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Could you fall for someone's soul (or personality, heart, etc, etc)? Or do you need that initial physical attraction?

Going by my own experiences, I'd say I probably can't. I've only fallen for a handful of people and there was only one where it wasn't lust at first sight. But it still happened shortly after meeting them and they were still my physical type.
But the romantic in me would really like to believe this type of thing is possible.
So could you fall for someone based on soul alone? Or do you need that physical attraction first?
Are men and women both capable of this?

This is SO strange that you posted this. I have been having this discussion with another member here and we are at a loss to explain our feelings for each other except for falling in love with each others soul. Neither of us has ever felt like this toward someone physically male and it kinda freaks us both out a bit but it is a wonderful feeling.
The first time we talked on the phone,  we talked for 3 hours straight them probably 10-11 hours over the next two days...

It may seems strange but not as strange as the many obscure similarites and interests that we share. We are even in the same obscure business and I deffinatel have a new supplier and business confidant.

I know you may be curious as to who it is, but I will leave it up to her if she wants to reveal herself! It has been a crazy 2 weeks!

Usually I am first attracted by some physical characteristic, but there have been several times where I have grown attracted to someone whom I would not normally have turned my head for due to their personality or actions. 

I have, in the past, discovered an attraction to friends to whom I wasn't initially physically attracted, based (I assume) mostly on their personalities. A number of my relationships have developed after years of platonic friendship, with friends I'd never have even thought of dating at first. All of my more serious relationships except one have been this way.

But personality alone? No, I don't think so. It's more like "personality plus a set of minimum physical qualifications." The guys to whom I've become attracted over time may not all have been "my type" (certainly not the Adonis-types that have me salivating at first glance), but they've also not possessed any physical characteristics that are in my "instant turn-off" category either.

I do like physical attraction, but it doesn't have to be the first thing I see.  I'm capable of falling for someone who I haven't seen or who I don't see as physically attractive at first based off of their "personalities" I suppose.  I grow more fond of how a person looks the more I fall for them, though.

For my sake... yes..
I'm such a sapiosexual...

Love does not have to include sex. Many have sex without love. You figure it out.

Quote from: kyril on February 14, 2011, 09:23:35 AM
I have, in the past, discovered an attraction to friends to whom I wasn't initially physically attracted, based (I assume) mostly on their personalities. A number of my relationships have developed after years of platonic friendship, with friends I'd never have even thought of dating at first. All of my more serious relationships except one have been this way.

Same here. All of my relationships except one or two have been this way so yes I think it's very possible but I do think there has to be some level of attraction for the relationship to last.

Everyone's different.  And I'm not going to say my way is right for anyone else.

That said, even beautiful women age, perhaps become disabled or disfigured, etc.  I can't imagine loving my wife less because her appearance changed.  I wouldn't have married her if I wasn't able to love her no matter how she looked.  After all, I can't think of anyone at, say, age 80, being "beautiful" to me in my standards (and I don't think that being 80 myself will make an 80 year old suddenly more physically attractive to me than, say, a 20 year old).  That said, I'm glad I like how she looks!

I'll admit I'm, slightly inappropriately considering my current position, a little vain and shallow - I think we all are to some degree, even those who can see through the external.

I don't think I could fall simply for someone's 'soul' or personality, because I've got... Standards, I suppose. If they have greasy hair, incredibly foul breath, no sense of personal hygiene etc., then there's absolutely no way I could be with them; Whether I thought they were amazing or not. Someone's physical appearance says a lot about their personality; So someone overweight may have health issues (Physical or mental) or just not care about themselves, and that's not something you want in a partner. Someone who's well groomed, presentable, in-shape and so forth would, to me, suggest they're in control of themselves and more 'desirable' for it.

Seeing past the external and seeing what's inside would be an amazing gift, but I think that relationships have to be built on some degree of compromise. Someone who presents as an unhygienic mess might not be willing to compromise in that regard, so why would you want to be with them? If they're not going to make such a simple effort to be presentable, then what else would they be unwilling to compromise on or discuss?

Personally, I believe you have to look at both sides of the coin to gauge a person.

No

before i transitioned i wasn't very attractive  but women knew i had a big thang and they used me for that and then i transitioned i had too many wanting me for my looks only. Thankfully i had a true desire for love so i never did get sexual with anyone and now i have gone back to being homely and well when i was pretty i did find a woman with ms in a wheelchair and i fell for her but her friends kept her away from me because i was trans. Today i have just about given up on love because it seems so many people want sex first or want attraction and well i am not interested in cis men and cis women are not interested in me and trans people seem put off now by my switching styles that i will wait till the next world i am sure there will be forever love for me there.

so yea i seek the soul not the attractiveness but i am repulsed by over sexed people or people who do it without love but i can like all people for people i just wouldn't date them

I don't think so.  I mean, you say, soul ALONE.  I think that in a romantic relationship, you need to have some sort of attraction, chemistry, whatever, otherwise, it's just friendship.  That's the unique quality about romantic relationships -- is having this electric sexual attraction -- that's what makes it so wonderful and special.  I think a lot of people can settle for companionship, which is great, but I think if you are young, you should go for the whole electric thing.  It is so wonderful and not to be missed, even if it doesn't work out.  You should at least experience it once in your life.

I am older and am in a wonderful relationship, but if I weren't I would maybe settle for a good companionship relationship, without the spark.  BUT, if you are younger, I would say, DON'T SETTLE, look for that true love, exciting, soul mate relationship.

I guess what I'm saying is that , I'd rather have a wonderful companionship than being alone, but I'd rather be in love, than having a stable companionship, more than a lot of things.

In younger days attraction was base to a large degree on superficial aesthetics... But now I am less interested in sex and/or physical attributes and more interested in the companionship of a good friend who I can share love and trust with

That being said, I am not totally ruling sex and/or physical attraction out, but those things have been put on the back burners of cooking up my recipe for a relationship for the time being

I am most interested in the person within... To know them, feel them, sense them whither near or far

Quote from: StacyBeaumont on February 13, 2011, 11:58:47 PM
This is SO strange that you posted this. I have been having this discussion with another member here and we are at a loss to explain our feelings for each other except for falling in love with each others soul. Neither of us has ever felt like this toward someone physically male and it kinda freaks us both out a bit but it is a wonderful feeling.

Yes – The Answer Is Yes

If you would have asked me a couple of months ago I would have said no. Love is a combination of physical and chemical interactions....... That was the "scientist guy" inside me.

But it happened to me recently and left me shaking to the core. You see the "other member" Stacy mentioned above is me... and it has been one hell of a ride.

I wont go into details here, I really can't put it to words. But yes you can fall in love with someone's soul. Even a guy halfway across the country who is starting transition. (we both like girls btw.)

So the skeptic would say that maybe it's the HRT, the need for appreciation, to be loved, accepted, to be wanted, to need security or affirmation and a whole host of other things. I already have those things.....

But it is not..... We love each other's souls and it is the darndest and most wondrous feeling in the world.

The back story on how we met is mind blowing, the similarities impossible, the odds.... They don't exist.... But that is another story.

So yes you can love someone's soul without judgment, attraction, wants or needs. We can "feel" each other in a way that can not be explained. We can both be in business meeting and at the same time (within seconds) send each other a text message that says basically the same thing.

It has been so hard to believe. So hard to let my male ego accept this. But it's really pretty cool, and I think we can all have that connection.

Both of us really like the movie "Fight Club" we joke that like the main character that one day we will find out that one of us in real and the other imaginary.... Lol

If that's true I hope I'm the imaginary one, because I can't imagine loosing this kind of connection with another human soul.

-M

I can't really add anything to that!  :-*

I know gf, I read your mind..... lol

You ARE bad about that!  lol

Get a room you two.

New orleans, march 18th... French Quarter...  lol

http://www.brennansneworleans.com/breakfastmenu.html (http://www.brennansneworleans.com/breakfastmenu.html)

Best breakfast I've ever had.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please return your jaws to the upright position and thank you for flying TransAir.........lol

Cant wait for some coffee and beignets from Cafe Du Monde.  It's so awesome to sit outside on the shore of the Mississippi River and enjoy the breeze  while enjoying good coffee and beignets and watching the freaks...

http://www.cafedumonde.com/ (http://www.cafedumonde.com/) 

Be careful down there, it's not like the old NO, in some ways it's a bit better, but in a lot of ways it got a lot worse.

Thanks for the heads up. Stacy knows New Orleans. I know the east coast. Next trip NYC. Plus, we really are two tg people dont want to mess with........ lol
What a wonderful life..... really..... Rather than the dull numb of florsecent bulbs and a "normal life" we were thrust kicking and screaming into..... this..... a wonderful life..... Who would have guessed? Who would have wanted this? But god, it has been a ride..........tbc....

I was in New Orleans right after Katrina hit. In that former life, my team was better armed than the cops and military...lol. I saw some strange stuff in that place and had a lot of 18 hour days. I wouldnt miss that esperience for anything! Well, ALMOST anything... (36-24-36)  :-)

I Honestly believe that people can fall in love based on mental appeal and heart alone, rather than someone who has a hot body or thousands of dollars in the bank or just because their "thang" is longer and thicker than the Simpsons Carbon Rod. 

I admit to be in this category, mainly because I'm not one that thinks much of someone's physical appeal.  I say that because without a solid head on their shoulders or great heart and soul, a picturesque partner is pretty much just there and there wouldn't be more to any sort of relationship than just oogling. 

In short, without the mental connection, the physical one means absolutely nothing.  Plus, I do admit that I don't look like one of the 1,000,000,000 best looking people in the world, but there ya go.

Yeah, but it's about a lot more than just 'soul' vs. 'body'.  Personalty, goals, mind, social skills all come into play too.

For a physically intimate relationship, there of course has to be a level of physical attraction. Personality can make a TEN a TWO or a TWO a TEN though.

As for qualities that Melissa and I share that draw us toward each other are also qualities that lend themselves to health, beauty and success. We have already been able to help each other with business issues that will have long term benefits for us both and we spend hours talking about and looking at business strategies that we can take advantage of to ensure our success in transition and in life.  We both have a fear of being stuck in the middle , simply due to lack of resources. We are both the kind of people that once we decide on something, we put everything we have into it to make it happen and not rely on luck, generosity of others or anything else like that.

We both share a philosophy that, "The harder you work, the luckier you become". We don't sit around all day playing video games waiting for someone else to offer us a job or opportunity. We know transition will be very challenging so we see it as important to make sure there are opportunities in place that if need be, wont require direct contact with the public or  community" unless we choose to do so.

Failure in transition IS NOT AN OPTION. It sucks, and it's not fair but the better and faster you can pass and the more attractive you can be with transition, the better people accept it. I hope I'm wrong with that but it's just my observation. If you have a different view, let's please discuss it. I never assume that my conclusions are 100% accurate.

Quote from: sigmafan on February 15, 2011, 10:51:29 PM
I Honestly believe that people can fall in love based on mental appeal and heart alone, rather than someone who has a hot body or thousands of dollars in the bank or just because their "thang" is longer and thicker than the Simpsons Carbon Rod. 

Ok Sigmafan who is Simpsons Carbon Rod and how do you know about his thang ? inquiering minds want to know  :o

I have a foot fetish...oh damn, wrong kind of sole.

Quote from: Helena on February 17, 2011, 04:58:20 PM
I have a foot fetish...oh damn, wrong kind of sole.
[/quote

That's freaken funny.  ;D

I fell in love with my best friend, first based on his personality and how he acted - not his looks.  We have a deep love for each other (probably me more for him) but at least for him, it can never be romantic because he likes girls and I don't have a girls body (yet  :D ).  I think people can be soul mates without having a romantic relationship, but I think it is very rare.  I like to imagine that those people have several lifetimes together, perhaps as lovers, best friends, family members, etc.  My best friend and I felt like we had known each other for a life time even though we were fairly new acquaintances. Now we are brothers for life (despite some current difficulties). 

Quote from: M2MtF2FtM on February 17, 2011, 04:43:53 PM
Ok Sigmafan who is Simpsons Carbon Rod and how do you know about his thang ? inquiering minds want to know  :o

During an early episode, instead of Homer Simpson being dubbed Worker of the Week, The Carbon Rod was.  After several times of hating on the rod, he actually used it and it got even more popular and even became Time's man of the year because of it.  Homer has hated it since.  But it was quite long and thick.  About a foot long and diameter was about 4 inches.

Quote from: melissa42013 on February 14, 2011, 10:23:18 PM
Thanks for the heads up. Stacy knows New Orleans. I know the east coast. Next trip NYC. Plus, we really are two tg people dont want to mess with........ lol
What a wonderful life..... really..... Rather than the dull numb of florsecent bulbs and a "normal life" we were thrust kicking and screaming into..... this..... a wonderful life..... Who would have guessed? Who would have wanted this? But god, it has been a ride..........tbc....

Well, we still haven't made it to New Orleans but we have made it to Charlotte, Charleston and many other places in that area on four different visits. Have I changed my mind? No  All I can say is that it's been almost 7 months since we met and it only gets better every day....   :-*  I just hope that I don't get stuck in Mozambique for too long since it will be much harder to talk to you or see you.

Quote from: JessicaH on August 17, 2011, 11:31:54 PM
Well, we still haven't made it to New Orleans but we have made it to Charlotte, Charleston and many other places in that area on four different visits. Have I changed my mind? No  All I can say is that it's been almost 7 months since we met and it only gets better every day....   :-*  I just hope that I don't get stuck in Mozambique for too long since it will be much harder to talk to you or see you.

I agree totally and don't really care where we go just as long as we are together. Remember the day when my wife got curious and read this thread on Susans? Wow I thought that was the end of things for me. Well here we are many months later and things are looking really upbeat for all of us. Sure there are many challenges to face, but we can tackle them all together.

And all I can say about Africa is you do realize that while you are there I will have to call you my "African Princess..." ..lol
-M

Speaking from my own experience, yes it's totally possible to fall in love with someones soul. I have :) My present boy friend and I were online friends for almost a year (playing second life) and never even knew what gender either of us were. We became real close, had many very intimate conversations and we fell in love with each other. Finally I told him I was TG and he told me he was a guy. He said he never considered dating a trans person before and he considered himself het. We met in RL and things have just worked out. It took a lot of work and adjusting but 3 years later we are still crazy in love with each other. I actually feel this is the best relationship I have ever been in because I KNOW I love him, who he is inside not what he looks like and vice versa. I guess it didn't hurt when we did meet in RL he was cute :P

Quote from: Stephe on August 18, 2011, 11:22:26 AM
Speaking from my own experience, yes it's totally possible to fall in love with someones soul. I have :) My present boy friend and I were online friends for almost a year (playing second life) and never even knew what gender either of us were. We became real close, had many very intimate conversations and we fell in love with each other. Finally I told him I was TG and he told me he was a guy. He said he never considered dating a trans person before and he considered himself het. We met in RL and things have just worked out. It took a lot of work and adjusting but 3 years later we are still crazy in love with each other. I actually feel this is the best relationship I have ever been in because I KNOW I love him, who he is inside not what he looks like and vice versa. I guess it didn't hurt when we did meet in RL he was cute :P

That would be interesting to join a online dating site which matches people without ever knowing their gender.. hmmm

Quote from: JessicaH on February 14, 2011, 10:11:24 PM
Cant wait for some coffee and beignets from Cafe Du Monde.  It's so awesome to sit outside on the shore of the Mississippi River and enjoy the breeze  while enjoying good coffee and beignets and watching the freaks...

http://www.cafedumonde.com/ (http://www.cafedumonde.com/)

The beignets are ok, but not sit in humidity to eat and people watch OK...I've been known to snag a couple of orders on my way back to the hotel at odd hours though.  Those big lumps of powdered sugar at the bottom of the bag sure make for a dangerous mess though.  And I am sure the hotel cleaning peeps hated when I would eat them in the room because the floor also tended to become a mess.

There is no question though that the mall locations definitely lose the ambiance that might otherwise have existed...

Quote from: Forum Admin on February 13, 2011, 11:22:46 PM
Could you fall for someone's soul (or personality, heart, etc, etc)? Or do you need that initial physical attraction?

Yes, but it's not the same as falling for the whole person, body included, and experiencing that intense combination of lust and love.

Frustratingly, I've only been experiencing stuff like this over the past year.  Feeling a real connection with someone, to a near-romantic degree of intensity, yet having no interest physically (tried to have a relationship; it didn't work).  Or feeling intense physical attraction to someone whose personality repulsed me in certain ways (intriguing, but decided not to go there).

I think it's because I'm still recovering from losing someone I cared about in every way possible.  We live on opposite sides of the world now.  We'll see each other again, but we can't have a relationship.  I fear it may take years to move on, if not a life time, though I am trying.

Quote from: JessicaH on August 17, 2011, 11:31:54 PM
Well, we still haven't made it to New Orleans but we have made it to Charlotte, Charleston and many other places in that area on four different visits. Have I changed my mind? No  All I can say is that it's been almost 7 months since we met and it only gets better every day....   :-*  I just hope that I don't get stuck in Mozambique for too long since it will be much harder to talk to you or see you.

YAY, we are finally making it to New Orleans this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!    ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Quote from: JessicaH on August 30, 2011, 05:34:50 PM
YAY, we are finally making it to New Orleans this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!    ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

New Orleans was awesome even though tropical strm Irene was pounding south Louisiana and we got soaked several times.  The rain and wind was a fair trade-off for the heat and humidity. We had some good laughs at the fundamentalist protesters and I even had a little fun getting in their face.  Melissa thought I was going to get in a fight and get arrested when I stood up for a very nice lady that was being treated horribly by the owners of N'awlins Cafe And Spice Emporium. The two people in the middle of this pic  http://www.wdsu.com/food/28577413/detail.html (http://www.wdsu.com/food/28577413/detail.html) used the F word repeatedly with her and she was only trying to do the right thing and pay for the jar of stuff that broke as she was trying to pay for it. The fat little weasal on the right came around the counter and got in my face and told me it wasn't any of my business and I informed him VERY loudly that "I just made it my business" and that I wasn't going to stand silently while they treat someone in my presence with such rudeness and disrespect.

I may look like a powder puff in my avatar but I am still very strong, even by male standards. My adrenaline was so high and I was so mad that I would have seriously hurt him if he had touched me in any way. Melissa finally drug me away because the shop owners called the cops from the scene I made with them.


We ate too much jambalaya, gumbo and beignets and the  time slipped away, way too fast. I can't wait until our next adventure together but I honestly don't care where it is as long as I am with her.

It's possible but I would like to have some sort of physical attraction.  I'd like to wake up every day to a beautiful face of someone I would love.  Plus I wold want them to think I look sort of good so my confidence in the world will be boosted.