Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So how long were you able to function in your birth gender while on HRT before you started changing enough to start making people ask questions or start having people treat you different? I ask because a friend was shocked by my appearance and couldnt believe my wife hasnt said anything yet, so now I'm worrying if I dont have as much time as I thought to work some things out.

So here are two pictures. One taken about 4 months ago and one taken two days ago. Am I close to being in trouble?

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1226.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fee413%2FStacyBeaumont%2F4montsago.jpg&hash=59f0ae3b4946e91a29ede7957a94076eafc30eee)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1226.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fee413%2FStacyBeaumont%2F2011-02-22_00-50-51_369.jpg&hash=887e878e05e33ecf53f4962ee730d7255e108ecc)

How far in are you? Aren't you only about a month or two in?

You're not far along enough to say something like: "I'm in a rocker stage" and have them not believe it.

It's been about 4 1/2 months so far.

Well. There is a big difference, but someone who sees you everyday won't be able to tell so easily. Has the rest of the body had major changes yet??

Skin is lighter, features are less masculine. The boy's draining off good.

If they ask just say you have been losing weight.  And that would not be lying.  Muscle mass is weight. 

Comb your hair ack away from your face and I dough anyone would notice.

Since your beard is dark, at least you can get laser on it, rather than consuming a lot of time with electrolysis. 

Quote from: Rabbit on February 23, 2011, 05:45:14 PM
I think the only thing that would really "out" you would be breasts (or overdoing the eyebrows). Everything else you can just deny and say "yea? so? my skin is soft, is that a problem?" (but really, who is going to bring up things like that face to face? asking someone if they are secretly taking HRT is kind of out of the normal list of questions for most people :P).

Exactly - who really even has the concept of someone taking HRT on their minds? The general population is pretty ignorant about what is actually involved with transitioning.

One thing that I have found helps is having sported the long hairstyle in the past. Several times in the past few years I have grown out my hair to the 6+ inch range, so me walking around with longer hair doesn't really shock anyone. And it really is about who sees you often and who doesn't - the changes are slow and subtle enough that everyone who I see on a daily basis really doesn't notice anything.

For me, I'm in just about the perfect middle after about 7 months of HRT - I get read as a male when I need to be, but do my hair a little differently and 9 times out of 10 I get read as female.

As long as you don't start doing a bunch of things to draw attention to yourself like changing you username at works to something like "transuser" or insisting you fly on "transair" I think you can buy yourself some more time........ Just dont talk with your TG gf on the phone for five hours a day either.......lol

Today I was at a big corporate logistics meeting with a regional electric company and they wrote a user name and password for guests to use the WiFi. The assigned user name was TRANSGUEST1. WTF? Seems like weird stuff like that has been happening alot lately.

And when we both tried to book flights from different cities to NYC....... travelocity put us both on Transair.... lol

Well, I'm 11 months in and nobody at work knows that I'm aware of... at least I've not gotten wind of anything.  I hope I don't shock everyone too badly when I go full time in a few months.

As for being treated differently, that's a maybe.  A lot of the men seem to treat me nicer now, but that could just be in my head.  Outside of work, I think I probably just confuse a lot of people if I'm boy mode.

I wouldn't worry about it too much Stacy.
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A lot of it will depend on your age.  People in their early 20's won't have a lot of time before things become noticeable.  Unless we're really fortunate with HRT results, middle-age transitioners like us tend to have more time before people notice.
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I'm 37.  I've been on HRT for 13 months now.  I'm almost done with electrolysys, so there's no beard shadow to speak of even if I don't shave for a week.  I have long shoulder-length red hair.  If my brows were any thinner, I wouldn't have any left.  I keep my nails long and trim (no polish though).   Outside of work and family, I'm full time, and people accept me as a woman. 
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At work, and with my family, everyone sees me as a man.  I wear a baggy shirt to hide what little chest development I have, and don't wear any jewelry, but otherwise I look pretty much the same (aside from subtle clothing/makeup/voice/mannerism cues).  And you know what I've learned?...
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...people are dense.  Reeeaaaaally really dense.  As long as you make the changes slowly and don't draw attention to yourself,  it's unlikely anyone will notice.  And even if they do notice something, it's extremely unlikely that they'll think of HRT unless they have previous experience with Trans issues.
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I'm not exactly sure what your friend was so shocked about (the "Rocker" hair maybe?  It looks like it's getting to that awkward middle stage where it may be getting hard to manage.  I always just went along with the 'rocker' 'hippie' and 'headbanger' jokes of my co-workers.  If you keep it light, and it doesn't seem like a big deal to you, it won't seem as big a deal to others.  They may think you're going through a mid-life crisis, or trying to relive your rocker/hippie youth...and then finally and eventually just accept it as you, but you can use their assumptions to help deflect/diffuse the subject.). 
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I think you look enough like the original photo to be just fine for a while.  People will probably notice the hair growing out the most, because there really isn't any way to do that subtly.   Because of that, I'd probably be careful about any other noticeable changes (ie.  thin eyebrows, ear piercings, etc)  I've had long hair for over a decade now, so that hasn't really been an issue for me.  (though I still get the rocker/hippie/headbanger/skater jokes :P  )

But anyway...breathe easy.  You should be fine for a bit. 
We all work at our own pace, and you'll get there when you're ready for it.
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Best of luck,
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Kay

There is a difference between people who see you often and people who only see you once in awhile. The latter group will notice changes that the former will not. Nobody noticed much more than my hair getting longer back in Houston before I ended up moving, but my breasts had gotten larger, skin changed and a host of other differences were apparent to me.

3 months... that was with people in my hometown I hadn't seen them between 0-3 months.

They thought I had a bad case of flu more than anything else and I got alot of "Have you been ill recently?" because I seemed to becoming thinner scrawnier my skin was thinner and paler too and my voice was changing too.  People eventually sussed it out after 4. When my budding came more visible.

At university as they saw most of my changes as they went along and nobody was suspicious they only became aware of my body changing over the 4 month summer holiday 9month total... There is one massively unobservant girl I work with who didn't even notice it then she described it as a "new look" and became aware that something was up when she saw my name on an email I sent her... Everyone else however noticed very quickly. "They have boobs... They don't look or sound like a man anymore... There name has changed in the class register."

Quote from: StacyBeaumont on February 23, 2011, 08:37:18 PM
Today I was at a big corporate logistics meeting with a regional electric company and they wrote a user name and password for guests to use the WiFi. The assigned user name was TRANSGUEST1. WTF? Seems like weird stuff like that has been happening alot lately.

That is a clear windup. But like all windups, it will come with a built in defense, if you say anything you will be made to look bad.

As Kay suggests, rise above it.

I had some natural development at puberty and was between an A and a B cup by 15. Everybody knew I was supposed to be a boy and I thought I was hiding it well until about age 16 when I realized the guys were trying to look down my shirt or "cop a feel" and strangers were calling me she.

Original plan was to wait a year before going full time, however things progressed faster than anticipated, was full time after 6 months.  When i looked enough like a woman to look ok in women's cloths, i self terminated the stealth transition.

Quote from: Izumi on February 24, 2011, 10:34:22 AM
Original plan was to wait a year before going full time, however things progressed faster than anticipated, was full time after 6 months.  When i looked enough like a woman to look ok in women's cloths, i self terminated the stealth transition.

That's my plan 1 year once I start HRT, but if it happens faster that will be ok.

Quote from: Kay on February 23, 2011, 11:47:33 PM
I'm not exactly sure what your friend was so shocked about .....

I am the friend and both my wife and I were shocked when we were video chatting...... So keep in mind that since I am TG and three months into HRT I am OVERLY sensitive to the changes... lol

It just freaked us both out because we wondered what other people see.

The biggest, time versus change, criteria is age. If you are early twenties 4 months can make significant difference, on the other hand, if you are in your 40s 4 months or even year can make visible, but not shocking to public nor friends, changes. Go with transition and when the question arises then you will deal with it. From my own experience, all the planing, dreaming and strategies went out the window in split second last Christmas. So go with the flow and enjoy this time like never before!

Quote from: alexia elliot on February 25, 2011, 12:41:03 PM
The biggest, time versus change, criteria is age. If you are early twenties 4 months can make significant difference, on the other hand, if you are in your 40s 4 months or even year can make visible, but not shocking to public nor friends, changes. Go with transition and when the question arises then you will deal with it. From my own experience, all the planing, dreaming and strategies went out the window in split second last Christmas. So go with the flow and enjoy this time like never before!

Alexia, I agree with your sentiment in general about the unpredictability of transition, but I also think you need to apply that to results. You can't predict how the E is going to change you at whatever age. There are just probabilities.

I've posted this before, but here I am in August 2010 age 39.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1124.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fl567%2FMelodyMaia%2Fbefore.jpg&hash=a9056c56675ffba2c8e8539d93f5307b5728fd62)

and here I am after exactly three months of HRT at nearly 40 (I just turned 40 two weeks ago now).

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1124.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fl567%2FMelodyMaia%2FDSC_6710.jpg&hash=677c9c652fe67c2be0512489b76b54f959643f1f)

You might not, but I think those are shocking results. Perhaps I am a statistical outlier, but it can happen.

WOW, all I can say, I wish your results onto everyone, simply fantastic!
But as you point out, you might be one of very few "fortunate genetic club" galls with these results.
Love, Alexia.

Quote from: alexia elliot on February 25, 2011, 02:09:42 PM
WOW, all I can say, I wish your results onto everyone, simply fantastic!
But as you point out, you might be one of very few "fortunate genetic club" galls with these results.
Love, Alexia.

Thanks hon. I wish everyone my same luck too. I am starting to forget what it was like to be him. It was certainly a dull and grey life.

To get back to the original topic, the funny thing about the above examples is that nobody seemed to notice much throughout that change. Local friends and neighbors, once I came out to them, would remark that they didn't see it. It seems the only thing they noticed was my hair was getting longer. LOL! I moved out of town about a week after the second pic, so it will be interesting to see their reactions from this point on.

This is me before

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi810.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fzz22%2Fskyanne_album%2FIMG_0310.jpg&hash=aff376ec04a8c5504e8fba5156388bac25e0bdff)

And this is me after roughly three and a half weeks of Estrogen

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi810.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fzz22%2Fskyanne_album%2Fweek353.jpg&hash=ebc481c5b328bdaa33c5019a9060edfb50d853a6)

I was originally planning to wait like a year before saying anything at work..but stuff seems to be changing so fast I'm not sure if that's gonna work now.  I dunno if things will continue to change at the same pace, but if they do for me at least I think a stealth transition is gonna be hard.

I turned 41 in December so I know I wont get the results of a 20 something. Luckily, I never had much in the way of masculine features to start with so it's not going to take as much as some others, to tip the scale...

Quote from: StacyBeaumont on February 25, 2011, 02:36:33 PM
I turned 41 in December so I know I wont get the results of a 20 something. Luckily, I never had much in the way of masculine features to start with so it's not going to take as much as some others, to tip the scale...

I think you look pretty good already Stacy! I think the only thing you can say is that you might not get the results YOU would have gotten had you started at 20. As you say, your features aren't terribly masculine and should translate from one to the other.

Quote from: Melody Maia on February 25, 2011, 02:39:49 PM
I think you look pretty good already Stacy! I think the only thing you can say is that you might not get the results YOU would have gotten had you started at 20. As you say, your features aren't terribly masculine and should translate from one to the other.

This totally, with all the absolutely goregeous 40+ transitioners, the whole 'you've gotta do it before 25 or you won't get good results' thing just seems like a lot of nonsense.

Quote from: Skyanne on February 25, 2011, 02:42:20 PM
This totally, with all the absolutely goregeous 40+ transitioners, the whole 'you've gotta do it before 25 or you won't get good results' thing just seems like a lot of nonsense.

Oh, how I want it to be just that, "lot of nonsense" and as much as I seem to be, sometimes too pessimistic in my view of reality, I too have experienced visible change and might you believe, it turns out all was the result of my minds power and tremendous want to change. I was self meding Natural( soy based) form of estrogen, and recently when finally committing to real HRT and my blood test showing normal male hormone levels I was astounded when comparing my pic from 1 and half ago:
(https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/_vp1mtaeGfoY/TWqUkXc43DI/AAAAAAAAA2k/90Ca-NgRigI/Side%20by%20side%201.5%20years%20bb.jpg)
Image on the right is before real HRT begun and with all the male hormones within normal aspect( testosterone on the lowest spectrum though) :)
BTW, Skyanne, get your date book ready, your transition, given time, is remarkable!

Alexia, no fair posting your brothers picture and claim it is really you.  :D

Don't worry, Babe I get accused of posting a picture of my Dad.  And I know I did not do that, and you did not ether.

Sexy woman.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on February 27, 2011, 12:36:57 PM
Alexia, no fair posting your brothers picture and claim it is really you.  :D

Don't worry, Babe I get accused of posting a picture of my Dad.  And I know I did not do that, and you did not ether.

Sexy woman.

Janet, you have always been my rock when at times I couldn't bare the weight. You are awesome friend and as I told you many times before, you too are morphing into this gorgeous woman you are. No wonder the remarks about your fathers pictures :)

Quote from: alexia elliot on February 27, 2011, 12:15:07 PM

Image on the right is before real HRT begun and with all the male hormones within normal aspect( testosterone on the lowest spectrum though) :)
BTW, Skyanne, get your date book ready, your transition, given time, is remarkable!

Okay, I'm confused. The picture of you on the left is one of you while you were tinkering with soy based estrogens, and the one on the right is on real HRT? for how long?

Quote from: EmmaM on February 27, 2011, 01:23:20 PM
Okay, I'm confused. The picture of you on the left is one of you while you were tinkering with soy based estrogens, and the one on the right is on real HRT? for how long?

The image on the left is after 1 year of Natural hormones, image on the right 1 and 1/2 years later but before real HRT. I do not have HRT images yet to show for because I just started week ago. I suspect some help from Naturals but since blood test revealed little hormonal change I am pushed to credit results mostly to power of our mind in absolute devotion to change.

Very cool  :)

I was wondering similar thought. I have noticed facial differences, but I'm not even shocked at the differences, and most close to me think the same. (I suppose)

I present male 90% of the time although I don't push it, I'm fairly androgynous. In a matter of 10 minutes I can go from being misgendered at a store and then go to dealing with a business associate, family or freind and I'm still that guy.

This does give me some anxiety, as I'm not trying to present female.  I have asked a freind (mtf) and my therapist what specific marker is identifying me as female. My freind of course says everything, my therapist can't pin point it.

Shelly

Congrats on making it that long! I don't think I could start something like this without telling my wife.

Quote from: Just Shelly on February 27, 2011, 03:42:38 PM
I was wondering similar thought. I have noticed facial differences, but I'm not even shocked at the differences, and most close to me think the same. (I suppose)

I present male 90% of the time although I don't push it, I'm fairly androgynous. In a matter of 10 minutes I can go from being misgendered at a store and then go to dealing with a business associate, family or freind and I'm still that guy.

This does give me some anxiety, as I'm not trying to present female.  I have asked a freind (mtf) and my therapist what specific marker is identifying me as female. My freind of course says everything, my therapist can't pin point it.

Shelly

I think they can't pinpoint it because it is not any one thing. I firmly believe after awhile we just give off a feminine aura. I don't know, something softer, the way we cary ourselves, stand, tilt our head, speak, look at people, it is just a mass of things. The line between masculine and feminine can be very thin once we are generally physically in the andro phase.

Quote from: melissa42013 on February 24, 2011, 05:49:24 PM
I am the friend and both my wife and I were shocked when we were video chatting...... So keep in mind that since I am TG and three months into HRT I am OVERLY sensitive to the changes... lol

It just freaked us both out because we wondered what other people see.

After spending 5 days with you and your wife, at least you don't have to WONDER what other people see! lol   :o

No, no, Not at all, it's not like I got outed to my neighbor by my wife after she thought there was "something special" about you.... lol...
Didn't know at that time she had studied TG in college for her Psych degree..........
We tried to explain it off as "He's just from Texas but that didn't work....
LOL.... at least my wife has another outlet she can share with now.
Crazy girl.....

And I thought I was pouring on the manliness for the neigbors benefit, when they came over for the party.  ::)

I actually don't think age plays a huge role in the changes that happen.  I mean, none of the changes are bone-related or anything that would be permanent if you went off HRT (except boobs).  So, the changes are soft-tissue related and stuff.  I'm 18 and have been on estrogen for 9 months and spiro for 17 months.  No one has said anything about me looking different, but I have been called "ma'm" a few times, when I'm with another female we are a lot of the time called "ladies" and when I exited the men's bathroom an old man said to me "Hey, you went in the men's room!"  Things like this never happened before HRT (except when I was 13 or 14 and had very long hair and was very petite.)  It also really depends how you present yourself in public along with the (sort of subtle) effects of hormones!  Like, if you dress in very masculine outfits and have short hair and hide your breast development and grow facial hair, people won't think too much!  However, if you sort of dress more androgynous with baggy clothing, have a clean-shaven face and grow your hair out combined with the effects of hormones, people will start to notice more! 

Update: It's been almost 9 months since starting a full transition dose of HRT and things are going well. I still haven't been outed to anyone who I didn't tell myself and anyone I have told seems really surprised. My wife still doesn't know and I am blown away that she hasnt said anything about me growing "breasts".

My last blood test had my T below 20 and E about 150. Amazingly, there hasnt been any loss of "ability" with my wife but my libido is much lower and I'd assume just cuddle. My new problem is that I'm getting sent to Mozambique, Africa for an undetermined amount of time which could cause problems if too many people go too long without seeing me...

Hi  Jessica,
can always blame it on the Mozambiquen water..., maybe more so if bottled, and to prevent getting the "runs" from the tap.
There is said to be loads of E present in those plastic bottles.
Older guys got boobs from it, why not you? :-)

Axelle

Jessica,

How long you WANT to remain stealth? While your breasts WILL eventually become obvious to everyone, that doesn't mean you must break stealth. Gynecomastia is more evident today than ever and develops for no apparent reason on men of all ages, but especially those over 40. If you continue to present yourself as a man in the way you act, dress, accessorize, carry yourself, male voice, and converse on masculine subjects, you might possibly be able to remain in stealth indefinitely. Obviously having breasts will invoke questions in people's minds, but if anyone asks, just tell them your doctor prescribed some medicines that had a side effect of gynecomastia, which is the truth. If they don't know what gynecomastia is tell them to Google it. You don't have to explain nor reveal that you're in transition.

IMO, you sacrifice the ability to remain stealth when you shape your brows and grow your fingernails. These are things you can't take or wash off if someone comes to the door. Other actions when done in public such as wearing makeup and earrings, applying feminine movement, speaking in a higher tone of voice, changing your name to a female name, etc., are all confusing for people, and they may not know how to interpret your actions, but they know you've violated a gender line. The evidence of long term HRT in having breasts and a female physique only proliferates their suspicions. That doesn't mean you'll pass as a woman, only that you've gone beyond the social norm, if that makes sense.

The one person you can't hide from is your wife, whom I'd assume sees and touches you daily without a shirt on. She knows what budding breasts feel like, especially when the nodules start to grow behind the nipples. If you're at that point, I doubt your wife hasn't noticed. She probably just doesn't know how to confront you with the question of what is going on. She may or may not suspect you're transsexual.

My biggest concern is that I want to go as far as I can before making the jump. I want to have the best chances of passing when I go full time. I'm hoping that I can maintain the HRT program while saving up and making plans then take a month of adn get some FFS and liposuction then go full time. As for my wife, I only see her on weekends and she doesn't seem alarmed by anything yet.

I don't know. I know that when I was going through "stealth transistion" I thought I did a good job of keeping things apparently "normal". Then again there were a couple times that rude conversations about transsexuals popped in my presence which seemed rather pointed. But I was pretty feminine in my general appearance at the time (no beard, long feminine hair, eyebrows somewhat shaped).

I was vaguely stealth for just over a year and a half because nobody in my world is very inquisitive.

Realized in July 2009 that I'd transition and began to grow my hair out.  That's also when I started wearing eyeliner out in public full time (including to work because we had no dress code).  Eventually my hair grew longer, I started laser hair removal, started wearing eyeshadow, foundation, and powder.  Though I wore basically the same jeans and t-shirt as before, I started wearing skinny jeans and girl-cut shirts.

The final jump was last September when I started HRT.  My first three months were worthless (T was still at 650) so I didn't really start functioning HRT until late December 2010.  In February, I began wearing nail polish and lipstick, but still nobody questioned me.  Not my boss, not my coworkers, not my students, not my friends, not my parents.  The only people who even brought it up asked if I was emo and told me I looked like AFI's lead singer Davey Havok.  By that point, I didn't know what it would take to get anyone's attention, but I realized just how much I was getting away with.  At the start of this process in July '09, I looked like this (picture taken the very day I decided to transition):

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.theforestatnight.com%2Fsusans%2FBefore4.jpg&hash=31eec7ac2cc7c2b6681a698be35c4c16bb71cc46)

On February 24 of this year, I looked like this:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.theforestatnight.com%2Fsusans%2F2011-02-24%252021.51.21.jpg&hash=7525876cfb590678ec870f66b70203e2f53a433b)

And yet nobody in my life questioned the changes.  Not a single person.  So during the third and fourth weeks of February, I came out to all of my friends and family.  Then on the Wednesday of the first week of March, I walked out into public for the first time in unmistakably female clothing.  Of all places I could have gone, it was to work.  Told my boss I was trans, I was going full time, and she asked if I wanted to make an announcement at the meeting that Friday, which I did (and that was my coming out to all of my coworkers).  That was officially my first day of full time, and my friend unexpectedly dragged me out to a club (not even a gay club) that night.  Talk about trial by fire!

Not exactly a stealth transition, but it was definitely transition without telling anyone!  And it lasted from July '09 to March '11.

Though something tells me the people in your life may be slightly more observant or inquisitive than the people in mine, eh?

Quote from: JessicaH on August 17, 2011, 11:52:13 PM
My new problem is that I'm getting sent to Mozambique, Africa for an undetermined amount of time which could cause problems if too many people go too long without seeing me...

Do you have a plan for a reliable source of HRT drugs while you're in Mozambique?  I'd imagine its going to be difficult at best to have a steady supply of medications, that could be a greater problem to your overall goals then anything else that's been mentioned so far.

Quote from: AmySmiles on February 23, 2011, 09:16:26 PM
A lot of the men seem to treat me nicer now, but that could just be in my head.

Some of it is just from less T floating around. Ypeople usually become less confrontational as the T levels drop off so you are nicer, they respond likewise :)

Stephe

Only been 6.5 years , no beard , and little other work.  People must notice but are too polite in my neighborhood.  I guess I can remain stealth for rest of my days if I want.

Quote from: Zoë Natasha on August 18, 2011, 05:57:23 PM
I was vaguely stealth for just over a year and a half because nobody in my world is very inquisitive.

I guess some of it is: It's none of most peoples business IMHO so they just keep it to themselves. I became VERY fem, shaped browns, mostly girls jeans and tops, carrying a purse etc and only a very few people I know said anything, including my parents. And the few that did were more along the lines of fashion advice, which I was glad to get :) Only after I changed my name, wore long hair and skirts did the "I have changed my gender" thing become what I call obvious. But even at this point only 1-2 people have asked if I am going to have surgery -down there-, my answer is "How do you know I haven't already?" lol

Quote from: Zoë Natasha on August 18, 2011, 05:57:23 PM
Though something tells me the people in your life may be slightly more observant or inquisitive than the people in mine, eh?

Yea, I definately have some observant and inquisitive people in my life. I'm surprised I haven't had anyone make a comment on my "gyno" excpt for a joke my wife made as she lightly poked my nipple and said I was looking "a little pokey."  Hell, I'm shocked sometimes when I see myself in the mirror with or without a shirt. My current band measurement is 40 and my bust measurement is 46" after 8.5 months HRT. I think boobs are going to be what gives me away...

Quote from: regan on August 18, 2011, 06:51:38 PM
Do you have a plan for a reliable source of HRT drugs while you're in Mozambique?  I'd imagine its going to be difficult at best to have a steady supply of medications, that could be a greater problem to your overall goals then anything else that's been mentioned so far.

I'm planning on taking 3 months supply with me and I may be able to buy what I need over the counter there. I will also be able to have my doc fax or email a script. I also may be able to drive down into South Africa where things are much more western or I can get my BFF to mail me what I need from my scripts or from alternate sourse.

I don't think my testes function anymore so I dont' think T will be a problem.

Quote from: Stephe on August 18, 2011, 08:41:20 PM

I guess some of it is: It's none of most peoples business IMHO so they just keep it to themselves. I became VERY fem, shaped browns, mostly girls jeans and tops, carrying a purse etc and only a very few people I know said anything, including my parents. And the few that did were more along the lines of fashion advice, which I was glad to get :) Only after I changed my name, wore long hair and skirts did the "I have changed my gender" thing become what I call obvious. But even at this point only 1-2 people have asked if I am going to have surgery -down there-, my answer is "How do you know I haven't already?" lol

Agree.  I do not wear a wig.  I do not change my voice.  I do not wear a dress.  I do not wear high heels.  I do a lot of other things.  People say nothing.  I guess it's just gynecomastia and pink nails and dyed and shaped eye brows.  Nothing unusual.

I'm rather interested in this topic because I plan to do a stealth transition to a degree myself. I've started adding more feminine looking clothes at work so that things won't come totally out of the blue. A few friends know but not the details. I am holding off on hrt for a little bit but plan to move in that direction shortly. I want to work it in with my 7 months off for paternity in the spring where I can take my time with transition and just be with family.

My wife and I are in constant communication about it and as much as it scares her sometimes at other times she would prefer to move along on that front. Even since talking about it, she notices how much more feminine, communicative, and open I am which she loves although there are still rounds of fear and confusion. I can appreciate your desire to be stealth and I hope you find a way to engage with your wife because it sounds like this is a struggle (might be misinterpreting). Do you think your wife saying you were "pokey" in relation to your breasts was a very low key way of openning the door to the conversation? If so, it might be worth taking... I know that I'm watching constantly for quiet opportunities with the right people. I think sometimes being aware and choosing the right moment can make a huge difference to people's reception of us.

Quote from: JessicaH on August 18, 2011, 08:59:42 PM
I don't think my testes function anymore so I dont' think T will be a problem.

As long as they're a part of you, they're still producing T.

Quote from: regan on August 18, 2011, 09:28:35 PM
As long as they're a part of you, they're still producing T.

Normally, that would be true.... I have rendered mine rather inert.

Quote from: JessicaH on August 18, 2011, 10:11:42 PM
Normally, that would be true.... I have rendered mine rather inert.

That depends on your constitution.  I had a scare last month when I was on a 2 week trip with family and I did not take my spiro because I didn't want to stop every two hours to take a dump.  When I woke up the morning after I arrived back home, I had this hard erection in my sleep and I woke up to pain caused by the erection causing 2 small tears, with a small amount of blood about midway down the member.  The skin had shrunk some since starting HRT and became thinner, but my erection range very little.  Be careful what you say!  It may later bite you on the arse! 
  No stealth, except public.  Everybody knows what I am doing and why.  There are still more gynocomastic men that are more 'endowed' than I!
  Joelene

Quote from: Joelene9 on August 18, 2011, 11:40:20 PM
  That depends on your constitution.  I had a scare last month when I was on a 2 week trip with family and I did not take my spiro because I didn't want to stop every two hours to take a dump.  When I woke up the morning after I arrived back home, I had this hard erection in my sleep and I woke up to pain caused by the erection causing 2 small tears, with a small amount of blood about midway down the member.  The skin had shrunk some since starting HRT and became thinner, but my erection range very little.  Be careful what you say!  It may later bite you on the arse! 
  No stealth, except public.  Everybody knows what I am doing and why.  There are still more gynocomastic men that are more 'endowed' than I!
  Joelene

Friend ran out of money and stopped taking T blockers.  Had same situation as described above.  After a while you will be sterile but if you stop blockers T will be produced again.    If testes are crushed or removed then T should be very low and you should never need to use T blockers again.

Quote from: JessicaH on August 18, 2011, 08:59:42 PM
My current band measurement is 40 and my bust measurement is 46" after 8.5 months HRT. I think boobs are going to be what gives me away...

A cup size a year is good results.  I will guess you were muscular.  About a "C" and puppies are hard to hide.  Men sometimes talk to my chest. It does not upset me but it seems rude.  They bother my wife more than anything I have done.

All in all, your mileage may vary.

My friends began noticing changes by my first month of HRT and asking questions. There were rumours going around and some of them wondered if I was taking hormones. I'm a med student so they KNOW this stuff exists.

By the midle of the 4th month I went full time because everyone in University knew, I don't really need to pass at the moment either. So there. What I thought would be like 10 months of HRT in stealth turned into me going full time out of the blue :D

Anyone get a response like this?:

"No offense, but you really lost a ton of weight, you're down to your fighting weight!"

Quote from: EmmaM on August 19, 2011, 10:58:48 PM
Anyone get a response like this?:

"No offense, but you really lost a ton of weight, you're down to your fighting weight!"

Quite the opposite!  But that's because I gained 25 pounds. :)  All I hear about is how much better I look than I did two years ago when I was 45 pounds less than I am now (5'11, 100 pounds).

I'm 5 months into hormones... completely redid my eyebrows (a BIG change)... my hair is growing out... my chest is getting lumps... and dressing in brighter colors / not covering my body with a heavy coat... and posting pictures of myself on facebook which look more feminine (headbands / expression and things).... oh, and on facebook my name is "Ivory" (and people know I use that name a lot)... oh, and my comments online (to lots of people i see at school constantly) are very feminine / cutesy.

And STILL no one is suspects I am trans hahaha. I think everyone just assumes I am gay.

No one says a word about how I look (though, sometimes I feel as if someone might be looking at me a little too long or something). They don't even talk about me much behind my back (I have spies :P). A few months ago I went monkey crazy on my eyebrows and showed up to class the next day... no one said a word.

Apparently it takes a LOT for people to start thinking "trans". I act like a guy (pretty much) face to face... give the "hows it going" greating and the headnod... and just chat like nothing is going on.

Though, I have noticed a little bit of people treating me differently / more gently. For example, I was out to dinner with a few people from class last week (one female and 2 males), and one of the guys was talking about some sex documentary he had watched. He kept asking if he was offending me (I was laughing with everyone else), but didn't say anything to the woman sitting right there (who is actually a year younger than me and very feminine, so wasn't an age thing). And after dinner he apologized to me if he had offended me for the topic.

Sooo, I guess people definitely do see me differently ... but I think still male. Just a sensitive / fragile male? Which has actually been my experience for a long time (guys I date treat me the same way)... so, works for me. (Or maybe I am granted a little extra "weird-wiggle-room" for being an artist?)  I really don't care about the gender thing, just as long as people treat me in a way I like and are sensitive to the fact some things make me uncomfortable :P And as long as they see me as "a nice person" who they have no problem hanging out with or working with, I am happy :)

My biggest help was just getting rid of the five o'clock shadow that showed no matter the time of day. I started my full time at work as I started the HRT... and HRT back then was not what it is today. I had already gone through a few years of perfecting the passing in public part. I traveled a lot and I'd spend my free time at nights en femme. It was pretty bad sometimes. By the time I went full time, I had my face "cleared" which meant that my electrolyses person could complete my face in a single 3 hour session twice a week.

Everyone has different issues to deal with. Mine was losing some weight and getting rid of the facial hair.  Quite honestly, I don't know that my HRT ever really did much for me.  I quit taking hormones over a dozen years ago for other medical reasons.

Cindi

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost 2 years since I started this thread.

Judging by your avatar pic you are looking great Jessica  :)

I'd think by this point that the stealth thing would be very hard for you to pull off.

Okay an update since I see I had posted in this thread almost 2 years ago.

I went about 7 months then I told a few friends who were all very accepting.  When I was laid off work at about 1 year on HRT; On my final day of work I wrote a goodbye letter to my department and I announced to everyone in my department that I was transitioning to female.  I was amazed at the outpouring of love I got from so many people in my department. (Everyone had thought I was gay but this took them by surprise)  I had planned on tranisitoning full time on the job after I had changed my name legally, possibly could have been a reason I was laid off but can't prove it as they laid off about 10 other people at the same time as me.

I legally changed my name 2 weeks after I was laid off.

Quote from: riven1 on December 11, 2012, 09:10:10 AM
Judging by your avatar pic you are looking great Jessica  :)

I'd think by this point that the stealth thing would be very hard for you to pull off.

You are far too kind. I did start laser on my face and after two sessions, I have no beard shadow and my skin is as smooth as my wifes. It's kind of scary because I swear it looks like I have on makeup but no one has said anything or given me a particular funny look. I will post a boy-mode pic tonight for the follow up. Fitting that I do a follow up pic since it's been 2 years on low dose HRT and blockers AND it's my 43rd birthday!

Any updates? Am in the midst of a such a "transition" myself and this thread has been a fantastic motivator/stress reducer.

Wow, it's been over 5 months since I posted the last update here. Nothing really to report except an embarrassing incident when I went for a massage in Jiangmen, China with a vendor. I didn't realize that you have to shower before and after requiring you to go naked through the locker room with a towl and then dress in some chinese shorts and then the massage room was a double that included my vendor and when I had to roll over on my back, the chinese girls giggled a little bit after my masseuse said something. My host (a chinese guy) said something like, "She said you bigger and she use much more oil than normal," and the girls giggled again. I did my best to just seem unfazed but I was feeling a bit embarrased...   FML 

Sure an update -

9-12 months in I started to be gendered female in guy clothes (as my hair grew I guess). From then, it kept increasing more and more... until being gendered female was more regular.

Now 25 months and it is all the time (I don't dress girly, I wear just buttondown shirts and guy pants typically... but my chest is pretty obvious, so, no hiding that).

Was just a really gradual move as people saw me differently. I still get gendered male now and then, but typically I guess people think I'm female (especially if I put on a little foundation or something). I think I look male, so it is causing me some stress... so.... humm, I think I need to "pick a side" soon? :P

You don't really have to "pick a side."  You can just be "you."  Let the chips fall where they may.