Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Sooo...I'm the pre op mtf and I'm datinggg a non op ftm :D

And the topic of sex came up and we were like...uhh do we use our own stuff? Do we wait till I get srs? And then we were like ask on susans....so what do you suggesttttt we do? if/when it comes up? I think using our own stuff would make us too dysphoric to bother.

I suggest, you both have some fun and remember, no-one else will know anything. So, do whatever takes your mutual fancy.

I would ask you to tell us all how you get on and such, but that might defeat the purpose.

Quote from: spacial on February 10, 2011, 07:13:22 PM
I suggest, you both have some fun and remember, no-one else will know anything. So, do whatever takes your mutual fancy.

I would ask you to tell us all how you get on and such, but that might defeat the purpose.

Yeah, my bestie is the one who asked me how in the first place and I brought it up to him. My bestie said something along the lines of "you could do him, but have him act like he's doing you. but we think we'd get dysphoric from that.

You talk to each other first.

Some people are comfortable with certain things and uncomfortable with others. Talk about what language to use and what sort of sexual activities you're both comfortable with. Coming up with "into" "curious" "not into" and "absolutely no" lists in terms of sex acts and language it helps a lot.

For myself, I'm completely fine using what I have so long as the language is right (and I trust the other person).

Quote from: Nygeel on February 10, 2011, 07:45:05 PM
You talk to each other first.

Some people are comfortable with certain things and uncomfortable with others. Talk about what language to use and what sort of sexual activities you're both comfortable with. Coming up with "into" "curious" "not into" and "absolutely no" lists in terms of sex acts and language it helps a lot.

For myself, I'm completely fine using what I have so long as the language is right (and I trust the other person).

Yeahh that's what I was thinking. :)

 I agree with Nygeel. Communication between the two of you is essential.There many various options that can be used for mutual pleasure.Just talk it over and let things happen naturally.
Hugs,
Suzi S.

Quote from: Susan S. on February 10, 2011, 09:00:39 PM
I agree with Nygeel. Communication between the two of you is essential.There many various options that can be used for mutual pleasure.Just talk it over and let things happen naturally.
Hugs,
Suzi S.

I think that's what we'll do :)

Honestly, just do what makes you comfortable. When I'm with my girlfriend we experiment with different things until we find something that works. I know that it is a different situation since my girl is a cis woman  but experimenting might not hurt. Of course it is good to know beforehand what makes each other uncomfortable which, again, leads back to conversation.

Quote from: Brent123 on February 10, 2011, 10:15:24 PM
Honestly, just do what makes you comfortable. When I'm with my girlfriend we experiment with different things until we find something that works. I know that it is a different situation since my girl is a cis woman  but experimenting might not hurt. Of course it is good to know beforehand what makes each other uncomfortable which, again, leads back to conversation.

Thanks Brenttt :D

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on February 10, 2011, 10:47:53 PM
Thanks Brenttt :D

LOL
Its what I do girl! xD

Quote from: Brent123 on February 10, 2011, 11:40:44 PM
LOL
Its what I do girl! xD

:D

Take my advice with a load of salt, because my way of doing things is totally not what's good for everyone.  I way has been to try things out- the only sexual encounter I've ever regretted was when I thought from the start "this is dumb, this is wrong, you'll get nothing from this" but I did it anyway.  Everything else- maybe I didn't like it once I tried it,- maybe I down right hated it, but I wouldn't have know until I tried it.  The important things is a experimented with a partner who was open and willing, (safely) to try different things.  The person knew I was ftm, and we always discussed STI's, contraceptives and stances on if a baby happened, then went with it.  This meant a lot of strange experiment on what got me off, what got my partner off, and all the stages in between.

Like I said "this is not for everyone," but has worked pretty well for me.

The only real limits to sex are your physical conditioning (strength, endurance) for the parts of it that are physical, and your dirty little mind for the parts that are mental.

The range and scope of human sexual activity is truly breathtaking, and about the only activity we as a species have poured more energy and thought into than sex is killing each other.

I've always went with the notion that 'I'll try anything once, twice if I like it.'  Agree on some 'safe word' that will stop the activity if things are getting more than one person can handle and then work your way up and down the list.  Remember: It's only kinky the first time.

And I would highly recommend the writings and blogs, and interviews with Violet Blue, she's the best writer on sex out there by a long shot.

Quote from: JosephKT on February 11, 2011, 01:26:29 AM
Take my advice with a load of salt, because my way of doing things is totally not what's good for everyone.  I way has been to try things out- the only sexual encounter I've ever regretted was when I thought from the start "this is dumb, this is wrong, you'll get nothing from this" but I did it anyway.  Everything else- maybe I didn't like it once I tried it,- maybe I down right hated it, but I wouldn't have know until I tried it.  The important things is a experimented with a partner who was open and willing, (safely) to try different things.  The person knew I was ftm, and we always discussed STI's, contraceptives and stances on if a baby happened, then went with it.  This meant a lot of strange experiment on what got me off, what got my partner off, and all the stages in between.

Like I said "this is not for everyone," but has worked pretty well for me.

Sounds pretty good. We wanna talk about it.

Quote from: tekla on February 11, 2011, 08:53:18 AM
The only real limits to sex are your physical conditioning (strength, endurance) for the parts of it that are physical, and your dirty little mind for the parts that are mental.

The range and scope of human sexual activity is truly breathtaking, and about the only activity we as a species have poured more energy and thought into than sex is killing each other.

I've always went with the notion that 'I'll try anything once, twice if I like it.'  Agree on some 'safe word' that will stop the activity if things are getting more than one person can handle and then work your way up and down the list.  Remember: It's only kinky the first time.

And I would highly recommend the writings and blogs, and interviews with Violet Blue, she's the best writer on sex out there by a long shot.

That's interesting! and that's a good idea, the safe word. :D

Until recently, I practiced penetrative sex with my (female) partners.

I've come to conclude that it was really, really not right for me, and that even though the anatomy works (some of the time), it was a terrible feeling. A requirement, a job, a task, so much stress from trying to actually keep it up (cockrings helped some), and afterward I felt not so great. It took me a long time to realize this.

I find going down on my girlfriend brings me more happiness than I can remember from sex.

This is odd, but I've found that I can't look at my genitals directly, like while receiving oral, but if I watch it in a mirror, it's actually kind of hot. Not looking at it directly lets me disassociate it, and I actually love watching oral porn. Can't stand looking at myself, though.

Like others have said, you just have to feel out your comfort zone, and most importantly, communicate if how you feel changes. Dunno how far you are on hormones, but I imagine your interests will change over time if you started recently.

Just take it slow and do what feels right. Tekla's suggestion of a safe word is a good one. Consider not doing any sort of penetrative genital sex until you're comfortable interacting with each other's bodies in other ways. Consider that, if you do decide you want and are ready for penetrative sex, he can be the penetrating partner, and this can feel good for both of you, but it requires some extra equipment. And if he wants to be penetrated, but you're not comfortable using your own body to do it, then you too could use substitute equipment like any other girl has to for that.

But just remember that there's an amazing variety of things both of you can do with fingers, mouths, tongues, and toys, and that there's not one true way to have sex. Even for straight cis couples, sex can happen without any penises coming in contact with any vaginas. If either of you has much sexual experience presenting as a gay man or a lesbian, I'm sure you're probably already aware of the creative potential.

And be smart, babies are the ultimate STD.

Quote from: Autumn on February 14, 2011, 03:42:06 AM
Until recently, I practiced penetrative sex with my (female) partners.

I've come to conclude that it was really, really not right for me, and that even though the anatomy works (some of the time), it was a terrible feeling. A requirement, a job, a task, so much stress from trying to actually keep it up (cockrings helped some), and afterward I felt not so great. It took me a long time to realize this.

I find going down on my girlfriend brings me more happiness than I can remember from sex.

This is odd, but I've found that I can't look at my genitals directly, like while receiving oral, but if I watch it in a mirror, it's actually kind of hot. Not looking at it directly lets me disassociate it, and I actually love watching oral porn. Can't stand looking at myself, though.

Like others have said, you just have to feel out your comfort zone, and most importantly, communicate if how you feel changes. Dunno how far you are on hormones, but I imagine your interests will change over time if you started recently.

That's kinda interesting but it makes sense. I'm not sure if I'll want to see the penetration either.

Quote from: kyril on February 14, 2011, 05:51:59 AM
Just take it slow and do what feels right. Tekla's suggestion of a safe word is a good one. Consider not doing any sort of penetrative genital sex until you're comfortable interacting with each other's bodies in other ways. Consider that, if you do decide you want and are ready for penetrative sex, he can be the penetrating partner, and this can feel good for both of you, but it requires some extra equipment. And if he wants to be penetrated, but you're not comfortable using your own body to do it, then you too could use substitute equipment like any other girl has to for that.

But just remember that there's an amazing variety of things both of you can do with fingers, mouths, tongues, and toys, and that there's not one true way to have sex. Even for straight cis couples, sex can happen without any penises coming in contact with any vaginas. If either of you has much sexual experience presenting as a gay man or a lesbian, I'm sure you're probably already aware of the creative potential.

All great ideas :P :P I'm sure once we go at it, we'll realize all the things we can do.

Quote from: tekla on February 14, 2011, 10:05:37 AM
And be smart, babies are the ultimate STD.

hahaha. Yeah we're going to be SUPER careful. Like, I imagine him having my baby and I initially think aww we could be a familyyy, then I'm like no not yet LOL. Like 5+ years. PLUS I could never ask him to carry a kid. I can't imagine the constant dysphoria

Quote from: tekla on February 14, 2011, 10:05:37 AM
And be smart, babies are the ultimate STD.

omg haha I am so giving you a thumbs up for this.  thats how I felt when I dated a cis guy

I don't have any advice, because you've already stated that y'all aren't sure that regular sex is right for you yet, but this was so amusing to me. I'm in the same situation as y'all, non-op FTM and pre-op (possibly non-op) MTF. We have regular ol' vanilla sex because it sure as hell feels good  :D

Good luck with your relationship <3

Quote from: Lance M. on February 14, 2011, 03:11:19 PM
maybe you could try hand stimulation? like...you know the thread with the alternate masturbating technique for transwomen? (i know you do, haha). have him do that to you. i say this because i know you enjoyed it, and to be honest i kind of enjoyed reading about you enjoying it.

omg you can't even see me and i am SO red in the face right now. sorry if i made ze lady uncomfortable.  :icon_bunch:

Hahahaha oh boy :)

Quote from: Morgan on February 14, 2011, 04:47:12 PM
I don't have any advice, because you've already stated that y'all aren't sure that regular sex is right for you yet, but this was so amusing to me. I'm in the same situation as y'all, non-op FTM and pre-op (possibly non-op) MTF. We have regular ol' vanilla sex because it sure as hell feels good  :D

Good luck with your relationship <3

Yeah I told him I might give up on SRS, because at this point I'm Ok in my body. If we can use what we have to have sex, then I don't wanna pay 10-20 k to get a vagina if it's going to mess with our sex life. I mean, I just don't know. We'll find out once we see each other. :) btw don't you love being in a trans/trans relationship? He understands my dysphoria and I his. It's awesome :)

I'm generally with Nygeel and Morgan here - I tend to approach a bunch of things from an almost Vulcanesque logic standpoint, and this is one of them.  If my partner has Tab A and I have Slot B, which are meant to go together pretty damn well, why not use that?  Seems like the most rational approach. 

But on the other hand, I've been thinking lately about my being a wee bit more gay-leaning than I've wanted to admit before, and I've wondered whether at some point down the road, if I were to "bottom" for someone I loved (even though I'm much more of a "top" personality), it might become important for me to learn to do it "the gay way" vs. "the way that makes a truckload of sense from a pain perspective as well as a logistical one."  So, there's logic, and there's "the mysterious calculus of the heart..."   :-/  I admit that I am still sorting many of these things out myself, so all I can really do is wish you luck and encourage what others have - talk, talk, TALK some more together and make sure that whatever you do and however you do it, it's done safely and rooted in mutual love and consideration. 

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on February 14, 2011, 06:45:07 PM
Yeah I told him I might give up on SRS, because at this point I'm Ok in my body. If we can use what we have to have sex, then I don't wanna pay 10-20 k to get a vagina if it's going to mess with our sex life. I mean, I just don't know. We'll find out once we see each other. :) btw don't you love being in a trans/trans relationship? He understands my dysphoria and I his. It's awesome :)

We feel the same way about surgery. She is thinking about surgery, but we don't really wanna have 'lesbian' sex, when our 'straight' but backwards sex is fine as it is. It's all screwed up :(

Yeah trans/trans makes things so much easier. The only struggle we have is that I started transitioning before her, so I've gone through alot more. She's still at the 'I'm scared that everyone will hate me if I walk around in a dress' phase, even though she's come out to everyone and we all love and support her. So sometimes I fuss at her about it :/ Because I went through that too and I know first hand that it's the stupidest part of transition.

Quote from: EliNewGuy on February 14, 2011, 08:48:42 PM
I'm generally with Nygeel and Morgan here - I tend to approach a bunch of things from an almost Vulcanesque logic standpoint, and this is one of them.  If my partner has Tab A and I have Slot B, which are meant to go together pretty damn well, why not use that?  Seems like the most rational approach. 

But on the other hand, I've been thinking lately about my being a wee bit more gay-leaning than I've wanted to admit before, and I've wondered whether at some point down the road, if I were to "bottom" for someone I loved (even though I'm much more of a "top" personality), it might become important for me to learn to do it "the gay way" vs. "the way that makes a truckload of sense from a pain perspective as well as a logistical one."  So, there's logic, and there's "the mysterious calculus of the heart..."   :-/  I admit that I am still sorting many of these things out myself, so all I can really do is wish you luck and encourage what others have - talk, talk, TALK some more together and make sure that whatever you do and however you do it, it's done safely and rooted in mutual love and consideration.

:D

Quote from: Morgan on February 15, 2011, 10:32:35 AM
We feel the same way about surgery. She is thinking about surgery, but we don't really wanna have 'lesbian' sex, when our 'straight' but backwards sex is fine as it is. It's all screwed up :(

Yeah trans/trans makes things so much easier. The only struggle we have is that I started transitioning before her, so I've gone through alot more. She's still at the 'I'm scared that everyone will hate me if I walk around in a dress' phase, even though she's come out to everyone and we all love and support her. So sometimes I fuss at her about it :/ Because I went through that too and I know first hand that it's the stupidest part of transition.

It's so good that she has you though! <3 You guys seem cute! :) I wish we weren't long distance. =/

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on February 14, 2011, 06:45:07 PM
Hahahaha oh boy :)

btw don't you love being in a trans/trans relationship? He understands my dysphoria and I his. It's awesome :)

It really helps because they understand so much better, and there is a kinda connection, having gone/going through similar things.