Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi... I'm MtoF, lesbian, interested in getting on hormone therapy.  The problem lies in that hormones, after only a few months, cause permanent infertility.

Now, I could "freeze sperm" but I hear that's a rather expensive option, something I don't think I could manage right now.  My girlfriend is insistent on one day having biological children while I'd rather adopt children someday anyways (I believe it is the more socially responsible action).  I don't have to wait some extended period of time just to afford banking before doing hormones, for something I don't want to do in the first place.

What to do?

Becoming sterile is not a definite ... I have seen stories of women on hrt for years who get their partner pregnant.  Now, if you have surgery then you will definitely be unable to reproduce. 

I would have given the world for a child. (I am however sterile my entire life.) If you are concerned with loosing your fertility then do not go on HRT until you can afford to bank sperm.

Quote from: cynthialee on February 16, 2011, 11:06:33 AM
I would have given the world for a child. (I am however sterile my entire life.) If you are concerned with loosing your fertility then do not go on HRT until you can afford to bank sperm.

That's the thing... I'm personally not concerned, but she is.  If I can't afford banking, I really don't want to wait a year or whatever until I can just to get onto HRT for that reason.

Then go for it. And when it is time for her to get pregnant, find a man or go to a spermbank and she can get pregnant. It doesn't have to be your child obviously. Then you can adopt her child and have that out of the way.
Win win all around.

Quote from: cynthialee on February 16, 2011, 11:21:40 AM
Then go for it. And when it is time for her to get pregnant, find a man or go to a spermbank and she can get pregnant.

I agree.  If it's HER biological children she is concerned about (as opposed to Scarlet's biological children) then there's no reason to wait on HRT.  There are plenty of ways for her to get pregnant.

Quote from: cynthialee on February 16, 2011, 11:21:40 AM
Then go for it. And when it is time for her to get pregnant, find a man or go to a spermbank and she can get pregnant. It doesn't have to be your child obviously. Then you can adopt her child and have that out of the way.
Win win all around.

Unfortunately, she wants it to be my child.

Well that isnt likely to happen now is it?

Quote from: cynthialee on February 16, 2011, 11:54:19 AM
Well that isnt likely to happen now is it?

Hence, conflict  :(

I had to go through the decisions of this before starting HRT too. What I felt, and still do, is that I'm not comfortable with a child being made with my sperm because I should never have been able to produce sperm in the first place. I don't feel like my penis is a part of me, and I definitely don't want what comes with it. My choice and way of thinking aren't for everyone obviously, but it works for me. :)

Quote from: Scarlett86 on February 16, 2011, 11:29:47 AM
Unfortunately, she wants it to be my child.

That complicates things.

If she's that pushy about it, why doesn't she pay for the sperm freezing?  After all, SHE is the one who wants to have YOUR children, not you.

If she isn't willing to compromise, you could always just start HRT and tell her that if she wants your child then she had better do it quickly.  Then again, you should probably not take my advice, as I have a very particular view of "justice" which causes me to come up with generally disagreed with methods of compromise....

Quote from: VeryGnawty on February 16, 2011, 12:22:07 PM
That complicates things.

If she's that pushy about it, why doesn't she pay for the sperm freezing?  After all, SHE is the one who wants to have YOUR children, not you.

If she isn't willing to compromise, you could always just start HRT and tell her that if she wants your child then she had better do it quickly.  Then again, you should probably not take my advice, as I have a very particular view of "justice" which causes me to come up with generally disagreed with methods of compromise....

Haha, well, considering I couldn't afford a child at the moment... that wouldn't work.  But I think I will tell her that this is what I'm going to do, and she can pay for that if she wants it.

Gah, these complications!

It was really important to me to be able to have the possibility of a biological child one day so I froze some swimmers.  I found after the cost of the initial deposit it (~$300), the subsequent yearly feels are reasonable (~$120).  I am in Canada, so am not sure if it is different where you are.  Maybe she would help with the cost of storage because it seems important to her. 
Jenna

At the end of the day, you have to decide what is and isn't worth compromising on.

If you can afford it, wouldn't mind having your sperm used to produce children, and it won't delay other things that are important to your physical and mental health, obviously bank the sperm.  That solves problems.  But depends on money.

If you can't afford it, or it would delay things, then you have to decide - is her wishes or your needs more important?  Can your needs wait and you remain healthy mentally and physically?

If you don't want to have children...well, I think that's your right too, but I probably wouldn't suggest hooking up with someone who wants them badly.

I would be concerned about two things, however.  First, if you and her have different ideas about having kids, that could be a problem.  Second, I could see someone using this as an excuse because they really want you to have the body you have today, not the body you'll have later, and perhaps they think if they can delay it then they can stop it.  That wouldn't be a good relationship to be in.

I'd also remember that plenty of people are sterile to begin with.  Would she not date someone who was sterile?  I know some women wouldn't, and I won't pass judgment on them, but I probably wouldn't want to date one that valued me most for my sperm.

You may not want biological children now, but you can't guarantee you won't change your mind later, after HRT which might awaken a stronger maternal instinct, or after 10....20 years. Making her pay for it all is perhaps something that could cause friction later on but having her help contribute to it sounds like a pretty fair idea.

You can't or won't afford it?

I know it's expensive but your GF seems to be acting fairly reasonably to me.

Maybe you could pay for it jointly as you're a couple that loves and respects each other and if you do that and save $20 a week each you'll have $400 in less than 3 months.

The cost of your hormones would be close to that i would imagine.

I know it's hard to delay transition and I would never suggest someone do that without an important reason but it seems to me a minor delay is not unreasonable to support someone you're talking about having kids with.