resigned to it.
Seems like no matter who I am, people will only see aspects of me that they want to, and nothing else. The fact that I don't like women, and never have, makes no difference. Still I go through life as the butch lesbian whore.
My birthday is coming up soon, but I don't have a single friend to celebrate with, nor will I be receiving anything from my family, as they see they have already given me my birthday presents (read: put a roof over my head and paid for my bus passes) and it's gotten me a little down. I'm not feeling that opressive missery that I used to, for whatever reason that's gone now and I can only think that it's a good thing, however, in it's place is an unsettling feeling of...well I'm not really sure how to put it. Nothing, perhaps?
At times I'm aware that I feel a little happier than normal, or that I've shifted a little closer to sad, but it's nothing drastic and the feeling is easy to shrug off. I'm cruising through life now, for better or for worse, and I'm not bothering anyone with any facts of my life like I used to.
And yet the other day I was walking through the mall to go to my job, just like any other day, and I was insulted. Loudly and plainly in the middle of a crowd of people. Two teenagers behind me jeered at me horribly, they called me a stupid lesbian, and a butch whore, and I was so in shock all I could do was keep walking and ignore them as they followed me the entire length of the building, the whole time insulting me.
I told myself that they were just threatened by my masculinity and felt the need to call me up on it to make themselves feel better, but it didn't help me to feel any better at all. The point is, I did nothing to deserve this kind of behaviour.
I've stopped being loud and proud, I'm shuffling through life with my head down and still I get treated like this? What have I done to anyone that could justify this kind of behaviour?
I'm still not hurting like I should be, I was a little shaken, now I'm just resigned to it.
Seems like no matter who I am, people will only see aspects of me that they want to, and nothing else. The fact that I don't like women, and never have, makes no difference. Still I go through life as the butch lesbian whore.
Title: Re: Unacceptable Behaviour
Post by: Morgan on February 05, 2011, 10:46:55 AM
Post by: Morgan on February 05, 2011, 10:46:55 AM
Teenagers do rude and senseless things 'for the fun of it'. Try not to let them get to you, because it's not even worth it. They'll grow up and either regret their negative behavior, or they'll not even remember it. The only time I ever get caught up over being mistreated is from an adult, because adults should know better than to treat someone wrongly for fun. And even then, I try not to let what other people say ruin my day.
I'm sorry about your birthday.. I know it doesn't mean much, but you do have everyone here at Susan's to wish you a good one. So, Happy Birthday, Max! :icon_birthday:
I'm sorry about your birthday.. I know it doesn't mean much, but you do have everyone here at Susan's to wish you a good one. So, Happy Birthday, Max! :icon_birthday:
Title: Re: Unacceptable Behaviour
Post by: Elsa on February 05, 2011, 12:31:57 PM
Post by: Elsa on February 05, 2011, 12:31:57 PM
:icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday:
you have a lot of friends here on susans so I am sure you wont be alone ... I know chances of us meeting you are slim but if we could travel continents in seconds we would be there for you ... we have all had our share of birthdays alone perhaps more since we are transgendered...
Sometimes people do mindless things but as someone who believes in karma I would prefer not to take them seriously
just a suggestion in case they continue to behave like that ... I would suggest taking calm but stern action against them ... dont try to confront them directly that would only encourage and excite them further which will only aggravate the situation but instead report them to the malls security or management and I am assuming that the state/city/mall doesn't tolerate discrimination based on sexual preference /gender identity...
you have a lot of friends here on susans so I am sure you wont be alone ... I know chances of us meeting you are slim but if we could travel continents in seconds we would be there for you ... we have all had our share of birthdays alone perhaps more since we are transgendered...
Sometimes people do mindless things but as someone who believes in karma I would prefer not to take them seriously
just a suggestion in case they continue to behave like that ... I would suggest taking calm but stern action against them ... dont try to confront them directly that would only encourage and excite them further which will only aggravate the situation but instead report them to the malls security or management and I am assuming that the state/city/mall doesn't tolerate discrimination based on sexual preference /gender identity...
Title: Re: Unacceptable Behaviour
Post by: MaxAloysius on February 06, 2011, 02:31:34 AM
Post by: MaxAloysius on February 06, 2011, 02:31:34 AM
Thanks everyone for commenting, and thanks especially for the birthday wishes, I'll be sure to remember them when I'm spending Saturday alone watching movies and eating junk food :D
Title: Re: Unacceptable Behaviour
Post by: Cindy on February 06, 2011, 02:48:24 AM
Post by: Cindy on February 06, 2011, 02:48:24 AM
Hi Max,
Make sure to post on your birthday and you will not be alone I promise :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Cindy
Make sure to post on your birthday and you will not be alone I promise :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Cindy
Title: Re: Unacceptable Behaviour
Post by: Hermione01 on February 06, 2011, 02:59:53 AM
Post by: Hermione01 on February 06, 2011, 02:59:53 AM
I'm sorry you had to experience such cruelty. Some people are like that, bullying someone especially if they are alone. They were total bi*****!! Who you are is no business of theirs AND to top it off, they're wrong! They're fools, honestly. I hope you never encounter people like this ever again.
Happy Birthday to come. :)
Happy Birthday to come. :)
Title: Re: Unacceptable Behaviour
Post by: justmeinoz on February 06, 2011, 06:34:52 AM
Post by: justmeinoz on February 06, 2011, 06:34:52 AM
Have a Happy Birthday Max ! :icon_birthday: :eusa_dance: :icon_drunk:
Cheers Sandra.
Cheers Sandra.
Title: Re: Unacceptable Behaviour
Post by: Gilmorton on February 06, 2011, 07:22:00 AM
Post by: Gilmorton on February 06, 2011, 07:22:00 AM
Hey Max - I'm sorry about this birthday. I had one year like that once - it wasn't nice. Is there a way you can spoil yourself even if it is just a move and some food? Rent a movie you've always wanted to see, maybe? Have a couple of beers and a steak?
I cannot believe there are still jerks like that in the world. I hope one day they wise up and feel bad about what they did.
I cannot believe there are still jerks like that in the world. I hope one day they wise up and feel bad about what they did.
Title: Re: Unacceptable Behaviour
Post by: Mr.Rainey on February 09, 2011, 04:51:13 AM
Post by: Mr.Rainey on February 09, 2011, 04:51:13 AM
Hey just be glad no one is buying you pink girly stuff for your bday :laugh: