Susan's Place Transgender Resources

hi, this is my first time posting :)

I came out to my aunt last night, and we were talking about the next steps, and she asked me if i wanted to have the full op, and if i liked guys or girls...   I said i wasnt sure to both of them, and she said if I wanted to have relationships with girls, i had to have bottom surgery, or I'd be a lesbian (i dont think she understands im really a boy).   but is this true? i want to be considered as straight if i like women, but now im confused :/

thanks
-Jay

That isn't true at all. If you see yourself as male then how can you be a lesbian?
Most guys don't get bottom surgery because they're not happy with the current options, it doesn't make them lesbians.
to be a lesbian you'd have to be female identified.
(You can get prosthetics to have intercourse like a bio-male anyway)

Also, how rude of me, welcome to Susan's. : )

thanks for answering, it's a nightmare trying to tell people im a boy, not a boy-ish girl. so i think ive got a long road ahead of me trying to explain the sexuality thing to them... oh well, i'll just have to deal with it. and thank you for the welcome ^^,

-Jay

Hey, you're welcome! I'm kind of in the same boat, but with my dad. He called me a lesbian even though he knows I'm trans, and he usually makes fun of me by saying female stuff to me on principal. I think the best way to get your aunt to understand that not having bottom surgery doesn't make you a lesbian is telling her that you feel the surgeries aren't up to par (if you feel that way, of course). I wish you luck. : )

Nah, man.  Your orientation depends on what you're attracted to and your gender identity.  You like girls?  You identify as a male?  Bam, straight.  And having sex with girls is still possible without bottom surgery (which most people don't get anyway because it's not that great yet).  Harnesses and strap-ons and such.  So don't let her bother you :)  She just needs to be educated more.  Because you know, there are penisless cismales out there.  They're still considered straight, so why can't you?

Also: Just to add.  You don't have to confine yourself to a label.  It does make things easier, but don't stress over it :) 

Most people just can't separate sexual orientation from gender identity, when in fact the two have nothing to do with each other.

Dang I hope that's not true, or I'm REALLY bad at being a lesbian. I identify as male. I like men. So I'm guessing I'm not a lesbian. The part that gets my goat is that people think I can't identify as male and still like girly things. Helloo? What exactly is a "girly" thing, and why can't I like it?

With your aunt's logic I would be "straight" just because I'm with guys but may not get bottom surgery. I'm very gay TYVM ;)
How our genitals happen to look really does not define who we are or our sexuality.

Welcome to Susan's!