Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Devyn on March 03, 2011, 06:48:34 PM Return to Full Version
Title: I came out.
Post by: Devyn on March 03, 2011, 06:48:34 PM
Post by: Devyn on March 03, 2011, 06:48:34 PM
Oh god, I can't believe I did it.
Of course, it was easier because my mom already knew, but she doesn't seem to understand, I think. When she found out originally, she researched transgender people to figure it out, but she still doesn't seem to get it.
She told people in my family without my knowledge. And I asked if I could present myself as a boy when we move this October, and she said she doesn't want to move if I'm going to do that because it could be dangerous. I'M ALREADY OUT WHERE I LIVE NOW, AND THAT'S EVEN MORE DANGEROUS. At least, I think it is.
My mom and step dad apparently blame Degrassi because it "got the idea in my head" (which isn't true, I already knew about it.)
In any case, my mom claims there were no signs, but when I was younger, I was so frustrated with my body that I forced myself to learn to pee standing up, and then called my best friend over to tell her about it. If that's not a huge red flag right there, then I don't know what is. How about crying when my parents put me into dresses when I was 2? Is that not a sign?
And she tried relating to me by saying "Oh, well, I thought I was supposed to be a boy when I was your age....I was the bully and I was tough, and..." and I said that it's not like that. I said, quote, "it has nothing to do with personality. I just feel like something is missing. And it hurts."
She told me that she thinks I need to grow up first and figure out "who I am". Because apparently you have to be 25+ to know you're transgender.
She doesn't understand why I can't just be a lesbian. She told my cousins, and they both said to her that they love me anyway and that if I ever need somebody to talk to, they're there for me. So...why can't she be that good about it?
:I I don't know. I'm...I'm sort of regretting telling her, but she already knew. So, you know, whatever.
She accepts that I'm bisexual now, though. XD Interestingly enough. And I came out to her as bisexual back in July 2010.
Anyway, I think that's all I have to say...I don't remember the event that well, to be honest, even though it was only an hour ago.
Of course, it was easier because my mom already knew, but she doesn't seem to understand, I think. When she found out originally, she researched transgender people to figure it out, but she still doesn't seem to get it.
She told people in my family without my knowledge. And I asked if I could present myself as a boy when we move this October, and she said she doesn't want to move if I'm going to do that because it could be dangerous. I'M ALREADY OUT WHERE I LIVE NOW, AND THAT'S EVEN MORE DANGEROUS. At least, I think it is.
My mom and step dad apparently blame Degrassi because it "got the idea in my head" (which isn't true, I already knew about it.)
In any case, my mom claims there were no signs, but when I was younger, I was so frustrated with my body that I forced myself to learn to pee standing up, and then called my best friend over to tell her about it. If that's not a huge red flag right there, then I don't know what is. How about crying when my parents put me into dresses when I was 2? Is that not a sign?
And she tried relating to me by saying "Oh, well, I thought I was supposed to be a boy when I was your age....I was the bully and I was tough, and..." and I said that it's not like that. I said, quote, "it has nothing to do with personality. I just feel like something is missing. And it hurts."
She told me that she thinks I need to grow up first and figure out "who I am". Because apparently you have to be 25+ to know you're transgender.
She doesn't understand why I can't just be a lesbian. She told my cousins, and they both said to her that they love me anyway and that if I ever need somebody to talk to, they're there for me. So...why can't she be that good about it?
:I I don't know. I'm...I'm sort of regretting telling her, but she already knew. So, you know, whatever.
She accepts that I'm bisexual now, though. XD Interestingly enough. And I came out to her as bisexual back in July 2010.
Anyway, I think that's all I have to say...I don't remember the event that well, to be honest, even though it was only an hour ago.
Title: Re: I came out.
Post by: lancem27 on March 03, 2011, 07:03:39 PM
Post by: lancem27 on March 03, 2011, 07:03:39 PM
Sorry her response wasn't stellar, but good for you. :)
I am deathly curious to know how the "brain hasn't developed until 25" thing became such a motto for anti-trans ->-bleeped-<-. I hear it a lot.
BTW: the female brain as far as I know develops at age 20, male at 25, so if she says you need until age 25 she's basically agreeing you have a male brain? ;)
QuoteBecause apparently you have to be 25+ to know you're transgender.
I am deathly curious to know how the "brain hasn't developed until 25" thing became such a motto for anti-trans ->-bleeped-<-. I hear it a lot.
BTW: the female brain as far as I know develops at age 20, male at 25, so if she says you need until age 25 she's basically agreeing you have a male brain? ;)
Title: Re: I came out.
Post by: spacial on March 04, 2011, 07:17:09 AM
Post by: spacial on March 04, 2011, 07:17:09 AM
Quote from: Devyn on March 03, 2011, 06:48:34 PM
She told me that she thinks I need to grow up first and figure out "who I am". Because apparently you have to be 25+ to know you're transgender.
Many authorities suggest that the realiseation occurs around 2 years old.
I really wish I could find the reference.
If I can, you could show that to her.
Adition.
I know I've seen this reference to 2 years in a sourced publication, but can't find it.
I did find this. It isn't sourced, but never-the-less, this is a reputable organisation.
http://www.mermaidsuk.org.uk/New%20Mermaids/whatisgid.htm (http://www.mermaidsuk.org.uk/New%20Mermaids/whatisgid.htm)
Title: Re: I came out.
Post by: Mrs Erocse on March 04, 2011, 08:23:46 AM
Post by: Mrs Erocse on March 04, 2011, 08:23:46 AM
Devin,
Thank you for sharing that. I hope your Mom will come around with time and with familiarity. I have been following your posts and know that you are struggling with your Mom. Our mom's are pretty important in all of our lives.
Roxy suggests, that when it comes time to move, show her how nice it is to have a son. Help with packing and loading boxes. Make a point of treating her like a lady. Hold the door for her. Get her giggling and appreciative, let her think how nice it will be.
Wishing you the best.
Hugs,
Patty & Roxy
Thank you for sharing that. I hope your Mom will come around with time and with familiarity. I have been following your posts and know that you are struggling with your Mom. Our mom's are pretty important in all of our lives.
Roxy suggests, that when it comes time to move, show her how nice it is to have a son. Help with packing and loading boxes. Make a point of treating her like a lady. Hold the door for her. Get her giggling and appreciative, let her think how nice it will be.
Wishing you the best.
Hugs,
Patty & Roxy
Title: Re: I came out.
Post by: spacial on March 04, 2011, 12:04:59 PM
Post by: spacial on March 04, 2011, 12:04:59 PM
Come to think of it Devin, Patty's suggestion is almost certainly a lot better than mine.
Show her who you are and all you can be. Running around, challanging her opinions is just going to put her back up.
Good luck.
Show her who you are and all you can be. Running around, challanging her opinions is just going to put her back up.
Good luck.