Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Does anyone else who has a partner/kids or not feel guilty about spending money on top surgery? I know that I do, I'm still pre-op, but we are planning on using our next tax return to do my surgery, but I can't help but beat myself up about spending that kind of money when I think about all the things it could go to for my fiance, our daughter or the house all that. Even tho I know that the surgery is not only whats best for me, but for our family (BC changed means we can finally get married and I can legally adopt our daughter). Just can't seem to get the thoughts out of my head lately.

It's not a selfish act although it sounds like it is to others.

It is also for your health physically and mentally. Physically, binding can be really damaging to the lungs and ribs and cause breathing problems, it can cause problems with posture, back aches, etc. Mentally, it can make you depressed, unable to look in the mirror, cause issues in social situations such as changing at the gym or swimming. I'm sure the list can go on and on, and being unhappy without surgery can be unintentionally be dumped on to other people around you and that isn't good either.

It is no more selfish than people getting braces to align their teeth.

Hope that makes sense.

I don't. I've put it off for a variety of things over the last few years and now I have to do it for me. Yes, this may make this year strapped but the confidence and happiness (which in turn means less stress and more work confidence thus more money) will be worth it in the long run.

logically i know i'm not being selfish, but mentally i just have a hard time getting over it. Not only will it benefit me physically, mentally etc etc, but i work in the construction trades which is predominately male to begin with and on top of that wearing binders in the florida sun sucks, even just having my mind stuck on how uncomfortable i am is dangerous in my profession (i'm an electrician) because not paying attention can get me killed. just wish i could get my logical brain to coinside with my fricken irrational brain...ugg

You're not alone in feeling this way. I've gone through this, too. But I have to keep reminding myself that if I hadn't transitioned I'm not sure I would have stayed alive. And part of transitioning for me has been surgical. I still get a little guilty, though, when I think about the money spent... however, I'm happy to be alive and whole now, so I guess that trumps the guilt.

Part of the reason you're doing this (besides the personal mental and physical benefits of course) is so you can marry the woman you love and adopt the daughter that you also love.  I fail to see the selfishness of this decision.  But that's just the humanist in me.  :)

Ya'll are right, guess its just that part of me that has ALWAYS hated spending money on myself, I prefer to do things for my fiance and daughter. I just have to get myself to realize that this is as much for them as it is for me.

Quote from: Thatman on March 15, 2011, 11:38:34 AM
Ya'll are right, guess its just that part of me that has ALWAYS hated spending money on myself, I prefer to do things for my fiance and daughter. I just have to get myself to realize that this is as much for them as it is for me.

You sound a lot like my father.  HATES spending money on himself and almost never does (unless his work clothes are falling apart).  He CAN justify spending on himself when it involves mom or I.  In short, you are awesome and because you're so selfless you owe it to yourself to do it.  Seriously, best of luck dude.

thanks man, that means a lot to me.

Quote from: Heath on March 15, 2011, 01:08:57 PM
You sound a lot like my father.  HATES spending money on himself and almost never does (unless his work clothes are falling apart).  He CAN justify spending on himself when it involves mom or I.  In short, you are awesome and because you're so selfless you owe it to yourself to do it.  Seriously, best of luck dude.

Spending money on myself is a big no no for me -- I hate spending money on myself.  It kills me to have al the medical problems I do and having to pay for medication.  I have been wanting surgery for years -- totally could not justify it all.  Lucky for me I changed insurance and my new insurance covers the surgery -- so doing the steps to get there.
My wife said to me the other day that we should have done my surgery before -- that it would benefit our kids to have a confident mentally healthy parent.  So, don't look at as selfish but as becoming a parent that your kids will want to become themselves one day.  A good role model...

Focus on the fact that by doing the surgery you can marry your fiance and legally adopt your daughter. That alone is worth it. And then add in the mental and physical benefits makes it even more so. And I can see where being distaracted at work could cause major problems. Do it for you. Has you fiance said anything negative about the surgery or is it just that you aren't used to spending money on yourself?

Troy

My fiance is the one that is always trying to convince me why we need to spend the money, it's just that I don't like to spend money on myself at all. I hate shopping period, I'll spend money on things I need for my job but even then only if I absolutely need it. I just hate being broke, and I feel like spending that money will leave us that way.

I just hate being broke, and I feel like spending that money will leave us that way.

True that, and it's getting harder to get mo' money all the time.  So it's only prudent to spend it wisely.

Personally, surgery saved my life.  Yes it was expensive as hell.  Yes, it depleted my savings.  Yes, I have kids.

But it was worth it.  I cannot imagine not doing it.  I would be dead.  T alone was great, but only served to increase my body dysphoria about the remaining F parts.  It was necessary for me.

If you needed some other medical treatment, would you even be asking this question?

Jay

Quote from: sneakersjay on March 16, 2011, 09:28:01 AM
Personally, surgery saved my life.  Yes it was expensive as hell.  Yes, it depleted my savings.  Yes, I have kids.

But it was worth it.  I cannot imagine not doing it.  I would be dead. T alone was great, but only served to increase my body dysphoria about the remaining F parts.  It was necessary for me.

If you needed some other medical treatment, would you even be asking this question?

Jay

The part I bolded resonates with me right now.